High School New Year’s Day Funny Double Act Lines

Double reed "Emergency of Joy Begets Sadness" Opening remarks: Today we will perform a double reed. Speaking of this double reed, it is very interesting. It requires one person to perform in the front and the other person to speak the lines in the back. From a distance, it looks like one person. This requires the two people to have a very tacit understanding and cooperation in their performance, otherwise the double act will not be called a double act. Hurry up, hurry up, put on makeup, as the saying goes, a person is not beautiful until he matures, and we will see when this person becomes mature, it is better not to mature! What we bring to you next is a new work of ours called "Emergency of Joy Begets Sadness", I hope you like it! A: Life is precious, but love is even more valuable. In order to earn RMB, he is willing to become a shemale. I haven’t introduced myself yet. My surname is Zhao, and I’m nicknamed Zhao Renyao. Friends here can just call me by my nickname when they see me in the future. Ask me what my nickname is. Tell everyone to remember my nickname. Called a shemale. I am a ladyboy, I am a ladyboy, am I really a ladyboy! (Stop, stop, stop! Come out! Why did I become a shemale when I came out of your mouth? Am I called a shemale? B: I’m sorry, never, never! A: My surname is Zhao, my name is Zhao Zhixiang, the media calls me I have a very special appearance, and my face looks like a slipper. Because of this, many singers sang a popular song for me that everyone liked very much, and it quickly became popular. Ah! What song is so influential? It’s Wang Rong. The song "I'm Not Zhao Zhongxiang". Thank you! (Stop! Is this the song Wang Rong sang? She sang "I'm Not Huang Rong". What kind of cultural level are you performing here! Never! ) My job is to sell products, and I have a unique way of selling products. I always talk sweetly and act coquettishly. My biggest characteristic is that I have a great body, eat well, and have never been to the hospital in my life. Yesterday, I went out to sell my product and I spotted one. He kept talking for a long time and refused to buy my product. I spent more than 300 miles with him and finally sold him a bottle. He won the first prize in the first sales sketch competition of Guangxi University of Finance and Economics. In order to celebrate the success of the promotion of the product mentioned in the entry, I ate 50 salted duck eggs in one bite. Just after eating half of it, I got appendicitis! Doctor! I need to cut my appendix! How much money? B: 2000! Doctor! Just go here and give me your life! ! B: How much is it? A: 80 at most! 80! It’s so cheap! The price is 80 yuan! I chopped off the fish head for more than 80 yuan! Tomorrow I will call the whole family to have the appendix cut! Hurry up! B: What's the matter? It's not a blacksmith! Get ready! By the way, do you want to take anesthesia? Why are you killing a pig? Nowadays, you need to give anesthesia to kill a pig! B: You only have 80 yuan! A: Why don’t you give me anesthesia? The sound will kill me! B: It’s 800 yuan for an injection! Doctor, are you using anesthesia or local anesthesia? : Doctor, which brand of anesthetic is so powerful? A: After using the Hanxiao Jiuquan anesthetic, it feels like death.

B: Doctor, would you like to know if there is anything cheaper? A: There are cheap ones! The effect is not guaranteed! He woke up as soon as he woke up, and the areas that should be numbed were not numb, and the areas that shouldn’t be anesthetized were anesthetized for a long time! I will be irresponsible if it affects your physiological functions and marital life after having a baby! A: Ah! Those who import, those doctors who import! Taking Hanxiao Jiuquan brand anesthesia is a cheap product with too many side effects! I can't carry it! B: OK! Get a shot! Does it still hurt? A: Oops! After all, it’s money, it’s money, it’s goods! It’s numb just because you’re shouting! B: We’re ready to disembowel it! I want to ask for your opinion, should this scalpel still be sterilized? A: Doctor! The knives are not sterilized! B: The disinfection fee is 500 yuan! A: Then no need! I brought a lighter! If you burn that knife twice on the fire, it will be the same! B: You are a very imaginative patient! ! A: There is no way! It’s impossible to be uncanny when I encounter a doctor like you! B: Open the chest below! oops! oops! Bleeding! Oh, you are full of blood! So high! Do you want to stop the bleeding? A: Of course we have to stop the bleeding! Why doesn't the bleeding stop, doctor? B: Do you use hemostatic gauze or a rag? A: Doctor! You still have a rag to stop the bleeding! B: That hemostatic gauze costs 500 yuan! A: Ouch! As much money as you want! Stop the bleeding first! It's going to kill me! B: Yes! If you have this attitude, it will be easier for me! Let me stop the bleeding first! Open the wound! Find the appendix and cut it out with a knife! Congratulations! The operation was a complete success! One last question! Do you want to sew it up again? A: Doctor, why are you planning to let me take it out? If you go out, you will attract flies! 2 Group Double Act "Whispers in the Dormitory" Opening remarks: Today we will perform a group double act. This group double act is inspired by the cross talk. It is interesting to talk about this double act. It requires one person to perform in front. , the other one is speaking the lines in the back. From a distance, it looks like one person. This requires the two people to have a very tacit understanding and cooperation in their performances, otherwise the double act will not be called a double act. Hurry up, hurry up, put on makeup, as the saying goes, a person is not beautiful until he matures, and we will see when this person becomes mature, it is better not to mature! Next, we bring you a new work called "Dormitory Whispers". I hope you like it! A: "If all the girls give their love, how beautiful the lonely boy will be. La la la, la la la, la la la, I can't sleep." B: Hey, hey, what are you doing? People are not allowed to sleep in the middle of the night. This is a new society. How come the old society exploited working people? The cock crows in the middle of the night still exists! What's more, this voice is not as good as the sound of a cock crow! What's wrong, brother sleeping on the upper bunk, if you have any troubles, tell me! A: Stop talking, it’s not just for women, no! A girl to be precise! Blow again! B: Blowing again! How many places are you at? Even Miyasari Ryota can't compare to you. I think you're about to catch up with Sakuragi Hanamichi. I mean, aren't you a woman? Without her, the male compatriots can't survive? C: That’s right! It's our dormitory's imagination. Nowadays, if you don't have money, you can't find a girlfriend. What's more, our dormitory is full of paupers. Let's be real, let the girls go to drink the northwest wind with us! Ding: I’m dizzy! It’s pretty good to drink when there’s a northwest wind! At least you can make cakes to satisfy your hunger. The most terrifying thing is whether there is a northwest wind to drink or not, that is still a question! Why bother with a woman! But having said that, what caused the "peacock to fly southeast" this time? Last time it seemed that it was because you were not manly and looked more and more like an old lady. A: What’s wrong with the old lady? Does this show how extraordinary I look? Full proof of that statement! C: Which sentence! A: Is half of a man a woman? B: Oh my god, you still feel proud, right? Our dormitory has been completely embarrassed by you! This time! And for what! Is it because I have no money or no sex? A: This time it’s my appearance that’s to blame! She said that I looked like Pan Changjiang from a distance, Zhao Benshan from up close, Zeng Ziwei from the left, and Zhao Chuan from the right. I simply had "four different looks".

C: Cough! Wouldn't it be over if I just said you were ugly? A: Doesn’t this hurt my self-esteem? I am a bit ugly, but I am very gentle! B: Wen Wen didn’t realize it. With your ugliness, you can almost catch up with those monkeys in Huaguo Mountain! C: It would be better if he were Sun Hou! What's the big deal about being ugly? The worst thing you can do is change seventy-two times and become a handsome boy to charm the girls in our university! : By the way, let me introduce a few to my buddies! Ding: I don’t want it. I’ll choose the latter between MM and online. I’m not interested in MM. A: Don’t always say something wrong with me! That’s right! The year is coming soon! What are your plans? B: Sleep! Going to meet my fairy sister in my dream! Real life is too hypocritical. I really regret the importance of food and clothing. In my eyes, everyone I see looks like a lonely ghost. I simply don’t care, so I go to deliver water with my fairy sister in my dream! C: Chief, I’m not telling you. You know who you are all day long. You sleep when you eat, and you eat when you sleep. I don’t see you getting fat. Aren’t you wasting the country’s food? Are you worthy of the aunt in our school cafeteria? Seriously, you need to do some facts! The end of the year is coming soon. There are so many activities, but there is no one you can watch? Ding: I want to go to our school’s welcome party! I've heard that there are a lot of pretty girls out there, and maybe I can pick up one or two with my charm! A: Who said you were not interested in mm just now? This time I immediately changed my mind! It’s true that “a man’s heart is as deep as the sea.” B: Isn’t this illiterate? It's a good thing that you have studied in college for 2 years, so why do you speak so poorly? What is meant by "a man's heart is as deep as the ocean floor"? The correct meaning is "a woman's heart is as deep as the ocean floor". Do you know? Ding: That’s what the dorm leader taught you! I have a note! Why don't we go out and stay in a hotel on Christmas Eve? How about we also go and enjoy the taste of a 3-star hotel? A: What? Go and get a room outside, just us old men. B: What are you calling? Don't call in the dormitory manager, make a fuss about it when you haven't met him before, it's so old-fashioned! C: I think this suggestion is okay. Anyway, most of the people spent Christmas together one-on-one that night. We four singles must find something to do! I feel that staying in a hotel is not enough, so I should go out for a big meal first. How about hot pot? Ding: Stop talking, my mouth is drooling now. B: It’s worthless, it’s just a hot pot meal! If you have two bottles of wine, will you get up and start eating right away? Just know how to eat! A: Chief! Can I bring my family members with me? B: You pay for the money to take care of your family members, it cannot be counted in the account of the bachelor group of four! A: Got it, no need to say this! B: It’s too late. I have to get up early tomorrow! C: Let’s do morning exercises! Ding: What time should we do it? B: Otherwise, I won’t remember anything at all! It’s 6 o’clock! A: Chief! What time will it be done? Ding: Why are you shouting so loudly? I'm going to die! B: It’s 6 o’clock! Stop talking and go to sleep! A: Chief, I don’t think anyone should sleep. B: What’s wrong! A: I looked at my watch just now and it’s already 5:60! Yi Bing Ding: Ah! get up! Do exercises! A: Do exercises! Life is hard! 3 Double Act "Dormitory Hygiene" Opening: Today we two will perform a double act. Speaking of this double act, it is very interesting. It requires one to perform in front and perform actions at the same time, and the other in the back