Douban Diary: My story with women’s breasts

This article comes from Douban netizen: Sour Persimmon

Follow the WeChat public account "Daily Douban" and reply "I am free tonight" to see what everyone is watching at night.

△ Women’s breasts are a mystery to men. I hope this article can shed some light on the mystery.

1)

The first time I saw a woman’s breasts,

it was all because of my father’s negligence.

I have always had no position on the issue of women’s breasts. I like the big one, it gives me a solid sense of security. I also like the little ones. They turn their extra breasts into a carefree personality. Neither big nor small, I also like them, I can see enough feminine temper in them.

This has greatly broadened my scope of mate selection, and even downloading love action movies is diversified. So I'm grateful to God for giving me a free will to appreciate all kinds of breasts. Everything has a reason, and I guess this will comes from an enlightenment I had when I was fourteen.

Fourteen is a wonderful age for boys. At that time, our heads were not filled with sperm, and most of the brain cells were busy solving the problem of clearing the game, who should start the football game, and how to get a little more pocket money from our parents. However, a small part of consciousness has awakened in the body. They can't describe what they want. As for what this thing should look like, they have no idea.

That summer, there are two main things in my memory. The cicadas chirping on the big locust tree in the school, and the English teacher’s light blue bra.

She had just graduated from a normal university and was assigned to teach English in a third-rate middle school. Because she is thin-skinned, her lecture voice is probably only heard by herself. Compared with her, the cry of cicadas outside the window was obviously more confident, completely overwhelming her English class in terms of momentum. During class, I listened to them shouting at the top of their lungs while trying to distinguish which of these sounds were male and which were female. Sometimes this game can last all day.

She knew that her voice was not up to the task, so she often wrote on the blackboard. The best time is the third class in the morning, when the sunshine has faded away the reluctance to get up early and becomes excited. The sun is obviously a person with evil intentions. He deliberately made the teacher's shirt look transparent.

That light blue bra is what she often wears in summer. From the back, she is not much older than a high school senior, but the style of her underwear shows that she is an adult who has seen the world. I have told my classmates more than once that she is my favorite teacher. Mainly because of the high quality of teaching, patience with students, etc. So much so that I often miss her and her bra after class.

How do I untie it? I deduced all possibilities in my mind, but could not find a reliable way to remove the bra. Once I dreamed that I succeeded. She was right in front of me, so far away that I could feel it when I breathed. I unhooked her bra, and there seemed to be two clouds of mist inside. I reached out to grab it, but there was nothing. This made me sad. I felt flustered.

Later, because of my father's negligence, I kept this panic forever at the age of fourteen.

That summer I went to another city to visit my dad. He had no intention of continuing his career in his genes, so he didn’t think that children were objects that needed careful care. The advantage of this is that I don't have to pretend to be a good boy in front of him, and he thinks everything I do is normal.

He had just moved, and the room was still in a state of chaos. I don’t have all the daily necessities. It seems that in the next few weeks, I will have to find a way to take care of myself, preferably without dying.

"You live in this room. The sheets are covered in the cabinet and you lay them out yourself."

"Oh, are there any mats?"

"No. If you're hot, turn on the air conditioner."

"Where's the air conditioner remote control?" When I was walking, I noticed a wall calendar on the wall. From a distance, most of the colors in the painting were flesh-colored. As early as the 1990s, the Great Beauty Wall Calendar was a must-have item in the homes of urban youth. It seems that my father felt that he was still a young man. So he decided not only to have a beautiful woman hanging in his house, but also a blonde and naked one.

In addition, you have to admire his courage. He dares to let his 14-year-old son live with a huge Playboy poster. He is also big-hearted.

That day, my mind was all on this wall calendar. I didn’t pay any attention to what he told me or what we had for dinner. When it was time to go to bed at night, although I couldn't explain why I wanted to avoid people when I saw the beauty, my instinct still told me to lock the door from the inside.

The calendar was a bit high, so I moved a stool and stood on it. That was the first time I saw a woman’s true appearance. The girl in the painting is holding her left hand on the table, her right hand is holding up her right breast, and her right foot is tilted up playfully. I subconsciously put my hand on her breast, but immediately realized my impoliteness and withdrew my hand. To be honest, if you only look at her breasts, there is no special feeling, but the woman's entire body and face seem to have jumped into my head, and all the desires are concentrated on the small black spot in the middle of the breasts.

In retrospect, it should have been Playboy’s Miss America series. What I remember most is Miss Florida. She had a pair of simple eyes and a unique Latina flamboyance. The sexiest thing was the bikini tan marks around her breasts. This gave me a lot of wonderful fantasies. Maybe one day I would meet this girl on the beach in Miami and I might tell her how attracted I was to her. I might even unbutton her bikini with my hands and kiss her sexy tan.

During that summer vacation, I would look at this calendar every night. Twelve months of the year allow me to see twelve different shapes of breasts. These breasts are like a door to me. Although I know that there is something called sex hidden behind the door, and I have no idea what it looks like, but I know that if I push the door open, I will not be far from the truth. .

2)

In a place far away from civilization,

I was scared to death by women’s breasts.

I lived on a small island nation in the South Pacific for several years. As a citizen of a huge country, it is difficult for you to understand what it would be like if your country was just a dot on the map.

People who are familiar with geographical determinism should be able to imagine what this country looks like. They are at the westernmost point of the earth, far away from the main stage of mankind. As a result, they missed the imperial feudalism, industrial revolution, literary and artistic trends, and other major events that a normal country should experience. More than a hundred years ago, when the first foreigner came to this land, the people here not only did not know what the concept of country was, but instead regarded the white priest as a monkey, boiled it in a pot, and sprinkled some Salt, just eat it.

Although today, like you, they drink Coca-Cola and occasionally go to gmail to check emails, but if you think about it carefully, you will find that the Creator is really a bastard. We Chinese are tens of thousands of years away from primitive civilization, and they are only a hundred years away from their cannibal ancestors, but today we all use Apple phones. The world is indeed flat.

Living in a country like this is bound to have adventures. First of all, the folk customs are strong, oh no, it should be called simple folk customs. I once went to the beach to pick up crabs at night (Chinese people are like this, they are always greedy wherever they go), and I bumped into a local having sex behind a big rock. I thought they should have noticed me, but they saw that I was a yellow man and didn’t pose a threat, so they didn’t pay much attention to me.

How generous it is to have sex on a rock. I envy their harmonious relationship with nature. When I think back to the young people in our country, if they want to fight in the field, they have to drive long distances to find a dark grove. Once they go there, they find that all the good places are taken by others and they only give them to others. You reserved the emperor's position under the street lamp. Look at people again, having sex with the woman you love amidst the waves and moonlight, this is much more awesome than a love hotel.

Although I also want to be wild once in my heart, we Han people just can’t get wild in our genes. I think in their eyes, I should only be considered a neutral person. Because of my work, the locals treat me quite well. It's said to be a job, but actually it means going to a fishing boat to repair their computers, and occasionally going out to sea to help out. We Chinese men, among other things, know how to repair computers. People who don't know how to install the system can't find a girlfriend in our country. Fortunately, I brought a pirated version of Windows XP from China and it benefited me a lot.

People from far away are all guests. As one of the few Asians on the island, I am sometimes invited to participate in various rituals in their tribes.

I could only guess at their native English, so I didn’t know what this ceremony was about before I went. In my opinion, their life is too comfortable, so even if they scratch their heads, they can't think of any complicated monsters and ghosts, so the rituals seem relatively simple, which is far different from our dancing masters.

Now, it sounds like I’m joking about life, but the day I attended my first tribal ceremony, I was so scared that the shit came out of me.

Because I was a guest, I was placed in the first row at the back. Drinking is a way for all humans to express friendship, but their wine is by no means simply high in alcohol content. I later learned that this drink, called CAVA, is extracted from the roots of a tropical plant and is banned in many Western countries because it has a strong narcotic effect.

The most handsome one in the tribe should be the one carrying the handle. He took a porcelain bowl, filled it with CAVA, took a sip himself, and then brought the bowl to me. I thought this You definitely didn't ask me to rinse my mouth, just pinch my nose and drink it. My little Asian aura was like a small flame in the wind and rain, about to be extinguished. After one bowl, I was basically paralyzed. I squinted through the following ceremony:

There was a wild boar opposite, and a group of people went up to subdue it. Another wild boar came from the opposite side, and a group of people went up to subdue it. Their rituals probably all followed this routine, and a few older brothers came over to try to trick me. The rules of "I did it, you can do whatever you want" simply didn't work there. Everyone drank from the same bowl, and they were all very proud, so I couldn't give in to anything they said. So just after the ceremony, I was basically under anesthesia and ready to go to the operating room.

Next, it is time for women to perform. The woman in my impression should be Maggie Cheung wearing a cheongsam in "In the Mood for Love". Let’s not talk about what the indigenous girls wear. They win based on their body shape alone. Imagine pulling Maggie Cheung up and down, and she becomes taller; then pulling her left and right, she becomes a lot stronger; pulling her breasts diagonally downward at an angle of 30 degrees, making her become bigger and drooping; finally Push her butt upwards at a 60-degree angle, turning it into the shape of a bench when viewed from behind. Aboriginal girls probably have this body shape.

The most terrible thing is that they have no clothes on them. Perhaps due to the effect of anesthesia, I felt like there were a dozen meat balls bumping around in front of my eyes. It's rude to stare, but it's even more rude not to look. Their own people don't think this is anything at all, but I feel like the sky is falling. Not only were these balls of flesh not aesthetically pleasing at all, but they looked very offensive to me, hitting me in the face with every punch. The feeling of having your breasts slapped must be humiliating.

Hey, let’s start dancing. God, is there anything more embarrassing than dancing? Not only are our Han genes unable to grow wild, but we are also famous around the world for having no sense of music and uncoordinated limbs. With my big head under anesthesia, I joined them at the kind invitation of the indigenous girl. This was probably the second most embarrassing moment of my life, after the Amsterdam adventure. The left side is a breast, and the right side is still a breast. I looked at it and couldn't find any place without breasts. A man who is frightened by breasts and falls down will probably never be able to hold his head up again in this life.

This incident really made me think about the issue of women’s breasts. Those extreme feminists who go topless under the slogan of liberating women, if the world really goes their way one day, what kind of existence will breasts become in men's consciousness?

3)

I wiped her body with a wet towel,

It was these breasts that were killing her.

My mother is a flat-chested, charming Chinese woman. After I was weaned, I never saw her breasts again. Even if I have seen it, I have selectively forgotten it because of some psychological self-protection mechanisms.

The day she heard she had been diagnosed with breast cancer was like any other. I got off work, opened the refrigerator, washed the dishes, and made a simple dinner. Sitting on the sofa, I turned on the TV as usual. Although I didn't know what I was watching, I still felt that it was time to watch TV in the evening. I didn't know what to do except watch TV. Before going to bed, I called her. On the phone, I tried my best to show that it was no big deal. If I needed to take medicine or have an operation, I would just ignore it. A few words seemed to resolve the matter.

She was equally optimistic on the other end of the phone, saying that it was no big deal that she was destined to die, and she would make an appointment for surgery tomorrow, etc.

When we hung up the phone, we both knew in our hearts that we were lying to each other.

The first step in the treatment of breast cancer is removal. So the breasts that had been with her for decades were gone. When she was pushed out of the operating room, the tube was still inserted into her mouth, and her naked body was covered with a white sheet. Because of the general anesthesia, every muscle on her face was paralyzed on the pillow as if it had lost its soul. This is completely different from sleeping. If you lose the last control of your body, there will be no expression at all.

I picked up her hand and wanted to give her a little encouragement. Through the warmth, I thought of her teaching me how to make dumplings when I was a child. Holding my hand, she proudly demonstrated her original dumpling-making technique, bragging to me how beautiful the dumplings she made were. Her hands were much hotter then than they are now. It was clear that she was the one who got flour all over her head and face, and she always blamed me for making the house a mess.

Pushing her back to the ward is a technical job, because she is still in a coma, so the nurse and I need to work together to lift her to the bed. I never knew people could be so heavy. During the transfer, the sheets on her body fell down, and the knife edge on her chest was right in front of my eyes.

Over the next few days, she would burp, fart, pee, and poop. I help her burp, fart, pee and poop. The rest of the time, I would talk to her, mostly joking, telling stories about her and my dad's youth, and teasing her siblings. But there is a difference between jokes and jokes. Some jokes will really make her laugh. This is absolutely not allowed, as it will shock her to the edge of the knife. So I would just tell some jokes that were just big enough for her to grin, but not enough to make her laugh out loud.

On the third day, she needed to take a bath, and I wiped her body with a wet towel. The bodies of old people are very ugly. If you have a chance, you can smell the baby's skin. It has a sweet, cheese-like aroma. The old man's skin is wrinkled brown, and his flesh exudes an indescribable, dying breath.

Later she was able to walk, so I walked with her up and down the corridor of the ward. She said that she was worried that I couldn't find a wife. I said that I thought the nurse in their ward was good. She could help me find a matchmaker. I thought no one would refuse a cancer patient's request. My mother thought that what I said was ridiculous, so I retorted to her and said that once in a lifetime, it would be over.

You can put aside the matter of getting a wife for a while and take her home first. Chemotherapy is waiting for her next.

One night when I just entered the house, my mother called. When she heard my voice, she burst into tears and said that she was dying and had adverse reactions. Now she was sent to the hospital for rescue. If this I couldn't survive the first time. Her bank card was in the drawer, and there was a regular discount, which I must not forget. Finally, she said that although others thought I was a bad boy, she was proud of me.

I hung up the phone and rushed downstairs. When I reached the stairs, my legs gave out and I rolled down. Later, I managed to stand up while holding on to the wall, and took a taxi to the hospital.

That night, she was rescued. It was already past one o'clock at night when I came out of the hospital. It seems that I left my wallet in the taxi and I didn’t take my house keys with me. I walked for a while and stopped at a crossroads. Suddenly I felt very tired. I wanted to find a place to sit and think about where I should go.

Who can tell me where I should go? My mother used to sue me, but now no one does.

If you like this article, you can follow my WeChat official account.

◎ Suanshiz (suanshiz) is a very sour public account. It doesn’t make any sense or have any high opinions, it just wants to make you laugh.

Follow the WeChat public account "Daily Douban" and reply to "Weekly Recommended Books" to get weekly recommended books.