Kneel down! A hilarious joke.

Man: Honey, I'm back. Let's eat chicken wings tonight.

Woman: You still want to eat chicken wings. I just read a news in the newspaper that chicken wings are the most abundant places for hormones in chickens.

Man: Then eat pork.

Woman: Great. I still eat pork. Yesterday, I just heard that there are illegal traders selling fake meat!

Son: It's not good to eat vegetables without meat.

Woman: I heard that there are too many pesticides on food to wash off!

M: Then you can only eat rice.

Woman: Rice? How can there be rice without bleach now, huh? !

M: It seems that we can only drink the northwest wind.

Son: Yes.

Woman: Northwest wind? It is said that all the blowing is automobile exhaust.

Son: ......

Male: ......

A family of three went to a restaurant for dinner, and the adults ordered some dishes made by wild animals and plants.

The child was puzzled and asked, Mom, why do you order so many wild ones?

Mother said: wild is good!

The child asked again: am I wild?

Mom: ... the reason why there are fewer and fewer monkeys.

-

Mom, are people really changed by monkeys?

Yes, baby.

Oh, no wonder there are fewer and fewer monkeys and more and more people now. slippers

There is a lazy man who is too lazy to be surprised. My wife wants to shave noodles and let him borrow panels from his neighbor's house.

He said, "if you don't borrow it, cut it on my back!" " "

His wife shaved his back and asked him, "Does it hurt?"

He said, "It hurts, and I'm too lazy to say anything." deep-fried dough stick

Horse face: "Ye Yan, new kids, who guards the frying pan hell, is a pervert."

Rebecca: "Oh?"

Horse face: "Every time he pushes someone into the oil pan, he forces others to hug each other."

Rebecca: "Oh, I forgot to tell you that he used to fry fried dough sticks."

Sleep is not honest

When I handed a lottery ticket that won 5 million to the staff of the lottery center, everyone immediately cast envious eyes! I took out the second one, still 5 million. Everyone was shocked! When I took out the third picture, the air stopped flowing!

..... was about to take out the fourth one when my wife woke me up and said discontentedly, "I didn't sleep honestly. I tore up the books one by one and laughed loudly! "

Drunkard chat

Two Irish people are sitting in a bar drinking. One of them asked the other, "Where are you from?"

The other replied, "I am here now, Dublin, but I was born in Cork."

"Are you kidding? I was born in Cork and now I'm in Dublin ... Let's have another drink! Where were you born in Cork? "

The other replied, "I was born in my mother's house, and there is a small river flowing south from Sac village in front of my door."

"God bless." The first man shouted, "Can you believe it? I was born in my mother's house, not far from sacks village. For our intimacy, come, let's have another drink. Then which school do you go to? "

"I go to the suffering school in the town," another replied. At this time, the first person was too excited to help himself. He shouted, "God, this is incredible. I also went to that school. The world is really too small. Boss, give each of us another drink. "

At this moment, the phone in the bar rang, and the boss answered the phone: "Crane bar … Oh, there is nothing new tonight, except that the O 'Hara twins drank too much again. "

examination performance

Smith didn't study hard in college, but played all day and always failed in the exam. His father wrote a letter and told him, "If you get an A, I will give you a car."

After the final exam, Smith wrote back to his father: "Dear father, I decided not to take the exam, because it is not easy for you to make money, and I can't bear to let you spend money."

Untitled

There is a family named Pan, and the elders in the family passed away. At the family festival, an old gentleman with a strong accent was invited to be the master of ceremonies.

The signature of the obituary is written like this: filial piety: Pangenke; Filial piety: late; Filial piety granddaughter: Pan Liangci; Filial piety: Pan Daoshi

But this old gentleman is blind and his pronunciation is not standard. When he called the roll according to the obituary, he left out the capital on the left.

So he read it like this: filial piety, turning over ... and fighting. ...

Hearing this, the filial piety man only felt very strange, but he was afraid to ask, so he turned a somersault.

Then he said, "Filial piety, this is ... this is ..." Hearing this, Filial piety asked, "Should I turn it over, too?"

So the filial daughter-in-law also turned a somersault.

Again: "Filial piety granddaughter, turn over twice."

Hearing this, the filial granddaughter thought that her parents had turned over, so I turned over! So I turned two somersaults. At this time, Sun Xiao thought to herself, "Mom and Dad went through it once, and my sister went through it twice. How many times should I go through it?" As soon as I thought about it, I became nervous: "What should I do?"

I heard the old man tearing his throat open and saying, "Filial piety ... hand it over to ... go to hell ..."

Pigs are gentlemen.

A servant is black. He asked the master: Master, what is a gentleman?

The host replied: this is a creature, a creature that can eat, drink and sleep but does nothing.

After a while, the servant ran to his master and said, master, now I know what a gentleman is. People are working, horses are working, cows are working, and only pigs know how to eat and sleep and do nothing. There is no doubt that pigs are gentlemen.

Correct mistakes when you know them.

Henry: You only drink two glasses of white wine every night. Why did you order four cups today?

Bob: I think two cups is enough, but my wife is still not satisfied.

Henry: Why is she not satisfied?

Bob: Every day when I come home, she always complains about me. Damn, I'm half drunk again!

No crocodiles

Florida's beaches and blue sky are particularly attractive to tourists from the north. The tourist was about to go swimming. He asked the guide, Are you sure there are no crocodiles here?

No, no. The guide replied with a smile, there are no crocodiles here.

The tourist stopped worrying, so he went swimming in the sea. Then he asked the tour guide, how can you be so sure there are no crocodiles?

The guide replied: Crocodiles are very clever. They are more afraid of sharks.

Dad, you forgot your wallet!

Wake Town has been very chaotic recently, and many people go out without wallets.

Searle went to work early on Wednesday morning, and just a few steps later, he was caught by a man with a knife.

Take your wallet or I'll kill you.

I don't have it. You can search it if you don't believe me.

The man rummaged all over and left disappointed. Suddenly, a child with a wallet ran over and shouted, Dad, you forgot your wallet!

It's delicious.

A Hollywood director decided to give his mother a birthday present. He heard that there is a bird that can speak 12 languages and sing 10 famous songs. He immediately decided to buy the bird which cost him 50,000 dollars for his mother.

The day after his mother's birthday, he called her: What do you think of this bird? Mom? His mother replied happily, it's delicious

Totti took the common sense exam.

Teacher: Tell me the name of a reptile.

Handbag: A poisonous snake.

Teacher: Good. Please tell me the name of another reptile.

Tote: Another poisonous snake.

The distress of two poor students

Two students with poor grades came together after the exam.

Jack, how did you do in the exam?

It's nothing. I handed in a blank sheet of paper. What about you, Siri

Hey, me too!

How to do this? People will accuse us of cheating.

Essaye-moi

A couple snuggled up by the lake.

Nancy: Do you love me?

Jack: Of course, I love you more than my own life.

Nancy pointed to the lake and said, if you dare to jump from here, I will believe you.

Jack turned and ran away at once. After a while, he came back panting.

Nancy: Oh, my God! What did you do?

Jack: Nothing, dear, I bought a life buoy!

Classic joke: vampire bat On a dark night in a month, a vampire bat flew back with blood all over his face. The companion in the cave asked him where he had gone and how there was so much blood.

Tired of being asked, the bat said, "Do you want to know? Then come with me! "

Fly, fly, the bat flies in front of a tree.

Then the bat asked, "Do you see this tree?" All the companions present replied that they saw it.

"But I just didn't see this tree just now!" Let your classmates who laugh until your stomach hurts make sentences 1. Subject: When ...

The child wrote: He took off his clothes and put on his trousers.

Teacher's comment: Does he want to take it off or wear it?

2. Title: Among them

Children write: My left foot is hurt.

Teacher's comment: Are you a centipede?

3. Title: One by one

The child wrote: After work, my father went home one after another.

Teacher's comment: How many dads do you have?

4. Theme: Sadness

The child wrote: There is a ditch in front of my house, so sad.

Teacher's comment: The teacher is even sadder.

5. Title: Again ... Again ...

Children write: My mother is short, tall, fat and thin.

Teacher's comments; Is your mother a deformed diamond?

6. Title: Look.

The child wrote: What are you looking at? I haven't seen

Teacher's comment: I haven't seen it.

7. title: prosperity

Children write: bustling confession.

Teacher's comment: Don't watch too many series!

8. Title: Delicious

Children write: delicious fart.

Teacher's comment: Some things are inedible.

9. Title: Innocence

The child wrote: It's really hot today.

Teacher's comment: You are so naive.

10. Title: Sure enough

Children write: I ate fruit yesterday and then drank cold water.

Teacher's comment: Yes

1 1. theme: ... first, then ... example: eat first, then take a bath.

Children write: goodbye, sir!

Teacher's comment: Imagination exceeds the wisdom of people on earth.

12. Title: In addition,

The child wrote: a train passed by, besides, besides, besides.

Teacher's comment: forget it if I die.

1

One day, the white rabbit ran to the drugstore and asked the boss, "Boss, do you have any carrots here?"

The boss said, "No."

The little white rabbit is gone.

The next day, the little white rabbit ran to the drugstore and asked the boss, "boss, do you have any carrots here?"

The boss said, "I told you, no!" "

The little white rabbit is gone.

On the third day, the white rabbit ran to the drugstore and asked the boss, "boss, do you have any carrots here?"

The boss is anxious: "How many times have I told you? ! Don't! ! ! If you bother me again, I'll pull out all your teeth with tiger pliers! "

The little white rabbit was frightened and ran away.

On the fourth day, the white rabbit ran to the drugstore and asked the boss, "Boss, do you have tiger pliers here?"

The boss said, "No."

The little white rabbit asked, "Well, do you have any carrots?"

The boss was really angry, took out the tiger pliers and pulled out all the teeth of the little white rabbit.

On the fifth day, the white rabbit ran to the drugstore and asked the boss, "Boss, do you have carrot juice here?"

2

Walking in the forest, the ant suddenly met an elephant. The ant burrowed into the soil and stretched out a leg.

The rabbit was curious and asked, What are you doing?

The ant whispered to the rabbit: shh ... don't make any noise, watch me stumble.

three

The white rabbit and the big bear squatted under the tree and shit.

Bear said to the white rabbit, although you white rabbits are good-looking, you are in trouble! You can tell when it's dirty. That's disgusting!

The little white rabbit said, look at what you said! Don't!

Bear said, yes! Bear said as he grabbed the white rabbit and wiped his ass and walked away. ...

four

There is a little white rabbit running happily in the forest.

On the way, it met a giraffe who was rolling marijuana.

The white rabbit said to the giraffe, "Giraffe Giraffe, why did you do something that hurt yourself?"

Look at how beautiful this forest is. Let's run in nature together! "

The giraffe looked at the marijuana and the white rabbit, threw the marijuana behind her and ran with the white rabbit in the forest.

Later, they met an elephant who was about to take cocaine.

The white rabbit said to the elephant, "elephant, elephant, why do you want to do something that hurts yourself?"

Look at how beautiful this forest is. Let's run in nature together! "

The elephant looked at the cocaine and the white rabbit, threw the cocaine behind him and ran in the forest with the white rabbit and giraffe.

Then they met a lion who was about to fight heroin.

The white rabbit said to the lion, "Lion, lion, why do you want to do something that hurts yourself?"

Look at how beautiful this forest is. Let's run in nature together! "

The lion looked at the syringe and the white rabbit, threw the syringe behind him and rushed over to beat the white rabbit hard.

The elephant and giraffe trembled with fear: "why did you hit the white rabbit?" It is so kind, cares about our health and lets us get close to nature. "

The lion said angrily, "This bastard rabbit drags me around the forest like an idiot every time he eats ecstasy."

five

The white rabbit and the blind bear were walking in the forest and accidentally kicked over a jar.

An elf came out of the pot and said that he could satisfy their three wishes.

The blind bear said, turn it into the strongest bear in the world. Its wish has come true.

The little white rabbit said, give it a small helmet. Its wish has also come true.

The blind bear said, turn it into the most beautiful bear in the world. Its wish has come true again.

The little white rabbit said, give it a bike. Its wish has come true again.

The blind bear said, turn all other bears in the world into bitches!

The little white rabbit got on the bike and said as he ran, turn this bear into a homosexual ... life insurance.

The economics teacher is teaching the relationship between the insured and the beneficiary in class.

In order to be more vivid, he gave an example: "For example, I took out life insurance, and one day I was killed by a car, and my wife could get compensation. She is the beneficiary, then who am I? "

The next classmate replied, "Dead man."

Who to choose?

A young man has three good girlfriends, one is a doctor, the other is an operator and the other is a teacher. The young man couldn't decide who to choose as his partner, so he asked his mother for advice.

Mother immediately replied: "of course it is a female teacher!" "

"Why?"

"It's not clear? Because doctors always say' it's the next turn', telephone operators often say' please say it briefly', and female teachers always say' let's try again, we might as well try again, don't lose heart, and we will succeed in the end.' "

Crisis time

The couple met a bear while camping in the mountain. Fortunately, a hunter saved them in time.

Afterwards, the wife said angrily, "As soon as that bear appeared, how could you run away without me?" ? You swear that you will face death bravely for me. "

The husband said, "But we are facing a bear, not death!" " "

cause

A girl has a crush on a doctor. In order to see the doctor and get his attention, she goes to see the doctor every day. However, the girl didn't show up in the last week. When the doctor was puzzled, she finally appeared in front of the doctor again.

The doctor asked her curiously why she didn't come these days. The girl replied, "I was ill last week, so I didn't come to see you." Zuoyeye

The daughter stayed in front of the TV, and her mother urged, "Stop watching TV and do your homework."

"Mom, I'm doing my homework. Look!"

Mother took her daughter's composition book and saw a topic written on it: "I watched TV with my mother." Very skeptical

An honest country gentleman went to the city to see a dentist. The doctor said he needed anesthesia. The gentleman immediately took out his wallet.

Dentist: "Sir, you don't have to pay now."

Sir: "Oh … I just want to make sure how much money I have before I am anesthetized."

I miscalculated the number.

The wife asked the alcoholic husband angrily, "I stipulate that you can only drink two small glasses a day, but why do you always overdo it?"

The alcoholic husband immediately bowed his head and admitted his mistake: "I have a low education, and my calculation is wrong."

Classic joke: two funny animal jokes Ram: "Wife, what to eat today?"

Ewe: "Today we eat wolf meat!" " "

Ram (⊙o⊙) "Wow, that's great! Usually wolves eat us, today we eat wolves! "

After the dish was served, the ram took a bite and said, "Why is the meat so small and has a strange smell?"

Ewe: "dung beetle meat, this is the taste!" " "