Humorous jokes between husband and wife

Humor can help people gain insight into the causes of conflict and emotional distress. I collected some humorous jokes between husband and wife for you. Let's have a look.

Selected humorous jokes between husband and wife

Wife: Your new secretary is quite beautiful! Dave: Yes! Wife: What about aesthetics? Dave: Good. Wife: Are you considerate? Dave: That's great! Wife: Are you enthusiastic about your work? Dave: Just make do! Wife: How about getting dressed? Dave: Pretty fast?

2) One day, I had a good dinner and exercised in the square of the community. There is also a beautiful mm exercising in the spacewalker next to me. I started chatting with her, and it was very speculative, which made me feel that I had met her for a long time. At this time, I don't know where a child appeared and kept shouting at my distance. Dad, dad. ? I turned with her to see more. I said to her: Whose child is this? Probably looking for dad! ? She said:? Is it possible that the child has been separated from his family? We continue to talk. I didn't expect the child to come to me and hug my thigh. I immediately said to her: Whose child is this? So cute! ? At this time, the child's mouth jumped up again: Dad, dad. ? ......

3) Watching the TV series of police solving crimes with mm, when the real murderer is about to surface, it will be gone. Then we chat with each other. mm:？ Do you know how to identify the real murderer? I thought about it: it depends on the probative power of the evidence. ? mm:？ No, no, like me, supine, chest collapse, flat, is the real chest. ? ~*^_^*(

4) An employee of a company was promoted to supervisor, which soon got a female colleague pregnant. The small supervisor has a wife for a long time, afraid that her wife will know, and let the female colleague quickly abort the child, but the female colleague insists on giving birth to the child. Helpless, the small supervisor asked her to go back to her hometown in the northwest. The female colleague said, how can I inform you when the child is born? The small supervisor said: this is easy. After the baby is born, you can send me a postcard and write it on it, Lamian Noodles, Shaanxi. Do it. In the future, I will send you living expenses on time. Ten months just expired. One afternoon, when the small supervisor came home, his wife handed him a postcard saying it was from Shaanxi. The little supervisor quietly took the postcard. But when he read the above words, he immediately foamed and fainted, and his wife immediately hit him. In the emergency room, the doctor asked his wife, we checked that your husband had no heart disease, but why did he suddenly collapse and faint? ......

5) "My buddy is circumcised. I don't know how to disconnect one day. Little jj is covered in blood. I don't know where it came from He hit a basin of water decisively. I said, what are you doing? He ignored me. Put the little jj in the water and say, "Come and help me see where it is bubbling." "Nima tire-patching. . "

6) Q: The same woman, why is her girlfriend so easy to coax and her mother-in-law so difficult to coax? A: Because my mother-in-law was cheated once?

7) The photographer asked Dumbo how many seconds he had prepared. Dumbo obviously stretched out three fingers. Why did the photographer press the shutter immediately? Because idiots are sticking out: middle finger, ring finger and little finger, which also means OK!

8) After several days and nights of breathing by Beijingers, the air quality in Beijing has finally improved. The spirit of new Beijing was born: virtue carries fog, self-improvement does not suck, hard work, creating gray yellow! ? Facts have proved once again that fog is more expensive to suck! ?

9) personals: Don't like make-up, save makeup expenses, don't like shopping, don't like snacks, don't like cars and don't like buying cars. In addition, the kind that usually loves to save money is the best.

10) The girl is 28 years old and short of money. Today, she asked for a marriage online, hoping to find a rich man. Age is not a distance, height is not a gap, and I don't care about being fat. As long as I have money, I can stay with you. Don't contact me if I have no money.

1 1) When I was a child, I thought I could save the world when I grew up. When I grow up, I find that the whole world can't save me?

12) Spending money is the pain of happiness. Living in every corner of life, it hurts to pay utilities, buy daily necessities and send text messages. Making money is a painful pleasure, rolling back and forth in my blood. I have a headache when I work overtime, and my body hurts when I am busy with business. If only I could get a raise!

13) make money sporadic light rain, spend money goose feather heavy snow. Eyes full of beautiful things, pockets empty. Bite your teeth, stamp your feet, cover your wallet and run. I wish my friends a smooth career, rolling financial resources, endless money and hand cramps.

14) product after product, if you don't know, you won't know; The exam is exciting enough, but there is no doubt; If you don't know in class, you will make a lot of styles; Self-study is the same as knowledge, you are all born; Born in China, died in China; It is possible for me to learn English. English is not qualified, which shows my character; If the math is unqualified, the teacher takes full responsibility; What should I do if the language is unqualified? Doing well in the exam depends entirely on isolation; If you don't do well in the exam, you don't know how to do it in isolation; Going back to school every day is even more scary, and the teacher talks about the wild. I listened like a sleepwalker, criticizing for no reason; Homework is like revenge, and doing wild things is like fishing for the head; Going back to school is left-handed, getting worse every day; Copy your homework, and none of the departments will hand it in; Go back to school and drink coke after school; Ring the bell and fly separately, another day.

15) If you really want to be a boss, you won't be short of money. Wages are paid every day and every month, and you can change the way you want; The salary is not hot yet, and my wife stole most of it; After paying the water and electricity mortgage, the balance is very small; So tighten your belt and see you next month!

16) I didn't mean to be different, so I have to have outstanding taste.

17) Kong Huiling has been taking great pains to take care of her family for more than ten years.

Humorous jokes between boutique couples

1) It's hard to make money at noon on weekdays. Who knows that the money in the bag can't make ends meet every month Broken in two in one minute, still tight at the end of the month. Please pay tribute to the god of wealth at once. There are candles and fruits at home. I wish my friends are covered by the god of wealth all the year round, and they can earn money without worry.

2) Female: I have no feelings for you. Me: OK, you can go. Woman: How do you talk? Me: I like direct people. If you tell me how you feel, I will tell you how I feel. Woman: You are so stingy. Me: this is called a frank exchange of views between the host and the guest.

3) What is the world? The sage replied:? Schroeder. ?

4) What is really terrible is not playing the lute to a cow, but a group of cows playing the lute to you.

5) I'm worried about you recently. I wish you hard. I wish you charm and hard work; Do things with courage, make a fortune and make profits; Love is beautiful and life is really smooth. Work hard towards happiness and wish you a happy mood!

6) Cold Monday, Braised Tuesday, Steamed Wednesday, Fried Thursday, Stir-fried Friday, Happy Seasoning, Leisure Wine, I will cook a blessing dinner for you this weekend, and I am willing to enjoy it happily.

7) People have lived all their lives. Don't be too cold in winter, too hot in summer, don't pretend to be poor if you have money, and don't show off if you have no money. Smile rather than frown. Friends often remember, happy life!

8) Why did Guan Yu die earlier than Zhang Fei? Answer: Is the beauty unlucky?

9) The mouse fell in love with the cat and sang: I love you, I love you, just as the mouse loves rice, no matter how many storms, I will still accompany you. Cat: Don't be vain. My mother said that love without marriage purpose is hooliganism!

10) lovers should be gentle as water and sweet as honey, colleagues should be diligent and have no temper, and friends should have a runny nose, so, dear, wipe your nose quickly in the new year and have a clean New Year!

1 1) Napoleon: I can't find it in my dictionary? Missed it? These three words.

12) eating watermelon is cool, beauty beauty is cucumber, evergreen diuresis is wax gourd, and the sweetest is cantaloupe. You are family with them. Why are you hiding underground? So you are a sweet potato.

13) In order to spend money, you fell in love with making money. Because it is difficult to make money, I dare not spend money. My friend, I know your difficulties. I come to wish my friend a prosperous business and a successful career. Congratulations on getting rich!

14) Don't ask for my marriage conditions, just ask for an appointment time: not for one day, not for two days; Not sunny, not raining, not cloudy; Not on weekdays, not on holidays; Not on the first day, not on the fifteenth; Spring and autumn are absent, winter and summer are absent; When shall we meet? Hehe, you know what?

15) Xiaoling thinks: this is easy to handle. Just open another hole and let the water flow out. So he made another hole in his sole with scissors. If the water in the rain boots accumulates more and more.

16) The child came to his mother crying, and her mother asked, What's the matter, baby? Child: Dad accidentally hit his finger with a hammer. Mom: Then why are you crying? Child: Because I just laughed.

17) cherish life-if God keeps you alive, you must have his plan.

Classic humorous jokes between husband and wife

1) I dare not call you when I miss you, for fear of hearing your voice; Sadly, I always miss you, but I can't always stop calling. So, I excitedly picked up my mobile phone and dialed the phone for you. Hello? Why not you? Dizzy! It turns out that my mobile phone is in arrears!

2) Once, the bus was about to leave, and a woman with heavy makeup was chasing after it. Master, master, don't go, wait for me. Later, the bus master suddenly said, I am in a hurry to be reborn, and the goblin quickly got out of the way. Don't miss the good time to go home! Then I drove the car forward!

3) Your way of speaking is called pull-in rhetoric.

4) As long as the hoe jumps well, where can the corner be dug down?

5) If someone pursues it, there is not a woman in the world who is not on cloud nine. This is why women are so charming.

6) One day, I told you that you were a pig, and you said: I am a pig. So I started calling you a pig. Finally, one day you can't help but announce loudly in front of everyone: I'm not a pig!

7) I like rainy days, I like to listen to the sound of rain hitting bananas, I like to watch roses swaying in the wind, and I like to watch your charming gesture of stroking your long hair in the drizzle. It won't kill you!

8) Do you think you look good in person or in photos?

9) When the first frost comes, I wish you happiness and a beautiful life beckons to you; Good luck and wealth are declining, and a bright future beckons to you; Smooth and comfortable, shake hands with you at work. The first frost not only hopes but also reminds us to pay attention to health and warmth.

10) Good people are set off by us bad people.

1 1) The so-called holiday, when the family is suspected, there is no money to go out, and every day is particularly idle.

12) You always fart in the office, and colleagues can't help asking if you can keep quiet. Then I saw you sitting there shivering and asked what you were doing, and you replied that I was shaking!

13) Busy, difficult to make money, annoying, crazy to spend money, worked hard for a whole month, and spent it in a few days. If the performance is not prosperous, you have to eat the old money. Struggle for decades, just to get a bride. I wish you a happy life. My career is booming and my wallet is bulging.

14) It is difficult to have a house and a car. Everyone is ordinary. Although there is no job, the money is not enough to make ends meet, I often sleep on the street and like to play online games, but my personality is gentle enough, and there are always times when I don't have enough love. They never let go when they meet girls. Well, we will be together forever.

15) It's great when you make money, and even better when you spend money. Everything in the world is a cool word. I don't care who I can spend my whole life with, and the money I spend my whole life with you is called waste paper. Finally, it just comes out of your pocket and enters his pocket. I wish you money and a future, money and a future, flowers and a future.

16) that day, I was about to go to the zoo to see orangutans, and you came. I told you my arrangement politely, but I didn't expect you to turn your back and shout. Didn't you see I was right in front of you? You should go to the zoo.