Live for you. Tell me.

First, "As the old saying goes, filial piety comes first, filial piety, filial piety, you should follow me", which is what my mother often says.

"You're wrong, we have to follow you?" My sister and I retorted.

"Where am I wrong? I live for you. I think I'm good to everyone. When I was a child, I listened to my parents and helped my family. I have been working since I got married. I have lived for you all my life. All because you don't care about your conscience. " My mother's voice is getting louder and louder. As my father said when he was alive, my mother couldn't talk until she quarreled.

When I was a child, my parents always quarreled, even every day.

Whenever they have a heated argument, my mother cries and says to my sister and me, "If it weren't for you, I would have left this house."

I felt a little guilty at that time and felt that I was dragging my mother down.

My mother always wanted to change her mood by changing my father, me and my sister.

Secondly, I later learned that my mother had no self, could not control herself and could not accept her negative emotions, so she asked for everything: she forced my father and us to beg her by not cooking for her, and she needed other people's language to affirm herself.

"Remember, if you think it's good or not, it's better for others to say hello to you." My mother taught me and my sister this way since I was a child. This wrong way of education made my sister and I lose ourselves and always care about the external evaluation.

Because of her low sense of value, my mother also taught me and my sister her misconceptions and asked us to do what she said from an early age.

She thinks our family is poor and can only wear cheap clothes that she likes. She will never buy us the slightly more expensive clothes we like.

And we, unable to resist, always obey her arrangement.

Of course, it can't be all her fault, mainly because of the poor conditions at home at that time, but in any case, there is always money to buy a dress you like during the New Year!

The root cause is that my mother thinks the clothes she chooses are cheap and beautiful, and she doesn't know how to respect our ideas at all.

Third, my mother has no stable sense of self-worth. She will think blindly because of the unconscious reaction of the outside world, so she will not criticize herself or others.

"Your cousin looked down on me, and she finally handed me the watermelon," my mother said when chatting with my cousin on her wedding day.

Suddenly I froze.

It turned out that my uncle's only son was married, and several aunts were very excited to attend the ceremony, and my cousin was also very happy. He cut the watermelon and handed it to some aunts.

My mother was next to my cousin at that time, and my cousin just handed it to me from a distance and finally handed it to my mother.

"Obviously, I sat closest to him. Why did he hand me the last one? " My mother firmly believes that my cousin looks down on her and thinks that she is the poorest of several aunts.

"It's not like that. At that time, so many people, my cousin was unconscious, it was your low sense of self-worth and your own projection, "I explained to my mother."

But my mother didn't believe it at all. She only trusts her feelings.

My father died of illness three years ago, so I took my mother to my house to play. I know that my mother has a low sense of self-worth, and she has been accompanying her with great care, buying her clothes, shoes and taking her out for a trip. I think my father left and left my mother. Anyway, I must make her happy.

My mother was fine at my house the other day, and we were careful with each other until I got up one weekend morning. I saw my mother washing vegetables, so I wanted to have a chat with her.

I picked up her cut unwashed vegetables, turned on the tap and washed them carefully.

"You just think my hands are dirty," my mother said suddenly.

"Why are you so strange? When did I say your hands were dirty? " I was really surprised to the extreme.

"You don't wash vegetables at ordinary times. Why did you wash them today? It's not because my hands are dirty. What's that? " What my mother said is true. I thought she was ill at that time.

I was so angry that I threw a pot of vegetables on the floor.

When my father was alive, my mother vented a lot of negative emotions on my father. At that time, we didn't live together, and the contradiction was not so obvious. Many problems were hidden, or my father suffered.

After my father died, my sister and I took my mother to travel many times. We want to see more of the world when she walks, but she is always inexplicably angry during the trip, and we always quarrel when we talk.

5. "Mom and I used to be exactly the same. She has no self. She leans everywhere and is unreliable. We can't get into her heart. She is worthless and wants others to beg her, but her practice makes others reject her. How can others beg her? " Sister said.

Yes, I feel it, too.

My mother and my sister used to be exactly the same. She doesn't want the inside, only the outside. Maybe I used to be like this, but I just didn't know it.

My sister and I have been studying psychology in recent years and have grown up a little.

We have learned that mother has no stable sense of self-worth since she was a child, and needs others' words and actions to affirm it.

For example, she taught us from an early age that it is good for others to say hello, otherwise you will be good, and others will say you are bad.

Until now, she still has this view.

She thinks that she lives for my sister and me, and my sister and I should be responsible for her negative emotions and should be "filial" and "obedient" to her unconditionally. It's a pity that my sister and I have become individuals after studying, and we can't do it either.

So my mother thinks we are unfilial.

6. I said to my mother, "A good man should take care of his feelings first. He has to have proper limit in everything he says and does. Parents should respect their children's feelings, and children should also respect their parents' feelings, instead of saying that who must follow who. "

Living in this environment since childhood has made my sister and I timid and have a low sense of self-worth.

Through learning, we are not affected by external evaluation, but we are still limited to self-concept.

We believe that we are valuable, and our value does not need to be improved by others' praise.

However, our self is also solidified. We dare not break through ourselves, dare not grow ourselves, dare not speak in the crowd, and dare not feel that we have no ability to make ourselves better.

These are all solidified ideas brought from childhood.

Seven, my sister and I are studying hard and changing ourselves.

I know, when we practice well, we can understand and tolerate our mother!

I really wish my mother would stop saying: I live for your sisters, so you must follow me.

I hope my mother can do what she likes, take care of her feelings, live for herself for the rest of her life and be responsible for her joys and sorrows.