There is a kind of tiredness called not knowing how to say no.

Obviously you can’t drink, but you can’t refuse others’ repeated urgings to drink? You are obviously very tired and need a rest, but you can’t bear to refuse your friend’s invitation to go shopping together? You are obviously very tight with money, but you are afraid that others will say that you are not a good friend enough so you lend money to others? You obviously have your own principles, but when faced with excessive demands from others, you can only sulk because you can't stick to them? In reality, there are many people who are too kind and soft-hearted and are embarrassed to refuse other people's requests, thinking that they will be grateful if they help others everywhere. In fact, no one will appreciate your kindness.

Even if you wrong yourself, you cannot bear to live up to the expectations of others. Over time, others will take everything you do for granted. If you do well, they will accept it with peace of mind; if you do poorly, they will complain. Therefore, you can be a good person, but never be a "bad good person". A people-pleaser personality will never be able to please others. They will only leave the vast world to others and put shackles on their own heads. You cater to everyone, but how do you live? Shy and timid, with a vague personality, no energy, and quite depressed.

There is a popular saying among the people, which is "You have to live to save face and suffer the consequences".

The general idea is that I would rather suffer a big loss and suffer a boring loss than to live in terms of face. It seems that in this way, one has dignity among the people around him, is respected by others, and has "face"! In fact, the result of doing so will often force people to give up some principles that need to be adhered to in life; and the face gained by losing principles can be said to be worthless.

Why do people agree to others against their will?

This is because they have a psychological stereotype that rejecting others shows indifference to others, or even selfishness, and they are afraid of making others unhappy. In addition, there is a fear of being disliked and criticized by others, which may damage friendships.

Interestingly, the ability to say no is closely linked to self-confidence.

People who lack self-confidence and self-esteem often feel uncomfortable rejecting others and tend to feel that other people's needs are more important than their own. From a psychological perspective, it can be judged that Xue Lu lacks self-confidence.

Learning to politely refuse can also win the respect of those around you.

Expressing your true thoughts appropriately and clearly is an indispensable interpersonal skill for EQ masters.

In fact, when we promise or help others, we should do so within the scope of our own time and ability. If it exceeds the objective conditions and does it reluctantly, it may cause unrealistic expectations of the other party. If your expectations are not met, your self-esteem will naturally be damaged, and you will also cause a psychological burden.

From a psychological point of view, help others, but do not make decisions for others, and do not let the person being helped become dependent on you. This is in line with the principles of mental health.

Therefore, first of all, you must be confident and change your mental attitude to be yourself. Be clear and honest about what you really want, know yourself better, and find out what you need in work, study, and life. Abandon the "face" mentality and fully realize that it is important to learn to say "no" in interpersonal interactions, which is good for both others and yourself.

Appendix: Learn the following 9 rejection techniques

Decline method: Sorry, thank you, this may not be appropriate.

Decline method: Oh, that’s true, but I haven’t thought about it yet. Let’s think about it for a while.

Neither humble nor arrogant: Oh, I understand, but you'd better find someone who is more interested in this matter, okay?

Humor: Ah! Sorry, I have something else to do today, so I have to be a deserter.

Speechless: Use body language and negative expressions such as waving, shaking your head, shrugging, frowning, turning around, etc. to express your attitude of rejection.

Buffer method: Oh, I’ll discuss it with my friends, and you can think about it again and make a decision in a few days, okay?

Avoidance method: Let’s not talk about this today, let’s talk about another thing you are concerned about...

Strict refusal method: This is not possible, I have already thought about it Now, you don’t have to waste any more words!

Compensation method: I'm really sorry, I really can't help you with this matter, but I can do another thing for you!

Borrowing force method: Ask xx, he can testify that I would never do such a thing!

Self-protection: Think about me, how can I do something I am not sure about? You made me make a fool of myself.

(Text/Zhang Jianhe)

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