What do you think is the funniest part of funny novels! ! !

2 Thank you for your kindness in advance. Those who will sweat for me are all kind people. God will keep you. In the future, you will be promoted as an official, get rich in business, have a smooth job search, and get married tonight. I don't want to say anything more about those who have just seen this place gloating. It's not good to curse you. If I teach the Queen Mother to know, it will only increase my guilt. Everyone knows what they are doing, so just be conscious in the future. I just want to say to you here: "Be kind!"

3 One day in the sky, one year on earth; Eating a cigarette in the sky is seven or eight days on earth.

4 To tell you the truth, my five-year-old dream is to sell apples when I grow up, so that apples can be eaten every day; When I was eight years old, I loved watching cartoons. I hoped that when I grew up, I could become a captain planet and the planeteers and safeguard the peace of the earth. When I am ten years old and learn to play video games, I hope to open a game room when I grow up, and I can play games all day long without spending a penny. When I reach the age of fifteen and learn to surf the Internet, I am determined to open an Internet cafe when I grow up, and I can play online all day long. How comfortable it is. When I was twenty years old, I found that my former ideals were naive. Now my ideal is to be a man who has criticized the situation and attracted worldwide attention. I want to get ahead in business and political circles, be the leader, be duplicitous, be generous, absolute monarch, be greedy, poison people, be courageous, do all kinds of evil, be hypocritical and be devil wears prada.

5 I filled in three volunteers for the college entrance examination. The first two were Tsinghua Peking University. I waited eagerly at home for a month, but I didn't wait for the admission notice. It is estimated that the Tsinghua Admissions Team missed my name, and the notice of Peking University was lost by the postman on the way.

6 wow, it's very rare for you to grow such a mature face when you are less than twenty years old. You will surely become a pillar of the motherland in the future.

7 he who is not afraid to find bones in eggs is afraid that he must look for eggs in bones.

8 preserved eggs press hooks, while Lao Kai presses preserved eggs;

eat small fish, the big fish, everything has its vanquisher.

9 The next morning, while I was sleeping soundly, I had a dream that there was a strange tree growing outside our dormitory. Its branches were covered with a hundred dollars, and it was red with snow. I quickly climbed up the tree to pick up the money, picking the old ones, picking them up and coming out again. I was so happy that I went straight to my pocket, but I couldn't put it in my pocket, and I took out the box I had brought with me when I started school. I was enjoying myself when I was suddenly pressed by a pair of big hands. I woke up when I was surprised. When I opened my eyes, I saw that the two snails were lying beside my bed, smiling and groping under my bed.

1 Although I can't ask my parents to drive me to college in my life, damn it! Twenty years later, I must drive my son to college.

classic quotations from the first gifted scholar in Jiangbei!

11 I, Shen, have experienced in looking at beautiful women. Others pay attention to where to look first, then where to look, and then where to look, at least three eyes. I just need to brush it down at a glance, and all three can be put in place, not only here, but also there. When you see the outside, you can associate it with the inside.

12 The thunder exploded directly on my forehead, and I was so annoyed. Do you know how I felt at that time? Just like watching a dream of red mansions, when I heard Lin Daiyu swearing and saying "fart" to Jia Baoyu, my heart was cold, and I couldn't help sighing that fate was unfair to me. Like a character like Shen Shuaishuai, I have never been through a peach blossom. Er Luo Luo is such a nasty commodity, why can she meet such a beautiful lady? The more I think about it, the more disheartened I am. I gradually turn from wonder to melancholy, from melancholy to melancholy, and then from melancholy to grief and indignation. I am always optimistic, but this time I am really angered.

13 Honey, great wall never pour, don't be angry.

14 he opened his way in space and clove the ether like lightning, you have said this several times.

15 In this year, it is really rare to talk for two months without even holding hands. I think that ordinary people have sons in their bellies, and this marriage is also a form of inviting relatives and friends to dinner.

16 brother, I was a man who killed people, set fire to them, served as a soldier, served in prison, traveled privately, sold drugs, stole taxes and took advantage of it. What dare I do? Do anything for my brother, regardless of the height of his building, close your eyes and jump.

17 second sister-in-law said with a smile, "it's very interesting. I'll show you." Then he pointed to the dish in front of Erluoluo and said with a smile, "Look, this dish is made of bean skin. Take a fresh bean skin, draw it one hundred times horizontally and one hundred times vertically with a knife, add more than a dozen seasonings, and stew it in an oil pan. Therefore, this dish is called' a thousand pieces'." Pointing to a dish in front of Guo Dazui, he said with a smile, "This dish also has a famous name, and its name is also very interesting. It is made by taking a big corn cob, first tearing off the outer scalp, and then pulling out the corn whiskers one by one." Pointing to a dish in front of me, he said with a smile, "This dish in front of brother in law is also very interesting. It's called' Removing Bone and Raising Ash', which is made by grinding mung beans into fine powder. There are also "big pieces", "ten thousand pieces of corpses", "it's hard to fly", "life is worse than death" and "pain". Are these names interesting? Come and have a taste, and see how it tastes. Can you still enter the mouth? "

18 I'm a sentimental man. I remember that I'm still single, and I'm lonely. I'm sad in my heart. I'm sad for the mirror and sigh at myself once, so I'm bragging and sloppy with Guo Dazui, and it's midnight in a flash. No matter how to fight, I can't beat him with two people together. But when it comes to bragging and sloppy, his big mouth and two snails add up, and he is not my opponent. If anyone talks nonsense to me, I can make your eyes deaf and your ears blind.

19 Four little three fried big monkeys, just waiting for you.

2 I thought that year, when I was in high school, I was a gifted scholar in my class. I was proficient in piano, chess, painting and calligraphy, and I listened to others playing the piano on TV. Chess, watching people play chess on TV; Books, reading novels in class; Painting, scribbling on the desk after class, is a man of the hour in the school. At that time, there was a beauty queen in our school, whose milk name was "Daiyu", and my classmates simply called me "Shen Baoyu". It was a match made in heaven. Every time after class, there were more than a dozen girls from outside the class who looked at me at the door and told me to go out to go to the toilet. I was embarrassed and embarrassed.

reply: the classic quotation of jiangbei's first gifted scholar!

21 You can call me an animal, but you can't call me shameless. Animals have dignity.

22 If you don't believe me, you don't believe in science. If you object to me, you object to people's criticism.

23 why do people know that someone is bragging when he talks big? It means that their skills are not enough. Some people brag, which can make you dizzy. I don't know 12345, but I also ask you to admire his skill. Why? Because bragging is not only a science, but also an art.

24 after all, what are the tricks of this boast? Everybody, please listen carefully. When bragging, you must hold your head high, look straight ahead, and be calm. Your facial expressions should be natural, your face should not be red, and your heart should not jump. Remember not to be very happy, kick your fingers, blush, and spit. Let people feel that you are not bragging, but talking with them in Kan Kan. Don't be complacent, thinking that you can blow the cow well. This is just the introductory method of bragging. As for the higher realm of bragging, it is not convenient to go into details here because of the wide range of topics involved. I will tell you in detail when I can go to the ‘baijia forum one day.

25

Although the society is stable, public security is impermanent; Safety first, never forget;

In hot summer, embankments are more needed; Sleep carefully, don't be greedy for cold;

Close the doors and windows to prevent thieves and wolves; Hemp rope kitchen knife, often placed on the pillow;

if a wolf comes, don't be alarmed; Water comes to cover up, and soldiers will block it;

The thief comes to set the dog free, and the bird comes for the gun; Six women are United, and unity is a wall;

sow the sky and the net; One person is not enough, and two people help each other;

three people are not enough, but six people are on board; The wolf is three feet long and the net cloth is ten feet;

pick up a kitchen knife and resist it; Untie the hemp rope and bind it;

if you are admitted to the undergraduate course, there must be praise; If the wolf is too fierce, you can't be reckless;

being calm and calm delays the plan; Dial the phone secretly and notify the section chief;

the personnel on duty must be present at once; Many people are powerful, and their mouths are strong in unison;

The wolf has ten legs, and it is hopeless to escape. Desperate, only surrender;

bring it back to the undergraduate course and calculate the general ledger; Keep the above proverbs in mind;

if you meet a rogue, you will be safe. If there is a mistake, raise your knife and kill yourself;

I would rather sacrifice than lose my virginity;

26 I took a careful look in the mirror again, and I was really at ease with my appearance. I really couldn't find anything wrong with it. However, people are always insatiable, and they desperately want to find a wife if they don't get a wife. If they get a wife, they want to get rid of it, so they can find another one, so I also hope that I can become more handsome. Look at those stars. They are more beautiful at the age of 3 than at the age of 2, and more beautiful at the age of 4 than at the age of 3. That's why the longer they are, the more beautiful they are. Therefore, I believe it is possible for me to become handsome in the next 2 years. For many years, before going to bed every night, I firmly believed that I would become more handsome when I woke up the next morning, but every time I waited until the next morning, I was always disappointed. In the past twenty years, constant disappointment has led to constant hope. Now I finally understand that it is difficult to surpass a flawless face like mine.

27 Now that science is so developed, a man cuts it off with a knife, rubs it up for his chest, and becomes a woman. A woman adds a small piece to her, and then beats her flat with two punches, and she becomes a man.

28 when I heard that Wang Nan was going to get engaged to Guo Bin, I cried for three days and nights, and my heart ached. I hated that Guo, and I swore an oath to him. I would scold him more than ten times a day, otherwise I couldn't swallow this tone. If there is an opportunity in the future, I will fight with Guo in a fair and square way, either he dies or I die. For Wang Nan, I can do whatever it takes. Hum! To put it bluntly, if anyone dares to rob Wang Nan with me this time, I will fight him hard.

29 There is another one with short hair and delicate facial features, but with a small face and a bulging mouth. She looks like my dream lover Zhang Yining more and more. Although Zhang Yining keeps a straight face when she plays ball, I just like her coldness. Every time she keeps a straight face, the more I like watching it. I swear by heaven, no one in the world is more happy with Zhang Yining than I am. I am unswerving to her heart. If there is half a lie, it thunders, splitting it twice, splitting it twice and splitting it three times. If it doesn't die three times, then punish me to be Zhang Yining's boyfriend. No matter how painful it is to be Zhang Yining's boyfriend, I am willing to bear it alone.

3 compared with eating, no one is as fierce as me, because I am a man born to eat, and eating is my second life, and I am called "useless". Don't envy me. Compared with my dad, Shen Xiaosi, I'm still not as good as myself. My dad has no cowardice. He is known as "Shen Sanneng", who can eat, drink and sleep. He is also known as "Shen Dadu", who can drink a foot basin of rice porridge at a meal. Fiona Fang is 2 Li, which is unmatched.

reply: the classic quotation of jiangbei's first gifted scholar!

31 I secretly said to Guo Dazui, "Dazui, go out for a walk twice at night without snails." Guo Dazui said, "Wait for me to take a bath." I asked, "What bath shall we take now? After half a month of military training, the last one will be washed again. " Guo mouth the baggage and take the journey: "that how good? On this hot day, I am sweating all over. I only took a bath for half a month. Isn't my body going to stink? " I said, "No, I usually take six baths a year, and I don't stink." Guo Dazui asked, "Ah, which six?" I said, "I'll take one on February 2nd, one on Qingming Day, and one on July 3th." Guo Dazui said, "Then you won't wash it during the Dragon Boat Festival in May?" I said, "There's no room. We have to make zongzi." Guo Dazui asked again, "How many more are there?" I added, "I have to wash one at the bottom in August and a half, and then I have to wait until winter to wash one, and I will definitely wash one for the New Year at the last 3 nights." Guo Dazui praised: "This method is really clever, saving water, money and trouble. I will listen to you and not wash it tonight until the military training is over."

32 "Does it taste like sweet and sour pork ribs?" Chen Shang shook his head and said, "There is no such smell. Have a cup of cantaloupe, fresh and refreshing, and let you feel the same passion as returning to the desert in Xinjiang. " The second snail added, "I don't like it. Do you have spiced chicken legs? " Chen Shang shook his head again and said, "There is no such thing. Let's have a cup of coconut flavor, so that you can appreciate the fiery heat of Hainan Island. " The second snail said, "I don't like it either. Do you have braised beef? " Chen Shang took the baggage and take the journey: "No. Have a cup of apple, the most classic taste. " The second snail said, "I suddenly don't want to drink milk tea." Chen Shang asked, "What would you like to drink?" The second snail said, "I want to drink ... milk."

33 Besides, I was frightened at that time, and I swore in my heart, "If I escape this time, I will promise to study hard and make progress every day, and I will never look at beautiful women again."

34 Don't laugh at my thinness, I'm covered in muscles; Don't look at my thin arms. I have plenty of strength. Except for Guo Dazui and Er Luoluo, I don't care about those ordinary little girls and boys, even if they add up to three or five.

35 Let's make an analogy first. What I said is just an analogy, which is pure fiction. If there is any similarity, it is a coincidence, and I am not responsible for it. For example, a married man asks his female colleagues to go out for entertainment one day. There are many kinds of entertainment and various places. He may go to a gym, a skating room, a singing room, or a double room in a hotel. There are many kinds and it is difficult to predict. Let's take the singing room as an example. The singing in the singing room is euphemistic, and it must be noisy badly. Moreover, facing the female colleagues, unlike the yellow-faced woman at home, it is inevitable that she will be in a trance and miss her wife's phone call carelessly. What can I do? What should I do if my wife asks questions when I get home? Don't be afraid, Shen. I'll give you some advice.

36 wives need to be changed from time to time in order to be innovative and passionate. Which successful man has never been divorced several times? If you haven't been divorced, it means that you haven't succeeded. It is even better to force your wife to take the initiative to divorce, and you will have the initiative to divide the property.