I have no job, I am old, introverted, have no friends and no one around to encourage me. I'm more and more afraid to face it. I want to start over, but I can't.

"I'm useless, I can't do anything well" is a common mantra of some people. The following is an American drama The Good Doctor.

Murphy has been an autistic child since childhood, and only his younger brother plays with him.

However, in an accident, his brother unfortunately fell from an abandoned car and died after being rescued. Since then, no one has played with him. No one understands, and being laughed at by his peers makes him lonely and difficult to understand. Coupled with his own autism, maybe even God dislikes him.

However, there is one person who has not given up on him. He is the director of a hospital. His name is Aaron? Grassmann, a good man, began to guide Murphy 16 years old and treated him as a son. He found that Murphy had an amazing talent in medicine, so he helped him study medicine. After he achieved something, he pushed his way through the crowd and recruited him as a surgeon in his own hospital.

Murphy was unlucky, but he became lucky because he met the dean.

No skills, no skills, no friends, introverted and stupid, just like Murphy!

Self-denial, such as Murphy's, is a wrong thinking in psychology itself, because some aspects are not as good as others, and they completely deny their lives.

Just like we look in the mirror, but we don't like ourselves in the mirror, so the sense of shame begins to sprout. When we finally admit our defects and shortcomings, most people will be harsh and embarrassed.

"I am not good enough. I am nothing. " For example, when comparing our height with magazine models, or comparing our bank accounts with the rich, we may feel more painful.

This state of self-blame can only lead to more severe self-criticism, just as we have become losers who have accomplished nothing and have been sinking like this.

Many reasons are due to self-judgment. In the race against life, once we don't get the upper hand, we will constantly criticize ourselves. So what is the solution?

Bottom line: stop judging and evaluating yourself. Stop labeling yourself as "good" or "bad" and accept yourself with an open mind.

Be kind to yourself, care for yourself, and be compassionate to yourself, just like friends or even strangers.

Just like Tara Bennett Gorman's book "Emotional Alchemy: How the Mind Heals the Mind" (Emotion? Alchemy: How about it? That? Mind? Is it okay? Cure? That? Heart), she used alchemy to describe the spiritual and emotional transformation after embracing pain with love. When care comes, the deadlock of negative self-judgment begins to loosen, replaced by peace and harmony-just like finding a shining diamond in coal. When it comes to introverted personality, I have to mention the book The Advantages of Introverts. It is recorded in the page that the so-called introversion and extroversion of personality is essentially a personality characteristic, which is different from shyness, inferiority and loneliness.

Distinguish between extroversion and extroversion, the most striking feature is their energy source:

Introverts mainly get energy from their inner world, such as thoughts, emotions and ideas. Some external stimuli, such as social interaction and activities, are consuming energy.

On the other hand, extroverts. Their energy source is mainly the outside world, such as various social activities, various people, different occasions and food. If they are allowed to meditate and be alone for a long time, they will lose interest and fall asleep.

So you see, introversion and extroversion are mainly a spiritual temperament. An introverted person likes quiet and solitude, and he likes to study. On the other hand, an extrovert likes variety and excitement, and he likes expansion.

However, when you see others in pairs and you are alone, you will still envy and yearn, and your heart will exude a deep sense of loneliness.

In fact, you are eager for friends, love and belonging. This is human instinct.

There is a famous theory in psychology-Maslow's demand theory. Everyone has the same necessary needs, and love and belonging rank third.

In fact, everyone has the characteristics of introversion and extroversion, and there is room for flexible transformation. I hope you can find a comfort zone in this curve, then go out boldly, make friends and find like-minded partners.

In The Good Doctor, the difference is that Murphy found his life coach, but did you?

What should I do? I think we can interpret this problem from the following three aspects:

1, you didn't become the Monkey King, because you haven't met the person who gave you three moles.

In the movie "A Chinese Odyssey", the Supreme Treasure spent the first half of his life in a daze, being a bandit, muddling along without a goal in life. Avalokitesvara said that she was the Monkey King in her previous life, but she didn't become the Monkey King because she didn't meet anyone who gave her three moles.

Later, he met the rosy clouds fairy who carved three moles on the soles of his feet, and began his legendary life.

However, reality is not a movie. It's impossible to wait at home for a rosy fairy to give you three moles.

You need to travel. What does it matter if you have no skills and no ability? Study!

You can start from ordinary workers and gradually master a craft. As long as you have perseverance and are willing to endure hardships, it is not difficult to learn a cooking skill.

For example, Dong Mingzhu started as a grass-roots salesman in Gree at the age of 36. With perseverance and tenacity, he recovered the debt of 420,000 yuan left by his predecessor within 40 days, thus gradually moving towards a sales position.

A word for you: If you want to succeed, get crazy first and go forward with a simple mind! Come on!

There is a saying that when you cry because you don't have a pair of beautiful shoes, you should be grateful that you have a pair of feet to wear shoes.

In a TED video, the speaker tells the story of a girl who is very fat. She went on a blind date and was very satisfied with the man. When she wanted to get to know each other better, she was rejected by the other party.

She was devastated and said to herself, you are so fat because you are lazy. It is crazy to want to be liked by others! Not like you at all, you will never find someone you like in your life!

So the more I think about it, the more depressed I get. The girl couldn't get out by herself, so she asked a guest for help.

The guest asked her, have you told your friends about your experience? How did they respond to you?

The girl said, sure. It is said that being fat is not necessarily a disadvantage, but that boy doesn't like it. In fact, many boys like fleshy girls. Don't think too much. It's not that you are bad, but that you are not suitable for him.

The guest also asked, do any friends respond to you like you deny yourself? Think you deserve to be rejected?

The girl said, no.

The guest said: Why?

The girl replied, because they are all my friends, they all recognize me and don't want to hurt me.

The guest smiled: Have you compared your attitude towards yourself with your attitude towards your friends? Why can't you treat yourself like a friend?

I believe that through this story, you should also realize that in real life, many of us are too harsh on ourselves, always staring at our own shortcomings and accustomed to denying ourselves. After a long time, I feel useless.

3. Soothe "children with internal injuries"

Now, imagine a virtual friend who will love, accept, tolerate and care unconditionally.

From the perspective of this virtual friend, write a letter to yourself-focus on your own shortcomings.

From a friend's point of view (this friend cares about you infinitely), what will he/she react to your "shortcomings" and say?

How does this friend express his/her deep concern to you? Especially when you are uncomfortable with yourself and criticize yourself severely.

This friend wants to remind you that you are only a member of human beings, and everyone has their own advantages and disadvantages. What will he/she write in the letter?

If you think this friend will give you some advice and think that you should make some changes, how will these suggestions reflect unconditional understanding and care?

When you write to yourself from the perspective of this virtual friend, try to make your letter contain strong acceptance, friendliness, concern and desire for your health and happiness.

After you finish writing this letter, put it in one place. After a while, take it out and read it again before you can really understand the meaning of the letter.

In a word, you should feel care pouring into your heart, just like welcoming a breeze in a hot summer day.

Being obsessed with yourself is not the same as loving yourself. ...

Loving yourself symbolizes the ability to adapt, care and understand.

This is a part of life.

-Sharon Sulzberg (Sharon? Salzberg) concluded that love, connection and acceptance are your birthright. To speak for yourself, you just need to see what you are in your heart.