Young man walking in my youth, I wish you well

The story between him and me is not dramatic or life-and-death, but only the ignorance and innocence of the student days.

In October 2017, I met him for the first time while hanging out with friends.

It was just like two strangers meeting by chance. I didn’t know him, he didn’t know me, and I never thought there would be any intersection between us.

I have been with my friends and heard about him from my friends. At that time, I always thought that my friend liked this boy who was often mentioned in her mouth.

That day, because I had to catch up on my homework, I ran to the teaching building as soon as the lunch bell rang. By coincidence, I met him at the stairs. After looking at each other for two seconds, I rushed to the classroom. Coincidentally, after that chance encounter, our fate began.

From then on, whenever we leave the classroom, we will definitely meet. Whether it was the accidental look at each other while we were getting lunch, or the way he peeked at me on the stairs, it made my heart warm. I also tasted the beauty of two-way secret love and "seeing you first in the crowd".

Later, we experienced the separation of arts and sciences. We thought we would be able to master arts and sciences, but we became strangers. Unexpectedly, he and I were assigned to the same class. From then on, I, a poor student who had no sense of presence in the class, spent two and a half wonderful and meaningful years under his protection.

When I was relaxing after studying, I once thought about this question: If you asked me when was the most meaningful moment or the best time in the three years of high school, I would say The moment I arrived in the classroom at the beginning of the first semester of high school, the second half of the first semester of senior high school, and the mobilization rally before the college entrance examination.

I would like to explain my beauty like this:

1. I came to the classroom just after the first semester of high school

The moment we first arrived, no one knew anyone else. , the original 20 classes were re-spread. But in this unfamiliar classroom with nearly 70 people, I saw a familiar figure that I missed, and he was sitting right behind me. The reason why I was looking forward to it was because I wanted to know what he would think when he saw me. (Maybe it’s the vanity of being a girl)

2. The second half of the first semester of my senior year in high school

Because I chose seats based on my grades at that time, my grades were not good. His grades are much better than mine. So every time he chose a seat, he was in front of me, and there were not many seats left when I chose a seat, so our seats were never particularly close.

It was during that seat selection that we got closer.

At that time, I chose the first row next to the door, the position that I could see when I opened the door. Because he is the monitor, he will say something to us every night before self-study. His favorite place to stay was in front of me. While watching him talk to the whole class, I could feel my shadow in his peripheral vision. This situation lasted for almost a month and a half. I originally thought this was good. I could see him every day. How nice it was. Later, he exerted his power as monitor and insisted on changing tables for us. I was very confused at the time and silently complained to him for a long time after changing tables. Later I found out that he thought I was always talking to the two boys at the back table. What if we develop feelings for each other? I was so angry and funny at the time, what a fool!

3. Mobilization meeting before the college entrance examination

There will be this link before the college entrance examination every year, but that time, the school required each class to send a representative to send flowers to the class teacher. As the class leader, he He also decisively assumed this responsibility. Sitting in the audience, I watched the people who had been very important in my life during the three years of high school hug each other tightly, and the corners of my eyes became moist unconsciously. What I thought at the time was that although it was not me who was in his arms, it turned out to be so beautiful for two people who were so important to me to embrace each other!

Okay, let me continue to tell the story after the class division.

When he took an English class for the first time, he was asked by the English teacher to answer: "If your girlfriend who you have been waiting for all day does not come on Valentine's Day, you will only find out about your girlfriend when you are frustrated and decide to break up." Your girlfriend has been waiting for you in another place for a long time and she is very angry when she sees you. "What would you do?" I was looking forward to his answer at the time and wanted to know how he would deal with this situation.

I can’t remember the specific answer. After all, it was three years ago. I only know that his first and last sentences at that time were "What can we do, break up!" and "...And I love you forever."

The reason I always remember it is not just that Because at that time I had expectations for our future, and also because of the deliberateness he showed toward me after class.

After that class, he and the health committee member were busy making arrangements for the class, while I stayed in my seat because I had not finished my homework. I knew he was in the classroom. When he saw me, he also took the initiative to mention the English class to the health committee member. Then I heard him say the words "I love you forever." because I knew he was talking about me. Yes, I will always remember this sentence.

During a class health inspection, I, as the student on duty, was responsible for the podium, and as the monitor, he would also check the class's health before the school inspection.

That day, he was "violent" to me for the first time.

Because the podium was not wiped clean, he asked: "Who is the student on duty today? What are you doing for food? I said clearly that I will eat on duty first, did you go to eat first?" : "I'm on duty, and I've been on duty without eating. The rag can't be wiped clean, so I wiped it several times!" He looked at me, "Why don't you rinse the rag several times if it's not clean? Why do you eat it? "I looked at him and held it in for a long time: "I'm sorry!" I don't remember what he said at that time. I only know that he became even more angry after I finished speaking: "Anyway, I put my words here. It's up to you whether you want to eat or not. Decide, don’t blame me for not warning you if your stomach hurts when the time comes!”

This was also the first and only time he was truly angry with me since we got along, so I always remember it.

After that time, no matter how many perfunctory things I did about hygiene, he never really treated me badly.

Here are some interesting things about us being jealous of each other when it comes to cleaning!

One:

What a coincidence, it was my turn to be on duty and I had to catch up with the school health inspection.

After class, I rushed to the cafeteria after finishing my duties. When I came back, he was stretching out his special hand for checking hygiene, touching between the blackboard slot and the computer protection board. When he checked, I I thought for sure it would be over and I would be called in to rework it. In fact, he knew that I was on duty that day. I guess he did it on purpose! After my name was called, I rushed from the last row to class. He stretched out his hand to show me the chalk dust on his newly washed fingers. He stared at me and looked at each other. I knew, He was in a good mood. Just like that, he held a class meeting behind me in front of the whole class, and I faced the blackboard in class and wiped the blackboard slots vigorously. Interrupting him from time to time: "See if you are okay now?" He turned around, glanced at me, and touched it with his finger casually: "No!" While wiping the blackboard, he wanted to turn his head to take a look again, and bumped into His eyes had to be turned back obediently. After the class meeting, he turned around and stood next to me. He smelled delicious after just taking a shower. I liked the smell very much. There were other people talking behind him, and they were blocking the two of us. At that moment, I couldn't actually feel the presence of other people. I really wished that time would stop!

Part 2:

His daily jealousy.

Every Sunday, we have 30 minutes of general cleaning time. Those who have no tasks can go back to the dormitory to make arrangements by themselves.

Before get out of class ended, a boy in the class told me that something happened and he hoped to switch duties with me. It is necessary for classmates to help each other, and I agreed to his request. After class, I gave the key to my locker to a friend in the class who was more playful and asked her to get me a few packs of cold medicine. The two of them were seated next to each other, and he stretched out his hand to pass it to me.

My friend knew that I was not on duty and asked me why. After I told me about the exchange with the boy, he immediately retracted his hand and said angrily: "He went back to wash clothes!" After that, he walked out of the classroom. Because he and the boy were at the same table and had a good relationship. They would probably talk to each other, so it was not surprising that he knew what the other boy was doing.

After it was time to return to the classroom, he began his routine inspection again. What was different from the past was that this time, he was in a bad mood.

Knowing that I was the one doing the cleaning, he still found fault with me. When I was called to the classroom to clean up again, he was very close to me, very, very close. He said in my ear: "It's not your duty today, why did you change with him?" Looking into his big deep eyes, I said: "He told me that he had something to do, and I thought I could help him." Just for a moment! "Then he goes back to wash clothes. Is there anything wrong? "I didn't say anything. I just remember that what I wanted to say was, "Are you jealous? "To be honest, his eyes are really beautiful, but the way he stares is really scary.

Later, it was the boy's turn to be on duty for me. I thought this time it should be I was on duty, so I couldn't let him get scolded, so I helped him tidy up. It seemed that he asked the boy about this when he was checking his hygiene. I don't know how the boy answered, I just know that he did it. He mentioned the fact that I was on duty for him. Later, as the squad leader, he checked the hygiene more strictly that day. Although the cleaning effect was okay, he could still clearly feel a few black lines on his face. .

Third:

My daily jealousy

Because we were promoted to the third year of high school, the school did not allow the high school students to check the hygiene, and the first year students were too young. , didn’t understand anything, so this kind of thing naturally fell on the junior high school student.

Because he is the kind of person who is basically known to everyone in the school. There are always a few people who check the hygiene of our class. As he goes back and forth, he also gets to know many junior students.

That day, our class was deducted a few points because some students put books on the balcony. After he found out, he immediately ran to the second floor of the high school to find someone to eliminate these points. When he came back from the class meeting, he touched his freshly washed hair and said, "Everyone, please pay attention." I went through this several times and was not allowed to put anything away. You said I was deducted two points and I had to go to the second floor of the high school to explain to them. I am a big boy who goes to see little girls every day. How can I survive if people see me! "There was a burst of laughter in the class, but I couldn't stop laughing. "Ah ah ah ah, I don't know how many times you have gone to see her secretly behind your back. Aren't you afraid that the little girl will fall in love with you? "Later I thought about it, did he say that to me specifically?

I still remember the first time he called my name after we were divided into classes was during a break.

That day, he was helping the class representatives hand out homework. At that time, he was standing next to me. When he got to my copy, he deliberately raised his voice loudly, "xxx, whose name is xxx?" "I was furious at the time, thinking, "We've known each other for so many days, why don't you know my name? "Anyway, I was so angry! I didn't know what he looked like on his face, but then I heard him say: "Look at that little expression. "He glanced at me and left with a smile.

This next matter may involve some privacy that is inconvenient to mention, so I won't go into details. I will just share what he said to coax me.

At that time, I was in an empty classroom. He was thin and tall, and the way he couldn’t stretch his legs while sitting on the table was really funny. Me, make me happy): "Be good, go back to the classroom, I will buy you candy tomorrow. "I was angry and said before leaving the classroom, "...Humph, I won't pay attention to you! "As soon as I went out, I heard him say: "No! Are you really ignoring me? "Actually, I wasn't angry with him, but he carefully met my needs as much as possible.

Let's talk about his protection for me.

I did very poorly in the exam that time , I chose a seat in the corner near the air conditioner in the last row. If I didn’t look carefully, I wouldn’t know there was a private room there. The boy in front of me was the pistachio in the class. The six of us were often together for discussions. Kuai'er, so I still talk and laugh after class.

Because there is a drinking fountain behind me, everyone has to pass by me to get water.

Maybe it was because of the high pressure in the senior year of high school. During that time, we seemed to be angry with each other, and we both looked disgusting when we saw it.

That day he came to fetch water as usual. It happened that I had just returned to the classroom and saw that there was garbage under my seat. I asked the boy in front of me, and he immediately apologized and explained to me. In the middle of my words, he came over with a filled water glass, and without saying a word, he started arguing with the boy in front of me, and lost everything he had to say. The voices of both of them were very loud, which made the whole class look at us. After he left, the boy apologized to me several times. The girl next to me looked at him, then looked at me, and said something to another girl next to her. After I realized that he was speaking specifically for me, my face suddenly turned red, but my heart felt warm.

While getting along with my classmates, I always mentioned his name from time to time, especially in my second year of high school. As long as I speak, no matter what I say, I can relate to him. Gradually, although I never told my friend that I had someone I liked, she also knew the little secret I kept deep in my heart. At that time, I spoke about him completely subconsciously, without even realizing it. After a while, when I realized that I would always mention him, I consciously rarely mentioned his name. So the way I get along with my friends has changed from me telling her to listen to her telling me to listen.

I heard a saying before that when you can no longer hear another person's name from a person's mouth, it's not that you don't love her anymore, but that he is protecting her.

Maybe it is, or maybe there is too much uncertainty about the future. It is not that I have no confidence in him, but I have no confidence in myself.

I don’t know if it’s a girl’s sixth sense. Very early on, I could consciously or unconsciously detect who around me was interested in whom.

I went to the cafeteria to eat that morning and bumped into him and his good brother in the queue. When he saw me, his good brother kept coughing at him. He glanced at me and said to his brother in a dialect he didn't know where he came from: "Shut up!" At that moment, I knew that he was willing to tell others about the girl in his heart. I have liked him for more than three years, and I have never told anyone about it. Although I may have accidentally revealed the fact that I like him to my friends before, this secret love buried deep in my heart has always been buried.

During the final exam of the first semester of my senior year of high school, I turned from a cold to a fever, and my temperature once soared to 39. I still remember the first time I borrowed a thermometer from my classmate after the class meeting. He also didn’t believe that I had a fever. He also thought that the girls in the class were pretentious and ran to the infirmary at every turn. After the test came out, he ran to me with a shocked look on his face and hurriedly took me to find the teacher. After taking the medicine, the high fever still persisted, so I had no choice but to go home early. At that time, he and our other squad leader had been by my side. When we returned to our seats, he appeared to be more uncomfortable than me and said to me: "You have a fever. I feel that I am more uncomfortable than you." Let me go Before, he was temporarily assigned to other tasks and could not send me off. I still remember him holding a bunch of things in his hands, and then asking me with a worried look on his face: "When are you leaving?" I said, "I should leave soon." He sighed, carried a bunch of things, and then Walk out the door.

The winter vacation of the senior year of high school was extra long due to the epidemic. Under the leadership of the department director, our department did not need to take online classes. All we had to do every day was write papers, which was boring and boring. The frantic children could only rely on mobile phones to communicate. When the class teacher was holding a class meeting, messages popped up like crazy in the class group. I think there is a group in every class where the teacher is not present.

The winter vacation is very long and I miss him very much.

Since I met him, I have never actively added him, and he does not have my contact information.

The class group and his information card became the only ways for me to understand his activities. It was probably from then on that I got into the habit of looking at his information cards.

I entered his qq in the QQ search box skillfully. That day, his personality tag read "Famous women have their own owners, please do not flirt." I was still thinking about why I suddenly felt emotional.

Two days later, his personal signature changed to "Don't flirt when someone is with you", and his QQ signature also read "I don't need love, what I want is preference." It was also at that time that I realized that he was being chased by someone else again.

We are in the same class. Because of my liking for him, I will also become sensitive to the girls around him. In my opinion, there are only two or three girls in our class who like him, not counting me. What's more, he can get to know other girls in other classes, so there are even more people who like him. In the winter when I first met him, he liked to wear a pink top with a chinchilla pattern on the back. Once he happened to be walking in front of me, and I followed him silently as usual. At this time, some girls on the first floor passed by and blocked my way. "Isn't this the little brother Totoro? I really want to know what class he is in. I must be very happy to be in the same class with him!" the girls said. Only then did I realize that so many people had noticed him, and were jealous and thinking, "What about my Totoro brother? Your Totoro brother has someone, so don't make any crooked ideas!" That's when I realized: He must have been confessed quite a lot.

From now on, I am looking forward to him revising his signature. I am looking forward to it, but I am also afraid at the same time.

Waiting and watching, he changed the signature into a particularly sad sentence. I can’t remember exactly what it was. It seems to mean that this is a relationship that has no ending and it's time to end it. I was sad for several days after seeing this sentence, but I still couldn't help but want to open his information card. A few days before school started, I saw that his personal signature had been changed to "I still love you, what about you?" Seeing this, I almost jumped with joy. I saved a screenshot of this sentence on my phone that day, but the screenshot was only the first half, because I had no doubt about my liking for him. As of today, my Xixin sticker still has the words "Actually, it has never changed", which is a response to this sentence. It's just visible to yourself. Until the start of school, his personal visa did not change.

The moment I saw him at the beginning of school, I was pleasantly surprised and excited. Although we were separated due to class AB, I could always clearly capture his little movements every time he passed by the door and ran to this class.

Fortunately, in order to make classroom teaching more efficient, the two small classes were reunited, and he and I were able to see each other every day again.

After we rejoined the class, our focus was on study, and we basically did not leave our seats after class. As a result, we communicated less.

Soon, summer is here.

He is a person who is very afraid of heat. My seat is very close to the air conditioner, so I started to see him leaning towards the air conditioner during class. Next to the air conditioner, he felt like he wanted to get into it.

As usual, when I returned to my seat, I saw him standing upright next to the air conditioner. I pretended not to see him while I was minding my own business. Like a child, he had to move the cover of the air conditioner. After a while, I felt a gust of cool breeze coming. I looked up and saw that the air conditioner in his hand was whistling towards me. I quickly said to him: "Oh! , you lift it up!" He looked at me, smiled, and flipped the air conditioner cover simultaneously with his fingers. In fact, he just wants to attract the attention of the girl he likes!

During the period before the college entrance examination, he often played songs in the class, saying that he wanted to relax everyone's mind and body. It was also from his songs that I learned that he liked Taylor and regarded her as a goddess; he also liked Naiwan and thought she was very handsome. Two days before the college entrance examination, due to the arrangement of the examination room, we had to leave the teaching building and go to the library for self-study. The day before packing up, he played the song "Gardenia Blossoms" for the first time. He looked at me and said, "This song expresses my mood." I thought at that time, is it because this song is suitable for the graduation season? ? Following the melody, I sang along silently in my heart, until the phrase "It's hard to let go of you, shy girl, is like a burst of fragrance, lingering in my heart." Heartache, but even if we are reluctant to let go, we will eventually Still have to separate.

On the day I was packing up to leave after the college entrance examination, I secretly watched him in the library, where he was talking on the phone. This farewell, I don’t know when we can see each other again.

On the day I returned to school after getting my college entrance examination results, I peeked at him out of the corner of my eye and knew he looked up at me. The second time I went back to school, I didn't go.

If nothing else happens, that meeting should be the last time he and I still have each other in our hearts. When we meet again, maybe he will be holding her by his side, and I will have a loved one by my side.

This is an exclusive secret love that only belongs to him and me. Although we may have thought about giving up in the middle, neither of us thought about hurting the other. The process of this secret love was beautiful and sweet.

When my deskmate told me that she was in the same university as him, I looked at the score line of that university. It was great. I could have gone there too. Maybe this is God's will. He and I are destined to have no way to get together.

I have thought about what my future with him would be like a long time ago, and I have also imagined all the wonderful things we will have together. But I have compromised with reality more than once, we are not suitable. I once thought, if I also chose that university when I applied for a volunteer and entered the same school as him, would we really be together? Although I look forward to it, there is always a voice from deep in my heart telling me: You will not be together! Even if we are really in the same university, we should treat each other as strangers when we meet! In the same university, I have to see another girl beside him. For me, this is even more heartbreaking. From this point of view, it’s good not to be in the same school, right?

He is outgoing, lively, talkative, and can always talk to the people around him; I am introverted, slow-tempered, and often feel powerless against his occasional jokes. We've been together for less than three years, and we probably haven't communicated more than 50 sentences. The way I get along with him is through simple looks, and when he is making trouble, I am laughing.

The school organized a viewing of "The Climber" before. At that time, I felt that the hero and heroine were just like me and him. In the movie, the hero and heroine fell in love and stayed together for a long time in the end. I didn't expect that this would become me. and his reality.

One sentence I keep reading is: If a boy doesn’t take the initiative to find you, then he must not love you enough.

I have always had doubts about this.

Just like him and me, we have just entered college and both have longing for better people to appear around us. It cannot be said that the secret love in high school is child's play, but we are not mature enough to take responsibility.

Before entering college, I wrote him a letter, which described all the touches he brought to me. I said that I was very happy to like him, and I felt very lucky that I did. People can like themselves, no matter who she is standing next to him in the future, I hope he is happy, and I will be happy for him. However, this is a letter that I have never thought of sending and will never send.

Maybe it’s because of writing this memory that I dreamed of him again last night. In the dream, he finally made the confession to me that I had been waiting for so long. I know it's a dream, but I don't want to wake up. I would rather let myself sleep deeper and deeper. Some people say that if you dream about someone you haven't seen for a long time, it means that that person is forgetting you. Maybe that's true.

I originally thought that the story of me and him would take me a long time to write, but I didn’t expect that three years would be simply condensed into these words. I don’t know if I am too confident in myself, I was still too confident in reality, and finally lost to time. Regarding his memory, there are fewer and fewer images remaining in my mind. Maybe one day, when I think back to this young man, I can still remember the warmth he gave me, but I can never mention this man again. When we meet again many years later, we will simply say: "Long time no see."

I am very lucky. At my best age, I met a boy who looked at me all the time. Every time I think about it, I seem to still be able to see the shadow of the girl who is always giggling in his eyes. They say that if you like someone, no matter how hard you try to hide it, you can't hide it with your eyes. This boy told me with practical actions that this is true. I can clearly feel the loving look in his eyes when he looks at me, very warm.

The story between me and him is not long, but the process is very beautiful. Writing it down is a farewell to the past and an explanation for the present.

The story between him and me will probably never continue, but in any case, this is a two-way journey dedicated to student number 4 and 40!

Now, his personal signature is "The summer in Phuket never ends"

I want to say: "Our story is forever in love!"