Grandpa, I miss you.

"Grandpa passed away, and mom no longer has a father..."

This phone call from my mom was like a bolt from the blue, which was hard for me to accept. The grandpa in my memory was so strong. Why? Suddenly he just left.

The mother on the other end of the phone choked up. I knew that my mother was very sad at the moment, a hundred times more sad than me.

"Mom, what's wrong with grandpa? Why is it so sudden?" I tried to control my emotions and make myself less excited, but I didn't even notice that my voice was trembling when I spoke, and my eyes were shaking. I don’t know when the tears fell down.

"Stomach cancer was already in the advanced stage when it was discovered. Grandpa passed away peacefully. My only regret is that I didn't see you get married. Grandpa said he was very sorry for you."

Mom's Those words were like a knife stabbing into my heart. My grandpa loved me very much since I was a child, but I have never seen my grandpa since junior high school.

Actually, I miss my grandpa too, but for various reasons, I have never gone back to see my grandpa. I always said that I would go after a while when he is not so busy. But now, I have not even been able to see my grandpa for the last time. .

"I have never blamed grandpa. In fact, it is me who should say I am sorry..." I couldn't help but burst into tears...

I bought a train ticket that night Rushing to that familiar and loving place, Danzhou, Hainan, it was the place where I was born and the place where my grandfather gave me tons of love.

My grandfather retired from the army and was sent to Danzhou, Hainan for land reclamation and construction. In this barren land, my father was born, and he met a Hainan girl, and we got married and had children together. That Hainan girl was my dear mother, and that boy was who I would become.

I heard from my grandma that when my mother was eight months pregnant, I couldn’t wait to come into this world. I was born prematurely and was loved by all my grandparents. They all try their best to give me the best, and don't want me to suffer any injustice.

Sitting on the train to Danzhou, looking at the scenery passing by quickly outside the window, sporadic memories emerged in my mind. They were memories full of love in childhood. As time goes by, the memories gradually fade away. Eroded by time, only a tiny bit of profound memory remains.

My grandpa’s appearance gradually became blurry in my mind. I can no longer remember what my grandpa looked like. I remember that I was only 12 years old when I last saw my grandpa. However, I am now 22 years old, because For various reasons, I have not been back to visit my grandparents even once in ten years. It was because I was too unfilial.

I remember when I was a child, my grandpa always took me to play in his orchard. At that time, I was only 5 or 6 years old. When I saw the oranges hanging on the branches, I was very greedy and wanted to eat them. But it was out of reach. At this time, my grandpa would look at me with a smile on his face and pick me up so that I could reach the oranges on the branches.

When I looked at me eating sweet oranges with a satisfied smile, the expression on my grandpa’s face was even happier than mine. When I was a kid, I didn’t know why my grandpa could be so happy even when he watched me eating oranges. When I grew up, I realized that my grandpa’s full love for me was reflected in his smile. Maybe that’s when I started to like oranges.

However, one time, I was greedy and ate a lot of oranges when my grandparents were not paying attention. I didn’t know how many oranges I ate. That night I kept having diarrhea and severe stomach pain. He kept rolling on the bed.

My painful appearance frightened my grandparents. At that time, my parents went to Guangdong to work, and my grandparents’ home was quite far away from my grandparents’ home. (I lived with my grandparents for a while, and then went to live with my grandparents for a while.)

It rained heavily that night, and the farm was still red soil. It was extremely muddy after the rain, so my grandpa protected me. In his arms, he drove me to the hospital in the town on his tractor. After the injection, I finally felt less pain.

In the hazy state, I looked at the large patches of red mud on my grandfather’s trouser legs, and the clothes were mixed with the mud and rain. I was ignorant at the time and didn’t know what my grandfather had gone through.

When I was older, my grandma told me what happened that night. At that time, my grandpa covered me with a raincoat in order to protect me from the rain.

The rainy red soil was full of mud, especially muddy. That night, my grandfather’s walk-behind tractor got stuck in the mud. It took a lot of effort for my grandfather to drive the tractor out. In the process Grandpa fell down many times and was covered with rain and mud, but I didn't get wet at all.

When grandma said this, I was so moved that I couldn't help but shed tears. I ran over and hugged grandpa.

Grandpa just smiled, touched my head and said, "Silly boy, I am your grandpa, and I should love you. Just wait until you grow up and respect your grandpa." ”

Maybe grandpa was just talking about it at the time and didn’t think that I would be filial to grandpa. He just wanted me to live a good life and give me all his love.

However, I have always kept in mind that I must work hard to make money and be filial to my grandparents who love and love me. However, my grandpa did not wait for me and left me like this. I didn’t see my grandpa for the last time, not even the words: “Grandpa, I have never blamed you, I love you.” I didn’t have time to say it out, so grandpa left with a trace of regret.

I remember that there was a small river near my grandpa’s house. When I was a child, my grandpa often took me fishing. He was fishing quietly, and I was watching the fish caught by my grandpa. I accidentally fell into the river. Went, which frightened the grandpa on the side.

My grandpa jumped into the river and rescued me. Actually, I was fine at the time. I just choked on some water and was very frightened. Later, I became afraid of water and had nightmares for several nights.

After returning home that day, my grandpa talked about this. My grandma kept scolding my grandpa, saying that grandpa didn't think much of me. I, who was not sensible at the time, blamed my grandpa for this and ignored my grandpa for a long time. But I didn't notice the trace of guilt in the eyes of my grandfather when he looked at me. Maybe my grandfather has always been worried about it. In fact, I don't blame my grandfather anymore. After all, it was just me being playful at the time, and my grandfather gave me too much love.

However, before I could say this to my grandfather, I was about to leave.

My aunt who works in Guangdong wants to take my grandparents to Guangdong. My parents also want to take me with them. I originally wanted to take my grandparents with me, but my grandparents were unwilling and said they were on the farm. Once I got used to it, I didn’t want to leave, so my grandparents and I went to Guangdong, while my grandparents stayed in Danzhou.

I still remember that the day my grandparents left, their eyes were full of reluctance. I also cried and asked my grandparents to leave with me. They said they couldn’t leave and asked me to come back more often when I had time. After saying good, watching my grandparents' figures getting further and further away, I finally said, "Grandpa, I don't blame you anymore."

But grandpa didn't hear it, which became an eternal regret. Grandpa will never hear it again.

When I was 12 years old, I went back to visit my grandparents. As before, my grandparents loved me very much. They prepared a lot of delicious food for me and secretly stuffed me with a lot of money. I bought what I wanted to eat and play, and I gave it to my grandparents so that they could buy their own delicious food and pay attention to their health.

My grandparents thought that I could stay with them for a few more days, but I was busy studying and had to go back to Guangdong after two days. I never thought that this would be the last time I would see my grandpa. , but I had also forgotten that incident by the river, but my grandpa always remembered it.

On the way back, I opened my backpack and found that my grandparents quietly stuffed money into my backpack again.

When I was studying, every time I talked to my grandparents on the phone, they always asked me how I was doing and whether I was eating well. Then they were always worried that I would not eat well and sent me a lot of delicious food.

Later, when I got a job, he asked me if I had a girlfriend? He asked me when I would get married and said he could help me take care of the baby. The words were filled with concern for me. When I asked my grandparents how they were doing, they always said they were fine. They never mentioned that they were not feeling well, and just told me to go back and see them more often.

Because my grandpa suffered a stroke and suffered hemiplegia in recent years, I have been staying with him to help my grandma take care of him, but I have forgotten that I still have grandparents who love me and love me.

Every time my mother went back to visit my grandparents, I always missed it. I was really unfilial.

Memories emerged bit by bit, tears flowed down unknowingly, and tears streamed down my face.

After getting off the train and changing cars, I finally returned to this remote place full of loving memories. Everything seemed so familiar yet strange.

I met my grandma and found that she was much older, with dried tears on her face. Grandma, whom I hadn’t seen for many years, hugged me the moment she saw me and said that I had grown up so much. Duo, in her heart I will always be the child who never grows up.

"I'm sorry, grandma. It's because I'm unfilial. I never came back to see my grandpa and grandma. I didn't even see my grandpa for the last time." At this moment, I could finally release my emotions completely and burst into tears. .

"Silly boy, it's not your fault. Your grandpa is not in good health. You have to help take care of him. Grandpa and grandma are so far away. It's not convenient for you to come here. You are fine. Grandpa and grandma are just fine." I’m relieved and satisfied.”

“Why didn’t you tell me when grandpa was sick? It’s because I don’t care about you too much. It’s all my fault. I’m too unfilial.”

"Silly boy, grandpa said he didn't want you to worry. He said this day would come sooner or later. Go see your grandpa."

Grandma took me to see my grandpa. The body, this is the last time I see my grandpa. After today, my grandpa’s body will be sent for cremation.

"Grandma, actually I never blamed my grandpa. My mother told me that my grandpa was saying sorry to me before he left. In fact, I really didn't blame my grandpa. It was all me who was playful at that time. I really didn't Blame grandpa..."

"Good boy, if grandma knows, grandpa's spirit in heaven will also know." Grandma comforted me. I can feel grandma's sadness and pain. We have all lost the most. Important people.

Seeing my grandfather’s body lying there cold, my heart ached so much. The old man who loved me so much in my memory, those memories seemed like something that happened yesterday, gone in the blink of an eye. Two separated.

"Grandpa, I'm sorry, I'm late. I miss you so much. I don't blame you. I really don't blame you. You love me so much, how can I blame you? Grandpa, you Why don't you keep your word? Didn't you say you wanted to see me get married and have a baby? You also said you wanted to help me take care of the baby with my grandma..."

During those three hours, I talked a lot with my grandpa. It turned out that I always had a lot to say to my grandpa, but it was too late and my grandpa couldn't hear me.

After handling the funeral of my grandpa, I originally wanted to take my grandma to Guangdong, but my grandma was unwilling and said that she wanted to stay here. This place holds all the memories of her and grandpa. Grandma was unwilling and did not force it. Grandma, the most important thing is that she is happy. It will be good if I take more time to visit grandma in the future.

Back in Guangdong, when I came out of the train station, I saw a vendor selling oranges. I felt inexplicably nervous and walked up to buy oranges.

"Boss, are these oranges sweet?"

"It's sweet, you can try it. If it's not sweet, there's no charge." The vendor peeled off an orange and handed it to me. , I broke off a piece and put it in my mouth.

Chewing the orange in my mouth, I did not feel a trace of sweetness, but a trace of bitterness. It is not that the orange is not sweet, but it just lacks a trace of love for me. Looking at the sky , as if grandpa was looking at me, I murmured to myself: "Grandpa, I miss you."

"Weigh me two kilograms."

I don't care anymore I can no longer eat oranges as sweet as I remember...