Why do I understand less and less what I am doing? It's not that I'm confused, I just don't know what I've been doing all these years.

It means that you do not have a clear goal of your own, you have not set a goal for yourself, and you have lost your direction.

Anyone who does anything must have a direction and a goal, not do it in a hurry.

What you want to do, who you want to be, and what achievements you want to achieve are all your own thoughts.

Just implement it if you decide to do it. Living in a daze will eventually make you confused.