I have never been able to forgive my mother-in-law in my heart. What should I do?

To properly handle the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, we must first have a correct understanding of this interpersonal relationship. Both mother-in-law and daughter-in-law should recognize each other's independent personality and economic status, and their relationship is an equal interpersonal relationship, not a relationship in which one party must obey the domination and domination of the other. It is very important to realize this. If both parties or one party lacks a correct understanding of this relationship and thinks that the other party must or should obey and obey themselves, and thus regards this equal interpersonal relationship as a relationship of domination and obedience, it will inevitably be manifested in actions and attitudes. Lead to the imbalance between the two sides. Mutual respect between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law requires both sides to discuss things with the whole family, such as economic expenses and matters involving the whole family, and cultivate a democratic family style; Personal affairs should not interfere with each other, and individuals should enjoy "autonomy". As a daughter-in-law, you should respect your mother-in-law, because her mother-in-law is old and experienced as a housekeeper; A mother-in-law should not always put on airs in front of her daughter-in-law, but should see her strengths and respect her opinions. In other words, the two sides should cooperate and respect each other. After living together for many years, it is inevitable that some uncoordinated things will happen. At this time, it is even more necessary for both sides to understand each other. The so-called "understanding" is to consider the problem from the other side's standpoint. The principles of "put yourself in the other's shoes" and "don't do to others what you don't want others to do to you" advocated by our ancestors in dealing with interpersonal relationships all contain the idea of understanding, which is the "golden rule" in dealing with interpersonal relationships and is completely applicable to dealing with the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law.

To develop a good relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, both sides need to learn to understand and be considerate of each other. For example, when going to the garden on Sunday, the daughter-in-law should not only go with her husband and children, but also leave her in-laws at home so that her mother-in-law will not feel lonely. On the contrary, the daughter-in-law takes care of her husband more and her mother-in-law less, and her mother-in-law should be considerate. If both mother-in-law and daughter-in-law can put themselves in each other's shoes and understand each other when they get along, the contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law will not be great, but will develop as close as parent-child relationship.

Avoid quarreling.

When there are differences and contradictions between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, both sides should keep a cool head. Even if one party loses his temper, the other party should restrain his emotional reaction and wait until the other party's mood is calm before discussing and dealing with the existing problems. Psychology tells us that negative and strong emotions can easily make people lose their rationality and lead to the escalation of conflicts; There is also "inertia" in quarreling, that is, once there is a "war" over a trivial matter, there will be frequent quarrels in the future, and over time, prejudice will grow bigger and bigger. Therefore, when one party's emotional reaction is fierce, the other party should remain calm and silent, or look for opportunities to get out and avoid, and then exchange views and deal with problems after the situation subsides.

In addition, both mother-in-law and daughter-in-law have opinions on weekdays, and it is forbidden to talk with neighbors, colleagues or friends. There is a folk proverb in our country: "The more you donate, the less you donate and the more you get." . I'm talking about the bad influence of "passing words" in interpersonal relationships. If the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law are not in harmony, telling relatives and neighbors will spread beyond recognition, which will only aggravate the contradiction. As a mother-in-law, you should take a warning.

Material filial piety is combined with emotional communication.

As a daughter-in-law, to have a good relationship with her mother-in-law, besides material filial piety, she should also pay attention to emotional communication with her mother-in-law and eliminate psychological obstacles. Only timely psychological communication can shorten the psychological distance between the two sides. Therefore, a daughter-in-law should always ask her mother-in-law how she is warm and cold on weekdays. Whenever the elderly are unwell, they need careful care and psychological comfort.

Play the intermediary role of the son.

As mentioned above, the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is originally a new family interpersonal relationship formed by the extension of parent-child relationship and husband-wife relationship. Son plays the role of "intermediary" in the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. As the intermediary point of the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, the son knows the personality characteristics of both mother-in-law and daughter-in-law best. Therefore, sons play a very important intermediary role in dealing with the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. This function is mainly manifested in: ① sons can help mother-in-law and daughter-in-law communicate psychologically. The so-called "communication" is the psychological and emotional return between people. Through the communication between sons, it is easier for women to eliminate psychological barriers and enhance their feelings. For example, if there are any good things about her mother-in-law at home on weekdays, her son can invite his wife to come forward more, and her mother can buy something for her birthday and ask her to come forward and give it to the elderly. These strategies are conducive to emotional communication between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. (2) When the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law are in conflict, the son can play the role of counseling. Because the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law lack the kindness between mother and son. There is no sense of closeness between husband and wife, so it is often difficult to bridge the gap. Through the interaction of sons, psychological barriers can be eliminated and mother-in-law and daughter-in-law can be reconciled.