A little joke about a classic joke

In summer, the sun burned us out. At this time, we need to watch funny jokes to relax and let us shine in the sun. The following are the classic jokes I compiled for you. I hope you like them.

Excerpts from classic jokes

1. My sister and I went to Li Ning to buy shoes. My sister said, "Miss, how much are these shoes?"

2. In the past, others visited menstruation's house and just entered the door. It happened that my aunt was going to the bathroom. She quickly greeted the guests and said, "Sit down, sit down, I'll go to the toilet and pour you some tea!" " "

When I was in college, a classmate argued with me, and I was at a disadvantage for a while. In desperation, I got up and shouted: You talk nonsense, I'm not stupid! I spit in your face with shit.

When I was a child, popsicles and ice cream were usually sold by pushing bicycles. Once, I heard an aunt shouting in the house: New ice cream is selling well. (It is estimated that Auntie used to sell fried dough sticks. )

My colleague had a quarrel with someone and opened his mouth in a hurry. "Do you think I grew up eating?" I've always wondered what he grew up eating. "

6. Once a KTV ordered a song, a MM shouted: Give me a "Shuang Jie" with a stick every week.

7. One day, in the big forest, the fox was smoking marijuana. At this time, the little rabbit came from a distance and saw all this. He came up and said, Fox, how can you smoke marijuana? This is not good for your health. Look, how fresh the air is. Come and run with me. The fox thinks this is right, so he runs after the rabbit. They saw the elephant smoking heroin. The rabbit ran to the elephant and said, elephant, elephant, why are you taking drugs? Look how fresh the air is. Run with me. Elephants think it's right to run together. Running and running, I saw the lion roll up his sleeves and was about to inject heroin. Little rabbit shouted to the lion from a distance: lion, lion, taking drugs is not good for your health. Look how fresh the air is. Run with me.

8. I saw the lion put down the syringe and rushed over and beat the rabbit crazily. The elephant trembled and said to the lion, why did you hit the rabbit? He doesn't want us to hurt his health! The lion said: since the rabbit took ecstasy, he has asked me to run with him every day!

9. In summer, a giraffe met a rabbit. She proudly showed off her neck to the rabbit: ah, little rabbit, do you know how good the neck is? Do you know how sweet the top leaves are? Do you know the feeling of drinking water in summer? Cool water flowed slowly through her neck. The rabbit looked at her and only said, "Have you tried to throw up?"

10. Once my brother hit me, I got a pimple on my head. Later, my brother wanted to pack things, but he couldn't find his bag, so he took the bag on my head to pack things.

1 1. Once upon a time, there was a marshmallow that went to play with a ball for a long time. He said, I'm so tired. I think I'm getting soft.

12. Once upon a time, there were two snowmen. A snowman said, I am cold, and another snowman said, I am cold, too. The other said, let's hug, so they hugged each other. Guess what happened? Then they froze to death.

13. I didn't eat honestly when I was a child. In order to educate me, an old farmer said to me: 60 years of hard work, no food to eat, no snot and feces to throw away.

14. There is a rich man looking for a servant. The topic of the interview is going to the toilet. The rich man sent the first few out without washing their hands. Only one person washed his hands, so the rich man left him. But one day, the rich man found that he didn't wash his hands when he came out. The rich man asked him why. The servant replied, "I brought toilet paper today."

15. A man saw a big sale in a shop and walked in. "What do you want?" "I want to buy dog food." "We have a rule that you must prove that you have a dog." "Where is such a rule?" "This is the case with goods on sale." The man has been grinding with the salesman for a long time, but the salesman still refuses to sell it to him. There is no way. The man had to go home and bring the dog before buying dog food. A few days later, the man went to this store to buy cat food. "Give me two boxes of cat food." "We have a rule that you must prove that you have a cat." It was the same shop assistant, and the man dawdled with her for a long time and finally had to go home and take the cat to buy cat food. A few days later, the man came to the shop with a big cardboard box with a hole in it and found the salesman. "What can I do for you?" "Just put your hand in and you'll know." The salesman put his hand in: "What is it? Very sticky. " "I want to buy two rolls of toilet paper."

16. A man and a friend went to visit his grandmother. While he was talking to his grandmother, his friends began to eat peanuts on the coffee table and ate them all. When they left, his friend said to his grandmother, "Thank you for the peanuts." Grandma responded, "Oh! Hmm! Alas! Because all my teeth have fallen out, I can only suck out the chocolate. Old, cough. . .

17. Some people like the dish "Spicy vermicelli pot" very much. Once, he went to a restaurant and ordered this dish again. But the waiter told him that the dish was sold out. "Is it really sold out?" He asked in disappointment. "Sir, really sold out. You see, the last one was sold to the gentleman at that table. " The waiter replied. According to the waiter's instructions, the man saw a very decent gentleman sitting next to him. The gentleman's food has been eaten almost, but the "spicy vermicelli pot" is still full. The man thought that a gentleman had wasted delicious food, so he went up to the gentleman and pointed to the "spicy vermicelli pot" and politely asked, "Do you want more, sir?" The gentleman shook his head gracefully. So the man immediately sat down, picked up the spoon and wolfed it down. After a while, he swallowed half. Suddenly, he found a little mouse lying at the bottom of the casserole with all its hair. A burst of nausea, the man spit all the fans he had eaten back into the casserole. When he had a stomachache there, the gentleman looked at him sympathetically and said, "It's disgusting, isn't it?" I am like that. "

18. On this day, the hotel owner was patrolling the lobby. A beggar came forward and said, "Can the boss give me a toothpick?" The boss gave him one and sent it away. After a while, another beggar came to ask for a toothpick. The boss thought, why do beggars want toothpicks instead of rice now? I also gave him one to send away, not too old, and another beggar came. The boss said to him, "Are you here to get a toothpick, too?" The beggar said, "Someone threw up and I came late. The first two beggars ate everything they could, and now there is only soup left. " Can you give me a straw?

19. The boss and the second child are flying, and the second child is airsick and keeps vomiting. A bag is full, so the boss has to get it. When he came back, he found that the whole plane was vomiting. The boss asked the reason, and the second child said, "I think this bag is full, so I had to drink half of it and throw up."

20. A priest is playing golf and a nun is watching. The first shot missed. The priest scolded: "TMD, missed!" " Hit again, the priest scolded again: "TMD, missed again!" "The nun said," God will punish you for swearing as a priest. " As soon as the voice fell, I heard a thunder chop the nun to death. The priest wondered: Why am I the one who cursed? Why should I chop a nun to death? At this time, I only heard the voice of God from the sky: "TMD, I also missed!" " "

Classic jokes and jokes appreciation

1. My mother and I won the lottery together and went to a counter to receive the prize. The winner asked us whether we wanted twenty dollars or an apple. My mother and I thought, of course, to make money, we said it would cost twenty dollars. So the man took out a knife and cut the apple into twenty pieces?

2. A male teacher said angrily to a girl who was sleeping in class, "I'm so tired up there! You can't go there! If you don't cooperate, you won't even respond If there is nothing in your stomach in the future, don't blame the teacher! "

A three-year-old boy took the hand of a three-year-old girl and said, "I love you." The little girl said, "Can you be responsible for my future?" The little boy said, "Of course, we are not one or two years old!" "

My nephew likes roast duck very much. He wanted to eat roast duck today, but he didn't say anything. He said to me, "Uncle, if you don't eat roast duck in winter, you will freeze to death!" " ""why? "I was shocked." If you don't eat roast duck, you won't kill the duck. If you don't kill a duck, you won't pluck its feathers. Without duck feathers, you can't make a down jacket. Without down jackets, we will freeze to death. "

The two armies confronted each other in the valley, and the guard came in to report the enemy's situation: "Sir, the enemy reconnaissance plane is taking pictures of us." Sir: "Pass my orders? Don't laugh! "

6. Part-time job in the supermarket during the summer vacation. A guest came in and asked, "How much is that red plum?" "Four and a half dollars." "What shall we do?" "China is 45 dollars." He resolutely took out forty-five dollars. I respectfully handed in a pack of Chinese: "I knew it was the big boss at a glance!" " "He said impatiently," cut the crap and buy one for four and a half dollars! " "

7. I passed an early stall in the morning and heard a conversation with God. "Boss, a bowl of Regan Noodles, more onions, more peppers, more vinegar, more sesame sauce, more noodles." "Miss, just say you want two bowls!"

8. Once on the subway, an old man beside me stared at me for a long time and suddenly said to me, "Look at your face, young man, you should weigh 80 kilograms!" I was shocked at that time! I said, "Grandpa, you are so accurate. Can you help me look at this year's fortune again? " Grandpa replied, "Look at you! You stepped on my foot! "

9. I usually go home by bus after work, and one day I will take a taxi when I am in a hurry. After getting on the bus, the driver asked enthusiastically, "Do you listen to music?" I said, "Listen!" Then the driver sang all the way for me?

10. I passed an intersection that day and had a desire to fart. A man just got on a motorcycle, so I wanted to take this opportunity to hide my fart. I don't know. It's too noisy. The motorcyclist thought the engine had started and was about to leave. I was embarrassed that time.

1 1. The administrator is talking to a beautiful girl: "Sorry, we don't allow swimming here?" "Then why didn't you tell me before I undressed?" "We didn't ban undressing."

12. Xiaomei wrote down her wishes when she grew up in her composition book: first, she hoped to have a lovely child; Second, I also hope to have a husband who loves me. It turns out that the teacher wrote a comment: "Please pay attention to the order."

13. Who do you think is the most influential physicist? I wrote Newton. As a result, I was the only one in the class who failed. So everyone wrote the name of the tutor? Kao, what world is it? !

14. The butterfly said to the bee, "You are so stingy. You pretend to be full of sweet words, but you won't give me a word. " The bee said, "Hum! Still talking about me, you have two long antennas on your head, why don't you send me a text message? "

15. A parrot was taught to speak: "I can walk." Parrot: "I can walk." A: "I can talk." Parrot: "I can talk." A: "I can fly." Parrot: "Don't be ridiculous."

16. In the middle of the night, George W. Bush saw bin Laden standing in front of his bed, criticizing his head and distributing it. Bush was frightened and said, "How dare you break into the White House at night!" Bin Laden shook his chest-high beard, smiled darkly and said, "It's so confident to be soft!" " "

17. The parturient is about to give birth, and relatives and friends are anxiously waiting outside the delivery room. The nurse finally carried the baby out and everyone swarmed. "Is it a boy or a girl?" Fathers are most concerned about this problem. He couldn't wait to reach into his swaddling clothes and grope for it, then shouted happily, "It's a boy! It's a boy! " "What boy?" The nurse scolded angrily, "Let go of my finger!"

18. Teacher: "Xiao Xin, your problem is the improper use of words. Now I will test you and use an idiom to describe the teacher's happiness. " Xiao Xin: "Laugh at Jiuquan."

19. The fish said, "I kept my eyes open to leave you." The water said, "I have been flowing tirelessly all day and want to hug you." The pot said, "It's almost fucking ripe and still so poor."

20. In a military performance, a shell deviated far away. The soldiers sent to inspect found that the shells landed in the farmland, and there stood a farmer in Tanaka, his clothes were torn and his face was dark. With tears in his eyes, he said, "Just stole a few cabbages. Is it worth shelling?"

A selection of classic jokes and jokes

1. A hen laid a huge egg, and a reporter came to interview. The hen was shy and silent, so she had to interview the rooster. The cock rolled up his sleeves. I won't comment on this matter at present, until I catch the ostrich!

2. A man swallowed an artificial eye by mistake and finally got stuck in the anus, so he went to the hospital. The doctor saw it and fainted on the spot. When he woke up, he said, I've been watching my ass all my life, but I didn't expect to be seen by my ass in the end.

3. Henan Eva asked Henan Mom, "How does ABCDEFG make a sentence?" Henan mother: "A, this B child is from C family? Standing barefoot on D, EF does not wear, GG is still exposed! " Haha?

When a person always farts in the office, his colleagues can't help but say, "Can you keep quiet?" Then I saw him sitting there rocking. Colleagues asked, "What for?" Answer: "I set it to vibrate."

I heard from a friend that a boy with low emotional intelligence finally met a girl he liked in college, and they just started dating. Once a girl was ill, and a boy accompanied her to the infirmary for intravenous drip. Ten minutes passed, twenty minutes passed, and nothing happened. Thinking of breaking the silence, the boy asked, "Is it cold?" "cold" and "cold, I'll cover you?" The girl blushed and whispered "OK". The boy got up? Cover the drip bottle with your hand.

6. When I was a child, I always bullied my sister because of my age. One night, my father came to tuck us in and suddenly found my three-year-old sister sitting in the dark watching me sleep! "Why don't you sleep?" Dad asked. My sister quickly said, "Shh! Keep your voice down and hit her when she falls asleep! "

7. I have a classmate who is a disciple and feels a little possessed. School should do morning exercises in the morning, and he thinks that teachers must also get up early to do exercises, otherwise it is unfair. So I went directly to consult with the principal. The headmaster paused and said, "Where are you from?" My classmate said affectionately, "I was sent by God to save you." Principal:?

8. This person is hard of hearing as soon as he gets old. I remember when I was a child at my grandmother's house, one morning my grandfather was going fishing and met the old man next door as soon as he went out. The old man said to my grandfather, "Go fishing!" My grandfather said, "No! I'm going fishing. " Then the old man said, "Oh, I thought you were going fishing?" I was stunned.

9. Take my wife for a checkup in the morning. After blood drawing: Nurse: "Come and get the checklist on the 32nd." Wife: "1 month 32 or February 30." Me (weak): "February 1st" Nurse (Khan): "Yes! Yes! Yes! "

10. I flew a few days ago and found a beautiful woman sitting next to me. According to the principle of chatting up, I blurted out, "Where did you get off?"

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