It is often said that people who can't "talk" are the most likely to offend people. Do you agree? How to change it?

Thank you for your accommodating questions. Let me answer them:

I think: everything is not absolute, it depends on the situation. Being unable to speak is limited to people who don't fully understand your personality or have a negative influence in public. However, among those who are familiar with your personality and used to your existence, people who can't speak will not be taboo, because everyone knows that you are not bad in nature and will not take anything wrong to heart. People who are close to you are even good at understanding and interpreting other related information such as their good feelings. Such as lunatics, patients, mental retardation, Alzheimer's disease, people with low education, children, etc ... For those who don't know, it is naturally incomprehensible. On the contrary, taboos are completely meaningless.

On the other hand, we must be strict with what we can say in public, and every word can't be wrong, otherwise it will cause a sensation in the oil pan. There are also many phenomena in reality, and we can't give one example after another. That's the short answer, thank you!

Every one of us, living in this world, expresses all our meanings through words in our daily life and work, communication with friends, and communication with parents, relatives and children at home. It takes us a long year to learn to speak, but it takes us a lifetime to speak well, clearly and clearly, that is to say, we are still learning to speak well every day.

It was not easy for our parents to bring us up with hardships. When we grow old with our parents, we should take good care of their food, clothing, housing and transportation. More importantly, when talking with parents, parents can feel the warm language of their children. If it is only a guarantee for parents' life and there is less language communication, parents may not feel happy in their later years. Therefore, enjoying parents is more about comforting with warm language.

When talking and communicating with your lover, you need to speak in a tone of mutual respect and consultation, so that both of you can feel the warmth of knowing how to communicate with each other. When you talk to your child, you should speak carefully and slowly, so that the child can understand all the parents' meanings. Parents and children must communicate in a delicate way, let children know everything about their children and guide them to grow up correctly!

You must master certain skills in speaking. You must speak slowly and clearly in urgent matters, so that the other party can understand the situation clearly and speak humorously, that is, solve problems and get along well.

If you are not sure, be careful or not. It's hard to take it back. In particular, never say anything hurtful. If you speak too fast, you will regret it!

In the workplace and negotiation occasions, if you can look at the projects you can't win, you can show your negotiation skills and art at the moment when you are glib. When you help some divorced or quarreling couples and help them communicate, you can turn the divorced couples into mediation experts and talk again.

Sometimes, when you are jealous of others, if you talk glibly and slander others, then you will vent your anger, but you will never be able to recover the previous foreshadowing, no matter how much you regret it, it will be too late. Therefore, when you are in a bad mood, angry, or angry, resolutely control your mouth, leaving three points on the tip of your tongue and three points for future generations. This is philosophy.

Finally,

Learning to speak is an art, a knowledge and a manifestation of character and morality. Everyone should learn to speak well, make it clear, stick to the bottom line of speaking, do not offend people, and leave a sky for their own lives!

It is recognized that words are the axe of happiness and the sword of hurting people. Good words are warm in three winters, but lovers talk in June. If you have something to say, learn to speak.

It varies from person to person, so speak flexibly, and be careful when talking to strangers and people you don't know, because you don't know each other's personality and preferences. Maybe a word you accidentally say, or a joke, may hurt each other.

Yesterday, I made such a mistake. Chatting with a fan, getting carried away with joy. I played a little joke. The other party said that when I grew up, I found a Mr. Feng Shui to change my name. I casually said: Why are you so superstitious? You have to find someone to change your name, just like a child. As a result, the other party flew into a rage and scolded me like a dog. After scolding, they immediately hacked me, alas! Because I can't talk, I hurt others' self-esteem and lost another fan. This is the price of not being able to talk. If I praise the other person, then the other person is likely to be in high spirits, and both of them will be happy in the end.

Actually, I really can't talk. I often offend people because of one sentence, which may be related to my personality. I don't like flattering others. I speak frankly and don't beat around the bush. It is a typical straightforward character of northern men, so it is easy to suffer.

But I will pay attention to slowly changing my attitude and tone of voice in the future. I will try my best to think and answer questions from the other side's position. Speaking is an art as well as a science. Let's learn to talk well together and have something to say.

This is the art of speaking. I'll get it.

First, the opportunity and environment to speak.

As the saying goes, a bosom friend has a thousand glasses of wine, but a lover has half a sentence. A good word warms three winters, and a bad word hurts June. How important is the timing and art of speaking. A good word can make people feel happy, such as a spring breeze. If you say it badly, it will make people extremely disgusted, especially hurting people's hearts, offending friends and sometimes even killing people. There is an allusion to talking without talking. Two different endings make people feel deeply.

After Zhu Yuanzhang became emperor, one day his childhood friend came to see him. Zhu Yuanzhang wanted to meet his old friend very much, but he was afraid that he would tell something disgraceful before, so he hesitated and let it go. As soon as the man entered the hall, he bowed down with a big gift and shouted long live! "Long live your Excellency," he said. "In those days, with the driver swept Luzhou Prefecture, Hong Haier was a soldier, thanks to General Cai. Zhu Yuanzhang was very happy after listening to his words and rewarded his old friend with many rewards.

As soon as the news came out, another cowherd came to your door. When he saw Zhu Yuanzhang, he was very excited and said on the golden palace, "Long live, don't you remember?" At that time, we were both herding cattle. Once in the reeds, we boiled the stolen beans in a crock. Before they were cooked, everyone scrambled to eat them, broke the crock, spilled the beans all over the floor and spilled the soup in the mud. You just grabbed the beans from the ground to eat, and the red root got stuck in your throat, or my idea is to let you swallow them with a handful of vegetables first and then bring them into your stomach. This description made Zhu Yuanzhang angry and annoyed in front of civil and military officials, so he had to pull it out and behead it.

This is the importance of saying and not saying, and what to say in what field.

Second, don't be too blunt and rigid, but be tactful and implicit.

Some people talk old-fashioned, commonly known as big talk. Your intention is not bad, but others sound uncomfortable. For example, in the service industry, a customer takes a fancy to a very expensive commodity and visually observes that he does not have purchasing power. You can't say "this is expensive, you are afraid you can't afford it". This trip will definitely hurt people and even cause verbal conflicts. But another way is to say to him politely, "Sir, do you need this item?" This is not much in stock. You might as well compare it with another similar product with better cost performance. "... is also to express a purpose, and the latter's refusal is very effective. How similar you will encounter in life requires clever euphemism.

Third, don't talk, try not to talk and listen more.

If you can't talk, talk as little as possible. It's best not to talk, but to listen. This can avoid embarrassment, and at the same time make others feel that they are very shrewd and respected with a letter to support them. Listening to others, Bunsen respects others, at the same time, he can see clearly the purpose of his expression and protect himself well. So is being an audience.

I agree!

I often think too little before I speak and speak frankly. I meant well, but it backfired. I can't step in, my head pops out when it gets hot, which is easy to offend people and make people unhappy. People who know you well will not be angry, but people who don't know you will be angry.

Talking is a university question.

If the other person knows you well and recognizes you, he will listen to everything he says.

And what to say to everyone.

Yes, they are the last to "talk" to offend people, because such people like to expose people's scars and say things that others don't like to hear. The same sentence sounds good when someone says it, but it tastes bad when put in his mouth. It's not difficult to correct it, so you should be tactful or point out other people's mistakes in a funny way, and don't mention which pot doesn't open. Talking kindly does not necessarily offend people.

There is a cloud in the old saying; Keep a promise, keep a promise!

A kind word warms three winters! Bad words in June hurt people!

It can be seen that speaking is an art, and the tone in daily conversation sometimes offends people intentionally or unintentionally, and the attitude of speaking also reflects personal qualities. My aunt also thinks that she is outspoken and sometimes offends people. Sometimes she really wants to learn to speak well, but her temperament is so helpless. Although it changes with the years, sometimes she will be very anxious and speak loudly. Once talking to my daughter-in-law, my three-year-old granddaughter said, "Don't make any noise. My granddaughter thought grandma and his mother had quarreled! Fortunately, the daughter-in-law explained to him: grandma is talking to her mother, not quarreling! In fact, the little granddaughter thought that grandma was talking to her mother and ignored him, protesting! Laugh and cry [cover your face]

I really envy those who talk in the gentle breeze and drizzle. It seems that my aunt should also practice hard and strive to be a good person, do a good job and talk well in the years to come!

Telling the truth is the easiest way to offend people!

I am a monk, because I am a full-time undergraduate majoring in horticulture. However, I later worked as the director of the Judicial Bureau for fifteen years and the director of the Legislative Affairs Office for three years (during the division adjustment, I worked as the deputy director and notary of the Municipal Notary Office for ten months) until I retired early. This is the result of my self-study of law before graduation, and my career change after passing the 88-year bar exam. During my eighteen years in office, I played an important role as a "government public lawyer and legal adviser".

Because of this role, I often have the honor to attend the Standing Committee of the government or the Standing Committee of the Party Committee to discuss and deal with major issues. Most people from other bureaus attend the hearing, but I, as a legal adviser, should express my views and opinions on the matters discussed for the reference of the Standing Committee or the Standing Committee when making decisions. Do you think I can't talk, I can't tell the truth, or I just beat around the bush and kiss up? I can't do it!

However, all the major issues that need to be discussed are unresolved and no consensus has been reached. Although my views are not "insightful", they are often adopted in decision-making. But I know that every time I make a statement, I may disagree with the opinions of a few leaders in the decision-making circle. I dare not speculate on the feelings of these leaders at the moment, but I can realize that I have offended another group of people! Over the years, the more meetings I attended, the more people I offended. Today I offended Zhang San, tomorrow I offended Wang Wu and the day after tomorrow I offended Li Si. Slowly, I will definitely offend all the members of several major teams. Perhaps, not all leaders are chicken intestines as I imagined, but it does not rule out that we really have hobbies.

Over time, a friend told me: Do you know why you have been stuck in the same rank for 18 years? That's because you are too serious {too bad at "talking"}-telling the truth is even more offensive!

Dear friend, do you think this is a warning?

Yes, that's right, I have a deep understanding. My old lady is such a person. She always wants to give away the delicious food at home. Give it away. She can't speak yet. What did she say? No one in our family eats, doesn't like eating, and can't eat. God, you might as well pick it up on the street. Can people accept it? What your family doesn't eat, give it to others, who are you? Every time the old lady talks like this, I always sweat. These are all good things that we pick and choose, and they are good things that we are very good at. In fact, what the old man means is that we can't finish eating so many good things. Let me give you some to taste. That's what he meant.

I often advise the old lady that you can give something away, but don't call it garbage. You should think it over and don't talk nonsense. All the bad things in the house are thrown away, and if you don't eat them, you will never give them away. As the saying goes, don't do to others what you don't want them to do to you.

Some old people are old-fashioned and don't like what they say. If we were alive,

Don't worry when you meet them. In fact, they mean no harm.

It's really easy to offend people if you can't talk. I couldn't agree more! Because everyone knows that "a good word warms three winters, and a bad word hurts people in June."

People who can't speak say that they are straightforward and ugly. Sometimes others also vindicate him, saying that he is "knife mouth and tofu heart." In fact, if you think about it carefully, it is not only a question of speaking skills, but also reflects that this person is simple and superficial to some extent. When something happens, you may think of one thing as another, bumping into the east and west at once, unstable and immature. People don't like to associate with such people. He may be very happy now and think you are not good. You are the best person in the world. If you are unhappy for a while, you may think that you are hopelessly bad. You are the biggest villain in the world.

In fact, I think the word "private" is more serious because of the ideological roots of this straight man. Because he only talks about himself happily, no matter what others hear! Even if you get by, you don't even know how to respect others, expose their scars, poke their pain, and even make fun of their pain. A little hateful!

What is more sad is that such people don't think this is a shortcoming at all, but always think it is an advantage. I said I was straightforward, careless and not calculating. Yes! He may not be good at calculating people, but he is often used by people who can calculate people, using him as a gun and saying what others want to say but fail to pass him. People don't get sinners, let them get sinners. Do you think he is a fool? !

This so-called straight-tempered person is very annoying. People don't want to get along with him at all, even look down on him and hate him to some extent! If we don't change his situation, he will have fewer and fewer friends.

If such a so-called outspoken person wants to change himself, he must realize from the bottom of his heart that this is a particularly selfish performance! Don't just talk about yourself, think about the consequences when you say it! Give yourself a pause button and learn to put yourself in the other person's shoes: if you are the other person, how will you feel after hearing this sentence? You must learn to control your mouth and don't say it easily! Swallow the words back to your mouth, chew them carefully, look at the environment, the occasion and the object, and then decide whether to say them! Especially when you are emotional, you should control your mouth. I'd rather not say it than say it wrong! It might be better to take your time. Learn from your mistakes! You are old and not a sinner. Do you have a bad memory? Otherwise, you will lose many friends. It is difficult to get along with yourself in society. I sincerely hope that everyone can respect each other and live in harmony! Treat each other with sincerity, treat each other with sincerity!