What harm does parents yelling and scolding do to their children?

As a father, I can very well understand the helplessness one feels when a child is confused. When all the good words have been said and all methods have been exhausted, the child still falls to the ground and rolls around, and yelling may be the last resort. But yelling out of necessity can do more harm to your children than you think.

① "Yelling at children" will affect their brain development

Martin A. Teicher, associate professor of psychiatry at Harvard University, believes that parents "yelling" at their children for a long time will change the development of their children's brains. thus affecting their intelligence.

Martin A. Teicher's team analyzed the brains of many people who had been "yelled and abused by their parents" as children and found that the "Wernicke's area" and "prefrontal lobes" in their brains were more connected. few.

According to Professor Martin A. Teicher’s explanation: Wernicke’s area in the human brain is the area mainly responsible for understanding spoken language. Children whose parents were yelled at for a long time had significantly fewer connections between the "Wernicke's area" and "prefrontal lobes" of the brain. The implication is that these children have poor language expression skills and have not reached their potential.

At her daughter’s parent-teacher conference, the teacher played an educational short film titled “How Much Damage Can Words Cause?” In the short film, most of the children who had been scolded by their parents as "useless, useless, disgraceful, and pig-brained" ended up committing crimes at a young age and went to jail.

② Lack of security can even affect personality

For most parents, yelling and scolding their children seems to be out of necessity. Even though there are countless reasons for yelling and scolding their children, For children, being yelled at is "completely confusing."

If you observe carefully, those children who have been yelled at by their parents for a long time often have a sense of insecurity inside, and their personalities are often cowardly and unconfident. You may have been "pleasing" others your whole life, but you have never "pleased" yourself.

As the saying goes: "Happy people use their childhood to heal their lives, and unfortunate people use their lives to heal their childhood." Some studies have found that children who have been yelled at by their parents for a long time in childhood have an average level of subjective well-being that is much lower than that of their peers.

When parents are angry, stop saying these 3 sentences to their children

The first sentence: Don’t cry, if you cry again I won’t want you anymore

Be a child Crying at every turn. When the crying is not over, many parents find it difficult to have the patience to coax them. They often roar like a lion in Hedong: "Why are you crying? Don't cry. Shut up. If you continue to cry, I won't want you anymore." ..."

After the parents finish speaking, most children will cry even more sadly, as if to say: "I am already very sad, but my mother is still cruel to me, does she not love me anymore?"

Suppose you were labeled by your parents as a crybaby and not good enough. How would you feel?

Second sentence: How many times have I said it! Don’t you have eyes/ears/brains?

My daughter is very procrastinating when doing things, especially when washing up every night. She won’t move even if I don’t urge her 800 times! One day, after Wenwen's mother shouted twice and still didn't move, she yelled: "How many times have I shouted, come and brush your teeth? Are you deaf?"

Hearing her mother's roar , Wenwen burst into tears. It seems to be saying: "I just brushed my teeth late, why did my mother call me deaf?"

What will happen if a child is yelled at by his parents for a long time, is often not allowed, and is "personally attacked"? How about that?

The third sentence: Not sensible at all, not as good as your brother

After the birth of the second child in my brother’s family, the eldest child became even more clingy: when the second child was breastfeeding, the eldest child also They need to eat; the eldest child wears diapers, so the eldest child also wears diapers; when the second child sleeps, the eldest child makes noises from time to time.

One time, my sister-in-law couldn't hold back and yelled at the boss: "What's wrong with you? You're not sensible at all! It's better for your brother to worry less!".

After listening to my mother's yelling and scolding, the boss cried sadly, and seemed to say: "With my younger brother, my mother no longer loves me..." Suppose you are the one who has not loved me for a long time. How would you feel if your parents saw you as the "boss"?

How should a mother yell at her child when faced with a "bear"?

In fact, for most parents, they feel a deep sense of frustration after their children yell hysterically.

When faced with their children’s “bears”, how should parents yell correctly so that their children can be convinced?

01. Yell at your children, and don’t label them.

Parents are also first-time parents, and they have to learn how to get along with their children! When parents are angry, they often speak indiscriminately and unconsciously label their children with various labels, such as crying, selfish, embarrassing, etc.

But for children, these labels placed by parents when they are angry are like sharp blades, piercing deeply into their hearts.

So, when parents are angry, whether they criticize their children or yell at them! Be sure to truthfully describe your child's behavior, consequences, and your own feelings. In short, it’s not the right thing to do to the person! Let the child know that there is a problem with his behavior, not with him.

02. Do not hold grudges, do not compete, and do not settle old scores.

In a good parent-child relationship, the mother must not hold grudges, do not compete, and do not settle old scores. My mother is actually a person who loves to settle old scores.

Once, I was sick, and my mother was concerned but also scolded me: I told you to wear more clothes, but you didn’t believe me; I told you not to play in the water, but you didn’t listen; now you have a cold and a fever, okay, you deserve it. You suffer!

Every time I hear my mother say this, I will ask in my heart: I obviously have a cold, why does my mother still blame me?

When parents get along with their children, parents must also "not settle old scores." Otherwise, they will only arouse conflicts and fail to deal with the problems at hand well.

03. When yelling and scolding children, distinguish the occasion

When parents yell and scold their children, they also need to distinguish the occasion. In public places, avoid yelling and scolding children. After all, children also have self-esteem, especially in crowded situations. When they are scolded by their parents, they will feel that they have lost their self-esteem and want to confront their parents.

So, when a child behaves like a bear in public, parents should take the child away from the scene immediately to protect the child's self-esteem and not yell at the child in public.

In short, the purpose of parents yelling at their children is never to regulate their children's behavior. When parents are angry, they should pay attention to saying less of the above three sentences to avoid causing harm to their children.

Interactive topic: Have you ever yelled at your children? Or have you ever been yelled at? You might as well leave a message at the bottom and tell us.