Is it a good thing that children are too obedient?

Is it a good thing that children are too obedient?

Is it a good thing that children are too obedient? In life, many parents want their children to be obedient, because children are obedient and parents will be much more relaxed. In fact, sometimes children have to be a little tempered and too obedient, which is not necessarily good. Is being too obedient a good thing?

Is it a good thing for children who are too obedient? 1 You really can't stand children being "too obedient"? Sometimes, some things, in the end is the silent love between relatives, or the larger foe with children? Parents' love and dedication must be for their children, okay?

"I gave birth to you and raised you. You must listen to me. "

I often hear these words in my life:

"Mom lives for you now, otherwise what's the point?"

"If it weren't for you, I would have divorced your father."

"You are our only hope. Your father and I depend on you ..."

These parents regard their children as the whole value of life.

I hope my children are safe and healthy, and I hope they live under my protection. I have planned the children's lives in great detail and expect them to obey absolutely.

It seems that they are not raising an independent person, but creating a "obedient and excellent" "machine".

In the latest season of Wonderful Congress, Wu Zhihong, a psychological consultant, told a story:

A girl and her boyfriend have been in love for more than half a year and didn't tell her mother, so her mother strongly opposed them being together.

She couldn't accept that her daughter's love affair had not been "audited" by herself, and she used both hard and soft methods, and finally let her daughter break up with her boyfriend.

But since then, my daughter has never returned home.

She left her mother to fight for her independence.

Wu Zhihong felt that her independence was tragic. He said that the word "obedient" is very problematic.

"From birth, parents help their children decide what to do when they grow up, but they never ask their children what they want to do."

Many times, parents turn their home into a "hurtful" place without realizing it at all, so that children just want to escape.

Many parents often use "parents are here, don't travel far" to "tie up their children".

But the second half of the sentence was ignored: "You must travel well".

"If a person has a clear goal, he can go out and work hard, but he must tell his parents where he is going and don't let them worry."

True filial piety and love never require anyone to sacrifice themselves to fulfill others, even parents and children.

"I love you very much, but I am responsible for my own life." This is not selfishness, but purer and more dignified love.

Ji Bolun has a poem:

"Your child is not your child.

They are children born of life's desire for themselves.

They came into this world with your help, not because of you; They are by your side, but they don't belong to you. "

No matter how close two people are, they are still "two people".

In this world, only parents love to leave.

Huang Lei mentioned at the "Little Separation" conference:

"Life is separation and reunion again and again. All the love in the world is for reunion, only the love of parents is for children to travel.

The most common things in this world are: the love of parents and the affection of children.

Parents should think from the children's point of view, and don't be selfish parents.

Love too much is selfish love. That kind of love hurts more than hate. "

There is an episode in the Taiwanese drama Your Child Is Not Your Child, which tells the story of a single mother placing all her hopes on her son.

By chance, she got a remote control that can control her child's life.

So every time her son did something that didn't suit her, she pressed the remote control and asked time to go back to let him "correct his mistake".

Food, clothing, housing, daily life, test scores, and even love, if you are slightly dissatisfied, you must start over.

The son couldn't bear to commit suicide, only to find that he couldn't even "die" as long as his mother turned back the day before.

Such a distorted mother-child relationship is indeed "more terrible than hatred."

The fundamental reason is that parents are completely unaware that children are not an "object" that can be dominated by themselves, nor are they their "dominators". Just stay with them for a while when they can't stand against the world on their own.

Between parents and children, separation and letting go are eternal themes:

At the moment of birth, the child leaves his mother; After school, every day is a temporary separation; Going to college is a longer parting;

Later, I worked, established my own family, had my own children ... and left my parents and home completely.

No matter how reluctant and unbearable, these separations are irresistible, and no one wants to raise a "giant baby". Parting is a compulsory course in life.

Because parents can't accompany their children for life, and only in this way can children grow into an independent person.

Besides, being apart doesn't mean not loving. "One of the highest forms of maternal love is to set children free."

In "Mo Wen West East", Shen Guangyao, who was born in a famous family, achieved excellent results and outstanding ability.

Originally, he could rely on the blessings of his family to have food and clothing all his life; But for his inner pursuit, he went to The National SouthWest Associated University.

When mother heard that he wanted to join the army, she only said this sentence:

"We think you can enjoy the fun of life, such as reading thousands of books and taking Wan Li Road, such as marrying a girl you like and having children.

Be careful not to add children to me, but to yourself, so that you can enjoy being a parent.

There is nothing in your life that your ancestors have never experienced. Those are just illusions of life.

I'm afraid you'll die before you figure out how to live. "

In the end, Shen Guangyao chose to abandon his pen to join the army and give his life for his ideal.

In the face of children who disagree with themselves, mothers don't "cry, make trouble and hang themselves", but try their best to retain and persuade them.

Maybe it's just for the phrase "I want you to enjoy life".

Parents can be selfish.

Sometimes, watching some parents "break their hearts" for their children, they can't help but sigh that "the family is poor."

But many times, these loves will become a burden to children and make parents lose themselves.

In My Boy, zhuyuchen's mother said to herself, "I have treated my son all my life."

Her love is "shocking": get up at four o'clock every morning and stew pear juice for her son for ten years;

My son went out to film, followed him everywhere and cooked for him with a small induction cooker.

Interfering with my son's every love affair requires my future daughter-in-law to have a "good wife and mother" ...

All her time is around her son, as if this is the only meaning of her life.

Sadly, she tried to play the role of "mother", but it was difficult for most people to understand.

Zhuyuchen's loneliness in the program and her desire for companionship are beyond her reach.

Not knowing how to let go eventually caused the "imperfection" of two people.

The film Tully tells the daily chores of a mother with three children.

The heroine was beautiful, smart and confident when she was young.

After becoming a mother, I feed my baby every day, send my child to school and worry about everything at home. Life seems to be fading away.

She insists on breastfeeding, takes care of the children by herself, never asks a nanny ... and tries to be a qualified and perfect mother.

What she got was an increasingly deformed figure and a little lost self-confidence. Looking at herself in the mirror, she has no one to complain about, but life is still urgent.

Even she felt that "all the knowledge she learned when she was young was wasted after giving birth to three children."

This bad state lasted until Tally, the night nanny, arrived: she could handle the housework perfectly and take care of the children; She told the hostess that married women can also go to bars for parties. ...

In fact, "Tully" doesn't exist, she just exists in the imagination of the hostess herself.

She is too eager to have her own time.

In the traditional concept, the word "parents" is too heavy.

People often forget that they have their own lives besides their parents.

An old couple in Heilongjiang spent all their savings to buy two dilapidated small buildings and transform them into "luxury houses". The monthly pension of 20,000 yuan is also used to enjoy life.

They made it clear that they would not leave their savings to their children.

In Please Answer 1988, Dong Long's mother has a monologue:

I have been called Mother Donglong and Mother Dalong all my life. I'm very unhappy about it. My name is Zhao Xiuxiang.

Compared with the other three stay-at-home mothers in the play, this "Zhao Nvshi" really doesn't take care of her children.

Because she has her own job, she can't stay with her children all the time.

But her child proudly told a friend, "My mother is different from your mother. She has her own job. "

Parents' love is selfless, but sometimes, moderate "selfishness" is not only to let go of children, but also to fulfill themselves.

A slot value reader said that her mother once told her very handsomely:

"You know, although I gave birth to you, you are you and I am me.

The money I earn is mine. It's my pleasure to support you with it, but it doesn't mean it's yours.

In fact, you have nothing. You can earn whatever you want. "

Children are like arrows, parents are like bows.

The bow stretches with all its strength, and finally only for the arrow to fly further.

However, the courage of the arrow needs not only the strength of the bow, but also the release of the string at that moment.

Love is never just about giving and sacrificing.

Is being too obedient a good thing? Many parents think that it is good for their children to be obedient, but have parents considered whether it is bad for their children to be too obedient? Especially recently, with the growth of children, I found that they are reluctant to talk to us, especially they will do whatever they say to us, but they are often introverted and unwilling to joke with us.

Compared with other children, I feel that my children are often more introverted. Is this too obedient, causing children to be unwilling to tell their parents a lot of things? This is also the first time I realized that it is also a bad thing for children to be too obedient.

1. What is the reason behind children being too obedient?

1, parents are stronger.

Generally, parents are strong, and children's opinions cannot be taken seriously, so they can only listen to their parents' arrangements. Slowly, children will not resist their parents' opinions, nor will they make suggestions. In the end, it may hinder the development of children and easily form a dependent personality. Finally, adolescence may be rebellious.

2. The family environment is depressed.

Many times, the depressed family environment is very unfavorable to children's growth and easily affects their life and personality. Sometimes children will become very sensible when they see the tension between their parents. I hope that sensible parents will not scold themselves. In this case, many children will suppress themselves and become obedient, but their hearts will become more introverted and closed.

Parents overprotect their children.

Parents are the guardians of their children, but if this protector interferes with their children's growth too much, they will feel that their parents can help them solve many things and they don't need to do anything. If we cultivate this sense of dependence from an early age, it will be unfavorable to the child's future growth and have a greater negative impact.

Second, what harm may children do if they are too obedient?

1, dependence, lack of opinion.

Many parents will help their children make choices when they are not sensible, which gradually causes children to rely on their parents to make choices instead of making their own choices. Even when children make their own choices, parents will come out to stop them, which will make them very depressed and don't want to make a choice.

In the previous news, I introduced a 32-year-old Li who had a good job, but when his parents asked him why he didn't find a girlfriend, he said that he hoped his parents would introduce him and complained that his parents didn't care about him. This kind of thinking is very bad and has no own opinion.

2. It is not conducive to children's intellectual development.

When children are too obedient, we should consider the influence on their intellectual development. Because children are too obedient, some problems don't think for themselves, but wait for instructions from others to do things. After a long time, children will form the habit of not thinking, which is not conducive to intellectual development.

3. Affect children's own communication skills.

For many children who are too obedient, there will be many constraints. They don't like to try new things or make new friends. They only dare to move in a small circle of friends. This will also affect children's work, leading to the final work becoming more timid and seriously affecting children's communication.

Therefore, many times, when educating their children, parents should not reprimand them loudly and be too strict, but should conduct moderate education to make their children grow up healthily.

Third, how should parents help their children grow up healthily?

1, understand your child's personality and don't change it forcibly.

Some children are naturally introverted. When they first come into contact with something, they need the guidance of others, especially the care of their parents. Therefore, after understanding the child's personality, parents should carefully consider what methods should be used to help their children. In particular, children should not be forced to change. What parents can do is to make their children better.

2. Actively guide children.

No matter what kind of personality, introverted or extroverted, as parents, we should know that children need positive guidance, not change. Because no matter which one has its own shortcomings, parents need to learn to respond flexibly, so that children can play their due abilities on the basis of their own personality and have their own cognition and views on the world.

3. Subconsciously use opportunities to influence children

When children are exposed to more and more things, they will form their own thinking and have their own ideas. Parents need to know the growth track of their children in each period, and then subconsciously use the opportunities around them to influence their children, so that they can be obedient and have their own thoughts. To achieve this state, parents need to work hard and cooperate with their children.

When children are too obedient, parents need to know when they are happy. The reason behind this is not only superficial, but also to make the child an obedient and opinionated child.