How to understand avoidant physiological rejection?

How to understand avoidant physiological rejection?

Everyone knows that it is easy to feel "pressure" when avoiding. I will also understand some "discomfort" and be willing to give more freedom to avoid it.

However, it is difficult to empathize with the physiological rejection when avoiding the relationship/emotion. Let's talk about this sense of rejection here. You are also welcome to share your feelings with your evasive friends.

a simple example of physical discomfort is motion sickness. Some people despise others, some people know their tolerance, and some people get on the bus with luck and expect good luck. Sometimes, when encountering bumps in mountain roads, it may be uncomfortable all the way. Sometimes the road conditions are good and the air circulation is good, and it may be okay to sit for a day.

therefore, there is no uniform standard "when will you feel uncomfortable" and "whether the degree of discomfort is light or heavy". Avoiding the pressure of facing relationships or emotions is often sudden.

Maybe I was still talking and laughing when I was shopping and eating in the first half, sitting too close to the movie at the back, or accidentally touching my body. If you can't leave because of objective reasons (the movie has just started or you have to stay together under other circumstances), then you will feel a surge of pressure (fidgeting, fidgeting twice, exploding) when you avoid it.

If the lover doesn't understand the situation, or has already noticed that ta looks bad and uncomfortable, express love, pity and even want to hug in a caring and worried tone. Avoidance may be pushed away, and the tone is fierce, saying, "I'm leaving/you should go quickly" ... < P > So, how can this discomfort be alleviated?

let ta go.

It's like when you are carsick, you want to take care of ta and give her water and food, but this behavior may increase the discomfort. The best way is to stop the car, get off and get some air, and it will be fine slowly.

it's true that lovers care kindly, but they don't know how to avoid real feelings and needs. From the perspective of physiological exclusion (some serious, some slight), they want to get close to the relationship and need tension, pressure and discomfort that ordinary people will not be aware of. Then their performance in the relationship will not be relaxed and stable. To understand ta's behavior, try to understand ta's feelings first.

finally, talk about my understanding of rejection. On the surface, rejection is disgust and disgust, but in fact it is "fear", fear of being abandoned, betrayed, belittled and yelled by lovers again ...

For example, many people are afraid of mice, snakes and dogs. But some people are afraid of germs, others are bitten (traumatic memory). Avoidance is mostly hurt in the relationship, and if you get close to the relationship, you will be unconsciously afraid.

in the face of this fear, you told ta that the mouse had no germs and was raised in a sterile room. This does not solve the problem! The more lovers want to explain, the more they feel that you don't understand ta. Ta is not afraid of dirty mice, but afraid of mouse bites ...

Therefore, lovers have to allow ta to avoid and protect themselves, and let ta know that you understand ta's fear. At this time, the lover's advice is "safe" for avoidance.