Pee with a beautiful woman

1, who turned over the bleak music of Yuefu? Xiao Feng, wind, rain, short and thin candles in the house, a lonely night, in candlelight. I don't know what a lingering heart is, and it's hard to let it go. After waking up, I'm drunk and bored. Is it Xie Qiao that I haven't been to in my dream? It's not that I don't know what's bothering me, but that I know there is nothing I can do. What can be solved is not called a knot. How can it be difficult to settle down in this life?

2. The meeting between people, like between mountains and between water, is likely to be tortuous, or it may never be.

I know there are not many people who can hold hands to see the scenery. Let me turn my back, I don't love many people I agree to listen to the rain with you. Although you are not here now. We agreed not to change.

4. Pears are falling in her hair, but the person who met the bald head is not around. Pear blossoms are cool on the embankment. Can I listen to the fallen petal with you in the afterlife?

If time can dilute my thoughts of you, I won't be absent-minded when I wake up. You are. I can't escape a cigarette.

7. Time is like water and waves are like mirrors. Suddenly a stone fell and shone, and the water frowned. Fragments of memory, missing pictures in the soul, jump out instantly and cannot be forgotten.

8. Her love is turbulent and hopeless. She is like a moth, chasing the light in her heart, but the light turns away. On the dark river, she took love stand, who would never see the sun, in the middle of the water. What people are scrambling to tell under the starry sky is your past and my last night.

9. Elegance is like blooming fireworks. Escape from its brilliant illusion will make people ignore the speed and chaos of falling.

10, sentient beings, like lotus flowers, are unwilling to struggle whether they break away from their joints or sink to the bottom of the pool.

1 1. No matter how much you love someone, you will gradually forget the face you haven't seen for a long time.

12. The secret lifelong Sauvignon Blanc belongs to the primitive myth of love. Being together for a long time is the last.

13, this year has passed, and it should be a good time and a good scene. Even if there are thousands of customs in Qian Qian, who should I tell? You are not around, no matter where you wake up tonight. And Yang Liuan, the evening breeze and the waning moon. The moonlight is melancholy everywhere.

14, people will be old and their hearts will be barren. This is not the initial childish and shameful oath, but the purple soul who was turned over many times in love before getting married. When you see it, it will make people calm and silent.

15, it's been a long time, why don't you raise your eyebrows and smile calmly?

16, I should have known it was just a spoony with you. At the beginning of meeting, hold back the excited soul, maybe I won't sink into my thoughts tonight. Unfortunately, we are not saints and cannot be pure. Can refusing a flower affair make you feel so simple and light?

Wechat Duan Zi Tan Daquan

First, since I bought a computer at home, my daughter-in-law has been addicted to online games, and all the housework has been mine since then. This morning, when my daughter-in-law was not paying attention, I tampered with the power cord and made her think that the computer was broken. But when I came home from work in the afternoon, I found my daughter-in-law still playing computer! I used to ask, "Isn't this computer broken?" The wife said, "Yes! I took a taxi to repair it again. " I quickly asked, "Is it fixed?" The daughter-in-law said angrily, "Of course! It cost 200! ! "

Second, two old ladies are chatting. A said, "Now, everything is about high technology. In the past, it took half a month to get to Beijing by donkey, but now it takes only one night by train. The chickens we fed used to take at least half a year to grow, but now they can be eaten in 40 days. " B suddenly realized: "No wonder my youngest son got married for three months and gave birth to a big fat grandson. High technology is not simple! " "

Third, a newly promoted manager, in heaven, told all his friends. A friend said: What's new about the manager? Now all the people who sell soy milk in restaurants are managers. The man didn't believe me, so he called a restaurant and put the manager of soybean milk department on the phone. The person who answered the phone asked: Are you looking for the syrup manager or the white pulp manager?

4. I asked my dad that day: "If you had suffered more when you were young, maybe I would be a rich second generation or an official second generation now?" Dad said, "Then you should be more miserable and tired now. Is your son not a rich second generation in the future? " "Me? Why should I suffer and take advantage of that little bastard? " My dad said with a little regret, "That's what I thought .../Yi tooth/Yi tooth/Yi tooth"

Someone in the dormitory said, "I put too much washing powder." A buddy asked, "Does your brother have many wives? How many/much? Send me two to play! "

Sixth, life is like a game! At first, I chose the random mode: I was born in China, and I didn't play until level 25. The result is stuck in the task of buying a house, and I can't get through it!

Seven, the puppy is sick, please go to see the doctor bee. The bee was busy for a long time, shook her head and said, "My acupuncture treatment is not effective. You'd better go to the firefly doctor for electrotherapy. "

Eight, go fishing with my wife, and my wife is nagging. I told her to stop nagging. She said she didn't think I was nagging before she got married. I said no, but I dare not. She said how dare she now? I pointed to the fish in the bucket and said, do you think it is necessary for me to feed the fish caught?

Nine, at the end of last month, I fell in love with my sister during the safe period. This is the premise. Seeing that the days have passed, my sister's period hasn't come yet. I feel anxious at the thought of not doing a good job in safety. I didn't go to the drugstore to buy early pregnancy. Just out of the pharmacy, my sister was shy: husband. I know why my period is not coming. -Why? A: Aren't there a few days missing in February? Dirty. Do you have any friends with similar experiences?

X. Building structure course is a prerequisite. In class, LZ vaguely heard the teacher say that "a big earthquake can't collapse, a moderate earthquake can be repaired, and a small earthquake is fine." When the students were discussing aftershocks, LZ said that the car was shocked ~ I still can't forget the way the teacher looked at me! !

Eleven, when I was a child, I lived in the countryside and had a dog at home! I happened to find my neighbor's dog coming to have sex with my dog. I chased my neighbor's dog and hit it with a stick. Then I beat him away, and I never came to see my dog again. Now think about it, have I ruined my dog's sex life?

Twelve. A asked, "Do you have a brief history of time?" B replied, "psycho, I have time not to pick up shit!" " "

Thirteen, the swallow and others lied that ChristianRandPhillips turned into a butterfly and flew away, saving her from the palace. When Gan Long learned the truth, he was furious and expelled everyone from the palace. Yongqi, who should have inherited the throne, lived in Dali, and the throne was passed on to Yan Yong, who was mediocre in qualification. Since then, the Qing dynasty has turned from prosperity to decline. This is the butterfly effect.

Last night, my sister and I went to the hotel and got a double room because of the power failure at home. The next day, I saw her Weibo write a few words, as follows: Someone told me how cool it is to open a room. Last night, my brother and I went to check in. It's really cool to sleep alone in such a big bed! I'm ... sweating

Fifteen, Lu Xun was late for school when he was a child! As soon as he entered the classroom, the teacher gave him a lecture! Lu Xun was so angry that he carved a cursive script on the table. Then the teacher came over. He used his quick wits to cover up the facts! The teacher nodded and walked away.

Sixteen, the ant called the elephant ashore. When the elephant came up, the ants called him back. The elephant was puzzled and asked the ant what was going on. The ant said, "I lost a pair of shorts." Let's see if you stole it. Now, you didn't steal them. " The elephant who heard this fainted on the spot!

17. Today, my husband and I were on the bus. When I was on the bus, he took a look at me through my collar and told me that "short oil bra is this color" … So I resolutely pulled down the collar of his T-shirt, took a look and said in horror: "Aha! I cann't believe you're not wearing it! ! "My husband will never forget the eyes of the whole car.

Eighteen, a young tigress quietly came to the kennel and said very kindly, "Mother dog, can you lend me a puppy?" The mother dog said, "The tiger borrows the dog to play, but if it borrows it, it won't be returned." The tigress said, "I'll give you your puppy back." I don't want to eat it, but I want to invite it to eat my milk. My youngest son died and my nipples were swollen. " The bitch said, "I'm worried that the puppy will lose its dog nature if it eats your milk. The puppy will become a mother if it has milk."

Nineteen, my son is two years old this year. He was playing with pulleys on the side of the road and ran into an aunt who was riding a bicycle (at least 75 years old). I'm wondering if I should go there. At this time, the aunt stood up, picked up the car and rode away. Damn it! What's going on here?

Twenty, the pig said to the bear, Guess how many sweets are in my pocket? The bear said, you guessed it. Can you give it to me? The pig must nod: well, I'll give it to you two if I guess right! The bear swallowed and said, I guess five dollars! Then the pig gave the bear the candy in his pocket and said, "I still owe you four dollars."

Twenty-one, put your right foot on your left foot, turn your toes clockwise, and then extend your right index finger to turn counterclockwise. Turn a few more times, and then you will find that the direction of your right foot has turned counterclockwise.

Twenty-two, just after the holiday, I think Nima just played hard during the holiday. I think there is still so much time to play hard the day before school starts. I think Nima will start school tomorrow and play hard today.

Twenty-three, someone stabbed a rose on him. Later, he gained weight and the pattern was enlarged. One day, his friend finally couldn't help asking him, "Why did you stab a Chinese cabbage in your body?"

Twenty-four, a salesman selling horns on the roadside pulled a passer-by and said, "Sir, buy a horn, it's ten yuan each." Passerby: "No, let me go, or call the police." Salesman: "The police are so far away that they can't hear you. Buy a horn and shout ... ""

Tell a true story. When I was in junior high school, I had a poor classmate. I can't see that he is a junior high school student. Once, this fellow went out to rob and dragged his girl under the bridge. Gold earrings, gold rings, mobile phones and necklaces were all robbed. Finally, this guy said, "Unbutton your belt!" The girl saw him holding a knife, so she had to do it ... Unexpectedly, this fellow ran away with a belt. ..... true story.

Twenty-six, when the teacher said to your good friend: Since you can't, find a classmate to answer this question for you. The moment your good friend turned to look at you with a wry smile, you really wish you had never known this idiot in your life.

Twenty-seven, one year of drought, a farmer saw that his crops were dying. Suddenly, I thought of something, ran to the farm, took off my pants to pee, and then said to myself: It is said that a little kindness will bring a spring, so you should not do it!

Twenty-eight, mother snail said to the little snail, "You are not young either. Tomorrow I will take you to the village next door for a blind date. " Snail: "Mom, I'm only 12 years old, and I haven't reached the legal age for marriage yet!" " Mother snail said, "Son, you will be old enough when we get there!" " !

29. Last night, a friend invited me to dinner. We ate, talked and drank. After an hour, I saw my friend was a little drunk and asked the waiter to pay the bill. I gave it to 300 yuan, the waiter, to find it. The friend got up at once and grabbed the money from the waiter. He was drunk and said it was my treat, so he took out 300 yuan from his pocket and put it in his pocket. I'm depressed. Is this an invitation or a lie?

I have an idiot wife at home. Just now, seeing my joke on the hit list, I said to her, "You can support me, too." "I hate that you always support me. Why do you want me to support you today? " "Don't waste time, hurry up." "Wait a minute. I'm going to the kitchen. " "What are you going to do with cucumber, pepper, bitter gourd and eggplant?" "Damn ..." Stupid wife is so happy.

Thirty-one, two tigers were chatting when a cat came over. One of the tigress said enviously to the other tiger, "I wish I could be as thin as that!" " "

Thirty-two girls came to the company for an interview. One is older than the United States, with long hair and thin legs, and the other is average in figure and appearance. Everyone bet that the boss would admit the first one, but I didn't expect the boss to admit the latter. Everyone was puzzled, only the boss said, "I just want those beautiful people to know that it is useless for this society to rely solely on looks!" " The audience applauded. Three months later, the woman who was not admitted became the wife of our boss.

Brother and sister eat rice noodles together. There are several kinds of rice noodles, ordinary 4 yuan, crossing the bridge rice noodles 10 yuan. The younger brother was puzzled and asked his sister, "Why is the rice noodle crossing the bridge so expensive?" Sister replied: "Maybe this 10 yuan includes the bridge toll!"

34. One night, an assassin sneaked into Lord Bao Zheng's room, tried to assassinate him, uncovered the quilt, but found no one on the bed, thinking that the plot was discovered, and ran out the door. After a while, Bao's language came from the room: Fortunately, I am used to sleeping naked. ...

35. The terrain is a basin, the air is fresh, the greening is good, the sky is blue, and sun protection is needed. Lamian Noodles is everywhere, the market is chaotic, and the canteen can't be eaten. And some beautiful women just ignore you. Professional unpopular, but very hard. You can't learn geography, and you will die sooner or later. The cost performance is very high, and those who dare to come are good.

Thirty-six, my colleague is a bitch! My former boss spoke ill of me! She just had a stomachache! I took the lead and immediately went to the toilet to smoke all the paper! She pushed me away as soon as I went out! No, she has been in the toilet for over an hour! Ha ha! Make you a fool!

Husband: Listen to me, wife. I smoke and watch TV in bed. Besides, he came to our house to chat with me, and I accidentally dropped my cigarette butt on the bed. As a result, he tried to put out the cigarette butt with his ass. But his ass is on fire, too I used my quick wits to put out my cigarette by peeing, just as you came in. Wife: That makes sense. Then why are you hard? And kept calling Kaman North Nose.

Thirty-eight, you tell dad that you are hungry, and dad will say, "Let's go, dad will take you to a restaurant"; You tell your mother that you are hungry, and her mother will say, "What do you want to eat, my mother will make it for you"; You tell your boyfriend that you are hungry, and your boyfriend will say, "I'll buy whatever you want to eat"; When you tell your girlfriend that you are hungry, she often says "Me too …", so more and more boys choose to find boyfriends.

The Chinese teacher asked the students to write a short essay on the topic of football match. In less than a minute, a student handed in his paper and wrote only four words: stop playing in rainy days.

Forty, a boy jumped from a building in a university, and arranged his relics after successfully showing his death. The last message he received on his mobile phone: Husband, it seems that someone jumped off the building. Go and see it quickly.

Forty-one, I went to the school hospital for the first time because of a fever. The doctor's aunt handed me a thermometer without saying anything, and I put it in my mouth without saying anything ... My aunt looked at me and said softly, "It's under my arm." I thought about it, but I cried out obediently: "Yeah!"

Forty-two, "Doctor, I have diarrhea!" 2000 BC: "Just eat this root." BC 1 1000: "It's no use eating roots, come and pray!" A.D. 1850: "Prayer is superstition. Come and drink this potion "A.D. 1940:" That potion is a lie. Come and take this pill! " AD 1985: "That pill has low curative effect. Take this antibiotic! " AD 2000: "That antibiotic is artificial. Come on, eat this tree root! "

Q: "What's the difference between Valentine's Day and Tomb-Sweeping Day now?" A: "Valentine's Day is the same as Tomb-Sweeping Day. They all send flowers and food. The difference is that Valentine's Day burns real money and gives people a bunch of nonsense. Tomb-Sweeping Day burned fake money and sued a bunch of people and ghosts. "

Forty-four or twenty years later, I met my ex in the street. "Ah, long time no see! How have you been recently? Yes, she said. I went on studying law after graduating from college, and now I am a partner lawyer. Anyway, nice to meet you. Goodbye. " She left. This woman is still so self-righteous, I thought. Don't ask me how I'm doing recently, and don't throw coins into my jar. ...

Forty-five, a boy asked me to have dinner, and I chose the place. I said I was embarrassed. Let's go to AA. He insisted on inviting me and making myself at home. I said, well, I chose an Indian dish with a better environment and spent 66 yuan when I checked out. He told me that Indian food is really expensive. Please give me half. Then after I paid the money, I was speechless and wanted to go home quickly. Then he caught up with me and asked me to borrow 40 yuan, saying that he would take a taxi home. ...

A love story suitable for wechat: if you want to go, don't go and don't look back.

1, sometimes, because of dependence, I expect, because of expectation, I am disappointed.

2, two people together, not for who can conquer who, but two people rely on each other and support each other.

3, the child is having a hard time, which is caused by sweeping pornography.

4, if one day, you are sad for my fall. Please remember how my confidence was erased …

5. Be such a woman. Loved. It hurts. I cried. Laughed. Then continue to be strong.

6. "The best smell in the world is your smell when I hold you."

7. When it is cold, my sick heart leaves the people around me.

8. There are only two kinds of feelings in the world. One is that you are tired of being old, and the other is that you forget the Jianghu but miss crying.

Please cherish those who can be together, because some people want to be together, but they can't.

10, cherish the person who is willing to put up with your temper to coax you.

1 1. I can take your call in the middle of the night. I can worry about whether you will get angry or wake up suddenly in the middle of the night. I'm afraid you will suddenly leave you and say I love you or not.

12, life is like a super girl, and those who persist in the end are pure men.

13. If you want to leave, don't look back.

14, as long as you are still there, as long as I still love.

15, you don't know what dependence is until you lose your belt.

The most romantic love story in WeChat circle of friends.

First, you see, so many people, such a big world, I met you, and you met me, which is really good.

Second, the trickle is not blocked by stones, and the deep friendship is not sparse because of distance. In my friendship list, you always top the list, and the market is still bullish. How have you been recently? I wish you well in the distance.

I laugh like an idiot at the thought of talking to you.

The new moon represents my enthusiasm, the first quarter represents my loyalty, the second quarter represents my thoughts, and the full moon represents my determination. Dear, you have to believe that the moon will always represent my heart, no matter whether it is round or short.

The truth has no truth, happiness depends on luck, I love you without asking you, I think you don't ask you, I will always remember my blessing, I will never miss you far away, my smiling face is hidden in my heart, my warmth floats in the sentence, I have known you all my life, and I have no distance with you. When my blessing comes, happiness flies to your heart.

Take a picture of your face, copy your kindness, post my infatuation with you, and write the most beautiful blessing message to you. Happy Valentine's Day!

Seven, without you, my mood is so confused. My life is so lonely without you. Without you, my thoughts are entangled in my heart. Without you, my heart will always be with me. Happiness has nothing to do with me without you. Honey, I really can't live without you!

Eight, the mints scattered in my drawer are cleverly wrapped by you, and I am often moved inexplicably because of your thoughtfulness; At that time, if you have a reincarnation in your life, we will definitely have the hand to hold your hand and grow old with your son. I often feel heartache because of your words; At that time, you were worried about losing my good confession to you. I often feel heartbroken because of your worry. If you like, I would like to snuggle up next to you and watch with deep affection. If you like, I would like to live in your heart and be happy together. I just want to indulge in your love.

Nine, drink a few drinks when you are sad. It is strange that I am a little drunk and I am so humble. It turns out that falling in love with you is a bit heartbreaking. Love makes people sad. I wander around day and night and disappear in this hazy night.

I want to see you every morning when I see the sunshine.

1 1. Remember the time we went shopping? A woman brought her children to buy toys. The children fondled their toys and couldn't put them down. When the lady wanted to check out, she felt it before she knew that she had lost her wallet. Seeing that the account could not be settled, the child ran outside with a toy, which made the woman scratching her head and there was nothing she could do. Suddenly, attracted a group of onlookers. You walked up to him lightly, inquired about the price of toys, and took out 260 yuan money to settle the bill for the salesman without hesitation. A woman catches up with you and asks your name gratefully. Don't look back and say, it's okay, sister-in-law Even if it's my gift to the children.

12. I wish you peace and enjoy simple happiness. I only wish you good health, enjoy simple warmth, support your smoothness and enjoy ordinary comfort. I just want you to relax and enjoy yourself. I just want to keep you in my heart forever and warm your heart forever.

Thirteen, the summer night is charming, we sit together to enjoy the moon and look at the stars in the sky. You said that star is you and that star is me, and we will never leave. The star blinked and laughed at the two young people's obsession. You said, maybe the moon is quieter than the world, and I hope Chang 'e will bring more beauty to the world.

Walking has paved my way because of you, life has enriched my life because of you, and my feelings have been improved because of you in the world of mortals. This is what you gave me. Love you, I will try my best, you know?