If you don't want to forgive others in your heart, do you still have to try to forgive?

Accurately speaking, forgiveness is an emotional self-expression. Of course, whether we can forgive someone depends on ourselves, so the person we can't forgive must have a lot to do with us and can't let go.

I'll tell you something that happened to me first.

In the year when I just graduated as an intern, I just entered the society and didn't know anything. I played very well with the same intern in a company. We were inseparable from each other when we went to work. Finally, because of a little incident, two people got red in the face and quarreled, and we lived together. But one day, she actually took out 5 yuan. Finally,

Some people will always persuade us to say, forgive him, forgive these things, forgive this person, and when we have not experienced it, everyone will persuade ourselves to let go and forgive.

Some things can be forgiven, and some things can't be forgiven. Even if two people can't be friends, I won't forgive you, because when I forgive you, I am also indulging myself. If I forgive you this time, I don't know what kind of excessive things you will do next time.

Maybe these things will be remembered in my heart for a long time, which is a memory and a lesson for me.

everyone's pattern is different, and the things they bear are different. Of course, it doesn't mean that everyone needs a big pattern. The environment in which we live also determines what we do, what pattern we have and how to do things to decide whether we should forgive those we can't forgive in front of us.

Why do we have to work hard? A person who doesn't want to forgive is because we need this person too much, or because we have no principles and bottom lines, or because she plays a great role in us at this moment, we can't live without her. Maybe we try to forgive on the surface, but we find that we will never get over the hurdle in our hearts.

Then follow your heart. When you face someone you don't want to forgive every day, you will find that you hate her more and more slowly.

No matter what kind of relationship we are in, whether we are colleagues, friends or lovers, if we get back together at the moment when I decide to forgive you, maybe our previous feelings are gone and we will cultivate them again from now on, then we are not allowed to turn over old scores in the process of our communication and getting along.

If you haven't forgiven, please stay away from the person you hate and can't forgive. If you try to associate with him, you will find that you will go further and further.

The real moon doesn't just talk about it, but really accepts it from the heart, especially in love. If you forgive each other, you can accept all his things again, and you are not allowed to take out the things that hurt you in the past to examine each other again.

first of all, I will ask you why you don't want to forgive. What is the reason?

I am a person who is hard to get angry with others in life, but once I get angry, I will have a cold war with each other. During that time, I will regard him as air and ignore his existence.

In high school, after the monthly exam results came out, everyone could choose seats according to their class rankings. Once a boy sat next to the seat I chose. The relationship is complicated. He is my best friend's ex-boyfriend. And sitting behind me is one of my roommates. At first, there were opportunities to talk and chat with me. We had a good time. Later, I became acquainted with my deskmate. Start talking and laughing. My deskmate will ask me something about my hometown. Maybe he is curious about our hometown. Because his good brother is also on our side. So he went there a few times, and then he talked to me more speculatively.

the girl who sat behind me once. Borrowed a hand knife from me. But in class, and then I told her to pay me back after class. Then, my deskmate talked to me again. As a deskmate, of course, I will get along better. It is impossible to say that my deskmate came to talk to me, but I ignored others. Then we chatted happily again. Just then, a knife flew on my desk. I was really scared, and then I was very angry. Because it's really dangerous. I asked the girl why after class. I asked her to return it after class. Why did she fly the knife directly in class? Her attitude was very cold at that time. Not a word of sorry. So, I am really, really angry. Later, I learned. The reason why a good friend broke up with her ex-boyfriend turned out to be because of the girl behind her. However, my deskmate has no feelings for that girl, and even has been avoiding him and doesn't want to talk to her. Then, he saw that I had a good relationship with my deskmate. I was very angry. That's what happened next

then I can't understand it very much. Why is he so excited? I didn't say a word to her for the next week. Later, she gave me an apology letter in the dormitory. I don't even want to open it.

Time is really a good medicine. It can really make you forget all the bad emotions and troubles. So I don't know why I forgave her again.

there is nothing in the world that can't be crossed, and time can dilute everything. Everything will be fine.

the more we judge others and don't forgive others, the less we can forgive ourselves. In order to push yourself, you always say to yourself "I should do this" or "I must do that". This will only make you feel stressed, and then you will have resentment. Paradoxically, in the end, you will only be discouraged and demoralized. This cognitive distortion is called "obsessive-compulsive disorder". And I call it the "should" rule of life. Usually, when you impose the "should" sentence on others, you will only feel depressed. The "should" sentence pattern will bring many unnecessary emotional fluctuations to your daily life. When your actual performance is below the expected standard, you will feel ashamed and guilty and hate yourself more if you use "should" or "shouldn't". If other people's moral behavior is lower than your expectation (although this kind of thing is sometimes inevitable), you will regard yourself as the embodiment of justice, and then you will be angry. At this point, you either lower your expectations and make them close to reality; Or you will always be upset about human behavior.

labeling yourself means using mistakes to establish a completely negative self-image. It is an extreme form of generalizing. Labeling yourself is not only asking for trouble, but also ridiculous and stupid. Your ego can't be equated with anything you do. Your life is like a river, in which all kinds of complicated and ever-changing thoughts, emotions and behaviors roll and rush. In other words, you should be a river rather than a statue. Stop defining yourself with negative labels, it's too simple and naive. Do you think you can only eat because you eat every day? Do you think you can only breathe because you breathe all the time? This is a complete fallacy.

However, if you label yourself because of your shortcomings, this fallacy will make you more headache. When you label others, it is inevitable that you will be hostile. To give a common example, the boss thinks the secretary is a "person who refuses to cooperate" when she is occasionally short-tempered, so he hates the secretary and catches her every chance to teach her a lesson. In turn, the secretary labeled her boss as "heartless boss", and she complained about her whenever she got the chance. In this way, after several rounds, they grabbed each other's throats, stared at each other's shortcomings or deficiencies, and then decided that each other was useless. Tagging will make you use inaccurate words and be too emotional when describing things. For example, a woman who is losing weight ate a plate of ice cream and thought, "I hate myself. I am really a pig." The idea upset her, so she ate up more than a liter of ice cream.

This cognitive distortion

is the "mother of guilt". You think that the blame for a negative event lies with yourself, even though it is groundless. Even if something has nothing to do with you, you will arbitrarily think that it happened because of your fault, or it proves your incompetence. For example, a friend didn't do self-mediation according to my suggestion, and I felt deeply guilty because I thought, "I must be a useless psychological instructor." It must be my fault that she is not active in self-help treatment. I have a responsibility to make her better. " A mother saw the comments written by the teacher on her child's report card and learned that her child was not studying hard. She immediately blamed herself: "I must be a terrible mother." See how failed I am. " Taking the blame for yourself will make you feel extremely guilty. Your strong sense of responsibility almost forces you to bear the whole world, making you overwhelmed and unable to move. You confuse the concepts of "influencing others" and "controlling others".

whether you are a teacher, a consultant, a parent, a doctor, a salesman or an administrator, you will definitely influence people around you. However, no one wants you to control them urgently. What others like to do is ultimately someone else's business, not yours.

since you came out of the hole, you have to forgive others and forgive others.

if you don't want to forgive others, do you still have to try to forgive?

We often say that "to err is human", which is to persuade people not to care about other people's faults. Since such words have been passed down to this day, it can be seen that it is often difficult for people to forgive others for their mistakes. It is extremely normal that it is difficult to forgive others for a while.

others are not sages, and they can make mistakes. I am not a sage, so why do I have to be as open-minded as sages and ask myself to forgive others? Those who advise you to forget it are nothing more than the following.

empathizing with this kind of thing can only be said. Everyone's situation is different, their experiences are different, and their feelings about the same thing are quite different. You never know the pain until you hit him with a whip.

Besides, just like everyone has different pain points, some things seem harmless to others, and for some people, they may be the last straw to crush a camel.

Therefore, some people want you to be broad-minded. You can also tell them. In this case, ask them to substitute for the aggrieved party, feel it well, and then consider whether it is necessary.

Thinking, trying to forgive, there are still feelings of injustice in my heart, that is, others' harm to myself still persists. At present, my feelings are more important, and it may be a secondary injury to myself to forgive reluctantly, but it is even more difficult to forgive others.

Time and experience will help us heal our wounds. One day, we will forget all the resentments and entanglements, let go peacefully, forgive ourselves first, and naturally forgive those who hurt us.

If you don't want to forgive others in your heart, there must be a reason, and this reason should be insurmountable. If you try to forgive, it will be too hard on yourself, too tired and completely unnecessary. Adults, in particular, should constantly grow in psychology, experience, experience and conduct themselves. Of course, they don't want to please anyone more and more. If they can get along, they will get along well. If they can't get along, they will gradually drift away. The alienation of adults does not need to give reasons, and it is silent. I recently encountered an incident. A colleague who has been getting along with each other for many years has always had a good relationship. He ate, ate and went shopping to talk about his worries. This colleague has a shortcoming, that is, sometimes he speaks regardless of the weight, and sometimes he speaks very mercilessly. Self-proclaimed straightforward. Although I don't agree with this practice, I don't care if I think about the friendship for many years. Until recently, this happened again, because I wanted to find a few people to have dinner together to express my gratitude. She not only refused to go, but also said it was extremely ugly. Later, she also explained, but I suddenly felt too boring, not because I didn't want to forgive, nor because I was angry. I just felt that I couldn't go back to the past and didn't want to make do with it. Probably many people will encounter similar things in life. You don't have to forgive, and you don't have to forgive. Just don't embarrass yourself!

living is so tiring, why do you have to force yourself to do things you don't want to do! No forgiveness. What's wrong? Don't forgive if you don't want to!

Look at people. If you don't want to forgive, don't forgive. If you really can't let go, then greet you from time to time; The people you can meet are not simple, but few really want to make friends with you, especially in the chaotic society now; I hope you can get forgiveness from others and become their bosom friend.

It depends on who the other person is. If he is a relative, he will definitely choose to forgive. After all, blood is thicker than water. If he (she) is a person, if the injury is particularly deep, then don't forgive. Even if you try to forgive reluctantly, you will always have this hurdle in your heart, so you will not choose to forgive.

some things have to be forgiven!