I feel embarrassed every time I see the leader. What should I do?

In an interview with Zhang Chaoyang, Zhang Chaoyang recalled that when his career failed, he sat on the plane at night and looked at the night sky and the moon, and his heart was very uncomfortable.

Lu Yu responded: How can you see the moon on the plane?

In another interview with left-behind children, Lu Yu asked the other party: "Do you usually eat meat?" The other party replied: "Don't eat meat, eat cabbage." Lu Yu asked, "Why don't you eat meat? Is it because it is not delicious? " The left-behind children replied: "Because it is too expensive, I can't afford it ..."

Every time Lu Yu's embarrassing incident comes out, as a melon eater, I can't help squeezing a cold sweat for each other, as if I can feel it through the screen: the atmosphere is really embarrassing!

Lu Yu's embarrassment needs to be solved by ourselves. What about our embarrassment?

When you go to the unit restaurant to eat and meet the leaders, you should sit alone with each other; When traveling with unfamiliar colleagues, eat and live together; When we just entered a company and didn't know how to break the deadlock and get along with colleagues ... how can we overcome these embarrassing moments?

Today we will talk about "workplace chat".

What the hell is "embarrassment"?

"Embarrassment" is a feeling that we (especially sensitive people) can easily feel, but it is difficult for us to describe it with other words and give an accurate definition.

If you use a feeling to describe embarrassment, it is:

I want to say something to make you feel better in your relationship with me, but I don't know what to say.

So, it's embarrassing.

Another kind of embarrassment is that when it comes to your own shortcomings, or knowing that your embarrassing things are discovered by others, this embarrassment is more of a sense of shame.

The embarrassment in the workplace is actually both. For example, when we are alone with our boss and don't have to talk about work, we want to make each other feel better, but we don't like our shortcomings being paid too much attention (conversely, the boss has shortcomings and he doesn't like being paid attention to). Of course, we can also say that we care about each other's evaluation of us, so embarrassment arises.

I tried to collect the precise psychological definition of embarrassment on the Internet, but unfortunately, the research on "embarrassment" around the world is still in its infancy, but scientists have given some well-founded theoretical models:

1. Model contrary to others' expectations: This model holds that individuals are uncertain about others' expectations of themselves, and this uncertainty will lead to embarrassment.

For example, when two people are opposite each other in the corridor, sometimes they all hide in the same direction, and then they look at each other like themselves and hide on the other side, and the other side is the same ... so it's embarrassing. In fact, this is: I don't know what the other party expects of me.

2. Non-exposure willingness model: This model holds that when individuals are exposed to exposure situations that they are unwilling to accept, there will be embarrassment.

For example, when you meet a colleague with a bad relationship in the elevator, the scene is simply embarrassing. In this example, being alone with a colleague you don't like is an "unacceptable exposure".

Generally speaking, "embarrassment" not only refers to shame, but more often, people can experience humor, clumsiness, fooling, and the feeling of "unexpected situation happens, but they don't know how to deal with it"

You see, even the explanation of the word "embarrassed" is embarrassing.

So, how should we reduce or deal with the appearance of "embarrassing chat" in the workplace?

This actually requires some expression skills.

How to reduce and deal with workplace embarrassment?

0 1 Treat this matter correctly to avoid being too nervous when communicating.

In all embarrassing situations, nervousness is definitely one of the main reasons. Do you always feel nervous when you are alone with your leader? When we are nervous, we don't know what to talk about, so embarrassment arises. Similarly, you won't feel embarrassed when you are with your family, because you are close enough to be nervous.

When people are nervous, they will obviously feel that "the brain is not enough", because the brain has distracted too much energy on worrying things at this time, such as paying too much attention to each other, or paying attention to each other's inner evaluation of themselves, and even adjusting their own realization in order to make each other feel good about themselves.

Think about it, you have injected so many expectations into your performance, and your brain is processing many ideas at the same time. Can you still express yourself naturally? -Absolutely not!

It seems that you are just communicating, but in fact your brain is overloaded.

So what should we do? -lower expectations and treat "awkward chat" correctly.

Earlier, we talked about Lu Yu's "awkward chat". We can see that in real life, in fact, every adult will encounter "embarrassing chat", even the famous host is not much better. Of course, the hosts often interview celebrities, and the interview programs are broadcast publicly, so their nervousness is justified.

But as ordinary people, we don't need to ask ourselves not to have a little "awkward chat" when communicating with everyone in all scenarios, because this requirement is too high for anyone to reach. Moreover, at present, there is very little research on "embarrassment" in the world, so this is a situation that no one can completely avoid.

Moreover, more importantly, the more demanding we are on ourselves, the easier we are to be nervous, and the more embarrassed we are when we are nervous. Therefore, in order to reduce "embarrassing chat", we must first change our cognition, look at the scenes of celebrity "embarrassing chat" and learn more about human research on "embarrassing chat", so as to realize that "embarrassing chat" is the same problem faced by human beings, not just our own troubles.

When we change our views, our expectations of ourselves will also decrease, so that we will not be so nervous when talking to our boss. When the tension is reduced, we will be able to express ourselves more naturally.

Use the "yes and yes" rule+open questions to make the other person more willing to talk to you.

"Yes and" is the principle that improvisation must follow. As we all know, impromptu performance is a "live performance" in which actors have no scripts, lines and props. And "yes"

And "means that the actor must unconditionally agree with the storyline interpreted by the opponent actor, and then continue to perform according to this storyline."

And "open-ended questioning" refers to the way that the other party can't answer with only one or two words, but must explain and explain.

For example, "How do you evaluate the TV series Everything is OK?" "How do you use your off-duty time to grow yourself?" Wait, these questions are open-ended questions.

The antonym of open question is "closed question", such as "Do you go home directly after work?" "Are you late for work today?" These questions can only be answered in one or two sentences, so they often leave both sides in a speechless situation, which is more likely to lead to "embarrassing chat"