What my roommate said behind my back hurt me. I feel very, very bad. I hope an expert teacher who understands psychology can help me analyze it.

I am a psychologist. From clinical experience, I think your problem may be a problem that many friends have encountered.

Why do you care about what others think of you, especially negative opinions?

Let’s first talk about why we care about other people’s opinions.

Each of us must go through a socialization process as we grow up. With the advent of adolescence, we go from living only with family members and only a few friends to beginning to pay attention to social interactions. At this time, we will find that we are so different from others.

People have a herd mentality, fearing that they will become the outlier, fearing that they are different from others. At this time, we will try to adjust our behavior, language, and thoughts to adapt to others' requirements for us.

Then, what others ask of us, whether we can do it or not, and how to get praise from others have become the main psychological characteristics of our period. So naturally, many friends will pay attention to the negative comments of others. . Because only by correcting the negative things can you become a person that everyone likes and a popular person. So your thoughts and way of thinking are really normal.

However, there is also a problem. We are a person, an independent person. In the process of our growth, we must form our own unique characteristics and habits. In the process of adapting to other people's requirements, in the process of changing yourself, you will conflict with a part of yourself. If you blindly adapt to other people's requirements, you will lose yourself, which is also detrimental to personal growth.

So you may wonder, "This is a trivial matter in life. You have to meet so many people in your life. How can you make everyone like you? It's normal to have different personalities. Why am I so sad?” The reason is that your own growth and independence conflict with the requirements of others. You don’t know which one to stick to, and which one to continue. If you make up your mind, you won't suffer like this.

Haha, if you read what I said clearly, do you understand something? I believe you understand something.

Please accept the answer, thank you. If you have any questions, you can contact me through Baidu HI or private message, and I will be willing to help. Thanks.