What happened to the girls who grew up in a patriarchal family?

There are many girls around me who were born in patriarchal families, and their lives are different from what they imagined.

Generally speaking, they all did a good job. Instead, they are spoiled boys, and most of them have no ambition.

Take my little cousin for example. She has a sister above her. When she was born, everyone thought it was a boy, but it turned out to be a girl. At that time, her family changed their faces, and my uncle even cried, thinking that he was extinct here.

Because menstruation gave birth to a girl, no one wanted to take care of her, and no one helped to take care of her little cousin. My aunt did it alone.

My uncle and aunt treat the younger cousin and the older cousin differently. They like their big cousin very much and have always been cold to their little cousin.

My aunt thinks that she is laughed at by her family because of her little cousin. She vented all her dissatisfaction on her little cousin. When she was five years old, she began to wash her own clothes. My aunt always scolds her little cousin whether she can wash it clean or not.

Growing up, the little cousin wore the clothes of the big cousin and hardly bought new clothes.

When my little cousin finished junior high school, my uncle and aunt refused to let her go to school, saying that there was no money at home.

My little cousin is very strong and diligent. Because she is young, no one wants to go out to work, so she works as a nanny to take care of the children.

My little cousin has never given up studying, and has always taken time to study while working as a nanny.

Now my little cousin has opened two restaurants by her own efforts, bought a car and a house, and found a rich and loving husband. She lives a happy life.

The little cousin said that she was grateful to be born in a family where she was born, so that she could only run as hard as she could, because there was no one behind her and she had to rely on herself.

This should be the idea of many family girls who prefer boys to girls. They should love themselves from an early age and work hard to have the life they want.

Most girls in this family know how to stand on their own feet, work hard and live a good life.

Many people complain that their parents don't love themselves. In fact, people can only rely on themselves all their lives, and knowing how to love themselves is the real happiness.

When you meet parents who prefer boys to girls, don't complain and don't be depressed. Your destiny is in your own hands. It doesn't matter if your parents don't love you. As long as you know how to stand on your own feet and respect yourself, you will certainly get more people's love!

My mother got married at the age of 29 and gave birth to five girls 1 child. I have it every two years. I am the eldest daughter. When my mother didn't have my brother, she couldn't lift her head in the whole village. We were bullied in the whole village.

My family is not the biggest, but it is the poorest. When I was a child, I didn't have much time to eat. I didn't eat until the Spring Festival. Usually eat porridge and sweet potatoes to avoid filling your stomach. The rice in the porridge is filtered to your brother first. There is nothing to eat. Usually seasoned with salt or mixed with garlic and ginger and rice porridge. Several children in our family are sallow and emaciated and malnourished. There are endless housework and farm work every day. We girls are all eight or nine years old and go directly to the first grade. My brother doesn't need any work. He went to kindergarten at the age of five.

Although there is a preference for boys in our family, my mother gritted her teeth and sent me to a technical secondary school in 1995. In fact, our family is a little poor, but every child is doing well at school. I graduated from technical secondary school, my parents are in their fifties and sixties, and I have two younger brothers and sisters. My brother is thirteen and my sister is eleven. These two children were born to my mother, but I was brought up with a mouthful of shit and a mouthful of rice. I love my brother and sister very much. Even though our family is a little patriarchal, I have never blamed my mother or hated my brother. I love them very much.

I came out to work in 1998, because my parents are old and have done heavy work for many years. It is not easy to earn two yuan. I began to take on the whole family again. For more than ten years, I have been providing books for my brothers and sisters to go to school. How much money I earn and how much I have contributed to my family? My parents and villagers all think I am a daughter. If I am a son, I can be regarded as a glorious ancestor. Daughter is not to satisfy parents' wish to worship their ancestors, and brother lives up to expectations. Now he is a doctor who was envied by the villagers when he returned to China.

Of all the children in our family now, I am the only one who is not married. My nephew has 10 nephews, three of whom are girls. I am kind to all three girls. I give them a set of three-piece gold ornaments every full moon. I am kind to other nephews, but I love my daughter very much. I may want to give them all the love I can't get. I'm also going to give my daughter's family an extra share in the property distribution.

My parents may feel a little guilty about me now, or they may feel deeply sorry for themselves. They always thought that they would be happier if I were a son. Although I am a daughter, I have been responsible for my family all my life.

In the family where I grew up, my grandmother had a serious preference for boys, so I was particularly touched by what children who grew up with preference for boys had to go through.

It should be noted that my parents have no preference for sons over daughters. I remember it best when I was a child, but every happy event at home, boys were the first to get attention. For example, when my grandmother enters the new house, she will emphasize that my cousin or cousin goes in first, and then we girls can step on the door.

Once, it was also a wedding ceremony. My sister is too young to understand. She ran and jumped excitedly and rushed into grandma's house. As a result, she was dragged out by her grandmother. As a result, her sister came out before she understood what was going on, and then she cried.

My sister still remembers that experience, and even after that, she was particularly afraid to meet my grandmother. As for us, when we grow up, we become sensible and clever, and become other people's children. People who study well are often praised and praised by our neighbors. My grandmother heard this and replied disapprovingly, it's not a boy, so why should she get married in the end? It's not someone else's.

There are many such things. We are adults, studying abroad, and basically chatting with grandma every time we come back. She can't say three words, it's a girl's house. What's the use of reading so many books? After all, it is a woman.

I may have been like this since I was a child. In the process of studying psychology, I made a second self-reconciliation and reconciled with my family.

And my sister, until now, can't get out of the quagmire of son preference and hunger. She is often afraid to face my grandmother. That experience impressed her from an early age. She also believes that she is a girl, so she is smart and sensible.

There are many such families around me. They were not recognized since childhood, and formed a flattering character. Inferiority, timidity, and even self-doubt all come down to one's own fault, and it's not without self-control.

There is also a classmate, her father is particularly patriarchal, and the youngest in the family is my brother. Her family was poor when she was a child. Although her grades are excellent, her father won't let her go to high school, and her younger brother with poor grades spent all his family savings and sold everything he could, just to let his younger brother go to a private school.

She was very sad, but her father said she was ashamed. Also let her go out to work in the factory and give the money she earned to her brother to go to school. After her brother graduated, she felt she could catch her breath. Unexpectedly, her father asked her to make money to buy a house for her brother and marry a wife.

At the age of 35, she is still unmarried because no one wants to marry her. Every time I bring my boyfriend home, my father's first sentence is how much bride price I want and how much I want to continue to help my brother. Although those figures are not amazing, they are a burden of life.

So in the end, in order not to drag others down, she said that she was ready to die alone.

Of course, there are many such examples, and even today, many people are still in such a sea of suffering.

What happened to the children who grew up so patriarchal?

Summarize three categories: one is like me, constantly improving myself by myself, reconciling with my family, letting go of the past, letting go of myself and letting go of the previous generation.

The second category is the ingratiating personality and inferiority complex that have been formed, and gradually eased.

The third category is still in dire straits, unable to break free and continue to suffer.

The above is what I have experienced and what people around me have experienced. I am willing to be a good parent for the next generation.

Woman 1: She is the oldest in the family. After having a sister, her parents insisted on having a younger brother. When I was a freshman, I went to her house with joy and told her to go to school together. She said she couldn't go, so she left the money to her brother. Now she is the mother of three children, two boys and a girl. She worked hard to earn money, hoping to give her children a rich material life. Harvest crops in busy farming season and open computer repair shops in slack farming season.

Woman No.2: She is the second child in the family and has a younger brother at home. Mom and dad have long gone out to work to earn money to marry their brother's daughter-in-law. After his brother had a child, most of his parents' money helped his sister-in-law, and even she gave her parents money to honor their parents. She told her mother not to give them all the money, but to save some for herself. Mom and dad said, why do you want to keep it? Sooner or later it will be theirs.

In this family, as a girl, how much sense of belonging, vague anger and injustice does she have left, and finally she has to be strong [come on]

There are only two phenomena. One is the patriarchal ideology brought by his family background, which continues to be repeated in his own family. The second is to change yourself, make compensation for children, and don't let children suffer from son preference. Treat children equally,

The girl who does this is definitely happier than the first one.

It is a very common phenomenon that most families in Heze, Shandong Province prefer sons to daughters. I was born in such a family. Let me tell my own story. I was born in the twelfth month of 1988 (16). At that time, all children born in rural areas were delivered by village midwives. When grandpa heard it was a girl, his face was blank and he said, why not a boy? Alas! (This is what my mother said) After waiting for my brother to be born for two years, my mother and my father went out to work and played with my aunt at my grandmother's house. At that time, what I remember most is that whenever I eat, my grandmother always gives me a steamed stuffed bun folder to order, drives me away and says, go home and have dinner at your house, little brother. You both eat here. Who will eat your mother's cooking? At that time, I was particularly wronged and went home crying. I was five or six years old then. What I remember most is this incident. Now I feel quite unhappy. Also blame that era for poverty and lack of balance. It's a good thing my parents are not that old. When I was just in junior high school, my grandfather (grandfather's father) went to see my parents several times and said not to let Ni go to school. My neighbor Lini works in a cannery and earns several hundred dollars a month. Save some money early so that you can marry your children. My mother always smiles. My mother always tells me who has been admitted to the university in my brother's neighboring village. I was assigned to work in Beijing with a monthly salary of more than 1000. When I was in high school, a cousin taught in the city and lived in a building. At that time, I envied visiting her home with my father. At that time, I wanted to go to college and live in the city in the future. After graduating from college, after several years of hard work, my brother and I both settled in Jinan. When I gave birth to my son, my mother-in-law went to the hospital and said that if I gave birth to a boy, I would be relieved. When I want it again, I am not afraid of anything. He is also a son preference! Cousin's first child is a girl, and so is her second child. In order to have a boy, she had three more children, and finally her dream came true. In the rural areas of Heze, the idea of son preference is particularly heavy, which is a common phenomenon! Many friends have given birth to a second child or even a third child.

All the girls in our family grew up in a patriarchal family. Sometimes we get together and talk about their parents' son preference. Now I feel that their previous behavior is quite funny.

My family and several uncles are concerned about boys, and the focus is on boys. Anyway, boys enjoy the best treatment and spend much less time on girls. Although we girls also protested, it had no substantive effect.

In this way, growing up in this family atmosphere, we girls are forced to do everything, not to mention washing, cooking and housework. Although we don't make up lessons like boys, our academic performance is better than boys.

In this way, we girls have been admitted to good universities, and have good jobs after graduation, which is much more promising than boys at home. Every time the adults in the family get together and talk about the baby boys in each family, they regret that they hate iron and don't produce steel, and they will be attacked by our girls and complain about the unfair treatment of their children. Adults can only laugh there.

In fact, just because our family doesn't pay attention to our girls, we lose the femininity of girls, lose our dependence on ideas, do everything ourselves, and surpass our brothers and sisters in learning. With this kind of encouragement, we can always achieve our goal.

Our girls don't complain about their parents' behavior at that time, on the contrary, they are grateful to them. Just because of their educational methods, we study hard in such an environment and have a goal to strive for.

My parents still love our daughter, but in different ways.

Girls who grow up in patriarchal families generally go to two extremes:

1. Very independent. Girls can't get the full support of their parents and families in their study and life. Children with strong self-esteem have exercised all their abilities to cope with this society when they are alone. When they grow up, they will be more mature and harder than other girls, and have the potential to become strong women.

2. Not confident. Because I live in a family that focuses on boys, I have invisibly developed the habit of focusing on others. I always feel that I am not good enough. When I grow up, I tend to doubt myself and lack self-confidence. This will affect the development of his career.

I was born in rural Shandong after 1990s, and it is not surprising that my family is "patriarchal". Let me talk about the situation in our countryside. At the time when I was born, the phenomenon of preference for sons over daughters was quite common in the local area, which had a lot to do with the concept of the previous generation. So is my family, especially my father. If it weren't for the pressure of survival, there would be more than two girls in my family. Grandparents only have three sons, so they love their granddaughters very much and have no special care for their only grandson. Although it is a lifelong regret that he has no son, he owes nothing to me and my sister in education. As long as he is competent enough, he will always support our study.

Thanks to the upbringing of parents, although there is no economic breakthrough, life is much more free. I walked from the countryside to the university, and I may end up in the city, or I may return to the fields. My sister lives in the city with her parents. She has more possible starting points than I do.

In my father's body, I saw that the preference for boys is not that I don't love my daughter, but that the concept of "raising children to prevent old age and get ahead" has always been rooted in his mind. Now, I am relieved about this matter. Whose ideas are infinite, aren't they?

When I was growing up, I also witnessed the ideological changes of the local generation. In junior high school, a group of children dropped out of school, male and female. At that time, most families whose first child was a girl would have a second child in order to have a son. However, in the matter of reading, boys and girls in rural areas are almost the same. If the family's financial situation is not good, parents don't care about it, children don't like to study and don't urge them, and finally they can only drop out of school.

In the matter of making money, most families begin to train boys, hoping that they can get married. After dropping out of school, boys may go to a technical school to learn a skill, or go out to work with their families to do some small business. Girls often can only find a simple job or go out to work for a few years, and then go back to their hometown and obey their parents' orders to get married and have children. Or some girls work outside, fall in love freely, and marry far away. There are more men than women in rural areas, and the families that these girls finally marry are not necessarily poor, but they can only live in rural areas and small counties. Their lives are not satisfactory, and they have no more choices.

In recent years, more men and fewer women have led to the increase of older unmarried men in rural areas, and reproduction has become a problem. This is a criticism of the unhealthy concept of son preference. At the same time, children born after 1980s and 1990s have also become parents. Most of them no longer have this idea, and future children will be happier.

Generally speaking, for rural girls, reading is a shortcut to change their fate. The times are progressing, and there is no need to demonize the preference for sons over daughters. It is just a kind of shackles and closed thoughts, which will inevitably be disintegrated and abandoned by time.