Suicidal heart

Suicide is a very heavy topic, but I don't want to avoid it, for nothing else. In a long or short life, "suicide" and "death" are unavoidable topics. At least once, even if it is 0. 1 second, many people have thought of the idea of "it is better to die".

The smallest suicide I have ever contacted is a child under 5 years old.

The people who have suicidal intentions that I contact most are teenagers of 12- 18.

When my parents cried and asked me blankly, "Why is TA like this?" At that time, I couldn't tell them-countless times that-TA's "help me" was ignored, so there was only this last blow, either reborn from the fire or beyond redemption.

Personality background of suicide

First, external control personality.

Extroverts tend to think of the outside world and think that the cause and control of events are attributed to the external environment, "my fate is not mine." They believe that all the causes and effects are caused by luck, opportunity and fate, and individuals cannot change them.

At the same time, they care more about others, partly because they are keen to capture and associate other people's emotions and behaviors; Part of it is the suppression of one's own emotions and behaviors. I hope to satisfy the other party by suppressing myself, and it is easy to give up if things go against one's wishes.

The reason can be traced back to 0-3 years old in childhood, and whether the crying of 0- 1 year-old children can be detected by parents in time and make them feel comfortable; 1-2 years old can have the initiative to choose and whether "don't" is acceptable; Parents classify the reasons for their success or failure as controllable internal reasons or uncontrollable "providence" ...

Second, sensitive temperament.

We often find that some children are "careless", rude and easy to raise; And some children talk casually like "Lin Daiyu", and even just a glance can make TA feel depressed.

We can't make careless children exquisite in one sentence, nor can we make sensitive and sad children learn to "open their hearts" by themselves.

As the saying goes, "Three minutes to decide, seven minutes to work hard." As nurturers and companions, we need to influence them from our own words and deeds, like an example and a living example, so that they can see that "we can change by ourselves."

On these two bases, we can easily understand other characteristics of suicide, such as:

1, parents with rough parenting tendencies.

Not only is it a violent way of discipline, but the "rude" attitude that we sometimes ignore is even more hurtful. Thinking casually, "What's the matter? Just casually. " Therefore, the child's sensitive points are ignored, which makes him feel the harm of lack of care and understanding; Wishfully thinking that "what's wrong, why others can't" and ignoring children's characteristics will make children feel "harsh" and "rigid" coping patterns.

2. Stiff strain and weak ability to solve difficulties.

Due to the lack of flexibility and care from parenting experience, they will lack successful experience and resources to deal with difficulties when they encounter something difficult for them, forming a solidified impression that "I can't control myself", and the outside world endorsed by parents can't provide effective support for a long time.

As a result, I not only defined myself as powerless, but also often began to think about the difficult parts of my advice to others with "impossible to help me".

Eventually become inflexible in the face of difficulties, either life or death.

3. Crisis events.

Usually, the suicidal thoughts of suicides are not "I might as well die" out of nothing, but the thoughts that arise when facing the shock or conflict that they can't cope with alone. For example, I suddenly learned something that I think is "the sky is falling", or I know that my grades are not good but I am asked to study hard.

4. Depression.

Before committing suicide, the parties usually feel helpless about the status quo, hopeless about solving the problem, depressed or suddenly excited, and hostile.

5. Impulsive choice.

Faced with the pressure of crisis events and their own helplessness, in order to get rid of this depressed state, the parties made the choice of suicide. (Deliberate suicides are excluded here, and their psychological activities are different. )

When we combine the above 2+5 conditions, we can sort out the hearts of many suicides.

"Giving up" is the idea that people will have when facing difficulties. What we want to give up is this matter, not the specific part. Because of our flexibility, we will know that we have given up trees, forests and flowers.

People who commit suicide will think of "giving up" when facing difficulties. Unfortunately, they chose to give up their whole life.

How to get rid of suicidal behavior or thoughts?

Pessimistically speaking, when a person has suicidal thoughts, it is difficult or even extravagant to get rid of them on his own. The reasons are summarized above. He mistakenly perceives and explains external stimuli in cognition, and has unreasonable inferences in thinking. Individuals have formed negative emotions, inferiority complex, and even a sense of guilt or helplessness. Finally, he fell into an emotional whirlpool. For example, TA can flexibly find resources, and will never just look for suicide.

Secondly, relying on others' help is a difficult road. By the same token, their thinking has solidified and their cognition has become inertia. In order to inject new energy into their lives, they need to get rid of some of their original heaviness first. In this process, the helper should not only bear the other party's load, but also bear his own part of the load pulled by the other party's load.

The new energy we can inject is to re-supply them with the attention, understanding, companionship and support they need, so that they can recover their psychological energy to fight against those parts that make them uncomfortable, instead of facing and challenging them with their weak bodies.

Another difficult description, I hope that through the understanding of different suicide forms, I can understand the pain behind the parties more clearly.

1. Jumping off a building to commit suicide: jumping off a building, jumping off a bridge and other behaviors that fall from a height should pay more attention to the pursuit of moving away from one's present situation and turning to a "better world". The point is, when you are in deep trouble, you can't extricate yourself. When you are at a height, looking at the shrinking world from another angle will give you the feeling that "it is a different world". -I remember climbing to the top of a mountain. I turned around and saw that the city was like a small matchbox under my feet. The crowded rows of houses were at my feet like Lego bricks, leaving tears that were inexplicably experienced as "pity".

The act of committing suicide by jumping off a building, especially the feeling of overlooking all beings before falling, that is, "seeing through"; And that "bang", as his last voice, reflected its weak voice in daily life and was not taken seriously, so this last jump became deafening and could not be ignored; At the same time, jumping is like throwing yourself into the arms of "flying freely", so this way is often adopted by people who feel that they are not free.

2. Suicide in the water: including throwing into the river, throwing into the sea, drowning in the bathtub, etc. After observing, summarizing and analyzing the motives, most of them are emotionally frustrated and feel that they lack nourishment and moisture inside. Going deep into the water symbolizes returning to their mother's womb, initial nourishment, and gradually seeking inner peace by getting closer and closer to the water source. Here, we can experience the feeling that when we are under great pressure, when we are taking a bath, when we are in a hot spring, and when we are floating on our back, the pressure gradually disappears and our hearts gradually calm down.

3, take medicine to commit suicide:

One kind is sleeping pills, which feel tired and seek relaxation by "sleeping forever".

One kind is poison, such as dichlorvos and pesticides. And more is the raging anger caused by sudden conflicts.

4. Hanging: Most of the inner distress of people who hang themselves is "unable to express", which is difficult to express in the chest, such as choking in the throat. For example, in family disputes and family relationships, they express their sense of suffocation by hanging themselves, "Silence speaks louder than sound".

5, cut the wrist to commit suicide: from the beginning of self-injury, relieve inner sadness through physical pain, release inner bitterness and sadness through the outflow of blood, and lose vitality little by little.

-The ancient tradition in China tells us that we are "influenced by our parents". Therefore, in the matter of hurting your body to end your life, more emotions may come from the relationship with close people. The relationship with parents is the majority (I came to see you), and then the partnership (the other half of life), either the relationship that has been integrated or the relationship that wants to be integrated.

Different psychological sources make everyone have other ways of speaking besides language. Some people get attention through physical injury, some people express their demand for attention through depression and excitement, and some people express their demand for attention through strange clothes. Suicide is the last resort after all else fails.

There will always be parents who are lucky enough to ask me, "Is TA playing dead to gain my attention?"

I just want to ask: if everyone needs to commit suicide to win attention, why hasn't TA's appeal for reasonable behavior been echoed?

Yes, some people may pretend to commit suicide to express their demands, because TA knows it is effective, and perhaps in its experience, it is only in this way that it is effective and will be taken seriously. Then, should we look back and see if we can give them other ways and channels when they don't need to take such extreme measures?

After all, the cowherd who cried "Wolf is coming" all day long finally met the time when the wolf came.