Seek a touching writing outline around the composition!

Writing instruction record of "grasping touching moments around you"

Teacher: I'm very happy to come to Suining and have classes with the children in our Grade One (13) and Grade Two (7) classes. My last name is Ding, and the children call me Miss Ding.

Student: Hello, Miss Xiaoding!

Teacher: Hello, class! Remember Teacher Ding, I sent you a pair of couplets. Teacher Ding is from Tongzhou District, Nantong City, Jiangsu Province. The couplet of this couplet is: Nantong House, North Tongzhou, and North Tongzhou connects the north and the south; What's the next step?

Health: East Pawnshop, West Pawnshop and East Pawnshop are things.

Teacher: Shall we read this couplet together?

Student: (Read couplets together)

Teacher: The teacher is very happy. Where does happiness come from? Just now, everyone read a very nice and loud voice. Teachers like it, so reading should be like this. Today, we have a composition class together, how to write touching moments around us. Do you like writing compositions?

Health: I don't like it (like it)!

Teacher: Just confirm it again!

Health: No!

Teacher: Oh, some students like it and some students don't. Writing a composition is really, I love you is not easy! Scholar Zhou said: the happiness of writing is the happiness of talking to yourself. A person who really loves writing loves himself. It seems that all happiness, only after being shared by this self, is true happiness. It seems that he talks to people just to talk to himself. He always repeats every wonderful theory to himself.

PPT presentation:

The fun of writing is the fun of talking to yourself. A person who really loves writing loves himself. It seems that all happiness, only after being shared by this self, is true happiness. It seems that he talks to people just to talk to himself. He always repeats every wonderful theory to himself.

Students, we are often distressed, and the composition is the same as others. People have fathers and mothers. I have teachers and friends, so do I, as if the stories are all the same. Where are the keys? After we pay attention to life, don't forget our initial heart.

Look at the picture and talk first.

(PPT tip: the little girl on the ruins of the earthquake in Japan, the women and children in the Iraq war, the mother led the children to donate money in the sun)

Teacher: What do you see? What is the feeling you want to say most? This is a little girl on the ruins of the recent earthquake in Japan. I found a girl to talk about it.

Health: I feel that kind of distressed feeling. In China, such a little girl should be like the one in the mountains who has no books to read.

Teacher: This is the little girl on the ruins of the earthquake in Japan ... What do you think?

Health: I don't think she has anything to eat

Teacher: Where can I tell?

Health: She is eating her fingers.

Teacher: All right, class, watch carefully and quietly.

Health: I can see from her eyes that she needs help.

Teacher: Oh, she is helpless.

Health: I can see her hope for her family.

Teacher: Oh, she misses her once warm home.

Health: Judging from her hair, there is no adult to take care of her. He's a little pathetic. She must be thinking about her family.

Health: I can see that the little girl is very strong. Maybe her family is gone, but she didn't cry.

Teacher: Look at the second picture. This is a little girl in the Iraq war.

Health: I can see that her expression is very scared. She longs for peace.

Teacher: I can see from her expression that she is afraid of war and eager for peace.

Health: It can be seen from her expression that she longs for peace, does not want war, and hopes to live in a peaceful age.

Teacher: The little boy is right. Can you take a closer look?

Health: I saw the haze of war in her eyes.

Teacher: I watched The Haze of War, which was very good.

Health: I saw fear in her frightened expression, which made people feel distressed and felt that I should call for peace.

Teacher: I heard from my classmates that compassion is very good!

Health: From the smoke in the distance and the women with children in their arms, I saw the pain of family destruction and death.

Teacher: If you look farther, you can see the background of this painting and the smoke of war. Let's look at another picture. The mother led the children to donate money in the sun.

Health: I see love and sympathy.

Teacher: You see love and sympathy. What does this picture show? Look at the picture.

Health: People need help?

Teacher: Look at the picture.

Health: (Silence)

Teacher: Well, sit down and think about it.

Health: I have seen a happy life brought by peace, and they all have the ability to donate. This means that we can live a happy life.

born ...

Teacher: Well, tell me about your inner experience. In fact, when we observe the outside world, we should observe our own hearts. Two days ago, Teacher Ding reread The Beauty of Returning to Classicism. He said: When Zheng Banqiao paints, he not only has bamboo in his eyes, but also in his heart, so his paintings are full of bamboo and lifelike. What's next? Our classmates think quietly, think quietly and return to our hearts. There are always some moments that make us remember, and there are always some moments that make us cry with joy ... why do you keep this story in your heart? We quietly return to our lives and our hearts.

(Students think quietly. The classroom is very quiet)

Teacher: Who do you have in mind? What do you have in mind? Why didn't you tell me?

Student: What impressed me most was that I won the first prize in the class chorus competition. Because we have worked hard together, we will hide it in our hearts.

Teacher: That was an award-winning experience, wasn't it? I have a deep inner memory.

Health: It is my primary school teacher who hides in my heart. He is very kind to me. He teaches me math. But from junior high school, from grade one, my math is not very good, and I feel very sorry for him. So keep it in your heart. Now I want to learn math well and repay him with practical actions.

Teacher: Well, what are the short stories? Hide in your heart. Speaking of classes, speaking of teachers ... do you mind?

Health: I thought of my mother. In that kind of family, mom and dad sometimes quarrel over some things, and they always feel a little. ...

Teacher: Oh, you think of family. The two students thought of the teachers and classmates at school, and this one thought of his family and mother. What a warm sentence.

All right, this classmate, you tell me.

Health: What I remember vividly is a pigeon. Once a pigeon was hung upside down on the balcony by something. Several times, the pigeon's feet are close to the balcony, but they can't fly and struggle ... which reminds me that every animal should cherish life. I keep this story in my heart because it has always encouraged me.

Teacher: OK, please sit down! Alas, our classmates think of home from school and pigeons from people.

Health: Hidden in my heart are my mother's tears. I used to be rebellious, and what I said made my mother very sad, and then once, I especially hurt her heart. My mother's eyes are red, leaving a tear in the corner of her eye.

Teacher: Your mother's tears make you remember deeply. What about this classmate?

Student: The story hidden in my heart is that I came to other places in the first day of junior high school and didn't know much about Sichuan dialect because I was not a local. My classmates communicated with me, and I was a little ashamed, thinking that I was different from others.

Teacher: What about now?

Student: Now I can speak and understand some Sichuanese, and my classmates also communicate with me. Our Chinese teacher, our head teacher, teaches me in Mandarin.

Teacher: Teachers and classmates have solved your inner pain. Anything else?

Health: Silence.

Teacher: Our lives often drift away. How can I record it? Does that classmate have such an experience? Sometimes we think of it, but we can't say it; Sometimes it's said. It's hard to write it down. Let's look at some classics-Zhu Ziqing's back.

PPT display: fragment 1

It was not difficult to see him limping to the railway and leaning down slowly, wearing a small black hat, a big black jacket and a dark blue cotton robe. But it is not easy for him to climb the platform over there when he crosses the railway. He climbed up with both hands, and his feet shrank again; His fat body leans slightly to the left, showing signs of hard work. Then I saw his back, and my tears soon flowed down. I quickly wiped away my tears for fear that he or others would see me. ...

-Excerpt from Zhu Ziqing's "Back"

Have all the students in Grade Two studied it?

Health: Yes.

Teacher: The students in Grade One didn't study.

Student: I have seen it after class.

Teacher: OK, let's read it together.

Student: Read it all at once.

Teacher: We remember this passage deeply. Why? Who wants to talk?

Health: Because by writing about the process of father buying oranges for his son, the father's love for his son is reflected.

Teacher: You speak very well from the point of view of content!

Health: I showed my father's love for his son from the way he bought oranges for his son.

Teacher: What action?

Health: It can be seen from "staggering", "climbing", "shrinking" and "his fat body leans slightly to the left, showing the appearance of hard work".

Teacher: This is a description of the action of the characters, or a description of the details. Why does the author use these words? Think about it, why? Can these words be replaced?

Teacher: May I invite the first-year students to talk?

Health: Because it can show that when the father bought oranges for his son, he walked very hard.

Teacher: Oh, it means that Dad walked very hard. Then why can't you change it to another word?

Health: My father is not only difficult, but also fat. My father works hard just to help me buy some oranges. From here, we can deeply understand my father's deep love for me.

Teacher: What you said just now is quite right, and Teacher Ding agrees. Because my father is a fat man, what else?

Health: He is short.

Teacher: Oh, he is short. How old is it?

Health: old!

Teacher: Yes, I am old. There is another situation. Senior two students have studied the full text and all know that it never rains but it pours at home. My grandmother died and my father gave up his job. In this state of mind, my father went to buy oranges. My father is old and obese, so the father who climbed onto the platform used these words: crawling, shrinking and leaning slightly, showing the appearance of hard work.

One thing to note here: not all delicate descriptions are details, you know? This action, language or other things can reflect and express this person's characteristics and his mood, which can be called detail description. There is a difference between exquisiteness and detail.

Then another reason is that the author can write so carefully and show this scene in his later writing, which makes us moved. Have you read it? We should read this article.

Health: and the author's self-expression, "I quickly wiped away my tears, fearing that he would see it and others would see it." From this point of view, the relationship between him and his father was not very close before, but this time he bought oranges and saw the back that moved him. He cried, which showed that he felt deeply inside and reflected the author's deep love for his father.

Teacher: what I said in the front is very good, but it is a little biased in the back. As mentioned above, at this time, the author and his father's hearts have been completely integrated, and his father went to buy oranges. Did his eyes leave his father?

Health: No.

Teacher: His eyes never left his father, so he naturally shed tears. What does this give us? What we think in our hearts is so vivid and emotional, right?

Let's look at another paragraph:

PPT display: Part 2

She never scolds us Only once did her pointer seem to have dropped. I greeted it with a slate, and the pointer tapped on the edge of the slate. Everyone laughed, and so did she. I noticed with the child's sly eyes that she loves us and doesn't really want to fight. How good children are at observing this!

-Excerpted from Wei Wei's My Teacher.

This is written by my teacher, Mr. Cai. This is also a moment between teachers and students. What do you think has the greatest influence on you?

Health: I think what infects me most is that the teacher wants to play the pointer, but his teacher doesn't.

Teacher: So, the teacher is pretending, so what makes you understand the language? You read it.

Health: She loves us and doesn't really mean to fight.

Teacher: Oh, is this my understanding of the teacher at that time? Everyone laughed, and so did she. I also feel that the teacher is not really playing from here, right? Then the author wrote his own inner experience. Let's read together.

Health: (read it all at once). I noticed with the child's sly eyes that she loves us and doesn't really want to fight. How good children are at observing this!

Teacher: Last class, we read many famous books. Let's think about the two classic clips we just had. What methods can be refined to really impress people? We all know the first one?

Health: Be good at observation.

Teacher: Yes, we should be good at observing the outside world. What else should we observe?

Health: the inner world

Teacher: Yes, we should be good at observing not only the external world, but also the inner world. That is to observe the touching moment in life, seize this moment and intercept this fragment. Second, what should we do?

Health: Experience with your heart.

Teacher: What you said is really good! You should integrate your feelings. What else is there? You can also use the writing method we used last time.

I think it's easy to write the first and second points.

PPT presentation:

Method extraction:

1.

2. Integrate into yourself and walk into your heart.

3. Mobilize a variety of characterization methods to highlight details.

Teacher: Just before class, I received a short message. Who sent it? It's my mother. Children go to Wan Li Road, but mothers worry. Ask me if the class has started? Today, I also brought an article to my classmates to see how the teacher achieved these three aspects. The title is Wild Celery (read by the teacher).

PPT presentation: ingredients in water

Wild celery

Webb ding

When my mother came, it was still my familiar smile. I stroked my hair with broad and rough hands. I don't know how many times I've said it: "Why don't I gain weight?" My mother is very dissatisfied with my thinness for no reason. Mother raised a plastic bag from the hanging basket: "Son, what do you think your mother brought you?" I took it and couldn't help shouting-"Wild celery, wild celery, my delicious food!" Green and tender wild celery, mother cleaned it up. ...

Wild celery is edible and delicious. What I remember most is when I was in the third grade, which was twenty years ago.

In the third grade, I live on campus and go home once a month. For boarders, I'm afraid there is nothing more exciting than going home. At that time, we were not as good as children now. You can watch TV when you go home, and there are many delicious foods waiting for you. My mother is an ordinary rural woman and my father works in a small collective unit. A family like ours simply can't afford to send two children to school. But my mother stubbornly insisted that my brother and I should study and that we should finish high school. In the countryside at that time, mother's behavior was almost incomprehensible.

Every time I go home, my mother always tries her best to improve our lives. In fact, the best thing my mother can do is to put more oil in her home cooking and fry two eggs. The most extravagant thing is that her mother caught some fresh fish. Mother is clever and capable. She often changes her methods to cook delicious home-cooked dishes.

Once when I came home, my mother mysteriously said to me, "Mom cooked a good dish for you today!" " "Unless mom catches some big fish again? Unexpectedly, what my mother held out was a mess of "wild vegetables", green and green. Mother pinched off the hairy roots one by one and removed the leaves, leaving only tender, reddish stems. My mother looked at me squatting aside, smiling and busy. Wash and chop into inches, then cut a handful of leeks, wash and chop into inches, and wipe some egg skins. Mother was in high spirits and sweating profusely. A pot of fragrant cooking was served on the table, and my mother smiled and said, "This is wild celery, which tastes good. "Pick up a chopstick and put it in my bowl. When I chew it, there is really an unspeakable sweetness that permeates my heart and spleen. Mother saw me gobbling, her big eyes bent with laughter, her face rippled with joy and comfort, and she often stroked my hair.

Twenty years later, my mother is old, but her bright smile and the fragrance of wild celery have been branded in my heart and scattered in my heart, which has become my eternal touch.

(This article was published in Oasis, No.2, 2005)

The whole classroom is full of deep warmth. After the teacher finished reading, the students couldn't help clapping. )

Teacher: Everyone has everyone's story. These stories are common, and this moment is common, but they can cheer us up and make us laugh, even laugh wildly. Let us cry, even burst into tears, crying, or perhaps a little shaken and moved in our hearts.

Students, I believe that there must be such a true story from your true feelings just now. Let's get a pen and write down such a fragment. All right, let's go.

Our first-year students should also move to write a clip and communicate later.

In class, our classmates should not only move, but also be quiet.

Teacher: well, some students' fragments are almost written. Students who have finished writing communicate with each other.

See if there's anything that suits you. How do you use some methods of character description to express characters?

Ok, let's communicate. Who will show it? Boys show first, okay? Who comes first, the two boys in the back? Ok, you go first. Our classmates listened carefully to see if he was in the clip, very good. What can be improved?

Student: ..... (The student's voice is very low and he can't hear clearly) The chorus is performed by Class 7, Grade 2. After I heard it ... (inaudible) For four long minutes, my feet were a little soft and a little hard.

Teacher: You tell me.

Health: He expressed his nervousness by writing down his feelings.

Teacher: He writes well, and so do you! The boy watched your clip again. Don't be nervous at this time. Read your own articles like Zhu Ziqing, and men will show a little confidence and open their voices.

Health: Somehow, my heart is beating so fast that I can't stand on my feet. It seems like an earthquake. At this moment, I heard the chorus of Class 7, Grade 2. After listening, my body was as weak as a dead branch. I moved my feet and followed the team onto the stage. After the line, I stood there. My feet were soft and hard, so it dragged on for four long minutes.

Teacher: He wrote about his nervousness before he came to power, and wrote his true feelings with figurative rhetoric. Everything around him makes him nervous.

Health: The twittering of birds brought me back to the real world. The thatched tile houses around have long been replaced by high-rise buildings. At this time, I was in a strange environment, surrounded by classmates' eyes. They all speak languages I don't understand. They asked me again and again, and I could only say, "Sorry, I don't understand!" " My heart is crying: don't go near, I don't understand your language. Please don't come near me again! Now mine can only be a bird laughed at by you at best. The only past is the present, and all I record is helplessness!

Teacher: You have just arrived in a strange place, and you feel helpless inside. You don't understand other people's languages, do you? From the method point of view, Mr. Ding is only from the content.

Health: She used psychological description to write about her fear of the surrounding environment.

Teacher: Oh, use psychological description to express fear. Because of the fear and rejection of not knowing the language, there is also inferiority. Very good!

Health: Time is still stuck in boring newspaper reading time. I waited impatiently for the bell to ring in the classroom, but the heavy rain outside the window became more and more reckless. My home and school are only a few tens of meters away. If I go home in the rain, I can still make it. Suddenly, a classmate brought an umbrella and said, "Your mother is working overtime tonight. She said you shouldn't forget to wash your feet. The food is on the table. " My eyes are red ... I can imagine my mother struggling to climb to the fourth floor, then panting to give her umbrella to her classmates and then going back to work at a galloping speed. I began to wonder: can I live up to her deep love?

Teacher: Alas, this classmate is very clever. We often see her mother playing an umbrella in rainy days, but she used her imagination to show how hard it was for her mother to climb the fourth floor and how she hurried to work. Novel angle, very good!

do you want to see it ? Oh, this girl.

Health: I didn't remember my father's words until I was exhausted from exercise: Go home quickly! I looked at my mobile phone, and all six missed calls were from my father. I looked at the time. It's six fifty-two. I got on my bike in a hurry and went home. I knocked at the door and my father opened it. I blushed. Looking at the wrinkles and locked brows on my father's forehead, it seems that there is less anger and less anger. I thought he was going to hit me, but he didn't. He hugged me and said, "Eat!" "My tears came out," dad, I'm sorry! " "

Teacher: Is it well written?

Health: Good!

Teacher: Great! The feeling of flesh and blood is so subtle that she wrote it because she felt it in her heart. Our classmates are really excellent. Anything else? You come.

Health: (more inaudible) ...

Teacher: Who did you write? What's his status?

Health: Boss.

Teacher: Your writing is very similar. Read your article confidently, the teacher is very ugly. But we can feel that you write the boss vividly, how to hold a briefcase and how to wear a hat, right? It's good.

Students, writing is not taught by teachers. The teacher can't teach you how to write one, two and three in this lesson, but I think we have collected so many details as long as we put our hearts into life. ...

You still want to study, don't you? All right, then you do it.

Health: Looking at her, tears will flow down like water drops. She's still the woman I know. On the surface, she and her classmates are much more distinguished. For me who want to treat her as my sister, her dignity is a nightmare. Innocent, her innocence in the past is just a memory in my mind, with a little irony, revealing her unbearable past with contemptuous hands (I didn't hear it clearly after listening to it three times) ...

This is my sadness when my friends tell my secret to the whole world.

Teacher: I can understand your sadness. Your eyes, waving hands and tone of voice all reflect your sadness.

Learning to write is a slow job, you know? This is a private job, not your own. That kind of emotion is very subtle. I'm laughing. Why am I laughing? Write it down; I'm crying. Am I sad? Is it moving? I write it down with my pen. Come into our hearts, son, your words will shine, and you will touch yourself and others.