Complete works of jokes and poems

A commodity salesman went to Guangzhou on business. After arriving in Beijing, he wants to go there by plane. Afraid that the manager wouldn't agree to the reimbursement, he sent a telegram to the manager: "Take it when you have the chance, or don't take it." The manager received the telegram and thought it was an "opportunity" to close the deal. He immediately called back: "Seize the opportunity."

The salesman came back from a business trip to reimburse the travel expenses, and the manager refused to reimburse the air ticket expenses on the grounds that he was not qualified to fly. The salesman took out his manager's call back and the manager was dumbfounded.

Once upon a time, there was a landlord who loved chickens. The tenant rented his field, but he had to be given a chicken first.

A tenant named Zhang San went to pay the rent to the landlord at the end of the year and rented it out the next year. When he went, he put a chicken in a bag, and after paying the rent, he told the landlord about renting the land for the next year. He insisted that his hands were empty, opened his eyes and said, "There are no three kinds of land." Zhang Sanming understood the meaning of this sentence and immediately took the chicken out of the bag.

As soon as the landlord saw the chicken, he immediately changed his tune and said, "If you don't give it to Zhang San, who will you give it to?"

Zhang San said, "Your words have changed so quickly!"

The landlord replied, "That sentence just now was' nonsense', and now it is said by accident."

On one occasion, two scholars visited Ouyang Xiu, a great writer in the Song Dynasty. On the way, they happened to be sitting in the same boat with Ouyang Xiu, but neither of them knew Ouyang Xiu.

These two scholars also know a little about poetry, but they think they are experts. At this moment, a white goose suddenly jumped into the water, and the two of them couldn't help being poetic and picturesque by generate. One man shouted, "There is a goose on the shore," another man replied, "Jump into the river."

Both of them muttered to themselves, but they couldn't recite the following poem or make up a poem. Seeing that they were in a hurry, Ouyang Xiu helped to sing: "White hair floats with green water, and red palms stir up clear waves."

The two scholars were surprised to see Ouyang Xiu say such a good poem, but on second thought, they felt something was wrong. One of them shouted at Ouyang Xiu: "You are so thick-skinned. Is this poem yours? " Ouyang Xiu smiled and said, "This poem is really not mine. It was written by Luo, one of the four outstanding figures in the early Tang Dynasty, when he was a child. " Hearing this, the two men laughed: "I tell you, with your appearance, you can also read poetry." Ouyang Xiu just laughed.

Soon, three people got off the boat. Two scholars saw a pile of ash on the shore and wanted to show their poems. One man shouted, "Look at a pile of ashes from a distance", and another added, "Look at a pile of ashes from a distance." Due to lack of talent, the two of them can't stand it any longer. I saw Ouyang Xiu chanting unhurriedly, "A gust of wind starts and the sky is full of snow." Hearing this, they were all surprised, knowing that Ouyang Xiu was singing a good poem, but they were unwilling to give up. One of them pretended to say, "This is not a clever sentence, so-so." The other said, "I'm connected, but I'm a little reluctant."

They walked on, and soon they saw a dead tree by the roadside. One scholar chanted, "A dead tree by the roadside", and another chanted, "Two big branches."

Two people want to sing, but can't think of words, so they have to sing these two sentences over and over again, with their eyes straight. Ouyang Xiu couldn't see the past, so he added two sentences to them: "Moss is a leaf from spring to the sun, and snow is a flower in winter." After listening to them, they still refused to give up and continued to compete with Ouyang Xiu. They chanted, "They both went aboard to visit Ouyang Xiu." Ouyang Xiu laughed to himself after hearing this, and immediately said, "Xiu already knows you, and you still don't know how to fix it (shame)."

The leader of a unit loves to drink, and once he drank too much at a public banquet and passed out on the spot. A man played a eulogy and said, "You are a great man, and your stomach has been tested by alcohol." . You are in a bad mood. You have experienced the battle of drinking (lasting) and participated in the battle of filling your stomach (defending your title), but I didn't expect that you didn't wake up as if you were dead (fortunately) after the ninth (China) alcohol and tobacco (research) conference in the wine industry.