If I can, I don't want to be so strong

A person who has been lonely for too long has no choice but to be strong. There is a saying that I am not strong and I am weak.

When I was with my best friend, she said I was much better than her. I smiled and didn't answer.

Our friendship lasted from our school days until we got married. Among them, she has experienced many times in her life to fight monsters alone, and I have experienced various life changes since 2008.

All her stories have become diaries in QQ or talk on WeChat, which makes people feel depressed and legendary after reading them. And all my stories, some written in words, some rotten in my heart, I don't want to mention them again.

2.

Probably in my bones, I inherited my mother's hard-working and forbearing character.

In 2005, I was at work when my cell phone rang in my pocket. Pick it up and see, it's dad.

If there is nothing at home at ordinary times, under normal circumstances, you will not call me. At that time, my heart was tight and I didn't know what happened. I was in Guangdong, and my father told me that a house was being built at home.

One night, my mother stood on the first floor and looked up. Half a brick fell from the second floor and hit her nose, bleeding profusely.

It was getting dark at that time, and my home was about six miles away from the town. My mother was afraid of trouble, so she simply wiped the bleeding wound with household toilet paper. One night, I used a pile of toilet paper and my blood became a bowl.

When my father called me, it had been several days. I blame my father for not taking my mother to the hospital. My father said that your mother was afraid of trouble and didn't want to go.

Mom is such an ordinary housewife, who has been quietly paying for the family. All the hardships and pains were silently endured by herself. Whether intentionally or unintentionally, I was also influenced by my mother.

3.

I used to think that "Qiang" was a beautiful word, and I especially hated it this year.

Last Spring Festival, all relatives got together for a reunion dinner.

After one of my brothers got married, he became a good man with dedication and responsibility. Two people have been married for more than ten years, and the husband sings with the woman. From Wuhan to Beijing, he is responsible for making money to support his family, and she is responsible for beauty.

In my impression, my sister-in-law doesn't go to work much. At that family gathering, they showed their love. My sister-in-law joked to a table and said, "On Valentine's Day, my husband gave his wife a red envelope of 520, but in our family, it was just the opposite." My brother is snickering and someone is booing. Who told you that your family is henpecked?

A woman marries the right person in marriage, which is probably the case. You don't need to work hard, you don't need to be tempered into a woman.

4.

Recently, the body has been plagued by female physical diseases, and various large and small examinations have been done many times. No problem, but it's always uncomfortable every once in a while.

That feeling is probably that you are trying to live the life you want, but you are caught off guard.

I got into the habit of seeing a doctor and looking for an older expert. First, because you are always looking for a doctor, she knows your illness like the back of her hand; Second, because old age represents rich practical clinical experience.

There were many people that day, and there were queues inside and outside the house. At this time, for the doctor, the patient is probably equivalent to assembly line work, registration, asking about the condition, various examinations, and there is no temperature in the speech.

5.

When it was my turn, the expert said that hysteroscopy was needed in this case.

I asked her carefully, will it hurt? She replied impatiently, are you still afraid of death and want to play anesthetic?

Dragging a tired body, shuttling through the crowd, taking numbers, drawing blood, testing, waiting for the results, my mood fell to the bottom.

At three o'clock in the afternoon, I got the results and went to see the experts again. There are no patients in the clinic at this time, only she is chatting with the nurse opposite.

After reading the examination, the expert said nothing, looked up at the clock on the wall and told me to take the time to do hysteroscopy.

I'm scared to death. Maybe I love my feathers too much. If I can, I want to do my best to protect them.

I insisted on taking medicine, and the expert was a little impatient, saying that I was addicted to taking medicine, and sternly asked me to sign the medical record.

She gave me a prescription after signing it. I asked her two questions: 1. Do I have to do hysteroscopy in this situation? 2. How long does it take to stay in hospital?

Experts told me not to do hysteroscopy, but you did it again and again. Hysteroscopy helps to find the focus, depending on whether your cause is inflammation, cancer, menopause or endocrine disorder. The hospitalization time is 3 days.

I told the doctor that I was sure there was no inflammation or cancer cells, because those tests were normal, and the doctor's attitude eased a lot, and he didn't say much.

6.

When I returned to my residence, I recalled the doctor's words, ate my meal, and tears came down unwillingly, and then I burst into tears.

Imagine lying in a hospital bed for three days, with no one around to take care of yourself, while enduring physical pain and eating takeout. How miserable is this life?

A few days ago, there was a post on the internet, which was probably: How did you spend the low point of your life? I replied that this moment was the bottom of my life. I work silently in the city and strive to improve myself. I don't want to disturb anyone, and I won't contact anyone again …

If I can, I really don't want to be so strong ...