Talk about the "siege" mentality

After turning 30, I had a deeper understanding of the phrase "People outside the city want to rush in, and people inside the city want to escape" in Qian Zhongshu's "The Besieged City".

I have a good friend. Although he was born in a working-class family, he is beautiful, has exquisite facial features, a lovable personality, is also very smart, and is sincere and kind to others. After graduating from graduate school, he stayed in Fuzhou to teach in universities. After working, I married a handsome and rich boy. After the marriage, I had no shortage of villas and luxury cars. After the marriage, I also gave birth to a lovely son and a daughter. I was really envious of others. It can be said that her life can be said to be the dream of many girls - after studying, her foundation will be improved; after graduation, her life will be changed; after she gets married, her level will be improved; after raising children, her life will be complete...

I also bless her from the bottom of my heart and feel that she should be someone who can get more happiness. God created Ke'er, so he should give special care to Ke'er. However, during a small gathering, we chatted for a long time. She said: "Although there is nothing lacking in life, there is no special pursuit of the current living situation. Just maintain the current balance." Her words seemed to be filled with the anxiety of seeking balance in a delicate wealthy family. Affection)". It seems that I am envious of the equality of status in ordinary people's homes. They don't have to worry too much and can live truly and happily.

It turns out that even the most enviable person has his own troubles and sorrows. You are looking at others, and others are looking at you; you envy others' humbleness, and others envy your arrogance; you envy others' truth, and others envy your disguise; you envy others' wealth, and others envy your freedom; you envy others Others' status, others envy your equality...

A few days ago, another good friend talked to me for a long time, saying that after the young years when youth was spent willfully, the days are getting worse and worse. The more we return to the ordinary, sometimes I think that even the courage to pursue refinement has been exhausted, or to put it another way, there are fewer and fewer ritualistic lives. In the words, some people complained that my husband was not interesting, had little sense of ritual, and did not do enough things that could satisfy his inner feelings. I persuaded her that life is inherently plain, just like a cup of boiled water. If you taste it carefully, you will have the sweetness of honey; if you have a bad attitude, it will be bitterer than coffee. Women, don't be too pretentious. If you are too pretentious, life will be tiring.

Marriage may be destined by God. If the relationship is deep, the closer we get together, the longer we will stay together; if the relationship is shallow, the separation will be faster, and the separation will be faster. You can't clearly decide who is right and who is wrong. In the scale of marriage, you can never use a scale to measure its weight. What the heart desires, what the heart thinks, and what the heart desires are always the most beautiful pursuits. Even if things go against your wishes in the end and you fail to achieve your original wish, don't be obsessed with regretting it for the rest of your life. It is enough to keep the good things in the past in your heart, but it is enough to seal the bitter memories. It is reasonable to believe that it exists.

Live in the present, believe that all encounters are not accidental, and all stay together have their rationality. In marriage, every free and rational choice in marriage must be respected. The existing emotions and dissatisfaction are all urgent motivations to improve the relationship. We must actively find a balance point that suits each other, improve the quality of love, and improve the quality of love. Give love the freedom to fully breathe, and let love always warm each other.

? Ink is like smoke 2022.4.19