How to speak without offending people?

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Everyone must have offended someone, and I believe you are no exception. As we all know, even the most talkative person may still offend others. For example, Cai Kangyong is recognized as a talker in the entertainment circle, but even so, Cai Kangyong offended Andy Lau at the Golden Horse Awards Ceremony in 2003.

Later, at the Golden Horse Awards Ceremony in 2004, Cai Kangyong put on a mask to apologize, and resolved the knot with Andy Lau.

Well, you see, even a good talker may offend others, not to mention people like you and me.

So, don't underestimate that you can't offend others. In fact, there is a lot of knowledge in it.

So, why on earth does speech offend people? In fact, most problems in interpersonal communication are dealing with feelings. When we offend others when we speak, it is because we make them feel uncomfortable inside.

When a person feels bad inside, he will hate you for it. Either he sees you flashing far away, or he is aiming at you everywhere. Either way, it is not what we want.

So, here's the problem. How should I speak so as not to make the other person uncomfortable?

Communication should always be on an equal footing. What is equal status? In other words, we speak in the same position. All effective communication should stand in the position of reciprocity, and there is no way of communication.

Many people often accidentally offend others when communicating. For example, a colleague did a good job, and at this time you said to him, "Well, your boy did a good job. Alas, it looks like a compliment, but why doesn't the other party look a little happy after listening to it?

Why is this? Because this sentence is very similar to what the supervisor said to his subordinates, there is no equivalence.

On the contrary, if you say, "You did a good job. Or "I should study hard with you. "At this time, the other party will feel more comfortable.

Therefore, we must remember that when chatting with peers, we must speak from the standpoint of reciprocity. Unless you are the boss or supervisor of the other party, the other party will feel uncomfortable when you make them feel that you are speaking in an elder tone.

Know how to make good use of empathy sentences. Another situation may be that we inadvertently offended others, that is, we made them feel that we ignored his feelings, that is, they felt that you didn't care about him at all.

How to deal with this situation? We can use "empathy sentence".

The so-called empathy sentence pattern is to let the other person know that we have seen it and understand the other person's feelings by retelling the other person's current situation.

For example, when a person is angry, you can say, "I know how you feel. If it were me, I might be angry, too. This sentence is definitely better than what you said: "Oh, don't be angry, just calm down. "This is useful.

The most basic empathy sentences often begin with "So you …" or "I miss you …".

For example, "I think you should be very upset now?" Or: I think you might need to talk to someone? "Wait, these are empathy sentences.

There are many kinds of empathic sentence patterns, but these two basic sentence patterns can help us form the habit of caring about others.

So, why use "empathy sentence"?

Simply put, empathy can make others like us more. When you use empathy, the other person will think that we understand his feelings, and the other person will feel that he is understood.

Many people offend people because they don't show empathy. The other person thinks that you don't understand his feelings at all. Empathy sentence patterns are used to tell each other that I understand your feelings.

Don't let people think that you have ulterior motives. Another special case is that you may have no malice, but the other party thinks you have ulterior motives.

For example, have you ever asked someone on Facebook or by phone: "When are you free? 」

The biggest problem with this sentence is: others don't know what you want? If you are such close friends, you may not have this problem, because he knows you well enough.

But if it is in the workplace, it is different. The other person may think, I don't know what you want me to do, I feel as if you want to use me.

This sentence is very similar to someone telling you through Line or Facebook: "Are you there?" And then said nothing else, you really don't know what others want.

This kind of situation should be avoided as much as possible, because the other party usually doesn't know how to reply when hearing such words. To make matters worse, the other party may think that you have ulterior motives and stay away from you.

Don't let others think you are superior. Sometimes, even if we don't mean it, others may think you are talking about him.

For example, you say to A, "This question is so simple, why did it take you so long to figure it out?" ? At this time, if someone stands next to you and he just doesn't understand the problem, he will feel as if you are talking about him, even if you are talking about someone, not him, he will think you are talking about him.

In other words, when we speak, we should avoid acting as if we are superior. Don't give people the impression that you are superior and others are inferior.

Conclusion Most problems in interpersonal relationships are related to personal "feelings". If you want to speak without offending people, you must handle the inner feelings of others. There are four points to be noted about not offending people.

1. Communication should always be on an equal footing.

2. Know how to make good use of empathy sentences.

Don't let people think you're hiding something.

Don't let others think you are superior.

If we want to talk, we can't offend people. What we have to do is to deal with the problem of "feeling". When you can make others feel better inside, they will like you more.