Written before unblocking

When I woke up today, I was confused for a moment, and suddenly realized that it was May! It's almost summer. . .

Thinking of it this way, a year has passed like this. . .

Suddenly I realized that the end of the lockdown was not far away

However, when I realized it, I was not excited, but mixed emotions followed:

I feel a little reluctant, wondering if I have gradually adapted to home life; I feel a little regretful, as it seems that the long vacation has just passed by and I haven’t done anything particularly fruitful; however, the most important thing is fear, it seems. Social fear seems to be the fear of uncertainty about the future.

I am probably not the first person to feel this way, because there are already jokes on the Internet that use the prison life of a reform-through-labor prisoner to compare this strange experience

The first stage: Fear and anxiety arise due to incompatibility with the environment. The second stage: Negativity, pessimism, and all kinds of denial. The third stage: role change and gradually adapt to prison life. The fourth stage: plead guilty and submit to the law, and be reformed with peace of mind. The fifth stage: the end of labor reform. But I couldn't bear to go to jail. A bit social-phobic. Need to readjust to society.

Although this joke is funny, people who have experienced this incident can understand at least 80% of the feelings, because most criminals will not feel that they have anything when they go to jail. It was wrong, and it was executed suddenly. There was hope for the executor at first, then resentment, anger, and then no hope at all. So in principle, it does have something in common with us.

This reminds me of the scene in "The Shawshank Redemption" where Brooks, a prisoner who served 50 years in prison, committed suicide with a gun after regaining his freedom, leaving behind the words "Brooks was here". It turned out that it was not the long-term prison life that caused mental abnormality, but just human nature.

At the same time, I am also surprised at how adaptable people are. For someone like me who has never stayed at home for more than two days in a row, I can’t believe that I can go 50 days without going out. , and it was with a family. Especially my parents, these days I probably spend as much time with them as I did in the past 5 or even 10 years combined, because we used to be in different places, and even at home we only had short interactions after get off work, and even on weekends we would go out to play together. , like this, in a closed space for so long, I think it is really a miracle. However, it is not as scary as I imagined. On the contrary, I feel that I have finally become closer to my parents, and I can talk to them about my true feelings. Although our cognitions and positions are different, we can tolerate each other. This is also This is one of the biggest gains of YQ this time.

Of course, there are also some bad changes. For example, I spent almost half of last year studying myself and trying to overcome social fear and achieved preliminary results. It seems that I have returned to the starting point. My speech is a little slow, my thinking has also slowed down, and I even doubt whether I can still cope with the people and things at work after I go out. I actually thought that it would be nice to stay at home like this without seeing anyone.

However, people must always have hope and always look forward. Only by moving forward with the good and abandoning the bad and all kinds of constraints can we gain true freedom. Otherwise, even if the lockdown is lifted, we will still gain symbolic freedom but fail to regain spiritual freedom, just as what is said in "Xiao" People spare your life but take away your most precious things.

Finally, I ended with a classic line from "Xiao", "I think only a free man can feel this excitement. A free man embarks on a long journey towards an uncertain future." We can all be free~