Tell me a joke.

a slip of the tongue of laughter! A terrible slip of the tongue!

when a bowl fell, it was a big scar.

when I was a child, my sister asked me what time it was, and I replied: three poles (half past three)!

3 once, I weighed myself at home and asked my boyfriend, how much is 47 kilograms?

4 The first sentence when I went back to my dormitory always asked, "Did anyone call me?"

5 When I was in high school, I went to a restaurant with my classmates, and after ordering a few dishes, I was still wondering whether to add anything. Originally, I wanted to say scrambled eggs with tomatoes, but I blurted out-scrambled tomatoes with tomatoes ...................................................................... Accidentally poured the soup, and all the tissues were used up. My cousin shouted "Hurry up, hurry up, go to the toilet paper to get the toilet"

7 The things at the same table fell to the ground, bent down to pick up my partner and stepped on it with her foot, only to step on her hand.

She was furious: "Dare to step on my foot? ！”

8 At a literary evening, the host came to the stage to announce: Please enjoy the following: Xinjiang song and dance, lift your skull!

creepy! ! ! ! !

9 The exam score was very low, and I complained bitterly that my score was too cheap!

1 tigers don't send cats. You think I'm dying!

when I was in high school, the classroom discipline was chaotic. In a rage, the teacher picked up XXX and said, XXX, stand on the wall for me! ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ The whole class was suddenly cold

12 Once a foreign teacher SHOW Mandarin in a big classroom. I wanted to give him a face and praise him for his standard Mandarin, but the export became your standard.

It's really ordinary. Cold ~~

13 and MM were in front of the stall selling soybean milk fritters. I shouted, "Boss, I want one."

there were so many people in the restaurant that I shouted: boss, have a pepper without seasoning. . . .

The waiter also repeated loudly: Table 11, add a pepper without seasoning! ! ! . . .

16 me: that's our physics teacher. . .

classmate: what do you teach?

me: chemistry. . .

17 In the Internet cafe, a classmate suddenly raised his hand and shouted, "Teacher!"

18 once, everyone was evaluating the back of a beautiful woman in front. I was going to say "her legs are thick", but it turned out to be "her soil is crisp"

19 Before my mother went out to play mahjong, she said to me, "You put all your clothes in the refrigerator and pick up all the dishes in the washing machine ~ ~ ~ ~

When you sit in the restaurant for 2 minutes, you can just call it" serving by the network manager ".

21 my MM went out shopping one day!

I suddenly saw a crow croaking in the sky!

Then a sentence popped out of her mouth: "This black frog barks like a green crow. . . . $%^@#@%！

22 In high school, we raised the national flag every Monday, and then someone spoke, mainly about some daily behavior norms. Once, I was honored to give a

speech, and I accidentally pronounced "Don't make a noise in the theater" as "Don't make a noise in the brothel". At that time, all the teachers and students in the school were at the

venue, and there were many school leaders. I was so cold. . . .

23 I want to say whether qq is on or not, but it is said whether QQ is on or not.

24 When I read a text in junior high school, it was that XX wandered in the corridor, but I read that XX was lewd in the corridor ... The teacher blushed.

when I was in high school, I went out with my classmates. There was a China Everbright Bank next to the school, which just opened, so there was still a red cloth hanging on the sign ... but the cloth hung on the Chinese character

and blocked the word ... I read it as "China Everbright Bank" ... My classmates were crazy with laughter, and I couldn't hold my head for several years!

26 A person in our dormitory had to pee after drinking too much, and then he brought out a cold remark: If he drank too much, there would be a lot of wine ..

27 Once I listened to the radio, what kind of shopping guide hotline was it. When someone called in, the host asked him, "What's your name?"

"He replied," Don't take your name! ~ ~ ~ ~ "

28 buy oranges, boss: one yuan and 51 Jin. Me: It's too expensive, five yuan and three Jin. Boss: no, no.

29 Read the text aloud in junior high school. . . The joy of the soldiers' victory is on their faces: "We just want to have a monument for everyone! (commemorative coin)

3 just returned to Chengdu, GG and my second brother drove to pick me up for dinner. As soon as I got on the bus, I shouted, Oh, I'm starving. (Actually, I want to say I'm hungry.)

31 I want to express that "the customer is God" but I say "the customer is heaven", so I have been laughed at by my friends ~ ~

32 My friend asked me about the computer configuration, and I said that the monitor is color screen. I was talking about life with a friend. As a result, he said that he now wants to buy a piece of land in the country to raise chickens or something. Life is so boring! ! I said ... why,

but living in the country is quite leisure, all kinds of pigs, raising land ...

34 I went to have a physical examination in my high school class, and when I took my blood pressure, I found that it was a male classmate in junior high school who took my blood pressure, as if I were practicing there.

That mm's sleeve could never be pulled up, so I said to the boy when I was in a hurry. The boy's face turns red at once. Then

mm probably died of cold.

35 was in a hurry. Originally, he wanted to tell the truth, but he turned out to be "the elephant is really white". He was laughed at.

36 He dragged his ass and beat his pants if he didn't listen ...

37 classmates went to the Internet cafe to surf the Internet. Which row did we ask him to sit in?

He said, "Go quickly and sit at the other end of the camera row!

38 In the Internet cafe, I was thinking about getting off the plane, and I wanted to pay the bill, so I shouted, "Boss, stop (rob) the plane!" Khan ...

39 junior high school art evening, grab the answer session

Hostess: "Attention, everyone, don't grab it too fast. When I finished, I started to raise my hand.

Then I started to read the topic and said, "Now open. . 。”

at this time, a contestant rushed to answer.

The host said, "This classmate is a little anxious. I started (shit) in my mouth, so why did you rob me?

The audience burst into laughter

4 When I got up in the morning, my mother asked my brother, "Did you wash your face?" My brother heard "what time is it", and my brother said "it's 8 o'clock", but my mother heard "wiping her face" again, and then said "wiping her face counts as washing her face", which made me laugh.

41 The bean skin in Wuhan Laotongcheng is delicious.

When we went to eat, the cashier said, "Bowl of land"!

42 Xi' an called rice. When my classmates came back from Xi' an, they went into the restaurant and shouted, "Boss, get a bowl of rice!" The boss is cold!

43 Master gave me a braised chicken.

44 Once, my classmates stuttered, and I was anxious: I straightened your tongue (straight) and you were talking! !

45 once my friend and classmates said that he was really charming, but my friend corrected him, and then my friend said it very loudly; I'm going to splash! !

46 In the early morning self-study in junior high school, the representative of Chinese class wrote

"Read the text of lesson 15 silently" on the blackboard. When the deskmate came, he read "Black dog reads the text of lesson 15" while looking at the blackboard.

47 A boy who grew up by the sea boasted to us that he had eaten seafood since childhood, saying that among birds, I usually don't eat pigs, cattle and sheep, but often eat seafood.

48 On my way to school, I once saw an old man sweeping the steps. Because I often saw him sweeping, and I knew that he was voluntary, I was really touched.

I wanted to talk to the old man when I went up. I originally wanted to ask him how old he was, but when I opened my mouth, I became: "How old are you?" Words

that sweat at the exit. . . . . .

49 I went to Sashido for dinner when I was still at school. When ordering, I called a "skin drawing".

5 The political teacher is talking about the inevitability of the development of things in class. When it comes to human beings, give us an example, and there comes a sentence: For example, people become apes!

51 I heard a MM shouting "Give me a bowl of white powder ~!" in the canteen.

52 One day when I was at school, a phone call came to me.

My classmate answered it and handed it to me and said, "Your mother's."

As soon as I answered the phone, I casually said, "Men and women"

Everyone laughed and I was laughed for four years

53 In junior high school, we beat up a man and pushed him to the ground. He said, "A scholar can be humiliated, but not killed!"

when I was in junior high school, I bought a beautiful cup. My deskmate told me that the cup looks good. I said, yes, I bought two specially,

one for brushing teeth and one for gargling. . . .

62 once my classmate's mother called me

I used to say "he's not here", but this time I wanted to say "he's out"

The result was: "he's … gone"

63 once my mother asked me to collect clothes from the balcony. I took them down and asked her where she put them. She was cooking. I was there.

64 gg handed me a sorbet, and I took a bite and shouted, "It burns me to death!" "

65 Go to eat noodles ~ ~ ~ Say to the boss: There are two sides to the soup bowl. . . . . The boss stood there. . .

66 and my sister went to Li Ning to buy shoes. My sister said, "Miss, how much are these shoes?"

67 once I patted my dormitory classmate's stomach, she said loudly, "Don't pat, I have urine in my stomach."

68 classmate went to buy a ticket. When she came back, we asked her what ticket she bought and whether she had a seat. She said that she bought a standing seat, and we were puzzled as to whether she was

standing or sitting.

69 The prices of surfing the Internet in different Internet cafes are not quite the same. Once I went to an Internet cafe that I had never been to, I asked, "Boss, how much time do you have here for an hour?" Actually, I wanted to ask how much it was.

7 I remember my classmate bargained with a girl in the class for a meal. He said, "As the saying goes, you can't have your cake and eat it." I fainted on the spot.

71 I went to a restaurant to eat, and there were not enough spoons on the table, so I shouted, "Boss! ! A plate of spoons ... ~ ~!

72 When I went out with my friend once, I locked my bike and forgot to take my key. When I walked out for a while, I remembered that I still didn't take my key, so I said to my friend, "= =, my train is still hanging on my key ..."

73 Teacher: You are not allowed to take off your clothes in class!

74 One day, one mm in the dormitory suggested that all of us go to eat hot pot in the evening. I immediately objected that "if you don't go, hemorrhoids will grow out again." Another mm immediately responded, "

That is, that is, you see that my face has grown a lot."

all dizzy. . .

A few of the p>75 textbooks were missing. The teacher who went to get them from the library said that there are none here now.

I'll see if there are any = _ = in the internal warehouse.

76 Teacher: This question looks simple, but in fact, it's not difficult.

77 In high school, everyone was given a badge. . Before a check-up, the class teacher ran to the classroom and shouted, put on your bras and come to Zara. . The whole

field was silent. . .

78 Once I had porridge and baked wheat cake at home

I asked my mother: Is baked wheat cake sweet or sweetened?

79 A classmate likes to smoke while defecating.

Once she came out of the toilet, she loudly said to us, "Ah ~ ~ It's so cool to smoke and shit."

Crazy

When the p>8-year-old Kentucky Fried Chicken just came out, an old lady ran and said to the waiter, I'd like some hot diced chicken.

81 This is a real thing that happened to me. In junior high school, we do experiments in biology class and dissect frogs. But it's actually a toad. It's really disgusting

. I feel dizzy. After returning to the classroom, I said, "No, no, I have to take birth control pills (actually, I want to say something to avoid fainting < P >), which is disgusting." It happened to be heard by several male students.

they laughed for a long time, but I haven't reacted yet. Alas, after I understand what it means, I can't lift my head all afternoon.

82 On the National Day of 1999, our department organized a flag-raising ceremony, and a cadre of the Student Union led everyone to take the oath. After that, the buddy said,

"After the oath!" A thousand people in the square laughed wildly.

83 I once asked MM what kind of food you can cook ~

MM quickly replied ... stir-fried persimmon with red eggs ...

Now I don't know what a persimmon is ~ ~ and I don't even know what a red egg is ...

84 One day in junior high school, I heard two classmates talking between classes, as follows:

...

A:

B: Oh, my dad took my mom out on a motorcycle ...

In dormitory p>85, Zhuzhu picked up the phone and said to mm, "Your mom's phone!" Mm picked up the phone and burst into laughter. It turned out that her mother blurted out on the other end of the phone: "Mom!"

86 Next program: playing the only flute

87 The basketball team in the department lost, and a man lamented, "When the team broke up, it was hard to take care of people."

88 went home at school on weekends, became addicted to cigarettes after dinner, and planned to take a walk under an excuse. When changing shoes at the door, dad asked why? I casually said,

"Go for a smoke!" As a result, dad found a pack of 555 from me and gave me a good K.

89 New Year's Eve. Good boy. . . .

9. Two people were bickering, and suddenly a man next to them said, "You really have no food to eat!"

91. I read the classic to my wife while eating, and she laughed to death, so she said to me, "Read it after dinner, or my brain will not digest well!" "

92. A leader of the Education Bureau inspected the exercises between classes. After that, the PE teacher should have announced "dissolution", but in a hurry, he forgot his words and held back for a long time, shouting, "Retreat!"

In p>93, there was a teacher in high school whose surname was Jiang, who looked like Luo Jiaying (who played the Tang Priest on a westward journey). I went to ask him a question and blurted out, "Teacher Tang, this question …

…"

94, a colleague, one day when I was driving on the road, I had a flat tire and asked where there was an inflatable one. My colleague said, "There are abortions everywhere in the street!"

95 once went to dinner and said to the boss when checking out, "Husband, check out!" " At that time, the proprietress was nearby ...

96 A teacher played mahjong all night, and when she saw that the blackboard had not been wiped, she was furious: "Who is the farmer today?" Don't wipe the blackboard! "

97 once, my uncle saw my sister-in-law wearing a big treasure, and suddenly shouted, "You have such good skin, why do you still use a soothing treasure?"

98 The teacher left homework, so I copied others' if I couldn't do it, and then I went to the office to hand in my homework. I saw the teacher say, "I've copied it!" "

99 A gentleman was very nervous on the day of driving test. The examiner embarrassed him and told him to have it on the side of the road