13. Hello, children will ask their parents, "Why do you care about me?" How to properly handle it?

If the child answers such a rhetorical question, it already shows that parents have lost the light of benchmarking and example in the eyes of their children. In this case, what kind of treatment results do parents hope to achieve? Did the child immediately admit his mistake? Is it to make children obey their arrogance immediately? However, why does this mean that the final result must meet the wishes of parents?

Let's talk about movies first. Many people just think that the plot of Stephen Chow's "The Changing Star" is funny, but a careful audience may be able to taste that there is something about family education in the play. The buddy said to his mother, "Giving birth to me is just a side effect. You enjoy the manufacturing process. " Although at first glance, this sentence is a joke, but careful tasting, this sentence also tells how many tragedies of family education failure.

But what methods do we think of to make up for our lack of ability after experiencing failure? The reality is that even if this kind of mistake happens, human nature is used to blaming the victim, and adults also like to blame the child. "I wish I hadn't given birth to you." Such things, after deep reflection and sudden repentance, are easy to revive?

The first problem to be solved is why you can be an example! That is to make you a real role model!

I don't want my children to play with their mobile phones all day, so can you not just brush Tik Tok all day?

I don't like children being distracted for a long time and having simple homework. How many things you usually tell your child are dragging "you wait, I'll play for you later", but the child can never wait for the so-called "wait".

I don't want children to dislike learning. They can play after finishing their homework. Why are there inexplicable exercises after finishing?

These things that I have repeatedly considered and asked myself in my mind can be said to be stingy. I still remember quarreling with my parents many times and saying, "Why do you care about me?" I also vaguely remember the uncomfortable feeling of conflict and game in my heart.

Furthermore, when a conflict occurs, how can we handle it in a friendly way at the first time to prevent the situation from escalating?

The role of parents in the family is black face. Once a dispute really occurs, it is impossible for "black-faced parents" to solve it by themselves, because since they are "black-faced", basically all they can do is to enforce and sanction. As mentioned above, this will only make the situation worse. At this time, "red-faced parents" can act as lubricants. Children will report more trust and confidence to "red-faced parents". We will analyze and solve it together afterwards.

Parents still have to learn one thing, that is, restraint, restraint. In the conflict, the conflict escalated. The psychological trauma that being born in a family can bring to children is "very cost-effective, and the benefits are also considerable." They must know how to avoid flashpoints, avoid sharp edges, step back and let the right people play games. You should admit that you can't do it, not just strengthen your dominance.

When all parties can calm down, family reflection meetings and parents' self-reflection and correction must be seriously implemented. If the child is at fault, it is also clearly listed at this time, so that the listed instructions will not be general, there will be room for refutation, and confusion will arise.

To sum up, children are the finished products mapped by their parents' education, their first teachers are their parents, and the first words children will say may also be their parents who study. Try to be a good example for children's growth!

When I heard the child ask, "Why do you care about me?" My first advice to you is, don't worry, let alone tell him: I am your father, I am your mother, I am your guardian, I don't care who cares about you. Why didn't you tell me to leave me alone when you were a child? ! In fact, the child knows these truths better than anyone else, and he is an asshole. Then what should you do? Might as well give him a cold treatment first. You can smile and say, "Son, what happened today?" . In this way, when the meal is ready, you should wash your hands and eat first, and then have a chance to talk to your mother in detail. "What you said not only eased the atmosphere, gave both sides a step, but also exceeded his psychological expectations. He wants to go against you, but I didn't expect you to give him four or two dollars. He'll be bored himself.

Secondly, I want to tell you that when you hear a child ask you, "Why do you care about me?" It means that your child has entered a rebellious period. From the perspective of developmental psychology, children generally have three rebellious periods in their lives. One is 2 to 3? /kloc-at the age of 0/8, children's rebellious behavior is the first manifestation of life's rebellious period, which is called "baby rebellious period"; Two is 6 to 8? Years old is the second rebellious period, which is called "children's rebellious period"; Third, the age from 12 to 18 is the third rebellious period of life, which is also the "rebellious period of youth" that parents are familiar with and have a headache. Because children have different personality development, different psychological and physiological characteristics in different rebellious periods, parents' coping styles will be different. Of course, as a parent of a child, it is easy for you to judge which period the child is in. For parents who have no proper regrets, I suggest you find some books on developmental psychology and arm yourself first. I won't analyze it in detail here. Because in today's era of information diversification and knowledge explosion, it is not easy to educate children now. I still remember clearly that when I went to a primary school to discuss the education of my children with my parents about ten years ago, I found that there was always a pupil around me, so I asked, "Aren't students required to come to school this afternoon?" He said, "I snuck in. I just want to know what tricks my mother learned today to deal with me? " Therefore, some experts say: the practice of family education today proves that children can make progress every day as long as their parents study hard. "

Third, I want to say with you, "Why do you care about me?" Analyze this sentence in detail, please forgive me if there is anything wrong. Sometimes, when children say, "Why do you care about me?" Many parents usually look for reasons in their children. In fact, some problems are rooted in parents. For example, a father doesn't let his children eat while doing homework, but he eats while playing cards. My son gave him advice many times after seeing it. Whenever my father is happy, he accepts it. But when he was unhappy, instead of listening, he flew into a rage. At first, the child was only dissatisfied with this problem. Later, this dissatisfaction developed into what the father said, and the child did not listen, which led to the more and more serious psychological development of the son's rebellion.

Finally, I want to emphasize that as parents of children, we are the closest relatives of children. We must understand that "children grow regularly and it is not easy for them to grow up." Especially in the face of children in rebellious period, their rebellious performance is often more violent, which is an irrational release of pain and depression under special circumstances. I hope parents and friends will be more patient and understand adolescent children.

When your child says "leave me alone", if it's a boy, slap it out of the door, if it's a girl, just push it out of the door. You hit yourself in the mouth again.

Such children will be a disaster in the future if they are not educated. Without punishment, it is impossible to remember for a long time. To educate children, we must have a disciplinary system to cultivate their self-discipline ability.

Besides, there are your parents' own problems. All children's problems stem from their parents and the surrounding environment. The problems that children have today stem from the fact that you have taken care of too much since childhood, which is too complicated and incorrect. You have taken care of all the things that should not be taken care of when a child grows up. Today, what he doesn't let you take care of is basically ignored. Your child must have enough food and clothing, but you are in charge of food and clothing every day for fear of wronged him. Your child should have walked, rode and hitchhiked to and from school. You should have washed clothes, socks and shoes for your child, but you did it. And your children, from small to large, basically ignored watching TV, playing mobile phones, playing games, buying food and drinking, spending money, and even encouraging them to make good use of it. This is the result of your parents' self-suffering, and I believe that your problems are caused by these contradictions. Yes! ! Ga ga! So punish yourselves at this time! That is to apologize to the child, and you should correct it. What you should do is to be a man, but what you shouldn't do is to do things.

About this problem, it is essentially a family education problem.

First, we should listen to, watch and learn from the traditional classic cultures such as Saint Amethyst and Disciples' Rules, and cultivate children's filial piety.

The ancients said: it is the father's fault to raise but not teach. What is a teacher? A strict missionary. This shows that educating children is the bounden duty of parents.

"It is the father's fault not to teach", which tells us that parents must teach their children the correct attitude of being a man. If you don't educate your children and make them willful, it's your parents' fault.

Parents are also their children's first teachers, and they are "lax in teaching and lazy in teaching". As parents, they can't strictly discipline their children to be polite and cultured children, which reflects their dereliction of duty and laziness. Some parents think that it doesn't matter if children are spoiled blindly when they are young. At the age of 3, they will be sent to kindergarten to receive the education of school teachers. This idea is wrong and needs to be avoided by parents.

Second, parents should lead by example, be filial to their parents first, and then train their children to be filial to their parents from an early age. Know how to be filial to parents.

There is a saying that children are copies of their parents. Parents do it themselves, and children will naturally imitate it. Parents are filial to their parents and children, and they naturally learn it in a harmonious family environment.

I have seen a TV picture before, in which a mother washes her grandmother's feet with foot washing water every night. Soon after, her children also brought a basin of foot washing water to their mother and said in a naive and lovely tone: Mom, wash your feet. This is the power of example.

Third, parents can treat their children as friends and chat with them regularly.

Children are rebellious in adolescence, which is also a necessary stage for every child. Parents should be good at guiding the right direction. Parents and children have a heart-to-heart talk to find out what their children really think about the world, reality, some things and their parents, and let them speak out bravely, no matter right or wrong.

When communicating with children, children can know their parents' desire for success and forget their daughters. The reason why children should be disciplined is because it is the parents' deep affection and expectation for their children, and it is the expectation for their happy growth and academic success. When children understand this, they will know how to cherish their parents' love.

Remember, this is a conversation between friends, not an admonition from the elders to the younger generation.

Fourth, parents should spend more time with their children, and companionship is the happiest growth.

Try not to let children become left-behind children or substantial left-behind children. Parents should spend more time with their children if possible. No matter how busy you are at work, you should also chat with your children and come out to play together on weekends.

Of course, there are things left behind. For example:

1. In today's society, it is also common that parents work in other places and their children are brought up by grandparents. Try to go back to your hometown once a month for the sake of your children. Call and video with children often. Let children and parents get along more and communicate more.

Children live with their parents. Parents are busy with work and neglect communication with their children, which will also lead to the alienation of parent-child relationship. Parents ignore their children, even if they live under the same roof, they are equivalent to substantial left-behind children. So parents must pay attention to this.

When children learn the traditional culture of China from an early age, they are filial to their parents, who are regarded as mentors and friends, and parents often accompany their children. Children will open their hearts and take the initiative to communicate with their parents, so there will be no such blunt words as "why do you care about me?"

1. It's possible that parents didn't do well and didn't take on the responsibilities that parents should bear. For example, I seldom care about my children's every move, spend too much time and energy on my work, and give my children little company, which leads to a lot of barriers between my children and my parents.

Children are used to being alone, and when they are suddenly disciplined by their parents, they will naturally have the psychology of resistance. The child's psychological thinking is, why do you usually go? How do you know to take care of me now? Why are you taking care of me?

2. It is also possible that the child is in a rebellious period, does not like to be in charge, and likes to handle things independently. Children may sometimes speak rashly because they don't understand why their parents should discipline them.

Parents may wish to take a suitable time to have a heart-to-heart talk with their children. Tell him that his parents care about him because they want him to have a better understanding of this society, its worldly wisdom and its rules, so that he can have a better future.

If we don't care now, children will be punished by this society if they enter the society and don't know how to do things and knowledge. Social punishment has no temperature and kindness.

Let the children realize psychologically that their parents have no intention of taking care of him, but just want to adapt themselves to the society and better integrate into it. Parental discipline comes from deep love and expectation.

There are two situations.

First, there is something wrong with the parent-child relationship between the two sides. At this time, more parents need to reflect: Do I know my children well enough? Did I give my children enough love and companionship? Does it meet his growth needs (especially at the psychological level)? Am I just a giant of language and a dwarf of action in education, asking others (children) everywhere, but I can't do it myself? Once you have such introspection, the next communication will be much smoother. Of course, action is still very important. You know, a very important principle in education is that children grow up watching their parents' backs.

Another situation is that the child doesn't want to listen to you, which is a manifestation of his independent consciousness. From the educational point of view, this needs to be encouraged rather than suppressed. People who start from authority and order will suppress others' sense of independence. When he made it clear that he didn't want to listen to you, this sense of autonomy began to struggle with your authority. If it is not handled well, he will have psychological problems.

Children are human beings, and everyone has a basic human nature-everyone is a donkey and can't go with him.

When you respect his wishes and encourage him to cultivate independence, he will become extremely cooperative. He will understand a lot of things that he won't listen to. In fact, he is convincing himself to understand. Even if he doesn't understand, he will pretend to understand and then he will do it.

Bi Shumin wrote a very good article entitled "Son, why did I hit you".

Son, why should I discipline you? Because I brought you into this world, I want to teach you the truth of this world. I want to teach you the rules of the world.

I'm just disciplining you. When you grow up, the world will only teach you, not discipline you!

Why should I care about you? I want you to live clearly and happily. I hope you do the right thing at the right time. I think you have a bright future.

Dear baby, everyone's life is equal. Whether you are born or read aloud, you will go through a long process of growth. In fact, this process is long for you, but for mom and dad, it's just a blink of an eye and you grow up.

Before you come of age, mom and dad have the unshirkable responsibility and obligation of guardianship and upbringing. We will teach you how to become an emotional intelligence and good communication skills, and you will have a pleasant and friendly interaction with people in society when you grow up.

My dear child, maybe you think mom and dad are annoying parents, so can we get along as good friends? We communicate with each other, understand each other and solve things together in the future. I want to be a qualified mom and dad and a good friend in your mind. Let's work together [Come on] [Come on] [Come on].

Every decision has its own task. When the child asks why you care about me, I will tell him that I am a mother and my task is to teach you, so I will tell you what you want to do at this time. If you can do it, then I don't have to ask you, and I won't remind you again, because you did your own thing. If you can't do it at this time, I will ask you, because this is what I want to do.

In fact, children may ask this question because they don't understand your requirements, so the problem to be solved is not who cares who, but communication and understanding. This is the way to treat both the symptoms and the root causes.

The child asked: What do you care about me? How to deal with it?

I must answer like this: I am your mother. I gave birth to you and raised you. You haven't grown up yet. It is my responsibility and obligation to educate you, make you grow up healthily and safely, and become a useful person, at least without endangering society.

In fact, I am tired of being in charge of you every day, but my heart that loves you can't help but focus on you. When you become comfortable and mature enough, I will let go completely and you will be free!