Joke Collection Website - Talk about mood - What is more terrible than the virgin complex is what happened to Qiu Yingying's three views?

What is more terrible than the virgin complex is what happened to Qiu Yingying's three views?

Recently, the topic of Ode to Joy 2 has been unified on the "virgin complex".

Qin Ying wanted to break up, because Qiu Yingying was not a virgin, and immediately talked about it.

From the perspective of mate selection, my sister agrees with Andy's attitude and thinks that Qin Ying has the right to put forward his own criteria for mate selection.

There is a kind of person who is strict with others and has no bottom line for himself, and implements a double-standard "chastity concept"-"women should be chaste and men can play around" and "it doesn't matter if you fall in love, you must find a virgin when you get married". Such rotten people must be despised.

However, there is another kind of person who, while insisting on it, puts forward the same requirements for himself, taking "virginity" as one of the conditions for choosing the object, and wants to remain a virgin himself. The matter itself (note that it is itself) has nothing to spray.

From the perspective of values, I think Qin Ying's cognition should be criticized.

For example, his famous saying: "Not a virgin, this is a stain on her life. How can you make me believe that a woman who doesn't love herself can love others?"

This sentence exposed his naivety and arrogance-

First of all, it is ridiculous to use chastity as the standard of self-love, because what is noble is spiritual integrity, not movies. Defining the spirit with a simple and rude standard seems to be quantifiable, but it can't be considered at all.

For example, do Jane's women love themselves or not?

A woman who has been cheated by marriage and sex, does she love herself or not?

Is a woman who has a hymen but has experienced marginality self-love?

Is a woman who regards chastity as the most precious dowry and the greatest value of a woman in exchange for more benefits from men?

Secondly, it is even more ridiculous to expand a thing that you don't approve into a defect in others' lives.

It is understandable that he doesn't want to compromise on his own mate selection criteria, but he thinks that only he is right and condescending to judge other people's experiences, which is immature and uneducated.

What I want to talk to you today is not the virgin complex, but Qiu Yingying's three views.

Because the state of Qiu Yingying is a true portrayal of many girls at present-they work hard, forge ahead and dream of a better tomorrow, but at the same time they are often swayed by outside voices.

They want to be independent women and have their own careers, but they are worried about losing the favor of men;

They want to embrace the wider world, but they are worried that they won't get family of origin's support.

They have too many wishes, but not because of greed, but because of confusion;

They have too much fear, but not because of cowardice, but because they don't understand their bottom line.

39 years of reform and opening up. Traditional values have been reshuffled, the old system has declined, and the new system has not been fully established.

Among them, there are countless Qiu Yingying torn by three views.

They set foot on the new society and the old society, and it is easy to collapse when they encounter conceptual conflicts. The key to the problem is that they have not established their own "benign three views".

What do you mean by "benign three views"?

We don't have to judge Qiu Yingying with "three correct views" or "three incorrect views". There is no absolute "right" or "wrong" in the three views, and to be honest, when most people say the word "correct", they are actually saying "well, this is in my interest" and "alas, I agree with this view".

The attitude of giving orders first without thinking can not nourish the perfect three-view system, but can only cultivate the fence of egoism.

The benign three views need a lot of thinking and speculation as the foundation, and have four characteristics at the same time:

? Self-consistent

? Can grow

? Bounded

? Make a trade-off

Self-consistency means that in the three-view system, your attitude towards yourself and others is consistent and persistent, and you can't double standards or change your mind from 65438 degrees to 080 degrees.

Growth means allowing a person's life to change and progress, and don't give up on yourself or others because of a mistake or temporary confusion. We all wish every growth.

There are boundaries, which means that people with different positions (or pure SB) can calmly send them away without being negatively affected after their positions are clear.

There is a choice, that is, to understand that in life, what we get and what we pay are two sides of the same body. If you want rights, you have to assume obligations, not just to take advantage.

So, how to build a benign three views?

Step 1: Have the ability to think independently.

In fact, Qiu Yingying also has her own attitude towards life, but her "three views" are not established because she is not consistent and has no foundation.

What she lacks most is the ability to think independently, and her thoughts always follow others.

Take the "virgin complex" as an example. After being rejected by Qin Ying, Qiu Yingying immediately felt that it was his own fault, and it would not even be a big stain on virginity.

She thinks her life is over!

Even persuaded Andy to marry the first man through his own experience.

But at the beginning, director Bai was a (seemingly) public (chicken thief) person, and her whole state was completely different.

When Director Bai invited us to live together, she ran up happily and kissed her.

Recalling the first season, Qiu Yingying was brainwashed by the chicken soup book because she didn't have the ability to think independently. When someone gives it to her, she accepts it, without thinking about it or distinguishing it, no matter whether it is the essence or the dross.

When people put forward an idea, we should give ourselves a reaction time before absorbing it. "Do I need to absorb the idea of ta?" , or "Do you need to fully accept ta's point of view?"

Before making a judgment, please consider the following questions:

Is this a fact?

Is this the whole truth?

What should I know before making a judgment?

What is the internal logical relationship of things? What is cause and what is effect?

You know, no one can make your own life choices instead of you, and no one can directly enlighten your life by ta's three views.

Constant thinking, constant trial and error, and slow growth and maturity are the only way for everyone.

Step 2: Establish a value system of self-esteem and self-love.

After you have the ability to think independently, you should learn to love yourself enough.

"Love yourself" has now become a female inspirational rhetoric, but it is not enough to do a few spas, buy some bags and dress up beautifully. To truly love yourself, what you need is to cultivate strong self-esteem.

In my elder sister's opinion, Qiu Yingying doesn't love herself, but not because she is not a virgin, but because she puts herself too low in her feelings.

How can a person whose self-esteem is based on external evaluation talk about self-love?

People with a complete self-esteem system will have their own bottom line and draw boundaries for others. They will not easily deny themselves because of other people's comments, will not let others cross the border to hurt themselves at will, and will not affect their emotions because of other people's problems.

For example, Andy, despite the pressure of family history, is still very self-respecting and has a strong self-esteem system. Therefore, in the face of online attacks, she is a mistress, and she can say "it's not true anyway" and just ignore it.

For the excessive interference of Bao's mother, Andy not only disagreed with the other side's discriminatory vision, but also bravely pointed out that Bao Yifan's connivance with his mother would have adverse consequences.

Andy also answered the question "It's not easy for my mother to give birth to me" beautifully.

Facing Andy's insistence, Bao Xiao finally admitted that he was wrong.

And Qiu Yingying always feels that everything is his own fault, and he doesn't know how to draw a clear line between himself and others. Once something happens, he will have a nervous breakdown.

After the collapse, I regretted it very much.

How to establish a complete self-esteem system?

First of all, learn to accept yourself.

Everyone has his own value in this world. This value is not reflected by other people's evaluation, but by how you evaluate yourself.

Pay more attention to your own advantages, don't always think about the bad places, and tell yourself more: "I am so great!" " "

Secondly, you should have reasonable expectations for yourself. What kind of person do you want to be? What kind of person can you be? How much time and effort does it take to become a better self?

Learn to find a balance between "ideal self" and "realistic self" in order to feel satisfaction and happiness when completing the goal, rather than "why am I still like this? I can't. "

The third step: learn to adapt to the fact that there are gains and losses.

It is not easy to let go, but in order to be better ourselves, we must learn to say goodbye to some things and people.

For example, a girl likes D cups and I only have A cups, or a male god likes long legs and I am short. Calling the other person "scum" or self-denial and thinking that one's body is imperfect and poor are both overkill.

The really smart thing to do is to give him up and find a man who really appreciates you.

This example also applies to Qiu Yingying and Qin Ying.

Instead of crying and attacking yourself or trying to reform each other, it is better to say goodbye and find happiness that is more suitable for you.

The so-called choice is not only for people with inconsistent values, but also between future goals and efforts.

It is an old saying that "what you gain must be lost". Everyone will say, but if it really falls on you, not everyone will wake up in time.

For example, when Mei Sheng officially exchanged views with Wang Baichuan, he made it clear that he was interested in cooperation.

However, due to family pressure, they gradually tend to put aside their feelings and put money first.

Her utilitarian heart unconsciously gained the upper hand and was seen by others, which was far from the original goal of "fighting side by side".

The same is true of Wang Baichuan's time allocation. I hope the other party's career will advance by leaps and bounds, but I want the other party to stay with me all the time.

That is the legendary death. ...

If you want a reliable future, you need to constantly recall your initial intentions, correct your own deviations, and let yourself know your gains and losses.

Let the interests that should be put down and put down go with the wind.

Step 4: Persist, persist, persist.

Some people will say: it's really easy to speak standing up. Do you know how hard it is to give up? Do you know how hard it is not to care about other people's comments?

Yes, it is.

But nothing is easy. (except long meat)

If you want to be a better self, you won't read a few successful books like Qiu Yingying and then shout "I want to succeed".

What we need is to be more firm when we are confused and more persistent when others doubt.

In fact, in Qiu Yingying, we can see her persistence in some things.

For example, when her father wouldn't let her sell coffee, thinking that being a white-collar worker in Shanghai would give her face and her career would be to lose her own people, she could firmly say, "I'm not afraid of their comments. I make money by my own efforts. "

She is enthusiastic, honest and frank, kind-hearted and determined to be economically independent.

Refuse to be old-fashioned, have a sense of crisis, and strive for self-improvement.

She has also been making progress and slowly learns to reflect on herself.

Little by little, down-to-earth efforts.

She will encounter one setback after another and get through it.

I will also rejoice at every new attempt.

Although the road ahead is difficult, the spirit of "Qiu Yingying" is beautiful, real and touching. Difficulty is the price of growth, as Yoshimoto Banana wrote in Kitchen, "I will continue to grow, experience wind and frost, experience setbacks, sink into the abyss again and again, suffer again and again, and stand up again and again. I will not give up and I will not give up. "

And when we reap the fruits of growth, we will have unbreakable real happiness.

Qiu Yingying, like all girls who are growing up, as long as you persist, learn to think, learn to accept yourself, learn to reflect and learn to make progress, one day you will know that only you can define yourself.