The way you communicate with your child determines the height of your child's future life.

Hello, hello, big babies. I'm Mrs Fujita.

Xiaoyu School starts on Monday, and the online mode of the new semester begins.

Let's see, we have stayed at home for two months! Apart from going out for a few times to travel across provinces before, the rest of the days are really adults and children staring at each other.

Share with you the "two-way communication" between parents and children.

It is said that in Sunday's video, Fujimori shared with you the research reports of Harvard and MIT, pointing out that children who use the "two-way communication" mode at home are more accustomed to using the "one-way command" mode at home.

The Bullokar area of the brain, the language center, is obviously more active, which means that these children have strong language skills and can clearly express their thoughts and needs in language.

According to previous Harvard research, such children will perform better than other children in interpersonal relationship, marriage relationship and work performance in the future, and their wages will be higher.

Simply put, parents who are used to two-way communication are more likely to cultivate a child with better language skills and a winner in future life.

What is the two-way communication between parents and children? How to communicate in two directions?

Let's finally get started!

The "two-way communication" between parents and children refers to the communication between adults and children in the form of dialogue and exchanges.

Give a chestnut, "Tomorrow we will go to the wildlife reserve for two days. What are you going to wear? Bring what? Get ready first. "

Instead of going out to play tomorrow, adults will directly help their children decide what to wear and what to bring at the same time.

That is, parent-child "two-way communication" refers to the communication and interaction between parents and children about ideas, opinions, behaviors or feelings. Each of them "expresses his own views" and "listens to each other's ideas".

Many people think that Xiao Xi is a little older than children of the same age, no matter what she says or does. I think this may be because I have always regarded her as an adult in my contacts.

There are some things that she may not understand at first, so I will explain them to her. After repeating it several times, children will gradually understand and accept it. This is the way I am used to communication.

Let her know what I think and why I have requirements for her in a reciprocal way. Let her understand the reasons behind the adult's request first, and then give the child time to digest. I'll ask her to repeat what I said or my request first.

Then it was her turn to confess. She can tell me what she thinks. Maybe she has a different opinion. We can all discuss it, find a point acceptable to each other and reach an agreement.

Many times, I will say, "well, let's do it in a small way this time. If not, let's use the mother's way next time. "

Unless it is a matter of life and death or significant visible harm, I prefer to let my brother try it through "trial and error".

Maybe I spent more time in the laboratory at school. I always think that "trial and error" is a great method, especially for those things that have no obvious correct answers.

Sometimes, after all, children are still young, and it is easy to make some obvious mistakes. At this time, adults can also be smart to guide them, perhaps by telling stories and telling a similar situation, to guide them to think and judge how to do better.

So how to communicate effectively with parents?

Good parent-child communication must be "two-way communication"

Communication can be divided into "one way" and "two way".

One-way communication is "you listen to me", which is a traditional method commonly used by parents. "What I say, what you do"

Two-way communication is face-to-face conversation. "You listen to me, I listen to you." In the conversation between parents and children, finding an "intersection" acceptable to both sides is usually a "balance point" of compromise.

Choose a time with good environment and atmosphere.

People always fall in love before the moon, and if they want to propose, they will arrange a candlelight dinner first, but it seems that we never thought that when communicating with our children, even if we can't go to the moon, at least there will be a good private date.

Parent-child dialogue is the most effective when the environment is comfortable, the children are in good spirits and in a good mood.

Eat fruit after dinner every day, and you can talk to your children about your life for a day.

What else do you think your child is not doing well enough and want him to improve? You have to ask questions first, and then the children can talk about what they think and what they want to try.

Adults and children express their opinions, discuss whether they can find a compromise and find it feasible, and then try their best to implement the agreement and try their best to do things well. This is a win-win situation.

Recently, I often chat with Xiao Xi at breakfast, or talk about her various talent studies and online summer camps. Which one does she like? What don't you like? How can I try again in another way?

My mother is going to start euphemistic "two-way dialogue and communication" again. In fact, it is brilliant preaching+brainwashing.

Avoid communication when you are angry or quarreling.

Not to mention children, even we adults need good upbringing to keep silent when we are angry, let alone take advice from others.

It is impossible to communicate in the opposite state of losing your temper and quarreling.

At this time, the children are full of dissatisfaction, and they stand in the position of confrontation with adults from the heart, and it is impossible to accept any opinions from their parents.

At this time, their ears are closed, their brains are completely closed and they refuse to communicate.

Therefore, the first step to successful two-way communication with children is to create a harmonious atmosphere. Parent-child communication must be carried out in a loving environment, and there is no way to communicate "lessons" and "dissatisfaction".

Communication can be carried out in chat.

My own experience is that daily communication doesn't have to be formal. I usually use it at the dinner table, or when I go to work by car, or even when I go out to play. As long as the child is in a good mood, it is a good opportunity for parent-child communication.

Even when I touched the leopard, my mother was "discussing" with me Why should I whisper?

Two-way communication and compromise go hand in hand.

Two-way communication is not a traditional one-way "giving orders" way in which parents are above others and children can only listen and obey; But in the dialogue between parents and children, adults and children make some compromises respectively.

I often make my daughter think that "things are up to her" by sticking to the big principles and giving in to the small details.

The easiest way is to let children choose from a limited number of options.

"Do you want to drink milk for breakfast today? Or drink fresh milk tea? Drink milk later? "

"Mom will go to work tomorrow morning. Do you want to finish your homework exercises in the morning, and then we will have a picnic in the park in the afternoon, or do you want to take you out to play on weekends according to the schedule? "

Xiao Xi drank South African doctor's tea+fresh milk which was completely decaffeinated and recommended by Wall Crack. It is an antioxidant and healthy fresh milk tea, which can be drunk by babies and pregnant women.

Communication with rewards doubles the effect.

The above example of taking my wife to the park for a picnic is basically always successful, because I chose it myself, because there is a reward when I finish it.

Therefore, Xiao Hui is happy to get things done quickly, and then, like an adult, proudly reports that things have been done and is ready to wait for me to take her out.

Give me another chestnut,

You should do better in the exam this time. Watch less TV and be careful in future exams.

The exam questions are very difficult.

How hard is it? Look how well you did in the XXX exam next door.

Then you can be XXX's mother.

Although this kind of parent-child communication feels two-way, it basically goes in the direction of failure. For other children, their own children are the most useless, which will arouse the negative effects of their emotions.

How to guide children with rewards?

You did well in this exam, but I think you should be able to do better.

Of course! I just accidentally made some mistakes.

Also, all children who can play can study, or you can see if you can make progress next time, and you will win the grand prize by taking XX!

What big prize?

XXX, you work hard to get good grades, and your parents work hard to make money to help you prepare for the grand prize. Let's work together!

XXX can be a Lego toy or sports shoes that he wants for a long time, or it can be Disney or an amusement park.

Successful two-way communication means talking and laughing, so that children and parents can work together in the expected direction.

Seize the opportunity and make good use of examples.

Maybe it's an episode of watching movies together, maybe it's an outing or a dinner party, and there are often very good communication opportunities, so you can draw inferences from others. Adults must know how to seize such a good opportunity.

The more time parents spend with their children, the more activities they participate in together, and naturally there will be many perfect communication opportunities unconsciously.

Make good use of children's favorite neighbors, big brothers, big sisters, even animated characters and movie stars in the real world, discover the advantages of others, and discuss with children why they can be so excellent and lovely.

Let children have a kind of self-driving force of "I want to be like an idol".

At this time, adults must encourage children, "I believe you can! Maybe you can do better! "

Using "examples" to communicate is far more convincing than abstract theory.

Respect and honesty are the cornerstones of parent-child communication

Parent-child communication is first of all to respect children, not to be condescending forever, to kneel down, to look into children's eyes, to listen to children's thoughts from their perspective, and to let children clearly feel that their parents and I are in the same country.

Princess Kate &; No matter how many cameras are pointed at them, Prince William always squats down and communicates with his children at the same height.

Only when the child feels that you are on his side can he really listen to what you say.

In addition, as long as what you say, whether it is a promised reward or an agreed punishment, is fulfilled immediately, and there is no room for negotiation. It is the first rule of "gentle and firm" education!

Parents should always remember the story of the wolf coming. It is useless for them to shout too much, which is also the root of many parents complaining that their children don't listen to themselves.

Because parents don't insist on rewards and punishments, if the child knows it well, adults can talk about compromise. How can he listen to you?

Remember, "stick to the big principles, let go of the small details", "clear rewards and punishments, and keep your word".

There is no need to chatter in communication.

"Too lazy to say" hit the nail on the head in one sentence, achieving the purpose of communication.

Give a chestnut:

Do you want to be a master or a servant when you grow up?

One person, of course.

Do you want to do the job you like in the future and have a good salary to make your life more comfortable?

Of course.

So if there is a lottery ticket now, with a winning rate of 1 million and a winning rate of half, which one do you want to buy?

1/2, of course.

Then you should seriously consider going abroad. The better you go to school abroad, the higher your chances of getting what you want!

This is a conversation I once encouraged a student who hesitated to go abroad for further study.

Communication can't be achieved at once.

It is difficult to achieve the goal at once by communicating with children. We should keep communicating, keep trying, and draw closer to each other's ideas and concepts again and again. Finally, we can generate * * * knowledge and achieve our goals.

Unless your family is an angel baby, parent-child communication cannot be achieved overnight.

So don't lose heart if you fail to communicate once or twice. Just stick to it, even if you can't succeed, you will at least get better and better.

Attach importance to early communication

"Early communication" means to start communication early before things happen, but you can foresee what may happen in the future, that is, to plan ahead and practice the concept of immunity first.

For young children, parents are most afraid of going out, especially to relatives and friends' homes, which will turn into bears and make everyone very embarrassed.

The best way is to start predicting what will happen tomorrow, who you may meet, what will happen, how to deal with it, and discuss and practice with your children the day before.

Early communication before children sign up for talent classes is also very suitable for parent-child communication. No talent can be harvested without hard work.

Behind the scenery on the stage is the hard work+sweat, time+money of countless coolies.

Discuss and communicate with your child early, and then decide which talent class is more suitable for your child. Children are more willing to work hard for this talent.

Well, as a result, today's article is really copying chickens.

Thank you for seeing the big baby here. With this, I know that you are all good mothers and fathers, willing to pay for your children, and really want to communicate with them in two ways.

So, let's work together!

Well, that's it,

Help share today's article with other mothers around you, so that more parents can master more effective parent-child communication skills.

Read more exciting articles, please click below.

I, a mother who graduated from Harvard, lost to my three-year-old daughter!