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A family of more than a dozen children! What I learned from a Mormon family about raising children

Utah is the center of Mormonism, and most of the local residents are Mormons.

There are many interesting things about Mormonism, one of which is that most families have many children.

How much is too much? Four or five is a small number, ten is very common, and I have seen more than a dozen.

We said before that Thanksgiving is a day for family reunion in the United States. Many Utah families don’t have Thanksgiving dinner at home because there are so many people and the space is so small (in fact, American houses are already very big).

Because there are ten children in a family, each family will have ten more children, at this rate. . . .

So, there are too many people to fit in the house, so they want: rent! teach! Don!

1

Mormonism is a relatively unique existence in American society. Other places may find them a bit weird.

But in fact, they are all super nice people. Maybe it's because of some more unusual concepts.

Having multiple babies is one of them.

I have never read the Book of Mormon. (But I have them at home, both in Chinese and English. They are gifts from different Mormon friends)

I really don’t understand the specific philosophy that makes them have more children.

But!

I think one of the reasons is that they are not allowed to use any external things to influence and control the body (except for taking medicine when sick).

I asked a Mormon classmate if I could use contraception (she is such an upright person).

He said that natural methods (such as counting dates) are OK, but those with the help of drugs or other tools are not.

They cannot consume caffeine yet for this reason.

When I was in Utah, I heard that there was a Mormon university in another city. Not only did the school cafeteria not have coffee and tea, it didn’t even have Coke or Pepsi. . . It’s because of caffeine

I just searched again and found out that in 2017 they started supplying caffeinated soda (still no tea and coffee), and it even made the news

< p> Okay, I admit I digressed.

Luke’s dad and I have been in contact with countless local families in Utah for more than five years.

Although there was no Luke at the time, I saw some survival rules for multi-baby families from getting along with these families, which was of great help to me when I later raised chickens.

2

Reward mechanism

Eighty or nine years ago, a PhD classmate who was about the same age as me invited me to his home.

The football field at Luke’s parents’ school

There are four children in J’s family. They are all well-mannered and different from the naughty children I imagined.

J showed me his small blackboard, which records the number of reward coins each child gets.

The so-called reward coin is a currency he invented.

Children will receive bonus coins if they perform particularly well.

The reason why money is not used is because children, especially young ones, have no concept of money.

They also have a bonus coin redemption chart that illustrates the different rewards that different amounts of bonus coins can be redeemed for.

For example, three reward coins can be exchanged for one ice cream. Five reward coins can be exchanged for a pizza meal for the whole family. Eight bonus coins can be exchanged for one movie viewing.

J said that some of his children exchanged one or two immediately, while others saved several and exchanged them for big gifts at once.

J doesn’t care when the children change. He said that this is just like managing money. Let them practice it by themselves, and gradually they will form the concept of management.

I think this is not ordinary.

My Luke is about three years old, and we have established a similar system.

You can exchange "little stars" for rewards.

A few days ago, Luke spent a lot of money to replace all the little stars with a magic sandbox set.

What is touching is that Luke generously gave me a balloon with a little star on my old mother’s birthday.

Punishment in one step

After talking about rewards, let’s talk about punishment.

At that time, my neighbor had three boys, the oldest was five years old.

Our two families had dinner together that day. After dinner, the children came to my house to play on the game console.

It’s about eight o’clock, and it’s time for the children to go home and sleep.

The eldest child didn’t have enough fun and didn’t want to leave, and the three-year-old second child started crying. (The third child is too young to make trouble)

My parents said it gently at first, but then forced them away.

When we left, he kept apologizing to us, saying he was sorry for not taking good care of the children.

I still feel a little sorry for the child, he is crying so pitifully.

The backyard of my home in Utah

After two or three weeks, they came to my house to play games again.

At eight o'clock, dad said: It's already eight o'clock.

Before he even mentioned going home, the boss threw down the game controller and ran out the door. The second boss immediately followed after him.

The whole process takes no more than thirty seconds.

I was immediately stunned. Oh my God, what the kids went through last time they came home. . . .

Actually, I should ask my neighbor what method he used, it’s amazing.

But I forgot, I didn’t have a baby at that time and I was so insensitive

Luke’s mother in the second year of secondary school

The whole family has the same standards

Let’s go back to J’s house.

He told me that there are some rules at home that are enforced by the whole family. Not just for all children, but for mom and dad too.

That day I went to his house for dinner, and a smaller child had to serve the food by himself.

J said: Are you sure you want to serve the food yourself?

Children: Rachel (her sister) serves her own meals.

J: If you serve it yourself, you have to finish it all. Rachel served herself the rice, but if she didn't finish it all today, she wouldn't be able to serve herself tomorrow. The same goes for mom and dad. If you ask your father to serve you a meal, you don’t have to finish it all.

The child thought about it and decided to hold it for himself.

J agreed, but Xiaowa put a lot of food on the plate.

I think I will cry tomorrow

Start doing housework from a young age

This is not surprising.

When there are more people in the family, there are more things to do. The children have been helping the family since they were very young.

Mormon families make their children do housework to an outrageous level

One of my classmates, S, grew up in Idaho.

Idaho and Utah border, and there are also many Mormons.

This S has eleven brothers and sisters, which means there are twelve children in his family.

Idaho is the home of potatoes in the United States, and every household grows potatoes.

S has been helping his family work in the countryside since he was a child. He was able to drive an excavator and dig potatoes when he was about nine years old.

My jaw almost dropped in shock. Is it allowed by law to operate heavy machinery at such a young age

. . .

My Luke probably won’t be able to reach this height, but he can still help with general housework, such as hanging clothes, sweeping the floor, watering flowers, etc.

Taking care of money since childhood

The classmate S in the story just mentioned has been helping the family with work since he was a child, and his parents will also pay him accordingly according to his labor.

This reward is real money and is not the same as the reward mentioned before.

Money is not just pocket money to buy toys. S initially bought a lot of things that he didn’t have, but later he realized that he had to buy his own daily necessities (stationery for school) with his remuneration.

Later, his brothers and sisters would remind him to buy daily necessities first, such as buying new underwear every year.

Generally speaking, they still have complete control over their income.

S said that he didn’t know how to plan at first, but later with the help of his older brothers and sisters, he soon had the concept of managing and planning his own “finances”.

Although Luke is still young, I have gradually developed his concepts in this area.

For example, if he wants something, I will tell him how many little stars it takes to buy it.

Luke helps his mother collect socks

And he also knows that little stars need to be obtained through his own labor, and his parents’ money is also earned from work.

Brothers and sisters come to take care of the baby

S told me that he didn’t spend much time with his parents when he was a child.

He did not blame his parents. Instead, he felt lucky to have many brothers and sisters together.

His elder brothers and sisters taught him his homework when he was a child, and he was also carried by his elder brothers and sisters when he went shopping.

Once I went to the neighbor’s house of three boys to discuss a meal.

After ringing the doorbell, the five-year-old opened the door for me.

I said I wanted to ask your mother something, and he told me: Mom has gone to pack my car. I am responsible for taking care of them when my mother is not at home. I'm going to find my mother and my two brothers, so no one cares. Can you come back later?

His serious and responsible expression is so cute.

I feel warm and a little distressed.

Language is taught from an early age

Mormons have to leave home to serve as missionaries when they reach adulthood. Some are in the United States and some are abroad.

In recent years, they have developed new learning models. There are many bilingual schools covering elementary, middle and high schools.

The so-called bilingualism is not a sentence of English mixed with a foreign language. I've seen "bilingual" classes before, and they were so deceptive. The entire course was in Chinese with a few English words, and it was still called bilingual. . . .

Utah's bilingual schools use two different languages ??to teach all courses every morning and afternoon.

After a few years, the language will naturally become proficient.

After graduating from high school, I skipped learning the language and went directly to serve as a missionary.

I was also inspired by them in teaching Luke language.

I will look for an opportunity to talk to you next time

Let me tell you something interesting. Because their missionary scope is all over the world, they need to master various languages.

When visiting the Mormon Cathedral in Salt Lake City, believers often come over to chat.

It is said that as long as you speak your mother tongue, they will immediately find a person who speaks this language to come over and continue talking about religion with you.

This is why I have a Chinese Book of Mormon at home.

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Luke’s dad and I have moved from Utah for six or seven years.

No matter what others say, the people there have given me and Luke’s dad a lot of fun and warm memories.

Luke’s dad and I often tell Luke about Utah.

Luke is looking forward to playing in the snow in Utah.

If it hadn’t been for the epidemic this year, I would have taken Luke back to Utah to “visit relatives.” Hope it can happen next year!

Love you