Children get angry easily. Is it because they grew up in a family where their parents often quarrel?

Lev tolstoy said: "Happy families are always similar, but unhappy families are unhappy in their own way."

We hope that every child will grow up in a happy family, but the reality is that many children hate their own family.

Others said: "Parents are originals and children are copies." Parents' personalities, habits, etc. It will have a subtle influence on children. What kind of parents are, what kind of children are raised. Therefore, children raised by "irritable" parents are more prone to grumpy temper.

I once read a news that when a pair of parents were helping their children with their homework, they had a big fight because of a small problem, and then they got into a fight, resulting in the mother's face being ruined and the father being detained, leaving only the children crying in shock. When people saw this, they all felt sorry for their children and accused their parents of being unable to control their bad emotions.

However, this is not a case. When parents quarrel, it is the child who suffers the most, which not only casts a shadow on the child's psychology, but also may lead to the child's character becoming as bad as his parents.

■ In families where parents often quarrel, children are easily emotional. Imagine if parents often quarrel, will children be affected? I think many people will answer: yes. Once parents quarrel, their mood becomes bad, and it is easy to take it out on people around them, so the child becomes a "doormat".

My cousin's house is like this. My uncle is a typical male chauvinist and has absolute control over family affairs. Although my aunt is gentle, she is also opinionated. They quarrel every three days and have a small quarrel every two days.

I remember once going to my cousin's house for dinner and putting all the dishes on the table. My aunt remembered that she didn't buy coriander, and everyone said it didn't matter.

But my uncle was not satisfied: "You said you could do nothing. I said it several times before going out and forgot it! " "menstruation was wronged when he heard this:" You still said me, didn't you forget? "Chatting chatting quarreled. As soon as Aunt threw chopsticks, she said, "No! " "

Cousin was surprised. The glass in his hand was not grasped firmly and fell to the ground and broke.

My uncle took his anger out on the child and shouted, "Why are you so disobedient! Like your mother, do you want to rebel? " My cousin's eyes were red and she suddenly ran out in tears. Everyone said to go after the child, but my uncle said, "Let him go, and don't come back when you go out!" " "Finally, the dinner ended in embarrassment.

Later, after entering adolescence, my cousin became very rebellious, often against his parents, and even let him run away from home. Until one day, my cousin called me when he had no money, and I told him to go home quickly. My cousin stubbornly said, "I would rather die outside than go home."

Parents have been together for decades, and it is inevitable that there will be quarrels in life. Sometimes, just because of some small things, it is easy to cause anger, and the consequences are like the "kicking cat effect", which destroys a happy family and causes indelible harm to children.

■ "Cat Kicking Effect" and "Cat Kicking Effect" are psychological terms that describe a typical mechanism of bad emotional contagion:

A father was criticized by his boss at work. He was so angry that he didn't dare to refute. When he got home, he found fault with his wife who cooked. The scolded wife felt inexplicably wronged and nagged and disliked the children who were doing their homework. The child stormed out of the door and was blocked by a kitten on the road. He was kicked angrily. The kitten was frightened and a car came at a gallop ... It can be seen that the bad mood of human beings will be passed down step by step according to the relationship between social strength and weakness. You know, children are also independent individuals and have their own thoughts. When they are angry, they want to vent. As the youngest person in the family, children dare not take it out on their elders directly, so they may be violent to their peers and pets.

■ How should parents control their emotions? Emotions are contagious. Parents should first control their emotions and let their children learn to control their emotions by setting an example.

① "color counting method"

There are many ways to control emotions, one of which is the "color counting method" proposed by American psychologist Leonard Feld.

As the name implies, when parents feel that they are about to have an emotional outburst, they can observe the surrounding scenery and then say the colors of these objects in their hearts, such as: the wall is white, the table is black, the cup is yellow, and the clothes children are wearing today are red. ...

In the process of "counting colors", your attention will be distracted, your anger will calm down a little, and you can look at the problem rationally. This method is very simple. If parents do it consciously every time, it can reduce the transmission of many bad emotions.

② "Emotional ABC Theory"

"Emotional ABC Theory" was founded by American psychologist Ellis, in which A is an exciting event, B is a belief and C is a consequence. Psychologists believe that C is not directly triggered by A, but B plays a key role.

In other words, a person's negative emotions and behavior results are not directly caused by an event, but the real reason is people's incorrect cognition and evaluation of this matter. For example, children's poor performance in exams is not the direct cause of parents' anger, but parents will get angry at the thought of losing face.

Therefore, if parents can change their prejudice and incorrect cognition, they can reduce the outbreak of negative emotions and family conflicts and let their children grow up in a healthy and loving family.