"The Disliked Life of Matsuko" Yamada Muneki

"The Life of the Disliked Matsuko" by Yamada Muneki

If one traces the source of Matsuko's unfortunate life, it should be her father. Because of her concern for her sickly sister, she neglected Songzi. Songzi, who lacked love, spent her whole life pursuing love, a person who truly loved her, and this became the only meaning of her life. But in the end, it was also because of Long Yangyi's lack of love. He didn't understand why he had done so many things that were sorry for Songzi. He even wanted to tease Songzi because of his love for Songzi when he was young. He didn't admit to stealing money, but he didn't. Thinking of being the starting point of Songzi's life of being rejected, Songzi still chose to forgive him. When he looked at Songzi who stood outside the prison and greeted him with a gentle smile, Long Yangyi chose to hurt him again and again. "I'm not used to being loved. I'm afraid that I will rely on Songzi's love. I can't do it. For me who is used to darkness, Songzi's love is too dazzling and makes me feel so painful." Because I was afraid of hurting Songzi again, I chose He wanted to leave Songzi, but what he didn't know was that his leaving again completely destroyed the rest of Songzi's life.

My feelings towards Songzi are very complicated. At first I felt pity, then I felt angry, and then I felt admiration. She is pitiful because her lack of love in her family has shaped her into a character that will inevitably lead to her miserable life. She is angry because she spends her whole life attached to men, tolerates and compromises without principles, and has always played the role of resignation. Humble to the dust, at first it was the father who gave all his love to his sister, then the principal with a human face and an animal heart, the down-and-out young writer Yaonagawa, the bohemian and unreliable Onodera, the honest and honest barber Shimazu Kenji, and Ryu Yoichi who runs through the whole story of Songzi. My admiration lies in the fact that who is not a pine nut? Sufferings fall on someone inadvertently. How many people can live as strong as a pine nut? Thinking of this reminds me of Fu Gui in "Alive" , Songzi and Fugui are the same kind of people.

Sufferings in life are always continuous, from beginning to end, educating people in a way that penetrates into the bone marrow. Under such powerful sufferings, one would have died. After all, it is a natural choice, but people are born with a survival instinct called hope. Hope has many by-products. For example, it makes people believe in the value of suffering, because if difficulties have no value, then why should we endure it? But the truth is that we have to endure it. Just like in movies, we face disgusting sins and sufferings every day, but we have to put on funny expressions on ourselves, add all kinds of strong colors to the boringness of the world, and even make The tragic past is twisted into comedy in memory. But this is not a kind of hypocrisy, it is a kind of helplessness from the root. I don’t know since when, we have been told this truth since we were young, life is beautiful and full of hope, we have to reach out and grab that Born stars, this is the goodwill from this world, but after we accept it happily, as adults, and go out into the world, we realize that this is not the case. The happiness in this world is short-lived, and most of the time is caused by suffering. Filling, we don’t think it is possible that we are protected by important people around us and have not yet stepped onto the steps alone. The book of Romans says that we know that all creation sighs and labors together. Until now, some people have analyzed Songzi’s character and thought that she would be better if she did something better. They thought that she was too dependent on others, which led to her own tragedy. . But this is not the case. Songzi's life is a life of pursuit and a life of regret. It can be said to be a life of failure, but it is a life lived seriously. Who among us is not a pine nut? We are full of hope, reached by suffering, covered with scars, almost desperate, but driven by the instinct of hope to continue to survive. (Excerpted from Muyu Shuixin)

>> While investigating the location of the school trip, he was almost raped by Principal Tansho. Because of that dispute, the responsibility for the theft was also pinned on me, right down to my disappearance. Living with Tetsuya and Tetsuya's suicide. He had an affair with Tetsuya's friend Okano and got dumped. When the Turkish bath girl got acquainted with Onodera and moved to Xiongqin, she began to get involved in amphetamines and killed Onodera. I came to Tamagawa Josui to commit suicide, met and lived with the barber Shimazu. After Shimazu proposed to me, I was immediately arrested. He obtained a hairdresser's license in prison. After he was released from prison, he went to Shimazu's shop and saw that Shimazu was married and had a child, so he went back without meeting him. A year passed like this while working at "Akane" in Ginza.

(The first half of Songzi's life was in pieces when she met Long Yangyi again, and the second half of her life when she met Long Yangyi was completely ruined)

>> It's true that one kind of person can raise hundreds of kinds of people.

>> Noise, human voices, horns, streetcar sirens. When you walk down the street, you are swallowed up by a flood of sound. With one breath, the exhaust gas spread throughout the lungs. (This world is so noisy)

>> Churches and prisons are only a stone’s throw away (both are paying for their crimes and mistakes)

>> If prayer can solve the problem, everyone No need to work hard anymore. (But you can make yourself feel better mentally, let your inner guilt and uneasiness have a place to store, and then you can continue to live)

>> Seeing that there are so many people living in the city, there are no A person related to oneself. (Some things that seem relevant actually have nothing to do with you. After all, we come and go alone)

>> Cowardly people are more troublesome when they are drunk. (Happy people can be happy even when they are drunk; unhappy people can only be sad no matter how drunk they are)

>> When one desire is satisfied, the next desire will arise. (Having no desires and demands is not too boring)

>> You have to work hard. Even if a woman is single, she can be happy as long as she has money (agreed!)

>> I am not a pastor and cannot save people who don’t want to live at all. (How to save a person who doesn’t want to live)

>> Even if it is a dream or a fantasy. This is the only bit of life and hope I found in the trash can at the bottom. I'm going to hold on tight. Don’t think about the future or other things (rationality lets Songzi know that Shimazu Kenji cannot be waiting for her, but if she doesn’t think so, Songzi will lose the only hope of living, so she can only think like this, She must think so too)

>> What’s so good about falling in love? In the end, money is the most important thing in this society (all the men she met in Songzi betrayed her in the end, and only money accompanied her in the end)

>> The verdict stated that Aunt Songzi’s character flaws were the cause of The main reason why this case happened. Her willful, self-centered, and emotional personality led her astray.

(Like a twist of fate, there were actually many times when Songzi could choose happiness, but when faced with a choice, she never chose the opposite)

>> I wanted to ask you before, why do you want to be gay all the time? You shouldn’t have that hobby, right? ”

“I am indeed not, but it feels good to be loved! Even if it is a woman (not necessarily gay, just because of lack of love)

>> Why can they laugh like that? Why are they so confident in their actions? What on earth could possibly make you so happy! (Human pessimism is not common)

>> Once you have seen how to make millions of yen, you can no longer take risks for one hundred thousand yen or two hundred thousand yen (the essence of corruption)

>> I feel very refreshed, I am like an almighty God, and I am not afraid of anything in this world (the essence of drug abuse)

>> Even if a person is about to lose consciousness, his body can still move as long as he fights hard.

>> On my way to the beauty salon every morning, I would temporarily park my bicycle in front of the west gate of Fuchu Prison. I looked up at the cement wall that separated Long Yangyi and me, and said, "Good morning, I'll work hard today!" Then I pedaled my bike to the beauty salon. (The emotional sustenance of pine nuts)

>> At that time, the solemn beauty of pine nuts made people feel that they did not belong to this world.

>> I'm not used to being loved. I'm afraid that I am dependent on Songzi's love, and I can't do it. For me, who is used to darkness, the love of pine nuts is too dazzling and makes me feel so painful

>> For me, living itself is painful.

But I don’t have the courage to commit suicide

>> There is no worthless person, all people are respected

>> Forgiving those who are not forgiven, this is God love. Only God can do this. Maybe society will not forgive you, but God has already forgiven you. The best proof is you. (I don’t understand why people who are not forgiven should be forgiven. Do heinous people also deserve to be forgiven? If you forgive them, can you be worthy of the people who lost their lives because of them)

>> Not yet At the age when Aunt Songzi fell down for the first time

>> I don’t want her to be unhappy. "

"Why? "

"Why, if she is very unfortunate, if I hate her again, she will be too pitiful. ”

>> Lord Frederick Grant Banting (who lived in Canada and worked with his assistant Best to successfully extract insulin in 1921)

>> Think I want to leave evidence of my life in this world, because it’s not easy to be born as a human being

>> I regret why I didn’t make up my mind to move towards my dream at that time, why not give it a try and see what my abilities are. Where are you going? "(You must work hard for your dreams. It is easy to compromise, but persistence must be handsome)

>> People will meet many people in their life, but the ones who are truly beautiful Encounters are rare