Are there any funny jokes?

1. The train was so crowded in Spring Festival travel rush that a gentleman stuck his ass out of the window when he stopped. The inspector found a fat man shouting and smoking a cigar under the car and shrank his head back.

2. Go and buy peaches. The peach seller is an ugly old man picking. The old man pointed to a bunch of ugly peaches and said, "Young man, although these peaches are as ugly as me, they taste sweetest." I smiled, tasted one, it was really sweet, so I bought a lot.

3. I often use a wet tissue to clean my vagina, and even at home, I hide it in a drawer ... Yesterday at work, the male colleague sitting next to me wiped his face with the same wet tissue as I used. After wiping, he patted his face and said, It's really comfortable. Ask me if I want it. I'm looking at the big word Jie Yin on the package. Don't you know?

A buddy named Wu and a new colleague named Deng came to his office. (Five plus five equals ten)

A girl in the class is thick-skinned and narcissistic, but she dare not compliment her looks. . . . . . One day in the self-study class, she suddenly said to her deskmate (male), "Those boys who have cars and houses deserve me." The girls in the class cast admiring eyes. She didn't even look up at her deskmate and said, "I'll sell my car and house when I get home." Bye, boys in the class!

6. This morning, one of my buddies accidentally broke the back cover (without protective cover) of his beloved "Ai Feng" 4S, so he squatted there crying for a long time ... I said, didn't you just break an apple? As for crying like this? He cried and said to me, "It feels like our eggs are broken!" !

7. There was once a child who only got 18 in the exam. Then he added a horizontal line with a red pen to make it 78, and then added a half circle on it. . It became 98. Later, I showed the paper to his mother. Damn it, such an obvious change, do you think I can't see that you actually got 78 points in the exam?

8.1On July 7, 937, the Japanese demanded a search in the city on the pretext of missing a Japanese soldier in Lugouqiao, and then they started an eight-year war of resistance ... Now another Japanese lost a bicycle in China, and Wuhan hero uncle JC found the bicycle one day and returned it, crushing the Japanese plot! ! ! ! !

9. I once asked my husband bored, if I had a difficult labor, would you protect me or my daughter (we both like daughters). The husband replied, of course, I will protect you. When asked why, the husband naturally said, "Can you be a prostitute? Can a prostitute be you?" ! "

10. Play charades at the grade party and use the White House as a palace! ! Put your right hand on your favorite sister paper and cut it in your crotch! ! ! Sister paper can't guess, and I also increased the amplitude and frequency of the action! ! ! Hundreds of people in the whole grade were stunned at first, and I couldn't even find my mother after laughing. ! !

1 1. How about a friend carrying a small basket of children in the countryside and cooking a large iron pot of pig grass? One day, his mother cooked pig grass seriously behind his back, and he was very happy with all kinds of efforts and stir-fry. He rocked in the basket, and then, as soon as his mother bent down, he fell straight into the pot. . . Fortunately, I caught it in time.

12. I said, wife, let's get a divorce. I will give you all my savings to keep the house clean. -she put the kitchen knife on the chopping board and said, come on, wash yourself first, and then you can go.

13. During the visit, my parents told my parents that if you are the one, should I bring one? My mother said that the lights were probably turned off in the first round. My dad said, "You'd better bring two lanterns, or I'm afraid all the lights in the studio will go out as soon as you get on stage ..."

14. One day, the devil took the princess away, and the princess kept screaming.

Demon: [screaming at your throat] ... no one will come to save you ...]

Princess: [broken throat] ... broken throat ...]

No one: "Princess ... I'm coming to save you ..."

Devil: "Speak of the devil and he will come ..."

Cao Cao: "Devil .. Why did you call me ..."

Demon: "Wow ... seeing a ghost"

Ghost: "Shit! Was discovered .. "

Shit: "Ghost, can you see me ..."

Devil: "Oh, my God! 」

God: "Who called me? 」

Who: "Nobody called you ..."

Nobody said, "Where am I? Play dumb! 」

Garlic: "Who is pretending to be me? 」

Who: "It's me again? Are you looking for trouble? 」

Trouble: "which one is looking for me?" 」

Which one: "Looking for you? I didn't ... hey, there are so many people here. "

Many people: "I just arrived. Who are you? 」

Which one: "I'm not who."

Who: "He's not me."

Princess: "Is everyone here to save me? 」

Everyone said, "I'm not here to save you, I'm here to watch the fun."

Lively: "What do I have to see? 」

God: "It's none of my business. Let's go first. "

Devil: "You answer a question before you go. Why do so many people save the princess? " ? How can I play this demon king? 」

Go down: "You good devil won't do it, what shall I do?" 」

Princess: "If no one hits the devil, I can go."

No one: "If I play the devil, how can I let you go ..."

How come: "I won't let the princess go, I want to watch the excitement."

Lively: "What are you looking at me for? 」

What: "You want to fuck me? Rogue! 」

How dare you: "I didn't? 」

Me: "What does it have to do with me?" 」

Devil: "Shit! I'm going crazy ... "

Shit: "What am I doing? ...」

Madman: "What do you want me to do? 」

You want me to say, "I don't know anything! 」

I don't know anything: "I don't know! 」

I don't know: "I'm here! Is someone calling me? 」

Someone said, "I didn't call you! 」

I didn't say, "Who called him? 」

Who: "Wrong ... I didn't ..."

I didn't say, "I haven't wronged you ..."

You: "I dare you."

I dare you: "Who says I dare not! ? 」

Who: "please ... I didn't say anything."

I have nothing: "What do you want me to say? 」

I am nothing: "... you ... aren't you my long-lost brother?" ”」

My long-lost brother: "Kao ... my name is very long ... I will be called ..."

Who: "... I want to leave this troublesome place. "

True or false: "So this is my place ..."

I am nothing &; No: "Stop arguing, we are talking ..."

Don't bother us: "I won't talk ..."

I didn't: "I didn't speak! ...」

I have nothing to say: "-_-\ \ \" ... Let's go out and talk ... "

Go: "I'm sorry ... (wriggle)"

I have nothing: "It's none of your business ... Go away ..." (Two brothers go out angrily)

It's none of your business: "Whoops ... why did you kick me out ..."

Why: "I don't want to kick you out ... listen ... don't cry."

I didn't say, "Oh ... What does it have to do with me?"

None of my business: "What? Did anyone call me? 」

Someone said, "Who wants to call you ..."

Who: "I really have to go ... T.T." "

Go: "I'm really embarrassed ... *V.V*"

None of your business: "... aren't you my cousin?" ”」

It's none of my business: "... cousins of the same age (or cousins) ... long time no see ..."

For a long time: "I'm not here ..."

Devil: "Are you finished? 」

Endless: "He doesn't have me."

You: "I don't have him."

I just said, "Who said that? 」

Who: "What do you want me to do? 」

Do you want to fuck me? 」

You: "I won't fuck him."

I said, "Who said I wouldn't? 」

Who: "Wrong! I didn't say. "

He said, "What should I do? 」

? "You two are shameless! 」

You two: "I want it! I want it! 」

Face: "Who wants me? 」

Who: "I don't want it."

Devil: "Hurry up, or I'll kick people out."

Man: "Kick me out? Looking for k "

K: "Who wants to see me? 」

Who: "aaaaaaa! Don't mention my name, mention me again! 」

He said, "Don't trust me."

Me: "Who wants me? 」

Who: "I finally caught one and killed it ..."

One: "Don't arrest me."

Me: "I've had enough, too. If anyone mentions my name again, I will never let you go! 」

Who said, "Look at my eighteen dragon palms! 」

Me: "Look at my nine yin bones and claws! 」

Eighteen palms of dragon descending: "What am I to see? 」

Jiuyin Bones Claw: "What am I to see? 」

What's there to see: "Brother, I finally found you! 」

What's there to see? "Brother, let's talk outside."

Devil: "Shit ... this is an engagement meeting ..."

It is said that the lich king has suffered from schizophrenia since then.

Do you think this is the end of the joke? In fact, this shows that people are lazy, and this has an ending! Now I'll tell you the ending, don't be moved to tears!

Ending:

It is said that after the devil's schizophrenia was cured, he caught the princess again.

This time, the lich king decided to cut to the chase, to make a long story short, in order to avoid others running out to spoil the game again, and cut to the chase directly. .....

Devil: "Stop struggling! Listen to me and marry me! 」

Princess: "All right! 」

So "I" happily took the princess's hand and walked into the wedding hall, accepting all the blessings, leaving only the demon king with his mouth open like a hippo and his body stupefied. ......

15. The elephant said to the camel, why do your breasts grow on your back?

The camel said, I don't talk to the penis on my face.

16. A farmer named Jiao went to town to see a doctor.

The doctor asked him, "Where do you hurt?"

He said, "I have a pain here!"

Doctor: "Then you should have blood test, urine test and stool test!" " "

The farmer gritted his teeth and nodded.

After a while, the farmer came back and said, "I have swallowed both blood and urine, and the stool really can't be swallowed!" " "

"Then you go back to take medicine and don't have sex for a month!"

"Why? My father's surname is Jiao, and all my children are Jiao. Why can't I be surnamed Jiao? "

17. A person's child is called Huang Jun. One day, he and his child went to take a bus. Arriving at the bus stop, he found that the No.8 bus had arrived, and he quickly said to his son; "Le Hoang quan, run! The 8 th road is coming! "

18. A said to B: I have two bad habits. What bad habit? A: The first one is sleeping naked. This is not a bad habit. A added: But the second one is sleepwalking. B dizzy.

19. The best way to preserve bananas is to hang them. Because they think they haven't taken it off yet. . .

There was a man who liked talking on the phone and finally hung up. . . Experts suggest that it is not advisable to eat breakfast on an empty stomach.

Pi Nuo Qi went to be the anchor of the news broadcast. On his first day at work, he shook his head from left to right and suddenly saw the camera.

A tilt, followed by the national TV screen filled with Xue Huadian. ...

My friend's son, 5 years old, didn't study hard that day and was repaired by his friend. His son said to himself, "How many kinds are there in this world?"

Stupid birds, one is flying first, the other is not flying, and the other is laying eggs, pinning their hopes on the next generation. "Then his son.

He has an extra bag on his head.

Every time Duan Yu likes a girl, Duan Yu's father will say, "Fuck you!" ! When Duan Yu's mother died, tell Duan Yu you don't want it.

It's your father's own. You can marry your sister at will. Duan Yu sighed, mom, this is not a "cheat your dad"!

One summer, Jones went to explore the African jungle. Unfortunately, when he met a cannibal tribe, his heart cooled. Duitian

Let out a deep sigh: "Ah! God, I'm finished now! " Unexpectedly, the voice of God came from the sky: "No, you are still there."

Endless, quickly kill the leader in front with the stone under your feet. "Jones did it at once. Only then did God say, "Now you just. "

It's over! "He looked around and found that more than one hundred Turks were staring at him with angry eyes.

Ask for a costume TV series, the plot is that the hero falls into a cave to eat mushrooms, which is very powerful? Some people say it's Jin Jian Diaoling.

Some people say that it is a condor hero, and the last answer: Super Mary. .........

It is said that there is a rogue eldest brother in West 4 1. He is very generous and proud of being a clown. People say he has no culture, so he just

Stare: What's wrong with being uneducated? Liu Bang has no education, so Guan Yu and Zhang Fei followed him.

I met a woman on the Internet with an unexpected name. I'm a little puzzled how I got such an unlucky name, but I don't care.

After chatting for a while, I felt good and opened a room. If you look at the screen name the next day, it will become anything,,,,,

In the university study room, my sister is thrusting a thrush. I wanted to ask the handsome guy in the back row for some advice, so I said, look at my eyebrows! result

For an instant, I slipped my tongue: Do you think my chest hair looks good? The study room was silent for two seconds, and then ... it boiled. ...

In ancient times, there was a small country. Because of frequent wars, the national treasury was exhausted. The emperor hurriedly summoned the minister of the DPRK and ordered the confiscation of his property.

Public, do military expenses. The minister is unwilling but afraid to disobey. He just timidly asked, "There are so many ministers in the DPRK, why me?"

"The emperor walked up to him, patted him on the shoulder and said," Because I love Qing, I won't be sad easily ... "

The Smurfs sang affectionately, "When I grow up, I will become you …" "What a good boy!" Avatar moved me.

Go on.

In fact, I quite like the airport, especially the radio there, and I feel like I am in the world. Attention, please, passengers on flight XXX.

Prepare for the throne. "

Before the wedding, the groom asked the host, "How much is it to host a wedding?" The host said, "The more beautiful the bride is, the more expensive it is."

! "The groom embarrassed gave his master a dollar. The host paused, looked back at the bride, and then got back fifty cents.

……

With a scream, I sat up in bed, covered in cold sweat. My wife at my desk turned to me and asked me what was wrong. I said I had a nightmare.

In my dream, a demon drew a book of life and death with blood beside me and smiled cunningly at me. "The wife lightly comfort way.

This is just a dream. "Then I picked up the marker and continued to remember" Venetian shopping strategy Paris new york ".

Zhuge Liang knew before his death that Wei Yan would turn against him and secretly told Ma Dai to kill Wei Yan. Shu generals are full of talents, but Ma Dai's martial arts is not high.

Qiang, why did Zhuge Liang have to ask Ma Dai to take this responsibility? Because, Ma Dai, Lin is good at Wei Yan.

On March 8, 20, my daughter came home and said to her mother,' Mom, go and cook something delicious, and I will eat it with my father'. My mother asked, "Why?" The daughter said,' You don't know, today is March 8th Father-Daughter Day (Women's Day)'.