Those who always want to win in an argument will eventually lose their marriage.

People who always quarrel and "want to win" will eventually lose their marriage.

0 1 quarrels are inevitable.

Talk show star Lu Cheng is a joke-maker.

He laughed at the scene of his quarrel with his wife Sven at the talk show conference. Thus, his sentence "I won, my home is gone" became a reality.

Many people can't help thinking, who is the winner in love? In other words, is it really a win to win a quarrel?

The answer is that in intimate relationships, people who always think that they are right and the other person is wrong and always want to win will eventually lose their marriage.

It can be said that arguing about who is right and who is wrong is one of the killers of intimate relationships.

In today's article, we will talk about how we should look at "wanting to win" in intimate relationships.

0 1. Home is not a rational place, but a place of love.

It should be normal for couples to quarrel, because when two independent people live together, there will always be some friction or dispute. On the contrary, a marriage without quarrels is abnormal, because it is likely that there is no desire to communicate with each other. In the cold war,

Of course, this is not to encourage people to quarrel, but to realize that some quarrels are inevitable.

Always trying to convince each other.

However, if one party always tries to convince the other party that he is right, it is likely that there will be an emotional crisis.

Because home is not a place to reason, but a place to love. More importantly, in intimate relationships, quarreling can't tell the difference between winning and losing.

For example, a wife is angry because her husband forgot her birthday. He also feels wronged because he has been busy with his work, so he will forget it. From the wife's point of view, the husband is really wrong, and no matter how busy he is, he will never forget his wife's birthday; From the husband's point of view, the wife is not good either. Why don't you remind him when you know you are busy? Or, why doesn't the wife understand her hard work?

Therefore, there is right or wrong in both, and there is no absolute right or wrong.

In addition, it is difficult for honest officials to break housework, and many couples have contradictions or conflicts, and finally they can't reach a standard answer. Therefore, quarreling between partners should not be about winning or losing, but one of the ways to understand each other.

If you want to win, it means "I am better than you"

As I said before, it is difficult to tell the winner in a quarrel between partners, so why does one party always "want to win"?

03 the performance of insecurity

Because behind "wanting to win" is to prove that "I am better than you" and to satisfy my sense of control.

In other words, those who always think that "I am right and you are wrong" in quarrels want to create a sense of certainty for themselves and make them feel safe in life.

Perhaps, such people, who were insecure in their previous lives, will try their best to show their value by winning.

Just like those children who are always loved conditionally by their parents when they are young, they know that parents will only love themselves if they behave well, so they are used to exchanging "I am great" or "I am great" for their partners' love when they grow up.

From this perspective, people who "want to win" ultimately want love, but forget that the "fierceness" in the quarrel is pushing each other away. Because the other person's love is unconditional, "ta loves you, you don't need to prove anything." The so-called quarrel is just to express one's views, and there is no specific right or wrong.

It can be seen that people who always "want to win" are empty and even hostile at heart. They try their best to grab something to prove that "I am better than you" to fill their hearts, but the consequence of doing so is that the more they want to win, the worse they lose, because their feelings are slowly fading.

Trying to get my sense of control back.

If you want to win, prove that "you must listen to me"

In intimate relationships, people who always "want to win" are still proving that "you have to listen to me". This is a power struggle, the purpose is to change each other and make them obey themselves.

When the magic of love slowly fades, the intimate relationship enters the disillusionment period, and each other's smiles become less and less, gradually turning into frowns. Love in the eyes also turned into anger, even hatred, and the struggle between partners began. Quarrel is one of the ways of struggle, and the winner has a sense of authority.

There is also competition between partners, which is human nature and also the embodiment of fighting for family status.

Just like some families, they are used to establishing an unequal relationship and always emphasize that men are superior to women, in fact, they want to prove that "women should listen to men." Of course, this concept is related to traditional concepts and the influence of family.

But in any case, this unequal relationship makes it difficult for us to feel true love, because true love comes from equality and respect.

In short, people who always "want to win" in intimate relationships, whether they want to regain their sense of control or prove their prestige, are treating each other in an unequal way and will eventually lose their feelings.

A chance to get to know each other.

Some people may say that it is not always "wanting to win", but that quarreling is inevitable, and there will always be winners and losers in the end. What should we do?

This question has actually become "how to deal with quarrels".

First of all, when dealing with a quarrel, don't think about winning, but treat it as an opportunity to get to know each other.

When we don't have a sense of competition, we will talk about the facts, so that we can rationally handle our differences, gradually understand our respective needs and enter each other's hearts.

There are many reasons for quarreling, but more is that the other party does not meet their own needs. At this time, we should learn to express our needs reasonably, with less blame and quality, and more calm and peaceful.

Turning over old scores will make each other's emotions more intense, it is difficult to communicate effectively, and it is easy to escalate the quarrel into verbal violence or even cold violence.

In the final analysis, it is to change the thinking mode of "wanting to win" and turn quarreling into an effective communication.

Of course, this change is not easy, and we need to work together.