The child was spoiled by grandma.

Under the pressure of life, young parents have to go out early and return late to make a living, so the heavy responsibility of taking care of children falls on the elderly who are idle at home.

Although the old people are experienced in raising children and take care of them comprehensively and thoughtfully, the phenomenon of "generation separation" in Chinese style has also become a stumbling block on the road of parenting. Many old people are addicted to "bad habits" because they love their children too much.

Case:

Tiger is the only child of three generations in Li Nainai. Grandma has been in pain since the tiger was born. But in China, all tigers who eat and drink well have "priority" Because of Li Nainai's preference, Tiger developed a self-centered character, just like a "bully" at home.

On this day, Li Nainai took Xiaohu to a wedding reception in a neighboring village. After the first dish was served, Li Nainai gave the whole dish to Xiaohu first. Ignoring the surprised eyes of his deskmate, he kindly said to Xiaohu, Eat quickly, or it will be gone soon!

When the second course was served, Li Nainai quickly moved the whole dish to his grandson and told his grandmother what he liked to eat.

The guests at the same table couldn't stand it any longer, and gently reminded Li Nainai: When we eat at the same table, we should consider the feelings of the people at the same table. Li Nainai retorted that we are old and young, but we can't beat you young people. What's wrong with providing food for children?

Li Nainai's answer made the guests around him shake their heads: If children continue to get used to it, life will be ruined!

Li Nainai's "pampering" behavior can only be regarded as the tip of the iceberg of "generation gap" phenomenon. Many old people spoil their children because they love them, which not only leads to their weak self-care ability, but also has no rules. If this phenomenon does not attract the attention of young parents, it will be corrected as soon as possible. Once a child's character is cultivated, his life is ruined.

How important is it to form rules? There is such a description in Huainanzi: the moment is not right, and it cannot be square; If the rules are not correct, they cannot be round. If children have no rules and regulations since childhood, they can't judge whether their words and deeds are good or bad. Acting according to your own preferences and doing whatever you want can easily lead to great disaster.

1) Rules should be made in advance.

Be sure to set the rules in advance, otherwise children will make mistakes because of "ignorance" without specific rules.

Rules should be set on the basis of children's full understanding, otherwise children can't understand the specific content of the rules, so the rules are useless.

Children can be invited to participate in the formulation of rules. This is not "formalism", but encouraging children to discuss together. This will not only help children understand the meaning and content of the rules, but also enhance their sense of ownership and help them abide by the rules.

2) Some things must not be compromised.

Many families are useless in front of their children's "crying" killers, especially the elderly love their children and lower their bottom line again and again. compare

For example, I clearly told my child to practice eating by myself, but the child refused. Parents or old people are worried that their children will starve to death, so they break the established rules to feed them. Or you can only play with your child for half an hour, but you can't help the child crying and coquetry. Adults compromise again and again to extend the time.

Spoiled children have a common feature, their demands are always blindly met, so there is a more "push your luck" demand.

The establishment of rules must not be easily compromised. Let children understand the rigor of the rules and stop any behavior that goes beyond the rules. Only by sticking to the bottom line can children have rules in everything.

3) Violation of rules will be punished accordingly.

Rules are equivalent to "red warning lines". Once children break the rules, they should be punished accordingly.

The strength of punishing children's mistakes parents must master reasonable scales and know how to use them flexibly, instead of criticizing, beating and cursing as usual.

For example, if a child throws paint everywhere, parents can punish the child to clean it up. Compared with scolding, this kind of punishment that requires children to bear the consequences of their actions will increase their "memory" and let them understand their subconscious mistakes. Parents will also make a lot of efforts to clean up the "mess".

Parents and elders should remember not to treat their children's mistakes with an attitude of "muddling along", which will only make them feel that making rules is just a formality. Every child who makes mistakes has to bear the consequences for his wrong words and deeds. Only in this way can they have the honesty and courage to face their mistakes and become responsible people.

The core of family education is the establishment of rule consciousness. Every little seedling will eventually become a big tree. Since this growth process needs the nutrients of love, it also needs rules to help them "remove branches and stay dry" so that they can eventually become towering trees.