I don’t know where I offended my daughter (stepdaughter). My daughter used to have a very good relationship with me. Today I said something and she was so angry that she stopped eating. In the afterno

I don’t know where I offended my daughter (stepdaughter). My daughter used to have a very good relationship with me. Today I said something and she was so angry that she stopped eating. In the afternoon

From what you described, I think it is a manifestation of the rebellious period of teenagers:

Teenagers are in a psychological transition period, their sense of independence and self-awareness are increasing day by day, and they are eager to get rid of Adult (especially parental) supervision. They object to their parents treating themselves as children and as adults. In order to show their "extraordinary", they tend to have a critical attitude towards everything. It is precisely because they feel or worry that the outside world has ignored their independent existence that their rebellious psychology arises, and they use various means and methods to establish the equal status of "self" and the outside world. Although rebellious psychology cannot be said to be an unhealthy psychology, it is an abnormal psychology when it reacts strongly.

The rebellious behavior of teenagers shows some unique characteristics:

1. Age characteristics - around 14 years old is the peak age for teenage rebellious behavior.

2. Gender characteristics - Among students with rebellious character, there are more boys than girls.

3. Educational characteristics - students with poor academic performance are more rebellious than students with good academic performance.

4. Inducement characteristics - mainly manifested in fierce confrontation between parents and children or teachers and students.

5. Behavioral characteristics - Most rebellious teenagers do not care about the consequences of their actions and do some very extreme things, such as staying in Internet cafes for a long time, or even wandering and begging, gambling, engaging in illegal and criminal activities, etc.

Interpretation Editor

“The child suddenly seems to have changed and is really difficult to manage.” This is the cries of many parents towards their children’s rebelliousness, but they don’t know what the reason is. To. In fact, all this is a manifestation of the rebellious period of children's youth. In my country, 11-12 years old is defined as early adolescence. Because children in this period are difficult to manage, foreign countries also call it the "manic period", "difficult period", etc.

Due to the increased pressure of entering higher schools and interpersonal relationships, the psychology of students in adolescence changes. If they are not properly guided, children will easily develop skills and problems in cognition, understanding, application, etc. Psychological barriers, especially under the influence of some abnormal external factors, often stimulate their subconscious resistance, stimulate them to resist the outside world, and form a rebellious psychology.

According to surveys, because the environment today’s children live in is much more complex than that of their parents, their youthful rebellious period reaches 1-2 years earlier than their parents, and they also endure more pressure. . Therefore, when children are somewhat "rebellious", parents do not have to worry too much. They should understand their children and pay attention to adjusting their education methods.

Why are rebellious children difficult to discipline? To know the reason, parents need to go deep into their children's hearts and understand what they are thinking. After children enter adolescence, due to psychological changes caused by physiological changes, they start to think about things, form immature opinions, and begin to doubt their parents' words. After the parents' authority was shaken, they found it difficult to adapt and were unwilling to lower their values ??and adjust their education methods to face their children. In this regard, the children resisted, making the parents find it difficult to train them.

Facing these children at a crossroads, parents must be more patient, careful and attentive in their education.

As a domestic adolescent education expert, Zhuojuan Education sets up adolescent rebellion training camps to help children get out of the whirlpool of rebellion in response to children’s rebellious psychology. [2]

Misunderstanding Editor

Parents should view their children’s youthful rebellious period dialectically. This stage is a critical period for the formation of the child’s world view, when their personality and creativity are rampant and they are ready to show off. ; At the same time, due to the limitations of children's physical and mental development and education, many of their ideas are immature or even extreme. This requires external education to guide children correctly. But in real education, some parents can easily fall into the misunderstanding of educational polarization.

Myth 1

Comprehensive attack. Some parents become very angry when faced with their children's rebellious words and deeds, such as talking back and being disobedient, and feel that if their children's "evil energy" is not suppressed, their children may become bad. So the parents took tough measures, either beating or scolding. Gradually, on the surface, the child returns to the "good child" who obeyed everything he said before. In fact, the door to communication with his parents has been closed deep in his heart, and he may go astray or even fall into the abyss of crime.

[3]

Myth 2

Let it go. In reality, some parents lose confidence in children who are difficult to teach, and after a few attempts to discipline them without seeing much improvement, they begin to let their children have their own way. At this time, no matter what the child's words, deeds, or thoughts are, parents will no longer interfere or provide guidance. Over time, the children will be adversely affected and their behavior will deviate. When the parents regret, they realize that the child's life has been delayed.

How parents get along with rebellious children

1. Parents should see their children’s growth, respect their children’s self-esteem, establish a close and equal relationship with them, and allow them to Children can also participate in family management.

2. Parents should believe that their children have the ability to handle things independently, support them as much as possible, encourage and comfort them when they encounter difficulties or fail, and praise them when they succeed.

3. Parents should have the courage to ask their children for advice and the courage to admit their mistakes.

Children understand their parents. Parents need to be respected by their children. Most of them regard their children's happiness as their own life. Their advice is often a summary of their own life experiences and has certain reference value. Children should always talk to their parents about their thoughts and activities. When your choice is contrary to your parents' wishes, you should resolve it through discussion and present facts to prove that your choice is correct.

Rights Editor

After children enter the rebellious period of youth[4], they are particularly eager to be recognized and respected by the outside world. Therefore, parents should pay attention to delegating various rights to them to help their children transition from ignorance to maturity.

Autonomy: "You should", "You must", "What do you know" and the like are the mantras of many parents. It is recommended that parents say as little as possible when dealing with rebellious children. Children who deep down think that they are adults will not accept such a commanding tone.

Right to speak: Many parents have said to their children such as "If you don't get into college, you will sweep the streets." Although it is for the benefit of the children, their ears have already grown calluses, and they are in the rebellious stage. These words can be said to be "invulnerable to all poisons". At this time, parents should talk less and listen more to understand what their children are thinking.

Time control: Children in this period are eager to have their own little world. Therefore, parents should not make their own decisions and arrange their children's time according to their own wishes. They should leave time to their children themselves. Arrangements, parents should make suggestions in a consultative tone for unreasonable arrangements, and never deny the child completely.

Voting rights: Regarding some major matters at home, such as moving, buying a house, etc., you may wish to discuss it with your children, consider their feelings, and solicit their opinions. In a family with a democratic atmosphere, children can generally take the initiative to ask for their opinions. Parents approach.

Privacy rights: After their children enter junior high school, some parents find that their children who used to often talk to them about their innermost feelings become less interested in talking to them. The children begin to have their own locked diaries, private letter. Professor Xu said that if a child really doesn't want to communicate with his or her parents, there is no need to be too forceful, especially not to peek into the child's privacy. While respecting the child, you also gain respect for yourself.

Communication Editor

Parents may find it difficult to communicate with children who are more rebellious. Here are some more practical parent-child communication skills.

Respect your children

Parents should not always focus on their children's weaknesses, and do not compare their children's weaknesses with the strengths of other children. When contacting their children, parents should try to find as many advantages as possible in their children and encourage them more to reduce the children's resistance to their parents.

Put yourself in others’ shoes

Parents have also gone through the rebellious period of adolescence, but they are not as obvious as their own children, so when faced with their children’s puzzling behavior, they might as well put themselves in their shoes. Think about it, think about why the child is like this. Once you have a baby, you will understand your child and find out the crux of the problem.

Don’t talk about grades

When communicating with children, parents should not always focus on learning. This will only make the children feel stressed and doubt the parents’ motivation for communication. When communicating, parents can start with household matters, and then talk about serious matters after their children's emotions have stabilized.

Stabilize emotions

It is definitely irrational for parents to educate their children with emotions, which will make the children more resistant. Therefore, parents should not educate their children when they are impatient, upset, or not calm. After calming down, go and communicate with the child.

Allow mistakes to be made

This stage is a critical period for children to form their own opinions, and small mistakes are inevitable. Therefore, parents should allow their children to make some mistakes and suffer some losses, and not restrict their children's hands and feet too much. At the same time, parents are their children's best role models. Children in the rebellious period have strong imitation abilities. Parents' good words and deeds can have a subtle influence on their children.

Reducing the burden on children

Both parents have the idea of ??"hoping for their children to become dragons and for their daughters to become phoenixes". Some parents even impose their unfulfilled wishes on their children. After school, they have to go through training that they don’t want to do, which prevents the children from relaxing mentally. This puts a lot of mental pressure on the children, causing them to hate life and reach their rebellious period early. I hope parents will allow them to do so. When children are studying, give them appropriate time to play.

Method Editing

Most children enter the first rebellious period of their lives (commonly known as the "baby rebellious period") after the age of 2. As long as it is something requested by their parents, Children will do it. Or just say that the child is naughty. Girls may be slightly better.

The first "rebellious period" can be said to be the most troublesome period for parents, because the children are still young at this time, and if you try to reason with them patiently, they won't listen at all, or they won't listen at all. If you can't calm it down with words, you will have to "suppress it with force" in the end, which will eventually cause the relationship between parents and children to be hurt.

Children have an inevitable development stage of "the sprouting of self-awareness and the growth of desire for independence". Parents should clearly see the positive significance of this stage for their children's growth and be more relaxed. More often than not, you will not be provoked and instead look for multiple coping strategies.

The most inappropriate way to deal with a child's "rebellious period" is to confront the child. Children who are only 2 years old and have just emerged from infancy will encounter strong opposition from their parents, which will either inspire them to continue to fight against their parents in the future, or they will become cowardly and withdrawn after being suppressed by their parents' power. , are afraid to obey once they encounter resistance from outside forces. Moreover, in the future, children are likely to be afraid to express their true inner thoughts, suppress their feelings, and become a dual personality with a well-behaved appearance and a rebellious heart. When a considerable amount of resistance is gathered in the heart, it will be difficult to deal with it once it breaks out.

In addition, "making false claims in the east and attacking in the west" is also a good way to deal with the baby's rebellious period, but parents must not compromise on issues of principle. If there is a head-on conflict, it will cause the baby to cry and affect the parent-child relationship. The best way is to draw the child's attention and lead them on the right path.

I hope it can really help you