Are you kidding me?

When I was in school, I went shopping with my boyfriend. As soon as I left school, I happened to see my brother holding something to see me. After seeing me, my brother happily greeted me: Niu! Where are you going? My boyfriend was stunned when he heard this. Before I could say anything, he punched my brother in the nose until it bled: Boy! presumptuous! The scene was very embarrassing...

Since I rejected the first man on a blind date, my mother was determined to find a boy from a relative whose family was demolished. It was said that the entire building belonged to them. of. My mother said very enthusiastically: Let’s talk about it, we can register as a Malaysian horse and get a house. When she said this, I saw a wolf with red eyes, which was beyond the image. Is it true that the purpose of raising a daughter is to sell her when she grows up?

LZ’s family opened a fruit shop. One day a girl came to buy fruit and asked me how much apples and peaches cost. I said 5 yuan for apples and 4 yuan for peaches. The girl thought about it and said, can I each pick up some points and click 4 yuan and 50%? Let me think about it. As a result, the girl started to choose very happily. Damn it, when I was weighing myself, I found a small peach on top of a big bag of apples. . Are you kidding me...

At noon, I had a plate of fish at home. My mother ate the fish head. I cried silently while watching it. I asked my mother: Mom, why are you naked? Eat fish head? My mother said: It’s okay. Mom likes to eat fish heads. But mom, this is a plate of fish head with chopped pepper! ! It feels different from what I watched when I was a kid. I suspect this is a fake fish.

There is a classmate named Qin Xiyao in the class. The monitor called his name for the first time and almost cried when he looked at the roster. She held it in for a long time and asked: "Who is called 'Xi Zao is not older than three people'?"

An old man and an old lady got into the bus together. They only had one seat. The old lady After sitting down, the old man stepped forward and asked the old lady: "How old are you this year?" The old lady replied: "Sixty-eight!" The old man happily said to the old lady: "Haha, I am seventy-three! I am older than you. , please get up and give me a seat!" Unexpectedly, the old lady smiled and said to the old man: "I'm sorry, I'm pregnant with my second child!"

The son bought a pack of crispy noodles for 50 cents. , there is a card for another pack inside. . . After asking for another pack three times in a row, the shop owner quit. My son said to me: It seems I can support my family!

Have you ever eaten instant noodles? "Have eaten, what's wrong?" " "Then do you know what are the shortcomings of instant noodles? "One pack is not enough, two packs is too much!" "

I went on a trip with my best friend and rested under a tree when I was tired. Suddenly a few drops of bird poop fell on my face. Before I could react, my best friend helped me spread it evenly. While wiping it, she said: "Your sunscreen is not evenly applied. "

I have been thinking a lot recently. There are so many women in the world. I think that in the future I will go to sea and sell sanitary napkins in groups. I will definitely make money. Create a brand of my own and call it "Shuer" ". I have already thought about the advertising slogan, which is "The sky is bright and the children are comfortable."

When I was eating today, my sister saw that I kept eating lotus root and said, "Whatever you eat will make you better." If you like lotus root, you will grow longer My sister said it’s because you’re lacking so much! My dear, have you had enough fun? /p>

1. My father is a good man, please don’t take him away

2. If you care about me at all, I will give you a hundred times happiness

3 , The best feeling is that when you look at him, he is already staring at you

4. There is only one true love in this life, and no matter how deep the love is, it will not last. No matter how heart-breaking it is,

5. I have been exiled, but I still can’t escape. It’s my fault that I take love as my sustenance.

6. Your love is buried, and I hate you. The pain of being collected should be forgiven.

7. The more someone likes you, the more childish they will do to you

8. "My passion has finally been captured." Your indifference has worn off”

9. I never understand your thoughts, it’s because I don’t work hard to love you.

10. If you have a choice, then choose the best; if you have no choice, then try to do your best.

11. Dear, have you had enough fun? I'm waiting for you to come back.

12. Things we thought we would never forget are actually forgotten in the process of remembering them.

13. Don’t be crazy, baby, the road ahead is still long and I don’t know who will be brilliant.

14. True love cannot be given up. What can be given up is not called true love. No matter if you lose this true love a hundred times, it will still come back to me.

15. Only when the mountains have no edges and the heaven and earth are harmonious can I dare to stand apart from you.

16. Beauty is an obsession, I insist, you can do whatever you want.

17. In this life, there is no way to verify the beautiful youth.

18. People like me are definitely not loved by anyone and have nothing to do with them.

19. The time that I constantly want to forget.

20. I am who I am, a firework with different colors, and I want to be the strongest bubble.

21. You praise me as invulnerable to all poisons, but in fact, I already have thousands of arrows under my smile. Pierce the heart.

22. Why do all the affectionate words you say make me cry?

23. Only thin water can flow forever, and only ordinary happiness can last long

24 , If one day you choose to give up on me, I will not cry but smile stronger because I know that crying can't save you. Non-mainstream personality quotes - you play with your customization, I play with my formatting

Damn mosquito, I'm not your father, why do you keep eating and drinking from me

The weather is so cold that it's like a joke, and my life is like nonsense.

We were all passers-by, but luckily we didn’t knock each other down!

We make money, have a career, and fall in love all in order to be happier, so happiness is the real wealth in life

They say that having too much money is just a numbers game, but this game is definitely fun. Otherwise, why would there be so many people rushing to play?

Wukong, catch a goblin for Master to play with!

I don’t want short-term tenderness, I just want your lifelong companionship!

Those who are promising pay bank interest, and those who are not earning money wait to receive bank interest.

As an adult, you no longer feel guilty about going to nightclubs, and you no longer have to hide when you have a child!

There is a beast that looks a lot like you.

Standing at the crossroads of life, I feel even more hesitant.

Face is given by others, but face is lost by oneself.

Every time I see a handsome guy, I always feel a little guilty, and I always wonder how I can have anything to do with him.

My wife is a big tree and my lover is a small grass. Plant a big tree to enjoy the shade and raise a piece of grass to let the birds walk. This is a harmonious society and a green environment.

When I see your face, I feel that your parents were not serious when making you.

In real society, low-key people are the most charming.

I really don’t want to look down on you with my toes. But bro, you made me do this.

Love is the same as gambling. Those who are jealous will bet their organs.

Life is like a shooting star, arriving brightly. When you make a wish, it has already passed by quietly.

Businessmen, businessmen, those who specialize in hurting others are called businessmen.

I graduated from the job major and am currently working as a job

Calm, as flat as the Weaver Girl’s chest, as quiet as the Cowherd’s lower part

Waiter, give it to me A cup of milk tea, put more tea leaves, less milk...

Curse those who bully us, eat the snot in your nose when eating noodles.

I am a dashing girl digging clams...drawing a circle to curse you

I am dancing on the tip of the knife, whether it is heavy or light, from the soles of my feet to my heart, it spreads after all The pain

I paid so much for you, but you turned a blind eye.

Will Hua Tuo be able to cure lovesickness in his next life?

As the saying goes: If a person does not offend me, I will not offend others! But as the saying goes: strike first to gain advantage, strike later to suffer disaster

You play with your customization, I play with my format change.

Hair is gone without a trace, and dandruff is better.

There is never right or wrong in feelings, only love or not.

Being careless is just the skin of a bun. Everyone must be good at seeing through the skin to find the meat.

There is a kind of love that no matter how smart I am, I can't get it all.

An encounter without fate is an accident in the first place

I don’t know if I’m serious, but I’m a living dictionary if I’m not serious

Falling in love is like fighting. Mahjong is not fun if you don’t take it seriously, and it will easily hurt your mind if you take it too seriously

I thought that time might dilute my love for you, but I was wrong, the longer the time goes by, the deeper my love becomes.

Time stopped at this second. When you said you didn’t love me, my heart was broken.

Even if it has never entered your heart, I don’t want to try it now

(There is no end, and guarding the drifting loneliness alone will eventually be nothing...)

I think I don’t love you enough, otherwise I wouldn’t tolerate it.

I am used to so many things that I am not used to. Those who are used to so much should not get used to it.

The only person in this world who likes to hurt me the most is you. I just play by myself and make trouble, I know who is good to me.

1. If you wear a crown, you will not bow your head even if you are cursed and laughed at

2. Even though we were When you are young and ignorant, it is too easy to mistake desire for love. In fact, the person who loves you the most will only appear when you understand responsibility. Sometimes we should really be grateful to life, which has given us so many hardships. People always understand the meaning of life only after suffering.

3. We know many truths in our hearts, but we cannot do them.

4. Holding hands brings you happiness, and a hug brings you the whole world. It turns out that happiness is so simple, so simple that you can get it with just one hand, that feeling of being in the clouds

5. The meaning of life is to listen to the voice of your own heart and be the most wonderful version of yourself.

6. I am used to raising my head reflexively when I hear your name

7. No matter if the world is destroyed, as long as you nod, I will follow you without hesitation

8. In this life, we may not meet anyone, chance is chance, and coincidence is foreshadowing; we may not leave anyone, no matter how tight we hold our hands, we must say goodbye. Indestructible is actually vulnerable. People and things in the world are nothing more than gathering and dispersing gains and losses. When you meet, give the other person a piece of happiness; if you get sidetracked, give yourself a little life. No one is yours, and you are not anyone else's. No matter what you have or lose, it is never easy to meet each other. You can only do it and cherish it.

9. We throw away our childhood and our youth in exchange for something called achievement; we throw away our parents and ourselves in search of something called love.

10. The greatest sorrow in life is not that you can’t get or lose it, but that you don’t know what you want.

11. Destiny will not owe anyone anything. If you look away, there will be a blue sky above your head; if you look down, there will be a sea of ??flowers in your heart. Only when spring is green and winter is yellow, can you feel the alternation of nature; only when it is sunny and rainy can you appreciate the changes in the outside world.

Pain is a kind of calcium that allows us to stand upright for a long time; bitterness is a kind of medicine that allows us to hold on tenaciously. If you feel that your fate is unfair, it is because your heart is narrow. If you think narrowly, the road ahead will inevitably be narrow.

12. Inappropriate means being poor, having no feeling, being ugly. Falling in love at first sight means being good-looking and thoughtful, meaning being rich. This is the reality.

13. Few words in your mouth will lead to less disaster; less food in your belly. , there will naturally be fewer illnesses; there will be fewer desires in the heart, and there will naturally be fewer worries; there will be fewer things on the body, there will naturally be less suffering; there will be no tears for great sorrow, and there will be no words for great enlightenment. Cherish fate when it comes, let it go when fate is gone, follow the square and make it round, and be at ease everywhere.

14. Life is unpredictable. The most important thing is not where you are, but the direction you are facing. You can't decide the length of life, but you can control its width; you can't control the weather, but you can change your mood; you can't change your appearance, but you can show a smile; you can't control others, but you can master yourself; you can't You can predict tomorrow, but you can take advantage of today; you can't have everything go smoothly, but you can do your best in everything.

15. The cruelty of reality and the perishability of happiness. No matter what you are pursuing at this moment, I hope you can maintain a happy heart during the process, then what you yearn for will come to your life more effortlessly.

16. We think that starting a love and ending a love are easy and even worth looking forward to. Years later, when I looked back, I realized that love is the most luxurious one-time consumer product.

17. The most frightening thing about distance is that you are not sure whether the other person is thinking about you or has forgotten you.

18. Kim Soo-hyun is the most beautiful scenery and the warmest sunshine I have ever seen.

19. Inappropriateness means being poor and feeling ugly. Falling in love at first sight means being good-looking and thoughtful means being rich. This is the reality.

20. I know who is good to me after having fun and having fun. .

21. Live a happy-go-lucky life with a nonchalant attitude.

22. When you think of my kindness one day, maybe I don’t like you that much anymore.

23. People are sad, not because love is over, but because Because when everything is over, love is still there.

24. Don’t always think before and after, otherwise you will bring problems that don’t exist at all. Analyze the situation first, then act decisively. You can't change the reality you don't want to face. Making progress also means taking risks. You can't take the second step without taking the first step, that's how life is.

25. For life, acceptance is the best tenderness, whether it is accepting the appearance of a person or accepting the absence of a person.

26. In the process of competing between dreams and reality, I gradually discovered that maturity is born by falling.

27. It is easiest to be moved by simple words when you are vulnerable, right?

28. Life is like a seed. Leave it to yourself to sow and reap. Leave things to time.