A collection of classic crosstalk lines (40 sentences), which seems funny, actually makes sense.

A classic cross talk line seems funny, but it makes sense. I can blow ugliness into beauty.

Run to the station, bang into the train and tie the other end to the locomotive. As soon as he starts, you turn around and get off. Abuse. Go ahead, there's nothing I can do. The wire is bolted, and the front of the car is bolted to the locomotive. Begging ... The train has left. When I turn around here, Mao! Did you lose your tooth?

I can't say anything about going to the treasure bureau. At home, what is it called? It's called dark gambling.

4. It is not easy to play. Play a little. Listen to it. (starts to hit the board) Click, click, click.

Because I have praised it for more than ten years. Much worse. I have praised it for more than thirty years.

6. Really?

7.oh! He grinned at me! You think I dare not stew you. If we had a pot at home, I would stew you.

8. Wait a minute, stop talking about girls. What do I think of others?

9. I advise you, don't let yourself be occupied by wine, money and wealth, and don't get involved in eating, drinking, whoring and gambling. If you have nothing to do, go to the cross talk party and listen to two cross talks for fun.

10. There is also an anthology of Degang Guo crosstalk. Do you have instructions for hiding and discharging oil? Hide secrets and extract oil? Forgot when you were making money? Oh, oh, oh, then there will be no cross talk by Degang Guo. Three Kingdoms, Water Margin, Harry Potter, Hidden Secrets and Oil Discharging.

1 1. I'm bored. All our actors are cool. His singing is not good enough, and he can't remember many words. This thing was singing wildly on the stage and someone gave it to him. He can pick up more than forty flower baskets in a cool tone. I worked so hard that I didn't even have a wreath.

12. They all say that I am a good-looking person.

13. Say that the buddies are close, the buddies don't kiss, make a noise, and divide the family. Brother is like a jackal and brother is like a tiger, which will add three points to my face.

14. The physical education teacher in junior high school said: Whoever dares to wear a skirt to my class again will be punished for handstand.

15. Listen less. Use the "big hand" brand of prolactin, and the milk will flow like the Yangtze River, and the children will be suckled.

16. Say plan, plan to be unhappy for a month, and buy a pair of small shoes. 4 1 size shoes, you take a pair of size 39. Go out and sneak around, right? Two rings and three rings are not acceptable. Huailai county Qinghe Shahe Changping county Nanqinglongqiao Kangzhuangzi.

17. I can't sleep tonight. Go out for a walk Second ring, third ring, fourth ring, fifth ring, sixth ring, go to Kaifeng and come back. This is a night.

18. "It is said that the army was used. He, Pan, ..." Oh, these disciples never weighed 90 pounds.

19. Passers-by saw the big man so rude and said, "Ask someone else." The big man was very angry and said to passers-by, "You are so stingy. You are a terrible person. "

20. It rained twice this week, once for three days and once for four days.

It seems funny, but the actual sentence is reasonable. 2 1. Take three steps. God, it's so exciting!

22. Look at this "and musical instruments". I haven't seen it before, have I? (takes out bamboo board) Take it out for you to see. what do you think? This is famous. Can you tell?

23. I admire myself so much that sometimes I kowtow to myself when I look in the mirror!

24. Riding on the neck to shit, I dry it, I dry it with diarrhea, but he rides on the neck with diarrhea!

25. My apprentice is a man who knows everything and answers all questions. He is really the spirit of all things, the hero of mankind!

26. All this continues. You can sing for days!

27. That lock is opened with a noodle, and a pack of instant noodles can open a community.

28. Everyone takes a bath with milk ~ ~ ~ After I arrived at the dairy factory, I shouted and casually said a short cross talk. Alas, those cows were moved and cried ~ ~ ~ The milk came out of their eyes ~ ~ Wow ~ ~ It was amazing. ...

29. What are you thinking? You are beautiful and will be a son all your life? I went out to earn money, you ate at home, and you were copied. Just for a second! It may take three or five minutes to learn. When I found out, I turned my head and left to make your money. Since then, they have never contacted each other again.

30. Look at people, the driver who bought a big building, and look at you. You have nothing, the ground under your feet is shaking, the water around you is flowing, your hands are shaking, and your heart is crying.

3 1. The fire burned for three days and nights, and all the city's fire brigades went, but he was hopeless.

32. What happened when you were caught? I can see it. Why do I have to watch it? Look at the English newspaper.

33. Taiping lyrics. Alas, this Taiping lyric is very simple at first glance. It's not easy to sing, but it's nice. Full of charm and nasal sounds.

This is your ignorance. When my apprentice is free at the moment, if you have any problems, please ask him at once. My apprentice Fan "Paiji" went later, and you can't find it anywhere.

35. I tell you, our family is a bragging workshop.

36. Which paragraphs do you know and which I don't?

37. Aren't these two? So how do these two novels count as four classic novels? Look at this information. Did you get a look at him? He called Four Great Classical Novels coldly. What do you think you got caught? How fresh is it? How many/much? ! Four classic novels! Then the Three Kingdoms, Water Margin, Hidden Secrets and Oil Discharging, Harry Potter. Why do you have to put secret oil in it? There are no diet products here. Who said anything about losing weight? He is an oil unloader! You really didn't take other people's money for nothing.

If you see a shadow in front of you, don't be afraid, it's because there is sunshine behind you.

39. Wait a minute. There is Degang Guo in The Analects? "The Analects of Confucius" The Analects of Confucius Gongye Chang has a saying: I have never seen a man who is just. How can I put it? Confucius said, Sorry, I haven't seen Degang Guo. So you are ahead of Confucius?

40.how many years have I been here?

Ma Ji's crosstalk lines

believer

Where are you performing here?

B: Ah, performing here.

A: I heard that crosstalk performers are all learned?

B: No, no, crosstalk performers haven't studied for a few days in the past. Most of them are oral and heartfelt, so they only learn to ask questions.

A: Then, you are much worse than me. Compared with me, you are only one tenth of "nine Niu Yi hairs".

B: We don't have any left. So, you are learned?

A: Of course. I know everything. I know everything There is nothing I don't know about ancient and modern China and foreign countries, a hundred schools of thought contend, literature and history, astrology.

I don't think you know the same thing!

A: I don't know what?

B: You don't know "poverty"!

You praised me.

B: that's a compliment! What knowledge do you have from staring and boasting?

A: You don't understand my knowledge, even if I tell you. Your education is too low, your knowledge is too little, your experience is too shallow and your level is too low. You didn't understand what I said, which not only delayed my precious time, but also embarrassed you in public. Talking about study with you is like casting pearls before swine.

B: This is so insulting! Today, I want to take a good look at your knowledge.

A: If you really want to consult, you don't need me to teach you to study in person. My closed disciple gives you some advice!

B: You still have an apprentice?

A: Nonsense. I think Kong Qiu and Confucius have 3000 disciples, not to mention me.

Me?

Do you understand what I mean?

I see.

What do you mean by me?

B: The one who was shot!

A: I am who I am.

B: That's right, you were shot!

A: How to speak?

B: Confucius has 3,000 disciples, among which 72 saints are the most outstanding.

A: Confucius' disciples are all "salty" (virtuous) people, but my disciples are not that salty.

B: Why?

A: It's only been marinated for a few days.

B: Duck eggs!

A: I have one of my most proud apprentices, who is young and capable. I taught him all my knowledge.

B: What can I do as an apprentice?

A: I am an apprentice who knows astronomy above and geography below, and understands people and harmony. Knowing yin and yang, gossip, six tricks, armor, strategizing, winning thousands of miles away, and making up your mind to divide the world before going out of the cottage.

Is this your apprentice?

A: This is Zhuge Liang.

B: Why did you mention Zhuge Liang?

A: I can't show my apprentice's ability without mentioning Zhuge Liang.

What can your apprentice do?

A: My apprentice is a horse-walking sheep, asking and answering ten questions, knowing everything, knowing everything. He is really the spirit of all things, the hero of mankind!

B: I don't think he is a hero of mankind!

A: He is. ...

B: Garlic in the vegetable market.

A: Good garlic!

B: Tell you what, if your apprentice is really capable, invite him out and I'll meet him.

A: Oh, do you want to learn something from my apprentice and learn more?

B: Ah, you ask him out and I'll tell him.

A: All right then. (Looking around) Hey, I just slapped you here!

B: I'm not good at this game!

A: (Shouting at the curtain) Awkward! Awkward! ……

B: Just a moment, please. Who are you looking for?

A: looking for my apprentice.

B: What's your apprentice's name? ...

A: Very embarrassing.

B: Oh, how embarrassing!

A: Embarrassed, embarrassed ...

(On the side curtain, C should say "Hey-"and stupidly pull a long note on the ground, with a straight pen tube and a glassy-eyed bow.)

What is your apprentice doing?

A: This is Master. I teach well and my disciples are polite.

B: That is. ...

I made a western gift imported from abroad.

This is not a gift from the west!

You see, this is ...

B: The calf worships God everywhere.

A: This is your ignorance. When my apprentice is free at the moment, if you have any problems, please ask him at once. My apprentice Fan "Paiji" went later, and you can't find it anywhere.

I have to hurry. (Look at C carefully) Can this be learned?

You can't judge a book by its cover. You look good. Why not export it to pandas?

Hey, can I ask him?

A: Go ahead.

B: I always watch this kid throw.

Boast about crosstalk lines

B: Hello, audience friends.

Hello, friends.

B: Who's calling?

A: I don't even know you, the all-around champion of the world bragging Olympic Games.

With you? Look at him, everyone. An inch long nail.

A: Don't look at me. I'm a teenager.

B: I'm still premature.

A: I am 1 1 years old and I am in college.

You are far from it. /kloc-became a professor at the age of 0/0.

I became a scientist when I was nine years old.

I made nuclear weapons when I was eight years old.

A: I got married at the age of seven, and now my son has graduated from primary school.

B: Huh?

A: Just blow. Bragging is not taxed.

B: I'm telling you, I've had senile plaques since I was five years old.

A: I have had a tattoo on my forehead since I was 4 years old.

B: I've been hunched since I was three years old.

I lost a tooth when I was two years old.

My hair turned white when I was one year old.

A: Oh, no, he has already taken a one-year-old size.

B: You are old.

A: I am better than you without age.

B: What's the matter?

A: I retired before I was born.

B: Retire before you are born?

Finish the task ahead of schedule.

B: Does it make sense?

A: There is a dairy factory where cows are in a bad mood and can't give milk. Alas, cows can't give milk, so their production is reduced. What about income? How to explain to the leader? The director is in a hurry: hello, transportation department? Get a helicopter and bring Xiao Wu, who is a crosstalk performer.

B: Pick you up for what?

A: After I arrived at the dairy factory, I kept ringing, ringing and casually said a cross talk. Alas, those cows were moved and cried-all the milk came out of their eyes-wow-it was amazing.

B: What's the matter?

A: There is too much milk flowing, and flood control begins.

B: Wow, is milk flood-proof?

A: People bathe with milk.

B: What's the matter? There is a duck farm where ducks don't lay eggs. The owner is very worried: Hey, Xiao Wang, my ducks don't lay eggs. Come and help! I say cross talk is difficult, and my mouth is like a machine gun. I said I was sweating a lot. The ducks were finally moved-the ducks thought, alas, we haven't laid eggs for more than two years. People came all the way to tell us cross talk. If you don't lay eggs, you won't be a buddy. This time, we should not only lay eggs, but also lay a fine egg. When we finish, the ducks will lie on the ground and listen to Butch sing.

A: How about that?

B: Two camels are coming down.

A: Huh? Will ducks come down from camels? You play really well,

B: Isn't it amazing?

A: Then you are still not as good as me. My cross talk can cure diseases.

B: Why?

A: Last time, an old lady was paralyzed in bed for more than 80 years.

Eight to eighty years? This is too close.

A: Both Chinese and western medicines were invited, but they were not cured.

Isn't that dangerous?

A: Finally, I was invited again.

I went to pick you up.

I bowed to the old lady after I entered the door.

Oh, that's polite.

A: Then I yelled at the old lady Barabara and said such a short cross talk. After listening to the cross talk, the old lady shook her crutch. ...

B: How about that?

I went to Beijing to participate in the 2008 Olympic Games.

Look, he screwed up.

A: Haha, awesome! I have a secret recipe for bragging.

B: What's the use of the secret recipe handed down from family? I can blow a square into a circle, can you?

I can blow the short one into the long one.

I can blow ugliness into beauty.

I can blow a man into a woman.

I am taller than you.

I have a hunchback. Actually, I am taller than you.

I grow a foot every day.

I grew ten feet overnight.

I am as tall as Mount Everest.

A: Mount Everest is half a head shorter than me.

B: With my head in the sky and my feet on the ground, I can reach a big plane!

A: My upper lip is facing the sky and my lower lip is facing the ground!

Where's your face?

A: Bragging is shameless!

Stand-up comic dialogue lines

Hello, my name is * *, and today I'm going to tell you a stand-up comedy.

Crosstalk is a language art, speaking, learning, teasing and singing.

Say, I'm good at it. Idioms solitaire first. "Wholehearted, high-spirited, hard-working, illogical, argumentative, in a barren land, in hot water, in full swing, making progress every day, going into the ground, lasting forever, going forward bravely, being deeply rooted in people's hearts, being together for a long time, family happiness."

Another cheerful song, "Doing morning exercises after dusk, seeing rats scratching cats, dogs eating grass and horses growing horns, scared to run benches all over the street, eating milk and drinking bread, carrying cars and carrying schoolbags, you say this is upside down." Not enough, let's talk about a new joke called "Open a few words", which means reciting the new words I have learned together and starting to "Open a number13579,24680, clap your hands. First, the cat looked for a white rabbit, and the two brothers splashed trees, bowed their heads and bent down, ate grass to gain weight, pointed out the direction for the future, explored the wilderness by hoofing, and practiced breaststroke with legless tadpoles. Hard work after school, conscientious and caring service, all walks of life are in contact. Don't be discouraged when dealing with problems. Lazy and suspicious, accumulate regrets. Wave to greet Jinxiu Wanxian, Huang Can corn piles gold, the autumn harvest rice sickle flashes, the owner waves feathers, the chapter is wrapped in ink paintings, and the juice is full, so you can swim in the sea and enjoy the ocean. "

In the above performances, teasing and learning are interspersed. Next, it's time to sing. Let me start with a popular song, Dao Lang's The First Snow in 2002, which came later than before. Bus No.2 parked on the eighth floor took away the last falling yellow leaves.

The first snow in 2002 came later than before. You are like a flying butterfly, swaying in the snow season. You are like a flying butterfly, swaying in the snow season. "Let's play the theme song of the familiar children's song Nezha.

Tell a myth that this family, this couple, gave birth to a strange doll ... ask him what his name is, Nezha, Nezha, little Nezha. Ask me my name.

My performance is over, I wish you all a happy new year, thank you!

ask the way

Modesty is the most important thing in this world. No matter what you do, you must be modest. What would you do yourself? Don't show off in front of that man. What does it matter to show off? What is there to show off? Therefore, if you are modest in front of others, you will definitely not suffer.

I'm from Shandong. I usually speak our Shandong dialect. I have a fellow villager who is also a good man. That's right. Showing off your abilities, knowing more than others, is nothing. This is a joke when I went to Tianjin on business a few days ago.

Why is he joking? He learned a few words of Tianjin dialect before going to Tianjin. When he went to Tianjin, he showed off. One morning, he thought that Goubuli had gone to eat steamed buns. Everyone knows that steamed bread is delicious, but he has never eaten it. He is going to try it, but he doesn't know where Goubuli is. He had to ask around. Just then, a young man came up to him, so he greeted him and asked him how to get there. When asked, he remembered Tianjin dialect, and then he said, "Excuse me, how can I get to this dog-ignored steamed stuffed bun shop?" Hearing this, Tianjin people didn't know that dogs ignored them. He was making fun of me, so he pointed to the north: "In the north." (Tianjin dialect) This is also sincere. He went to the north and felt something was wrong after walking for a while. Why didn't you even see a shop? Ask around again. Just sitting in front of an old lady sunbathing, she went over and said, "You are in a hurry. How can I get to this steamed stuffed bun shop that ignores dogs? " (Tianjin dialect) The old lady heard it, didn't she? Tianjin people don't know that dogs ignore them? Are you kidding? I also made a mistake, pointing to the north: "In the north." This is right. Let's go north. I don't know how long it took. It's getting a little dark anyway. Why hasn't this arrived yet? At this time, an old farmer who was resistant to hoes came to him. He said hello quickly, without Tianjin dialect. He opened his mouth and said, "Grandpa, the dog doesn't care. How can I get there?" Hearing this, the old farmer said, "Young man, it's not easy for you to go to Tianjin and walk here. Here is Miyun Reservoir. " He went in the other direction. sports meeting

A: The audience likes actors very much.

Yeah, that's right.

You see, before we went on stage, the audience gave us warm applause.

B: Right, right, right.

A: Everyone knows me very well. Everyone knows me, right?

B: You!

Do you know me?

Sorry, I didn't recognize it.

What happened to your eyes? You're watching carefully.

B: Sorry, I didn't recognize it.

Me, a famous athlete! Everyone in school knows me!

B: Oh! You are an athlete! I didn't see it.

I am a very famous campus athlete. If you don't believe me, look at me. I feel dizzy. I move when I feel dizzy.

B: This sport is a word. Please don't open it.

I like sports when I am free. I can do any kind of sports.

What do you know?

A: Let's talk about it first.

Ah-?

A: What are football, basketball, table tennis, shot put, baseball, bowling, tennis, water polo, hockey, badminton, rugby and golf? Let me tell you something. I can practice as long as it is a ball.

B: Oh! As long as it is a ball, you can practice.

A: Alas! That's right.

Can you practice dung beetles rolling dung balls?

A: Get off. That's more like it?

B: Didn't you say that you can practice as long as it is a ball?

I mean, you can practice with a sports ball!

Oh-so that's it!

This is a ball game!

B: What's your best track and field event?

A: That's a lot of advantages!

Tell me about it.

A: Like 60m,100m, 200,400m. 800 meters, 1000 meters, 5000 meters, marathon (inside) 42 kilometers, I'm fine.

B: Oh! -this strength is really a lot!

A: I have shown my face in front of big people and won glory for our school!

Oh-? Who do you want to show your face?

Do you know diego maradona?

B: I know this very well! A saint in Argentine football history! Known as the king of the ball!

I just appeared in front of diego maradona!

B: Great! How did you show your face in front of him

A: On one occasion, he visited our school to see how the football career in our school was developing.

B: Oh!

A: This day coincides with the sports meeting of our school.

What a coincidence.

Our class is having a football match with another class!

B: Yes!

A: Ma Lao, look at my speed of dribbling. Very fast!

B: How fast can you break through with the ball?

A: That speed is 9.87 seconds, as fast as Johnson!

Well, you also took stimulants!

A: The old horse sighed when he saw me playing football!

What did he say?

Oh, my God! The headmaster of your school should have a wonderful, wonderful, wonderful life! ! !

B: ok, three people will trip first.

A: I think it's wonderful to be born with football. Not only am I ashamed, but even Brazilian Bailey can only compete with him.

B: Better than two champions.

A: Our headmaster should be modest to him!

B: Oh! What did your headmaster say?

A: How dare you, students dare not compete with you, and dare to compete with Belibi, the world champion?

He is a mean headmaster!

A: Otherwise, in my opinion, not only Pele and I can't compare with him, but even English football genius Best has the same beauty as students.

Well, it's getting worse!

The headmaster of your school, can I meet this student?

B: Oh! Want to see you.

A: When the headmaster says it's no problem, just send someone down and call me up! I heard Diego Diego Maradona wants to see me, so get ready!

Yes, we must be prepared for this. This is a big shot!

A: I went to the podium. When diego maradona saw me, he was shocked again!

Why are you surprised?

A: Gee, I just saw that your football skills are superb. I didn't expect you to be so good at other projects.

B: What's the matter?

A: Me! At that time, I played basketball with my right hand, volleyball with my left hand, football under my feet and table tennis on my head!

B: Oh. Are you going to see diego maradona?

No, I sell sports equipment!

Hello!