My best friend always takes advantage of me. Should I break up with her?

01

A reader left a message with me:

"The older I get, the more lonely I become. What I deeply feel is that friendship will eventually end. I thought that in WeChat We are all good friends, but there is no one you can chat with casually, and you also find that the other person has deleted you without knowing it. It is very embarrassing, and you don’t want to ask, but you just feel very sad about the friendship you once talked about. From having nothing to say to having nothing to say, you will feel sad. It turns out that one day, sooner or later, the friendship will break up, which quietly makes you feel cold. ”

I also feel this very much. I haven’t contacted my best friend from college for a long time. I sent her several WeChat messages, but when I didn't get a response from her, I didn't bother to send them. I still remember when we were in college, we fantasized about going shopping and drinking together in the future and talking about everything. However, we didn’t expect that our relationship would quietly cool down in just six years.

I don’t think about contacting each other, and I don’t know what to say. I haven’t deleted each other’s WeChat yet, but I don’t know how long this relationship can last.

The relationship between people is like this. When you don’t have much contact, friendship will gradually enter the burnout period like love. As time goes by, the relationship between you will become quiet. It's cold.

Maybe when we grow up, we should become accustomed to it. After all, even love will not last long, so how can we expect long-lasting friendship? I just feel it is a pity, and I am very sorry for it. In the past, when we were young, we would hold each other's hands and tell each other the truth after breaking up, but now we have not said a word in many years. The relationship between the two people quietly changed. When they were friends, they were both well.

Adult friendships have become quiet. You no longer have a loud quarrel with her to break off the relationship like you did when you were a child. But now when you feel that your efforts are not rewarded and people are taking advantage of you, you simply don't want to pay or contact her. When we are sincere, we hope that others can reciprocate with sincerity. When we don't get it, we are heartbroken. The so-called friendship is just the deep love we think we have.

Just get used to it. As you get older, you rarely treat others sincerely, and you no longer have expectations for friendship.

02

When Meiqing talked about her relationship with her best friend, she used this sentence: "Although it is not broken yet, we are still friends, but I am no longer I am not a glass-hearted person, but my efforts are not rewarded. I treat her as my best friend. She takes advantage of me and gets benefits. If you ask her to help, she will push you left and right, and pass some things. Once you see things clearly, you will gradually become indifferent."

Meiqing thought about breaking off the relationship with Xiumei, but she was too soft-hearted after all. Even her husband said: "You are just too soft-hearted, so you are always taken advantage of."

Meiqing and Xiumei have been friends for more than ten years. In the past ten years, Xiumei has always made demands. Meiqing always responds to requests. Meiqing is a relatively independent person and doesn't like to trouble others, so she rarely asks Xiumei to help.

The two of them originally wanted to cut off contact, and Meiqing also clearly told Xiumei that they would break off from each other in the future. She even didn't even go out to avoid Xiumei, but Xiumei was sitting at the door of the community waiting for her. , when she sees her husband, she will say, "Your wife is still angry with me." After all, Meiqing couldn't escape, but Xiumei still blocked her, and came over shamelessly and said: "Don't be angry with me. Isn't it because I was wrong? It's all my fault."

Meiqing still felt uncomfortable, so she let her go.

Xiumei likes to trouble people very much. Whenever something happens, she thinks of Meiqing. Over the years, Meiqing has helped her take care of her two children countless times and helped her pick them up from school for a long time. Xiumei only wanted to be convenient for herself and never thought that it might be inconvenient for others. Meiqing will not refuse. She has given a lot but has no sincere feedback, which will naturally make her feel very uncomfortable.

Meiqing may be said to be Xiumei’s friend, but she feels like a free laborer, used to take advantage anyway.

Xiumei had a quarrel with her husband. Regardless of the time, she came to knock on their door in the middle of the night, crying and fussing. Meiqing stayed with her all night. When Xiumei's daughter was just born, no one helped her take a shower after she was discharged from the hospital, and her mother-in-law was not around. Another phone call came, so Meiqing went over to help her. Meiqing helped bathe the baby who was just a few days old.

At that time, Meiqing thought simply. She felt that she was sincere to Xiumei, and Xiumei would definitely reciprocate with the same sincerity.

Meiqing also felt that it was an honor to be able to help people, but over time, Meiqing discovered that some people were just greedy and "taking advantage" in the name of good friends. When you ask her to help you, she will shirk everything.

Meiqing once felt unwell and asked Xiumei to help pick up the child because her husband had not returned from traveling at that time, and the college entrance examination was a love affair, and the child had a lot of things to move. But Xiumei didn't agree. After a while, she said that I had to buy groceries, or that there were a lot of things today, or that I had to pick up my children, etc. Anyway, she just found various reasons. Meiqing also said, "Stop buying groceries. Please help me pick up the child and I'll treat you to dinner. Let's go out to eat." But Xiumei still didn't agree.

Meiqing was disheartened and said angrily, "No, no, I won't answer if you don't, I'll handle it myself." She felt unwell, then got car sick, and kept vomiting along the way. Fortunately, the taxi driver was nice and didn't care, and was willing to wait for her. Meiqing and her child carried large and small bags home, and the taxi driver helped carry the child's luggage into the car.

At that moment, Meiqing thought, what would a friend like Xiumei want from her?

When she needs your help, you help her; when you need her help, you push her back and forth, even worse than a stranger.

03

Later, when I returned to the community, the neighbor’s aunt saw that Meiqing’s face was not very good, so she knew that she was not very comfortable, so she quickly asked her to lie down and stop moving things, and instead helped her personally. , and even called her children to help. Meiqing was very touched. Only when someone needs help can one see the true nature of a person. What kind of friend is Xiumei? In addition to taking advantage, it is still taking advantage.

Why do adult friendships become so quiet?

You are sincere to her, but how do they treat you? Your sincerity has been betrayed, and the friendship between you is even worse than that of a stranger. You will feel that there is no need to continue this friendship. What’s the point of running it? It's just letting her take advantage of you, and you suffer the "dumb loss".

Do you still remember Luo Zijun and Tang Jing in the TV series "The First Half of My Life"?

Luo Zijun is the kind of woman who relies on Tang Jing for everything. Before she and Chen Junsheng were divorced, whenever Chen Junsheng had any trouble, she would quickly call Tang Jing and ask for help. No matter what Tang Jing was doing, she would just instruct Tang Jing to do her work. How nice is Tang Jing to Luo Zijun? My biological sister may not be able to do this. When Luo Zijun was cheated on and divorced, Tang Jing went to settle the score with Chen Junsheng. Where could he find such a good best friend?

When Luo Zijun got divorced, Tang Jing also said: "It's okay, I can support you even if we get divorced."

The best best friend in the world is Tang Jing. . Luo Zijun fell into despair after the divorce. It was Tang Jing who helped her stand up. Luo Zijun is a very unreliable woman, and Tang Jing is always responsive to her requests. Even if Tang Jing goes to Hong Kong, he still asks He Han to help Zijun.

But let’s see what Luo Zijun did?

Luo Zijun had more contact with He Han, and then fell in love with He Han. Why was the drama "The First Half of My Life" said by many people to have incorrect views in the end? It was because Luo Zijun's character was a bit bad.

Your best friend helps you like that, but you secretly have feelings for his boyfriend. What kind of friend are you?

In the end, although Luo Zijun and He Han were not together, the harm caused to Tang Jing was inevitable. Tang Jing suffered a loss and would never be as good to Zijun as before. The relationship between them The relationship has also become quiet. It makes you feel so cold. A good friend you treat sincerely treats you so badly. What kind of friend is he?

Some people are not worth your efforts after all. Just take the loss and be indifferent. Don't be like a fool who keeps taking advantage of you.

Tang Jing regarded Luo Zijun as her best friend and biological sister, but Luo Zijun could be said to have "taken advantage of her and even betrayed her." What kind of relationship you have between you can be known at a glance through some things.

As for friendship, you have to treat others the same way they treat you. Otherwise, if you "take advantage" in the name of friends, the relationship between you will eventually become silent. Just take care of yourself. It's not easy to have a friend who treats you sincerely. You have to treat him sincerely and don't hurt him, otherwise there's no such thing as deep love.

We are also advised to learn to say no. Sometimes being too "responsive" is not a good thing.