What kind of experience is it to lose your cat?

I was going to take her when I returned to Shanghai after the Spring Festival, but my mother wouldn't let me go (yes, she conquered my home), so I had no choice but to go alone. Later, my mother called me and said that she was in heat. I'm sorry that she ran out and couldn't find her. I didn't want to cry, but my heart was jammed. I don't want to say anything, so I can't blame my mother, because she is very sad herself. Our family likes small animals very much. My mother remembered that she couldn't sleep at night, and my father would call her name when she was talking in her sleep. She has been gone for more than a year, and I don't know how she is, and whether she is still alive. I really miss her. When I can't sleep at night, I will recall the calm feeling of her lying in my ear. In winter, her cold paws can't get off my forearm. She got out of bed to breathe fresh air and fell asleep thinking about it.