Classic funny double reed wire

Prologue: Today, the two of us will perform the double reed. It's interesting to say this double reed. One person needs to perform in front and the other person needs to say the lines behind. Seen from a distance, it looks like a person. This requires two people's performances to be very tacit and very cooperative, otherwise the double spring will not be called double spring. Come on, come on, put on your makeup. As the saying goes, people wear clothes and saddles, people are unsuccessful and people are not beautiful. After this man succeeds, let's take a look again. It is better not to succeed! Next, we will bring you a new work called "Happiness Makes Sadness". I hope you like it!

A: The city of life is precious, but the price of love is higher. In order to earn RMB, I am willing to become a shemale. I haven't introduced myself. My surname is Zhao, nicknamed Zhao shemale. Friends present will call me by my nickname when they see me later. Ask me what my nickname is and tell everyone that my nickname is shemale. I am a shemale, I am a shemale, am I really a shemale? (Stop, stop! ! You come out, how can I come out in your mouth and become an adult demon? Am I a shemale?

Sorry, never, never!

My surname is Zhao, and my name is Zhao Zhixiang. The media said that I look very special and my face looks like slippers. Because of this, many singers sang a popular song for me for this reason, which quickly became popular, ah! It was Rollin Wang who sang "I am not Zhao Zhongxiang" with such great influence. Thank you (stop! Is this a song sung by Rollin Wang? People sing "I am not Huang Rong", what kind of cultural performance is this! Never! ) My job is selling. I have unique skills in selling products. I talk glibly, speak straight, and finally I act like a spoiled brat if I can't do it. My biggest feature is my good health. I have never been to a hospital in my life. Yesterday, I went out to sell, targeted one, and said I wouldn't buy my product for a long time. I walked more than 300 miles with him and finally sold a bottle of brain black essence, which was mentioned in the entry and won the first prize in the first sales essay competition of Guangxi University of Finance and Economics. To celebrate the success of the promotion, I took a bite. Yeah! Doctor! Cut off your appendix! ! how much is it?

B: Two thousand!

A: 2000! Ah! Doctor! Don't cut your appendix with that knife! You came straight here! I will give you my whole life!

B: So you said a lot of money?

A: 80 at most!

B: Eighty! All right! 80 is 80!

Oh, my God! Cheap! ! 2000 was counteroffered to 80 by me! Do you want to pay for everything you bought? 80 yuan, cut your appendix! I chopped the fish head yesterday for more than 80 yuan! Tomorrow I'm going to call the whole family together to have my appendix cut! There are 80 doctors here! Hurry up! Hurry up! Under pressure!

B: How hot is it? Strike while the iron is hot! I'm in surgery! Get ready! Ah! By the way, do you want anesthetic?

Oh, my God! You want to kill the pig. Why? Nowadays, you have to use anesthetic to kill pigs! Why don't you kill me!

B: You only have 80 yuan! Where is the anesthetic?

A: It's anesthetized! Why don't you get anesthetized! If I'm not anesthetized, my screams will kill me!

B: Anesthetic! Then 800 yuan takes a shot!

A: 800! Doctor, what are you doing? Still want to play XO

B: imported anesthetic! Local anesthesia!

B: Doctor, is that brand of anesthetic so powerful?

Answer: Smile Jiuquan brand anesthetic, it feels like death after playing, and it's gone.

Doctor, do you have anything cheaper?

A: There are all cheap ones! The effect is not guaranteed! When you wake up, you wake up. Where you should be numb, you are not numb. Where you should not be anesthetized, you have been anesthetized for a long time! It is irresponsible of me to affect your physiological function and marriage life after going abroad!

A: Ah! Imported, imported doctor! Playing Jiuquan brand anesthetic with a smile, the side effects of cheap goods are too great! I can't carry it!

B: Good! Give it a try! Does it still hurt?

Oh, my God! Whether it is money or money, goods are goods! If you shout numb, you will be numb!

We're ready to gut! Ask your opinion, does this scalpel need disinfection?

A: Doctor! Knives are not sterilized!

B: Disinfection needs 500 yuan!

A: That's not necessary! I brought a lighter! That knife burns on that fire twice!

You are really a patient! !

That can't be helped! It's no use meeting a doctor like you!

B: Open the box below! Oh, dear! Oh, dear! It's bleeding! Oh, you are bloody! How high! Do you want to stop bleeding?

A: Of course we have to stop the bleeding! Why don't you stop bleeding, doctor?

Do you use hemostatic gauze or rag?

6 pairs of springs: the old urchin celebrates the New Year.

Double reed (mobile company text)

Old urchin celebrates the New Year.

Creation: Jiang Keguan

Props: a chair, two wireless microphones, a melon hat, a wig, etc.

A: The leader arranged for me to perform a program, which really embarrassed me. You say singing, you like to be out of tune, you say dancing, the movements don't match, you say sketch, it's not funny at all. I think of a program. I need an audience to help me. Just read the manuscript. It's very simple. Does anyone want to? (B takes the stage)

May I?

What's your name?

My surname is Zhu.

I said Zhu, that's rude. Zhu Xiao, do you know what a double reed is?

B: Is it the one we said we did before? ...

A: That's it.

Yes, I do.

You must help me. The one with the lyrics at the back.

B: It's easy. Is there a word?

Yes, I'm ready. You are familiar with the words. I'll make up. (Next to makeup)

B: There are many happy events in the reform and opening up. ...

All right, we can get started. I sit in the chair, you hide behind the chair, I clap your hands, and you start.

(in position)

B: There are many happy events in the reform and opening up. ...

A: Uh-huh, uh-huh I didn't even slap you. You start with Lang? Start over.

B: OK.

A: (clapping your hands)

B: There are many happy events in the reform and opening up. The mobile antenna stands on the hillside, give me the children's mobile phones, and I can dial anywhere. It's nice to celebrate the New Year. The house is full of new year's goods. I ate too much fish and meat. I just want to eat kahuantuo.

A: (on the phone)

Hey, did you get slapped? You took your son's desire to attract children to fight in the city! Come back to the beach! What are you doing here? Come back and fry it before eating. Hey, you brought me a few Jin of HSBC wine, hey, hey, you brought me firecrackers.

A: (puts down the phone)

B: The transportation is convenient and the bus is fast. My wife will go home soon. I will prepare glutinous rice flour for you. The oil in the fire is boiling, and joy and fragrance are floating inside and outside the house.

A: (holding it)

Oh, it's too hot! ..... delicious. Eat one more ... oh, ... eat one more, oh, eat one more, oh, eat one more ...

A: (unbearable heat) Stop, stop, do you want to burn me?

B: Didn't you say Huanxituo was delicious? I want you to eat more.

A: It's just fried, and it burns your mouth!

B: ok, I'll pay attention to it next.

A: Again, pay attention. (Clap your hands)

B: I still want to drink that wine after eating Huanxituo. Jingshan HSBC wine is really delicious. No one to accompany? I'll call my son.

A: (on the mobile phone)

B: Hello! Son, can you come back and have a drink with me? Ann? Your mobile company is creating a provincial civilized unit. How busy are you? Then forget it. I'll drink in front of the mirror!

A: (puts down the phone)

I clean the mirror first. Ha ha.

A: (Breathing, cleaning the mirror)

B: Shallow feelings, a little more, thin feelings, drinking coke, having feelings, drinking white wine, having strong feelings, drinking high, having good feelings, throwing bowls, having deep feelings, and it will be clear at once!

A: (Drunk)

I drank bowl after bowl, bowl after bowl. Uh, is this the tongue ... Is Lang disobedient? The earth is really ... really turning! God ... there are stars in the sky! Oh, I ... I'm giving up!

Answer: (Get up and walk if you have urine)

B: A kilo of wine, just walk as usual, stagger to the door, and open the door to relieve yourself. Alas, untie your hands, and everyone saves a lot.

A: (Back to the original seat)

Come on, keep drinking! After drinking white wine and beer, I drank one cup at a time ... only to hear my wife shouting: that's the one who peed in the refrigerator! Oh, dear! I just went to relieve myself, and when I opened the door, I saw a induction lamp inside. ...

A: (B) Uh-huh, uh-huh, I'm not necessarily drunk!

B: Not the one who peed his pants after drinking too much!

A: What you said seriously affects the image of modern farmers!

I'll pay more attention.

A: Please come again. (Clap your hands)

B: New Year's Eve is really lively. Every family sticks couplets and sets off firecrackers, which is suitable for all ages. Whipping is not allowed in the city now, but it is still open in our hometown. I let Bart play with Sun Wazi's guns, and I brought some guns back. I took them out to play!

A: (takes out lighter)

B: Stop fighting. This whip is loud!

Answer: (light the whip and throw it out)

B: Shh. ...

A: (covering his ears)

B: Bang! Interesting. Have another drink.

Answer: (point the whip and shake it twice)

B: Shh …, shh …, shh …

Answer: (After there is no hiss, check the whip.)

B: Bang! !

A: (falls to the ground)

B: I turned! (takes out his mobile phone and dials) 120? Please come to Yuanyang River in Lvlin Town as soon as possible. An old urchin is injured! (Picking up armor) Since your spare capacity is insufficient, why drink and set off firecrackers! (under the carapace)