I would rather die alone than make do with love.

The snow outside the house is swirling and getting heavier.

I'm scratching the rice in my bowl at random, and the table is full of laughter and excitement, but I just want to finish it as soon as possible and get out of here, even if I go to see the snow alone.

"Mu Chen, are you graduating from college soon?" Aunt stopped joking with her mother and turned to look at me.

"ah, yes, soon." I put down my chopsticks and smiled at her.

"tell aunt, how many girlfriends have you talked about in college? When will you bring it back for everyone to see? " Everyone seems to be interested in this topic, and the table quieted down for a while.

"well, I, I'm not in love yet." I looked down and faltered.

"This child must be embarrassed. The children of Lao Zhang's family next door began to fall in love in high school. At that time, they were discovered by the teacher and informed the parents that Lao Zhang and his son had a quarrel. We all heard it through the wall. " Aunt smiled, and when she talked about other people's children, she always had endless words.

"ah, oh, yeah." I casually replied and buried myself in eating.

I don't know how many times I have been asked this question this time, and every time, it ended in an embarrassing situation.

I finished my meal in a hurry and went back to my room to watch crystal snowflakes flying in front of the window.

I don't know when, but I'm more and more afraid of going out to meet people. At this embarrassing age, I am still alone. Every time I see everyone's amazed eyes, my heart is very flustered.

did I do something wrong again? Why am I different from most people again? Why don't I fall in love? I asked myself, and I also asked the vast earth outside the house.

"Mu Chen, what are you doing alone?"

I turned around and saw my cousin push the door and come in with a smile.

"no, nothing." I smiled and asked her to sit down in the chair beside the bed.

"Why, I'm sorry to be asked about emotional problems?" She smiled and looked up at me embarrassed.

"elder sister, why are you asking this question?" I sat there, toying with the teacups on the table.

"Seeing your embarrassed appearance just now, I suddenly remembered my former self." She tilted her head and looked at the gray sky outside the window.

after hearing what she said, I smiled and pulled her to tell me about her past.

according to my mother, my aunt had been worried about my cousin's emotional problems for a long time. At that time, I was still young and didn't understand these things. I only remember that my cousin was very unhappy and helpless, and even forgot the New Year gift she promised to give me.

"At that time, I had just started working." Cousin sighed and picked up the cup on the table.

After graduating from college, my cousin stayed in Guangzhou.

She likes her job very much and works hard every day. Even if she works overtime, she never complains.

"Shanshan, don't always be busy with your work every day. You can't delay your lifelong events." Every time I call, my aunt will remind her.

"I know, I know." Cousin always says this, but there is no practical action.

Cousin and her ex-boyfriend broke up at the end of college. I thought I would join hands to grow old, but I didn't expect the end point to be a breakup.

"You are so beautiful, there must be many people chasing you at that time, right?" I turned to look at her smiling face.

"I was in contact with a colleague for a while, but later I felt that the gap between their ideas was too big, so I didn't continue." She smiled and put down her glass.

at that time, my cousin was most afraid of going home.

every time I come back, there are always seven aunts and eight aunts pulling her to ask questions.

"A girl's youth is only a few years, so you must hurry up."

"There are many women who get married in their thirties now. It's not too early for me ...?"

"good morning? It is getting late. When I was your age, children could walk. " Aunt interrupted her and shook her head.

Cousin stays indoors all day, hoping that the Spring Festival will be over soon, so that she can run away quickly.

"Mom, I don't want to ..."

"Shanshan, when will you come back? Your father and I will meet you at the station."

when I heard my aunt's laughter, my cousin's words came to my lips and took them back.

It's rare to meet her parents once a year. She really doesn't want to see their disappointed faces and the deserted scene at the New Year's Eve.

"Shanshan, you can come back. Look at this child, what do you think? " Aunt took her cousin's hand and handed her a photo before she left the station.

"here, who is this?" Judging from her mother's look, my cousin knew what she meant, but she still knew perfectly well past ask.

"This is Lao Li's nephew who always plays cards with me. What do you think?" Aunt beamed and talked to her cousin about her card friend.

"I, what can I tell just by looking at the photos?" Cousin faltered.

"We'll meet again in a few days. Please see him first."

Cousin didn't say much, so she casually stuffed the photos into her pocket.

Cousin accepted aunt's suggestion of blind date.

only these ten days, I can't see many people. Just deal with it and reassure them. Cousin thought like this and went.

After having three or four photos in a row, my cousin can always find various reasons to make everyone feel that they are really inappropriate together.

"Shanshan, look at this." Cousin was sitting in the room staring blankly when aunt came in again.

"This child was introduced by Aunt Wang. He doesn't smoke, drink, have affairs, or work. He is still a local registered permanent residence in Xi 'an." Aunt said is very proud, cousin tilted, glanced at the photo.

"He looks very young." Cousin low head, seemingly inadvertently said 1.

"Yes, one year younger than you." Aunt smiled as if she had picked up a treasure.

"How can you be younger than me? I can't accept it." Cousin shook her head and turned to one side.

"Boys older than you, with slightly better conditions, are all taken." Aunt sighed and said nothing.

Cousin sat quietly by the bed, watching the bare branches swaying in the wind outside the window.

it seems that I have really become an older woman? Cousin talked to herself as if she had been abandoned by the whole world.

This is my cousin's last blind date. The boy's name is Luan.

at this meeting, my cousin didn't mean to find fault with each other, and the other side really had nothing to be picky about.

He has a stable job, treats people politely, and is not handsome, but he looks very energetic and decent.

Although everything seems fine, my cousin always feels that she has no feeling with him.

"such a good person, if you miss it, you will never find it again." Aunt took her cousin and said.

"Yes, when you get married, you will come back to Xi 'an, which is close to home. How convenient it is." The little uncle also echoed.

"maybe I'm too picky? Can feelings really be cultivated slowly? " Cousin kept asking herself, asking and asking, and her mother's words rang out in her ears. If she hesitated, it might be really difficult to find a better one.

My cousin quit her job in Guangzhou and returned to Xi 'an. The contact between the two is becoming more and more frequent, but my cousin always feels that they are always strangers.

"Tonight, let's eat hot pot." After work, my cousin took Luan's hand and went to the subway station.

"I have already booked a western restaurant in Xiaozhai, and I heard that they have recently introduced a new West Point."

"Well, then, all right."

listening to the music playing in the western restaurant, my cousin feels very uncomfortable, but it's hard to be too obvious.

"Why do you always like to see these strange things?" Watching my cousin turn over the cartoon album, sitting on the sofa laughing nonstop, Luan just looked at her, for a long time, then said.

"Ah, don't you think it's interesting?" Cousin closed the album and still smiled.

Luan didn't make a sound, silently stepped aside and started his game again.

My cousin asked a friend to buy the album. She wanted Luan to accompany her to the comic exhibition, but Luan thought the existence of the comic exhibition was incredible, let alone visit it.

sometimes, my cousin feels that two people say the same thing, and when they say it, it turns into two things.

"Mom, I, I want to break up with Luan." Cousin once again mentioned this matter in front of her aunt.

"Son, he has such a stable income, a decent job and is so kind to you. If we are separated, where can we find such a good man in the future?" Aunt shook her head helplessly.

this is not the first time my cousin mentioned it, and my aunt has long since lost her initial anger.

"I won't regret it. This life is really unbearable." Cousin smiled and felt relieved.

"Some people say that for love, a person can become what the other half likes. Why don't you change yourself for each other?" I looked at my cousin with a puzzled face.

"that's all because of love, but there is no love between us." She smiled and went on telling her story.

Cousin still returned to Guangzhou, the city where she has been staying for almost ten years.

"Shanshan, don't regret it." Before leaving, Xiao Yan held her cousin's hand and her eyes were full of worries.

"Don't worry, it's no big deal to be single all your life." Cousin smiled and waved to her aunt, who just hid her face and kept sighing.

"Alas, this girl ..." Every time I talk to my mother about my cousin, my aunt looks sad and sighs.

My cousin got married at the age of 3, with a partner at work. Although they hit it off at first sight, they waited two years before they got together.

"Maybe we are all mature, and it is more important to know each other, to have a heart-to-heart relationship and to care for each other than the romance we yearned for before." Cousin smiled and looked at me.

"elder sister, you mean ..." I tilted my head to see the smile on her face.

"You are still at school, so naturally you are better. After graduation, such problems will become more and more. " She smiled and continued: "Don't make do with it hastily because of other people's eyes. Life is too long, and the last thing you can do is love."

"But people always ask me such questions, which is really embarrassing." I bowed my head and smiled.

"what's the matter?" Cousin smiled and said, "At that time, many people asked me: Aren't you in a hurry when such a big man is still single? Do you know what I answered? "

I looked at her with a smile.

"I always say: My future partner is not in a hurry. Why am I in a hurry?"

I smiled, and so did she.

the snow is still floating, and the whole land is only white.

I also want to have a sincere and sweet love, and I don't want to always walk alone on the long road in the future.

There are four people in the dormitory, and I am the only one who is single.

Every night, people always bury their heads under the covers, and chat with their girlfriends until midnight.

People often raise their small gifts and show off to others: "My girlfriend just sent it to me."

Every time we chat, we always talk about girls and the first time we met our girlfriends.

at this time, I always turn the sound of my headphones to the maximum, but in my mind, they are still talking and laughing.

I also want to have a girlfriend, so I can brag in front of them about how gentle and considerate she is. She started with her beauty, fell into talent and was loyal to her character.

whenever a person walks quietly by the bookshelf in the library or sits on a desk by the window, I also hope to have a girlfriend who can read my favorite books and talk about my favorite stories with me.

every time I sit next to my seat, there will always be a couple cuddling. The smiles on their faces are so happy that people envy them.

I think if there is someone around me who can laugh with me, I will also laugh happily. At that time, the library was very quiet, as if there were only two of us in the whole world.

When I see a heart-warming movie, I will gladly go. No one will join hands, so I just sit in the corner, laughing and crying alone.

When the movie was over, the night wind in the city brought a burst of coolness.

Watching couples holding hands in pairs, laughing and discussing the scenes in the movie, I can only walk silently alone, reminiscing about the lost scenes in the movie and watching my lonely figure being dragged for a long time under the night light.

At this time, I also want someone to share the sadness and joy in the movie with me, and enjoy the night when the lights are on.

every time I pass by Pizza Hut, I always feel a little disappointed when I see that the second cup is half price.

I also want someone to share this second cup with me. We walk hand in hand in the street, eating cones and watching people come and go.

I know that this person will come eventually, but not yet.

Life is so short that I can only love one person.

I walked from high school to college with my first love, and walked away. When I was young, I didn't know what love was.

I used to think that love is holding hands together and watching the twinkling stars in the sky on campus; It is to squeeze the train together for several hours and travel where you want to go; Is to put a box of chocolates in her hand and tell her to be with her forever.

I can't keep her, and I know that I can't keep her if I want to.

Because love is hard to come by, we should cherish it more.

Because love is beautiful, I would rather die alone than make do with it.

Zhang Ailing said that there is someone in this world who will wait for you forever. No matter when and where you are, you know there will always be such a person.

I know that somewhere in this world, there must be someone waiting for me, but she hasn't appeared yet.

it doesn't matter if it's you in the end.

in life, I would rather be lonely than against my will; I'd rather regret it than make do with it.

I am still single. Because I haven't waited for that person yet.

I'm willing to settle for everything, but I can't settle for love.

Day 13 of No-ring 365 Extreme Challenge Day Shift Camp