The feeling of a 57-year-old retired woman: after falling out with her daughter-in-law, she helped her son to take care of her grandson and find her dignity and happiness.

There is a saying in China about the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law: ten years without mother-in-law and ten years without daughter-in-law. People's hearts are mutual. Only when you give 100% sincerity to others can you take back the whole heart of others.

Tolstoy Anna karenin;

Happy families are all alike; Every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.

Mother-in-law, the whole family.

This shows the importance of the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law to a family.

Home and everything!

Only when mother-in-law and daughter-in-law get along well can the whole family be harmonious.

The relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is often one of the most difficult interpersonal relationships in the world.

How to deal with this thorny relationship?

Therefore, we should treat each other as equals, don't lower our posture, and treat each other with a normal heart, because a man makes two strangers become attached, and there is no intimate relationship between them, let alone blood relationship.

At the same time, the two generations live in different families, and their cognition, world outlook and living habits will be different.

Writer Mo Yan once said:

Deliberately please people, it can only be self-dignity. In exchange for condescending, it will only make the other party more condescending and bossing around.

Then ask the other party not to expect too much, treat two women under the same roof with a feeling of indifference like water, and lower their own requirements and expectations.

0 1. Changes of women before and after retirement.

Aunt Ding is 57 years old and has retired for two years now. Before her son married his daughter-in-law, she vowed to treat her daughter-in-law like her own daughter, hoping to melt the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law with love.

In the end, it was for nothing.

Speaking of Aunt Ding, she is a woman from a bad business. When her husband died unexpectedly at the age of 43, she left her son to raise alone. Fortunately, Aunt Ding is a strong woman and raised her son by herself.

Everyone who knows Aunt Ding thinks that she is a hollow girl and a good mother.

After all, Aunt Ding's hard work for her son has paid off. Now she is very successful in her studies. After graduation, she worked in a listed company and was promoted every year. Now she has a high salary. It seems that Aunt Ding is an accomplished person, but no one tells her about her inner loneliness.

My son, who once grew up under her care, is now slowly gone like a dandelion seed, and his sense of loss arises spontaneously, tossing and turning all night.

Two years later, my son fell in love, a beautiful and sunny girl.

The son brought his girlfriend home, and the other party called her "mom" without scruple. This kind name makes Aunt Ding feel very warm.

Every time a girl comes home, Aunt Ding warmly treats her.

I thought this was a reasonable girl. Unexpectedly, after getting married, she asked her son to move out and stay away from her mother, because she didn't want to live with her mother-in-law to avoid unnecessary trouble.

In Aunt Ding's view, she is a son, and she will rely on her son to provide for the elderly in the future. After all, this is her only support in this life.

I can't help being a mother.

The contrast between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law made Aunt Ding very anxious, but for the sake of her son's lifelong happiness, she had to agree to her daughter-in-law's request.

Aunt Ding's devotion to her son can really be described as selflessness.

Aunt Ding has a job, but in order to save money for her son's bride price, she has a part-time job, even after retirement.

Five years ago, Aunt Ding took out her life savings and bought a house for her son in full, ready to marry her son.

After the marriage of her son's daughter-in-law was settled, Aunt Ding took out her savings to decorate her son's wedding room.

Watching her vacate the wedding room for her son, she couldn't live for a day and couldn't help secretly wiping her tears. After the two newcomers moved in, Aunt Ding went back to her old house.

02. Continue to pay for your son.

Before her son got married, Aunt Ding took two part-time jobs, and still felt that the old mother should enjoy her life well, so she was asked to quit her part-time job and support the elderly at home. But Aunt Ding always feels that she is wasting her time.

Usually Aunt Ding will go downstairs and chat with other retired people to kill time.

Talking to other old people, I learned that in fact, everyone's life in his later years is different. Even the elderly who can live with their children may not be happy. They slowly turned their attention to their aunts and learned to enjoy life. Life is boring and quiet.

With a sense of distance, the son and daughter-in-law are closer than before.

A year later, my daughter-in-law gave birth to a grandson.

My son came to her mother's house and invited Aunt Ding to help take care of her grandson. Aunt Ding was naturally very happy. Everyone said that her son invited her to live in a new house, and her words revealed joy. Others have been telling Aunt Ding not to have trouble with her daughter-in-law.

Aunt Ding knows that it is difficult for mother-in-law and daughter-in-law to get along. On weekdays, she seldom talks, tries to support them and does not interfere in the affairs of young people.

I thought that my daughter-in-law could understand me by accommodating and paying.

Daughter-in-law's personality is not strong, but no matter how careful she is, it is inevitable that there will be contradictions.

Aunt Ding is treading on thin ice all day, forbearing the surface everywhere, getting along well with her mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, but the actual situation is rough, and Aunt Ding feels wronged.

Young people speak freely. Aunt Ding didn't take it to heart once or twice. She knew she didn't mean it. It's boring after a long time.

For the sake of family harmony and for the sake of her son, she doesn't want her son and daughter-in-law to have conflicts.

To please others for a long time will only make you physically and mentally exhausted.

The peace gained by forbearance is actually a morbid relationship.

After all, the two had conflicts.

03. Contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law.

In the third year when Aunt Ding came to her son's house, her in-laws suddenly visited her house, and her daughter-in-law took the initiative to prepare meals and food for her parents.

In fact, in the eyes of her daughter-in-law's parents, Aunt Ding is a widowed woman who looks very superior and always speaks mean. He always feels awkward with Aunt Ding.

After a child has been born for so long, he only buys snacks and toys occasionally, and pays for the child sincerely, let alone helps to take care of the child. But judging from their expressions, the children seem to like their grandparents very much.

This reminds Aunt Ding of her relationship with her son. She worked hard all her life, but finally she made a wedding dress for someone else. Now, her grandson raised himself with a handful of urine, but she is so close to her in-laws.

Usually the daughter-in-law bosses herself around, but today she is still in front of her parents.

She feels that her daughter-in-law doesn't respect herself, because her mind is aggravated and she is inevitably distracted.

In-laws do not eat peppers and onions, which is specifically explained by their daughter-in-law.

When cooking at noon, Aunt Ding accidentally added peppers and onions, which angered her daughter-in-law and scolded Aunt Ding in front of everyone, making Aunt Ding lose face and feel wronged.

It seems that this family can't stay any longer. Aunt Ding packed her bags and prepared to go back to her hometown.

In the hit drama "Thirty without Nothing", a classic line by Gu Jia's father is very useful:

Children are our debts in previous lives. If we don't have the ability, we'll be a good ferry and take it anywhere we can before we close our eyes.

Aunt Ding feels that she has done her best to help others, which is too difficult.

04. You are home.

After this incident, Aunt Ding also saw that the only thing she can rely on in her later life is to get rid of her humble flattery completely.

Yi Shu said: Everyone's ultimate destination is himself.

Aunt Ding also suddenly realized.

Aunt Ding's grief and indignation left a quarrel between her son and daughter-in-law. The noise will be indifferent with time, and the days will eventually pass slowly.

Now my son will take his grandson back to his hometown when he is free, and Aunt Ding will send his son the local products when he is free.

When the daughter-in-law does housework while working alone, she finally realizes that life is not easy.

She gradually understood what Aunt Ding did at home.

When I went back to my hometown to visit Aunt Ding, my daughter-in-law expressed her original guilt.

Aunt Ding also smiled.

For the future, if her son invites her to help or support the elderly, she will move. If her son doesn't talk, she will live alone and there will be no dispute.

Now Aunt Ding Can also realizes that her son should keep a sense of boundaries with his family. The lower his expectations of his children, the less disappointed he will be. Only when he spends time being kind to himself can he live an easy life.

As Goethe said, human happiness lies in inner happiness.

The source of happiness comes from the comfort of the soul.

Aunt Ding is now living a relaxed life, no longer entangled in the contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, no longer paying humble fees, and no longer worrying about whether this dish will put peppers and shallots. Her happiness and dignity are regained.