A collection of humorous jokes

Humorous jokes meet people's spiritual needs, fill the gaps in life, and make our daily life more interesting. The following is a large collection of humorous jokes that I have compiled for you. I hope you can enjoy it.

appreciation of humorous jokes

1. Because cow dung can make flowers more colorful! So flowers have always been inserted in cow dung!

2. My eyesight is very poor. For example, see that thumbtack on the wall over there? You can see it, but I can't.

3. My ideal college life is to have classes at eight o'clock in the morning, go to the library in the afternoon, play games, watch movies and read books in the dormitory at night, and then go to bed at eleven o'clock on time. Who can I call to say good night before going to bed? But it turns out. There is still a gap between ideal and reality. Like the distance between Mars and the Earth.

4. How many people are shouting hard. Actually, just lying in bed and thinking about it?

5. It's cool when you make money, but even more cool when you spend money. Everything in the world is cool. I don't care if I have it all my life, who can I spend my life with, and the money I spend my life with you is called waste paper. In the end, it just goes out of your pocket and into his pocket. I wish you a bright future with money, a bright future with money and a bright future with flowers.

6. that day, I was just about to go to the zoo to see orangutans, and you came. I told you my arrangement politely, but I didn't expect you to suddenly turn your back and shout, didn't you see I was right in front of you? You should go to the zoo to see it.

7. Today, Chang 'e dated Bajie, the swan also met the toad, and the Weaver Maid also listened to the orders of the Queen Mother to move on. Don't wait for it, just make love to me.

8. Three generations of grandfathers and grandsons went fishing together. Grandsons saw grandfathers holding a fishing rod and became speechless. They said to their fathers, Look, your father is in a daze, silly! Dad was particularly angry and said: you are talking nonsense, your dad is stupid!

9. Once I sat in the middle of a bus, an old lady came halfway. Immediately stood up and offered his seat to the old man. The old man smiled and said, "Thank you. Sit down. There are plenty of seats in the back." I turned around and the position behind me was all empty. .

1. One day, I was taking a bus. When the bus started, someone under the bus ran after it, shouting "Master, wait for me" while running. I saw the driver say "Bajie, I'm at the station ahead, I'll wait for you there".

11. Look at you, handsome, charming, loved by everyone and blossoming. You must be the best among scum and the beast among animals! Moreover, according to observation, you must be short of calcium from childhood and lack of love when you grow up. Grandma doesn't hurt and uncle doesn't love. The left face owes pumping, and the right face owes kicking. The donkey sees the donkey kick and the pig sees the pig step on it. Born to belong to cucumber, I owe it to shoot! The day after tomorrow belongs to walnuts, you owe it! Life is a broken motorcycle, owe to kick! It's a screw to find a daughter-in-law, but it's not screwed!

12. if one day, you meet your ex-lover and ta's new lover in the street, please don't be sad! Some people say, "Because our mother taught us to donate our old toys to people less fortunate than ourselves"

13. Today, the princess kissed the frog and the frog became a prince. The prince knelt down to the princess and said, "Thank you for saving my beautiful and kind princess. I have another wish." The princess blushed: "Go ahead, I will meet your requirements." So the prince took another frog out of his pocket. The other one. Frog

14. Flowers bloom on the dunghill-smelly.

15. If you have too much homework, you can play cards with your paper: "Math for children", "I teach three languages" and "I teach science!" I can't afford it. I can't afford it. I ran first in English.

16. The hardest thing in the world is not diamond, but Conan's life! The explosion can't kill the sea, the fire can't kill the train, the sharp knife can't kill the smoke, the smoke can't choke, the high altitude can't kill the neck, the drunkenness can't kill the poison, the pain can't die, the plane crash can't die, the gas poison can't die, the gun can't crash, the avalanche can't freeze? In a word, Conan is old and immortal!

17. My router has broken the port. Now it's routing crying.

18. When I went out wearing two clothes, I experienced a 36-degree three-dimensional wind, with my head bowed, my head raised, my bangs tilted from side to side, and then I turned a little bit to 28, and then I turned a little bit to 37, left punk, right punk, and turned into a quasi-punk. This wind was all-round and multi-level, and I was blown into various growls?

19. "I bet I can make you forget that you are gay now!" " "But I'm not gay." "Look!"

2. Yesterday, my friend asked me to go to his dormitory to eat hot pot. After I went in, I saw a group of young people around a big washbasin, in which all kinds of hot pots were filled with vegetables! There's still a root in the washbasin. It heats up quickly! Should I admire your creativity or your courage?

21. When I went to my brother's house yesterday, I saw my sister-in-law, who has always been good-natured, beating up my little nephew, and I laughed wildly when I asked the truth. Sister-in-law came home early and saw a maddening scene: the little nephew took a dip in the living room and then fed it to the dog spoon by spoon, which has lasted for more than a month. The first thing my sister-in-law does when she comes home from work every day is to pick up the puppy and kiss it.

22. Every day, there is a ghost story in the classroom, canteen and library study room of the school: a classmate points to an empty seat and says, there is someone here.

23. Eating with a buddy restaurant on National Day. The man on the dish called the waiter: Believe it or not, I can open the beer with my thumb. The waiter said in surprise, I don't believe it The buddy said faintly: Then why don't you bring the bottle screwdriver? !

24. The farmer's daughter fell in love with the young herdsman, but her father objected. The farmer said that if they could put milk in the eggs, they should be together. Later, the couple made a snack with the appearance as crisp as an egg shell and frozen milk inside, which was approved by their father. The first pronunciation of the boy's name is Paofu, and the last pronunciation of the girl's name is Pufu. This snack is called Pufu.

25. I always thought you were deceiving a cow, but you were deceiving a person.

26. When I went out wearing two clothes, I experienced a 36-degree three-dimensional wind, with my head bowed, my head raised, my bangs tilted from side to side, and then I turned a little bit to 28, and then I turned a little bit to 37, left punk, right punk, and turned into a quasi-punk. This wind was all-round and multi-level, and I was blown into various growls?

27. The digital baby Awu saved the world at the age of 2, the poké mon Xiao Zhi traveled around the world at the age of 2, the Dragon Ball Wukong participated in the first martial arts meeting in the world at the age of 2, the Chinese master took senior chef at the age of 2, Naruto Uchiha Itachi opened a kaleidoscope sharingan at the age of 2, One Piece Lufei went to grand line at the age of 2, and a famous detective Conan solved countless cases at the age of 2, and became the editor of Erqi Road Forum at the age of 2 ~ Why can I only do my homework? !

28. When Shen Congwen chased Zhang Zhaohe, Shen was a teacher, and Zhang was a freshman. Shen Congwen couldn't catch up with his claim to commit suicide for a long time, which frightened the little girl enough. He went to the headmaster with a pile of love letters and said, "Look, Mr. Shen, a teacher, wrote to me. I am studying now, and this is not the time to talk about such things." Unexpectedly, the headmaster told her, "That's all right, his article is well written. The wicked principal is Hu Shi.

29. One day in class, my deskmate secretly played with her mobile phone, which happened to be discovered by the head teacher who was patrolling outside the classroom. The head teacher took out his mobile phone and sent a message: Why don't you listen carefully? The deskmate replied doubtfully: Who are you? The head teacher sent another message: Look out of the window. My deskmate glanced out of the window and replied, Thank you for reminding me. Talk to you later. Our class teacher is staring out of the window!

3. The most painful thing in the world is to be awakened by urine after a good sleep.

31. On the way to a bus, many people crowded in from the back door, and the door couldn't be closed, and no one invested. The driver was really angry at that time and shouted loudly, get out of here if you don't invest, or I will get out of here! At that time, everyone laughed!

32. Money is like toilet paper. It looks like a lot, but it's gone when you use it.

33. Son: "Dad, what is capital and what is labor?" Father: "Well, if I borrow a hundred dollars from my neighbor's house, I have capital. If he wants to get money back from me, he must work for me."

34. Wang Guoxuan, an animal strategist, was elected by Cobra with absolute superiority. The tiger comforted the fox and said, Brother, don't be depressed. Everyone says that your feet are always slippery, so you are not stable enough. Cobra wears a pair of glasses and looks like a cultural person.

35. Making money is like a virgin, and spending money is like a rabbit; Making money is as slow as a mouse and spending money as fierce as a tiger; Making money is hard, and spending money is countless; Making money is eternal, spending money is a romantic figure. In fact, if you think about it carefully, if you don't spend money, why make money, so I hope you can make more money and spend more!

36. Background: I have a stomachache and want to vomit today. There is an exam in the afternoon, and the teacher is very open with us. ? Text: In the middle of the exam, I can't hold back my vomit. The teacher came over and said with concern, "Why, the question is too disgusting?"

37. In the morning on the company bus, a colleague sitting next to me fell asleep, and even snored, which attracted the attention of the whole bus. I felt that she was so humiliated, so I nudged her with my hand, only to see that she murmured, "I don't want my husband, tomorrow."

38. I was going to make out with my girlfriend. As it was the first time for both sides, I felt that I couldn't just pass, so I bought red wine.

39. What would you do if you met a female nurse who had circumcised you before on a blind date?

4. When my classmate got married, there was also a funny scene: when the master of ceremonies said, please welcome the groom to enter tonight, as a result, as soon as the door opened, I saw a gorgeous waiter standing at the door, chasing after the light and beating his innocent face.

a selection of humorous jokes

1. One day, on behalf of my company, I went to the stage to receive the award, standing on the stage in high spirits and enjoying the scenery brought by the flashing flash. Suddenly, I found a colleague I knew pointed to me, as if implying something. Is the medal upside down? I looked down. No, everything was fine. After stepping down, he passed by the buddy's position, and he quietly said something that almost fainted on the spot: "Brother, your pants are not zipped."

2. A beautiful mm got on the bus, took out a card and swiped it, only to hear a drop. Old age card! The whole car was shocked and looked at her. The MM said disgruntled, What are you looking at? Haven't you seen Tianshan Tongmu?

3. I bought fruit at the fruit stand today and chatted with my colleagues about today's news. The aunt who sells fruit asked: Who is Jobs? Colleague said: selling apples. Aunt said sadly: alas, the fruit business is not easy to do

4. In the morning, I waited for the bus at the bus stop, and there was a couple of men and women standing next to me. They were talking affectionately, and the woman suddenly said, "You have developed limbs," and the man said, "I have developed five limbs, don't I? !”

5. There is a sign on the lawn of the park, which reads: "No stepping on the lawn, violators will be fined one yuan." A frequent visitor in the park found that the fine written on the sign was less than before, so he asked the service staff in the park, "Why is the fine reduced?" Didn't you need a fine of five yuan before? " Attendant: "No one stepped on five pieces."

6. spending money is as simple as shit, and making money is as difficult as eating shit.

7. When I was in high school, the Chinese teacher saw that the girl in front was sleepy and asked her to answer questions. After she stood up without saying a word, she stood for two minutes. The class was dead silent, and the teacher said helplessly, "Sit down." I saw this woman lying on the table immediately after she sat down. When the class was over, the girl turned around sleepily and said to me, "I dreamed that the teacher asked me to answer questions just now."

8. Today is MM's birthday. In order to be the first to send my blessing, I picked up my mobile phone on time in the early morning and sent a message: sofa.

9. When I was a child, my parents took me home. When I walked, they took me in the middle. I sang "A chicken in my left hand and a duck in my right hand?" As soon as my dad stared at me, he almost slapped my mouth. Who knows, my mother went on to sing, "I told me to vomit blood at once." "there is a toad in the middle, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey ~"

1. A man meets a beautiful woman online. I opened a room and did what I had to do. After lying down and chatting, she found that she couldn't answer anything she had talked about before. Wonder! Under his repeated coercion, she finally told the truth: "It was actually my mother who talked to you before!" Just when I was shocked, she went on to say, "I don't want my mother to find a pretty boy!" I have been there, and my mother is embarrassed to ask for it! "