Xiao Xi: What do you do when your expectations are not met? Let me teach you a trick.

Last night, my best friend Xiao A suddenly came crying, asking for comfort and a hug. Seeing her in such a state, I quickly said, who bullied you? I'll beat him for you! She said pathetically that she was unhappy with her boyfriend. Asked about the reason, she said: I was very happy to be with my boyfriend at night. Suddenly he picked up a phone call and said he wouldn't let me talk. I thought it was a client or something, so I obeyed. Later, when I talked, he said it was his college classmate, so I was unhappy at the moment. I wondered why you couldn't introduce me to your friends in life, and then asked him why he was a classmate and I couldn't talk. Then he looked serious. I was instantly unhappy. Then the more I thought about it, the more wronged I became, and then everyone cried.

From the above case, we can see that Xiao A's expectation of being introduced to friends by her boyfriend has not been met, so she has a strong emotion.

Let's talk about it next. If the expectation is not met, how many options can we make? (The following content comes from teacher Gao Yuan's "Nine Personality" course)

is excessive persistence. For example, if you want the other person to go shopping with you on weekends, but the other person doesn't accompany you, you cry and feel sad and then keep pestering the other person, so that the other person must accompany you. This is called clinging.

Benefits: You can meet your expectations powerfully and let the other person satisfy you.

Disadvantages: When the other person can't satisfy you, you will suffer from emotions and your relationship with the other person will be tense.

if the other person can't meet your expectations, you can substitute in other ways. For example, if you expect the other person to go shopping with you, and the other person doesn't accompany you, then you can watch a drama or a movie at home. Compared with the first one, people in this way are more likely to divert their attention and put it down.

This type of person will be easier to divert attention,

Advantages: it will divert attention quickly, and you won't hang yourself on a tree.

Disadvantages: You will rely on distraction, your method lacks continuity, you don't stick to your expectations, and the other person won't attach importance to you, so it's not easy for you to achieve your goal.

you expected the other person to go shopping with you, but the other person didn't. You think, the other person has his own things, I understand, and it doesn't matter if you don't accompany me, so I will put down this expectation.

Benefits: I can get by in my heart and feel less miserable.

Disadvantages: lower the requirements for life, become exquisite and lack passion.

if the other person is not satisfied, do it yourself. Implementation sounds a bit like the first one, but it's actually quite different.

difference 1:

the first one is to hold on to expectations, and the initiative is often in the hands of others. You want the other person to satisfy you, and whether the other person satisfies you or not is his business. And the initiative is in your own hands.

For example, if you expect the other person to go shopping with you on the weekend, and the other person can't go, you choose to go shopping by yourself or find someone else to accompany you. You can use many options to meet your expectations.

difference 2:

to achieve, the mentality is positive and the energy is positive. However, clinging to it often has many negative emotions, such as complaining, anger, impatience, and coercion to others.

Benefits: I can meet my expectations by myself and feel in control of my life.

Disadvantages: You will be exhausted if you rely on yourself for everything.

expectation is a concrete event; Desire is abstract and the reason behind specific events. For example, if you expect the other person to accompany you for one day, it is expectation; You're sad that the other person didn't satisfy you. And you continue to explore the reasons behind your sadness, and you find that you are eager to be loved and paid attention to, and the reason why you have such a strong desire is because you don't love yourself enough. After exploring this desire, when the other person doesn't meet your expectations, you won't be so miserable. You can realize it by loving yourself.

when will this fifth method be used?

When you find that the above four methods are not available at the same time, exploring the desire behind the expectation can make you calmly face any situation and find the way to inner freedom.

The first four are innate, and the fifth one can only be mastered by studying psychology.

Benefits: You can learn more about yourself, your life is full of freedom, and it is easier to find happiness.

Disadvantages: You have to spend a lot of time and energy on studying psychology, which requires you to be more wise to balance the relationship between study and life.