Suicides occur frequently. When a person decides to die, what will he do in the end?

There are hundreds of ways to die in the world, and perhaps the best way to die is to die. Maybe not. Who knows, everyone’s standards are different. Even if it is, I may not be sleeping properly when I die in the future. Besides, I can't wait any longer, so I might as well end it now.

So I began to study how to die. Hanging is not good. The show on TV is very ferocious, with protruding pupils and a painful expression. Although it is fake, it must be based on many real cases as a reference. It is probably like that if you hang yourself in real life. It is not good to drink poison. Since it is poison, naturally it will not It feels better than hanging, and death by poisoning is definitely not the best option. I originally wanted to choose sleeping pills, but I heard that taking sleeping pills will not make you die for a while. Before you die, you may be in pain and foam at the mouth. It is no different from taking poison. Jumping off a building is even worse. No matter how high the building is, there is no guarantee that you will fall to your death. Even if you fall to your death, you will be turned into a puddle of flesh in front of everyone, which will greatly affect the appearance of the city. And you don’t know if you will be in close contact with the earth for a second. The unknown of whether it will hurt and how much it will hurt is too scary, so I can’t do it. Other common or uncommon methods, such as cutting the wrists and blowing off gas, were also rejected one by one. They all had many imperfections.

But I have no friends who are still alive after the accident, nor friends who failed to commit suicide. I am even embarrassed to ask strangers who have experienced it personally - otherwise, they will know that I want to die, and maybe they will As soon as I mentioned it online, I became a celebrity. I had no choice but to ask my best friend Niu Yu for advice. He was the only one who wouldn't ask me why I wanted to die.

"I don't advise you, but before you decide how to die, why don't you go crazy one last time? If you feel better before you die, your family may feel better." Niu Yu spoke calmly, trying to restrain himself. The expression of emotion made me laugh twice.

"I'm going to die, no matter who feels better or not." I said indifferently.

"Just do some good deeds at the end."

"Doing good deeds means that I am a good person, but do good people want to commit suicide? If a good person commits suicide, it means that I am a good person." What? Besides, I’m not a good person, and wasn’t my last moment of madness the last second before my death?” Niu Yu didn’t speak, staring more clearly under the dim light. The yellow wooden floor, the brows furrowed, seemed to be really thinking about whether I was a good person, but also seemed to be reluctant to let me go.

"Forget it, I'm not a big star anyway, I'll just die if I die. Who cares if I'm a good guy or a bad guy? There are so many people committing suicide every day, how can I still make social news if I commit suicide? Okay, I promise Your request will be as crazy as possible."

"Are you going to start now? It's already crazy enough for you to be so arrogant." Niu Yu forced a smile.

"I can't help but give face to my good friends," I asked him with interest, "What other things do you think can be considered crazy?"

"Let's fall in love. , let her feel haggard for Yi."

"Don't talk about that useless thing."

"Find a lady." Niu Yu said with a smirk. As I said, I really thought he was going to have sex with a girl the next second.

"You are really good at it. How long have you been thinking about it?"

"How long have I been thinking about it? I'm giving you advice. How about it? It's crazy! Do you want to try it?"

"Well, it's indeed worth considering," I nodded in agreement, "Those ladies have experienced hundreds of battles and must be very good at playing. I really want to see how good they are at playing. Is there any It's so exciting in the video. If I can experience the feeling of not using my hands before I die, then I..." I suddenly jumped up from the hard wooden bed, and the thin bedding that was sunken expanded slightly, but soon stopped. - I used to sit in the middle of the end of the bed playing computer and watching pornographic films, and an inconspicuous depression formed under my butt. I shouted excitedly: "Yes! I'm so damn happy!" Niu Yu was startled, hunched his neck and shrugged, and put his right index finger on his beard He made a sound on his unshaved mouth and whispered: "Shh! Keep your voice down, you are sick. If others don't know, they will think we are doing something."

"

"Do you have any connections? "I asked him in a low voice.

"What else do you need? Go to the hotel and get a room. Isn't there a small card on the floor in the room? "

"It's better to go to the train station. There are people doing business every day, and no small cards are needed. "

"The train station is so dirty, you can go if you want. If it were me, I would rather spend a few hundred dollars more to get a high-end chicken." You keep saying that you are going to die, but you still care about money? "

I smiled and said: "You really know a lot, how much does it cost at the train station? How much does the hotel cost? ”

“There are train stations with dozens of train stations, and there are also ones with one or two hundred. Hotels are at least a few hundred, and many more are thousands. It depends on what service you choose.” "

"Damn it, you said you've never played it before, you old driver! ”

“Playboy played it, he told me. Don't say it was me who said that. ”

“Playboy is awesome! "I know that Playboy is very carefree and often changes girlfriends. I didn't expect that he likes excitement so much." Do you have a condom in the hotel room? "

"You asked me who I asked, but I didn't pay attention, and I never crowed. ”

“Didn’t Playboy tell you that? "

"I didn't ask for those details. I didn't like it, and I didn't have the guts. I didn't want to get caught. ”

“I won’t fall for it. I’ll be dead long before I get caught.” "

Niu Yu stopped laughing after hearing this, so I had to continue to comfort him. After a while, he said solemnly: "Prepare a few more sets yourself, otherwise people will not be happy when the time comes. , you can't force yourself to bow. The point is don't kill anyone. If you want to die yourself, don't harm others. "

"Why should I kill her? ”

Niu Yu pointed to his stomach, and I said confidently: “Well, don’t worry, I will not be an accomplice, and I will definitely not create one more person who commits suicide in the world. "

On the pretext of helping a dying man beat building a seven-level pagoda, I sent Niu Yu to the supermarket to buy a box of condoms. "It's so fucking embarrassing, so damn embarrassing, I'm so embarrassed I have never been so embarrassed in my life. There is a woman right behind me, and the cashier is also a woman. "Niu Yu told me that I must have a great time and not live up to his huge efforts. I took the box with a smile, and then went to Xinyue Hotel alone to go on this crazy date.

I only live here We visited Xinyue Hotel once. That year, after graduating from college, Niu Yu planned to go home first. I decided to stay in the city, so I thought about finding a place to sleep first, and then looking for a house and a job. Fortunately, I turned around as soon as I left the hotel. I turned a corner and saw a bunch of rental information on the glass door of a store on the side of the road. After simple comparison and consideration, I chose the place where I live now. The price is the cheapest, 15 square meters, 500 yuan a month, and free water. The electricity bill was 1 yuan per unit, but I still slept in the hotel that night, which cost 80 yuan. The sound insulation of Xinyue Hotel was very poor, and I could hear the sound from next door without leaning against the wall. I clearly remember that I was instantly stunned. A magic took over, and I was held breathless by it, making me irresistibly listen to the whole thing without moving. I was sure that there were only two of them, but I didn't know if they were a couple - yes, I was at that time. I already have this doubt. In fact, I would have this doubt even earlier. If a person has watched enough movies, he will know that anything can happen in this world.

But I forgot whether there was a small card on the floor in my room, so I was a little worried on the way to the hotel. If there was, then I would. If not, I would not only waste 80 yuan, but I would probably have to endure it all night. If that’s the case, what should I do? I can’t just leave, let alone knock on the door and ask if I can come in when others are happy.

The hotel is right there! On the roadside, it was a twenty-minute walk from the rental house. I felt like I was there in five minutes, and I didn't notice the looks of the passersby. Along the way, I thought, how would men and women react if they knew what I was about to do? My reaction would probably be different, and the reaction of the old and the young would be different, but it would be nothing more than running away, scolding me, hitting me, or calling the police.

But if there is fate, maybe I won’t have to call the lady, right? Adhering to crazy principles, I almost extended an invitation to a passing beauty, but found that the front desk was even more beautiful. She wore light makeup, had fair skin, and her actual age could not be seen. She had a good figure, but she was not exposed at all. So I decided to invite her, but she just looked down and played with her mobile phone expressionlessly, not caring whether there were guests. I stepped forward to complete the room opening procedures, but she remained expressionless. I suddenly felt very powerless. The idea just now was so narcissistic, how could I have that kind of charm. I couldn't help but blush a little, and was very disappointed with myself. Why did I become stupider the closer I was to my death? I used to be self-aware. However, when I went upstairs, a man and a woman came down with their temples rubbing together, and my depressed mood suddenly became excited again. "Sperm's upper brain will not be easily suppressed!" I once again verified this truth that I had known for a long time, and also remembered the purpose of this trip, "You have to call a chicken!"

Such as As I wished, there was a card on the floor in the room. I picked it up. It had a black-haired, innocent beauty with big breasts in her twenties and a phone number printed on it. I stared at the photo, looking over and over at every detail. My blood began to race and my body began to tremble. But a bigger problem has also come before me. I haven’t made a phone call in a long time, and I have forgotten how long it has been since I called a woman - I don’t know how to make this call. It was very quiet next door. I leaned on the wall and listened carefully, but I still couldn't hear anything. At this time, I tried to stabilize my mood and practiced over and over again how to speak. "Take a shower first." After struggling for ten minutes, I thought this way and gave myself some time to prepare. So I practiced while taking a bath, but the sound of running water was too disturbing. The bathroom always reminded me of scenes in movies, and I still didn’t have a good idea of ??the opening line.

But the woman on the card was too tempting. Once again, I was controlled by a magical power. It controlled my hand, opened the phone, entered the number, and pressed the dial button. The beeps were like a trial for me. I waited stiffly for the verdict to send me in which direction in life. Ten seconds later, a young, gentle and charming voice sounded: "Hello." My legs suddenly lost all feeling, I collapsed on the bed, my ears became deaf, and the whole world became a vacuum. This vacuum made me feel dizzy, and it seemed like it took a long time before I regained consciousness and found that I had neither died in hell nor ascended to space, but the earth was even crazier. The woman on the card was sitting next to me, and her coquettish voice kept echoing throughout my body and the room. The sound was so loud that it made my heart beat faster and higher. The already stuffy room was roasted by fiery desire and became even more unbearably hot. The heat made me sweat profusely and my mouth was dry. The woman continued to tease me patiently, scratching my heart, and whispering more charmingly in my ears. Bian blew lightly: "Hello." The sweet aroma brought me back to reality. "I have to respond!" I made up my mind and tried to relax, "Just agree on the price and give her the address and wait for her to come. Come on! Go crazy! Let me die quickly!" However, at the same time, the door There was also a man calling on the phone outside: "Baby... I have booked a room. Come over here, at 305... Yes, don't be afraid. What are you afraid of the police? Remember to bring your ID card... Let's wash together when you come..." Okay, baby, I’m waiting for you!”

That’s right! police! What to do when the police come! He's going to jail! Although they usually work more laboriously, sometimes they are quite efficient. Unlucky things like ward rounds don't happen very often, but who knows for sure! Only then did I realize the absurdity and seriousness of the matter. Looking for a chicken is a prostitute, and a prostitute is illegal or even a crime! Breaking the law and committing crimes is what I am about to do! I just promised to keep Niu Yu’s family from being too sad after his death. If he is caught, they will be humiliated for life, and I will not be able to achieve my goal of a happy death. I will die in prison in a very painful way, which is worse than jumping off a building and Taking poison is a hundred times more painful. I don't care about reputation, but I can't tarnish other people's reputation! I just want to die quietly and don't want to be a sinner known to everyone.

Fear and fear pushed women away from my mind, and I thought of another situation among thousands of thoughts - even if there were no police in the world, even if prostitution was legal, I couldn't make this call - there are endless incidents of fairy jumping, who You can guarantee that you won’t be hit by me, and you will be tricked or even beaten before you die. How worthless and unpleasant! Forget it, let's go and find another way to die.

I checked out of the room, and there was a trace of ridicule on the beautiful and cold face at the front desk, as if to say that this loser was let go. It was already dark, but pedestrians were still walking through the streets. The lights of the city kept her awake day and night. These lights have no temperature, and few people notice them; these lights are dim, and no one can see me, just as I can't see them. Even during the day, I am still a transparent person under the sun. That is the light of the sun, not anyone else's. Everyone only pays attention to themselves. For others, a second glance is a great tenderness. I have personally practiced this, so I won’t pretend to say that I am very cold. It is a sultry midsummer night, and I am so hot that I want to run naked. But I threw the unopened condom into the trash can without any hesitation. At this time, the man and woman in the hotel walked towards their love nest. They were still rubbing each other's cheeks and making love to each other as if no one else was watching. It seemed that they would have a hearty fight later, provided that the man didn't surrender too quickly. "Why are you so sticky, why can't you spend some money to go to a private hotel?" I made various guesses in a boring way, without any fluctuation in my heart, but just more confused - that's all.

Back at the rental house, Niu Yu was sitting blankly, taking a long puff of cigarette. The lingering smoke made the room even more confusing. When he saw me, he was full of surprise at first, and then laughed and said: "You came back so quickly, you are too fast!"

I said feebly: "I didn't play, I came back directly."

"Why?"

"You said you wanted to make my family feel better. I was afraid of being caught by the police, so I came back."

"Then you're not going to die?"

"Death, of course, but it's impossible to die happily, so I'll try another one."

"Where are the condoms?"

"Throw it away."

"Have you eaten yet?"

"Not yet."

"Since we didn't get the lady, let's go. You have to spend money on a hot pot meal." Niu Yu laughed loudly.

We walked into one of the most popular hot pot restaurants we have ever been to, and ordered a table full of super spicy hot pot, a dozen dishes, and a dozen beers for 500 yuan. This is the most expensive meal we have ever had, and it is also the first time we have entered a hot pot restaurant in two years. The last time we had hot pot was for Niu Yu Jie Feng two years ago. After graduation, he returned to his home in the countryside and studied while working as a trainee teacher. However, he failed to pass the civil service examination. He originally wanted to take the exam for another year, but he couldn't stand the nagging of his family and the look-down from outsiders, so he returned to the provincial capital where he had studied for four years. The tenant next door couldn't stand the poor sound insulation of the group rental house, so he moved in. When we get off work in the evening, as long as the time is right, we will go to a restaurant on the street to have a meal for more than ten yuan. But most of the time we go separately, or neither of us can go. We just pack it up and take it away when we get off work, because we always have to deal with the company. After get off work, it is nothing more than going home to work.

I filled the glass with wine. Niu Yu drank it down, poured another glass, and said, "Do you know why I didn't stop you from resigning or committing suicide?"

"I know, it's not like we haven't talked before. You know my situation."

"Tell me about you. You don't fall in love, you don't want to work, and you have no ideals. You want to die every day. Why don't you go see a doctor?"

"There's no need to see a doctor. I'm not sick. I'm just having a hard time and I'm in a bad mood. Why are you talking so much? This. ”

“You have a typical case of depression!”

“How can you be so exaggerated?”

“Depression. Patients don't want to admit that they have depression in front of others. You are too typical. You must see a doctor. You can't commit suicide. You must not commit suicide!" Niu Yu said and directly raised the bottle and poured it into his mouth. The person at the next table said Several people glanced at it and then turned their heads and attention back.

"Keep your voice down, don't you have a good drinking capacity? Why did you get drunk so quickly today? Are you so happy to see that I'm not dead?"

"Tao Li, you I admire you for having the courage to die. When you resigned, I thought you just didn’t like the job of dealing with people. When you said you wanted to die, I thought you were joking. I really didn’t expect you at first. Seriously, it wasn’t until you kept talking and became more and more determined that I realized that you have been tortured for too long. Doctors will definitely say there is something wrong with you, and others will definitely accuse you of being crazy, but I don’t think you are depressed. The disease is not your problem. So when I knew that I was going to lose my best friend, I didn't advise you. No matter whether you were looking for a girl or doing anything, I supported you because I wanted you to be happy in your last days. Seeing you still alive sitting in front of me, living several days longer than I expected, I am even more happy. As long as there are people in the world who listen to my words, I have not fallen into endless pain. Li, I want to die too, but I don’t dare. The only difference between you and me is that I don’t dare to die. Living is too damn tiring. I can’t understand why others can celebrate their birthdays happily, and why they are so happy when they come to this world. What is there to be happy about! But their smiles are so sincere, so sometimes I think, maybe their happiness is really justified? Tao Li, listen to me again, can we not die first? Go to the doctor and give it a try, it will be fine... maybe it will be fine! ..."

Niu Yu was so choked that he couldn't speak. It was the first time I saw him cry. What surprised me even more was that he actually advised me not to die! He still has a desire for life, so he can continue to live, but why does he want to persuade me to live too? I have talked to him countless times. I have made up my mind to die and no one can change it. He should understand, but why should he? Use the strength of wine to persuade me not to die! Of course he could persuade me, he could persuade me when I first had the idea of ????death. In that case, I would be very grateful to him and grateful that he was reluctant to part with me as a friend and his life. Although I can't change my mind, I will still be grateful to him from the bottom of my heart. But we have reached this point, and I have already implemented the plan to die. Since he did not persuade me before, he should understand me better now and fully support my choice, instead of suddenly advising me to live well. When he says these words, what does his previous understanding count?

But he's my best friend and we've never had a fight, so I'm not angry at all. It soon became clear to me that, as he said, he wanted someone to listen to him. We are the same kind of people, I'm just braver. I don't know if he is depressed, but I am definitely not depressed. It's not that I don't want to admit it, but I know myself, and I can be considered depressed at best. Fake depressed people who seek sympathy in the name of depression are extremely annoying and I don’t even bother pretending. There are many reasons for suicide, depression is just one of them. I think dying has nothing to do with depression.

Looking at Niu Yu who was crying like a man, I smiled and said: "Old Niu, Old Niu, you really drank too much. Thank you for your stay, but I have decided to go. No need to say more. But I just had a new idea. I decided to travel outside for a few days to relax and find the best way to leave. If you don’t believe it, let’s go after you get off work in the evening. As for the video, I’ll tell you what’s on my mind, don’t worry, I promise I won’t die during the trip, so give me some advice, where should I travel?”

Niu Yu was dumbfounded for a long time and cursed angrily: "Why do you think it's all happening once and for all? One moment you're having sex, the other you're traveling. What on earth are you going to do?"

The people at the next table looked at it again. We glanced at each other and turned back with a special expression.

I said: "Seriously, I haven't been to other places a few times. Do you have any good suggestions?"

"Playboy has done well in the past few years. I'll ask him later, he will definitely know where there is fun."

A few days ago, Playboy didn't give any special suggestions. He just asked me to go to Beijing, Shanghai and other places to see big cities, or go sightseeing. Famous mountains and rivers.

I have packed my luggage, and I only have enough money to play for half a month. If there is a continuation of this article, it means that I am not dead yet. If I haven’t written anything after a month, then I have completed the final craziness. The suicide was successful.